Hopeless For You

by Hill, Hayden

  "I think we're warm enough." I pushed off him and instantly regretted it. My upper body felt so cold but I wasn't going back into that embrace because if I did I might never let go.

  I felt the clothes beside me. "Still wet."

  "What did you expect?" Kade went to the nearby pine and shook the branch, trying to get rid of as much trapped rainwater as he could. Then he grabbed our clothes and started to hang them on the branch one by one.

  I crossed my arms and hopped from foot to foot, hoping I wouldn't start shivering again. I'd warmed up enough to get my modesty back and I felt exposed, standing there beside him like this. My pits were unshaved. And my legs, too, but a quick glance told me it wasn't all that noticeable. Kade must have sensed my unease because he seemed to be doing his best to avoid looking at me while hanging the clothes.

  I realized something. He'd just saved my life and I hadn't said...

  "Thank you."

  He was adjusting my pants on the tree branch and glanced over his shoulder. "You're welcome. But hanging clothes is pretty easy."

  I smiled patiently. "No. I meant thanks for back there. For saving me."

  Kade nodded. "Ah. Welcome. You'd have done it for me, or anyone else for that matter. It's the right thing to do."

  "It is." I didn't like how he made it sound like he'd do it for just anyone. I guess I had a little fantasy that he'd swum out into the river because he actually cared about me.

  "Do you still have the GPS?" I asked him. It felt a little silly to me, having a conversation when we were both in our underwear. He still had a massive erection in his briefs and I was very careful not to look at it. Didn't want to give him any ideas. My eyes kept darting back to his pants against my control, though, so I finally had to turn right around.

  "It was in my backpack." Kade's voice sounded amused. Had he noticed me staring at his crotch? God, I hoped not. "And I lost the backpack in the river. But we don't need it. If we follow the shore we'll eventually reach the pine bridge again."

  "How far do you think we've been dragged?"

  "My best guess?"

  "Sure." I frowned. He was delaying. Delaying usually meant bad news.

  "Judging from the water's speed, I'd say we've been pulled downriver about twenty miles, give or take five in either direction."

  "Twenty miles!" I said, turning around to look at him. I kept my eyes far from his crotch. "We have to walk twenty miles to get back?"

  Kade just shrugged.

  There was something else I wanted to point out. "We're also on the wrong shore. At least you could've swam us to the side with the Jeep."

  "Ash, come on, you know that's a little harsh. Just be happy we made it to the bank in one piece."

  I was happy. I really was. Just not thrilled by our circumstances. "Great. Just great." I thought of something. "Blaine and Gina will meet us on the way back right? Maybe in the Jeep?"

  Kade shook his head. "They'll have to walk. No riverside roads here. Blaine will only cover three or four miles before he heads back. As far as he's concerned, we could've been swept out all the way to the sea. He doesn't have enough supplies for a search like that. The best move on his part would be to drive back to the center and call in a chopper. It can cover more ground, faster."

  "And how long will that take?"

  "A day, maybe two."

  I didn't like it. Stuck in the woods for one or two days alone with Kade? Not that it was him I was worried about. He wasn't a bad guy once you got to know him. We'd talked a lot these past few days and I knew the woods brought out the best in him and that he truly felt at home here and he'd never hurt me. If anyone could get me through two days in the woods without food, it was Kade.

  No, it wasn't him I was worried about but myself.

  My eyes drifted to his erection. Yup, this was going to be an interesting few days.

  "Okay, well, let's get started." I went to the clothes. They were still damp but I knew that the best way to stay warm was to keep moving. "The clothes will just have to dry while we wear them." I pulled on my wet shirt, cringing at the cold. Next came the socks and pants. I felt less exposed now that the ring at my neck was covered up. I guess it helped that I wasn't dressed in just my bra and panties anymore, too.

  I folded the sweater up to carry it while we walked and I threw the rain jacket across the crook of my arm. I tied on my soggy boots. Those felt squishy and gross inside.

  Kade was already dressed by the time I was done. At least I didn't have to look at his erection anymore. I have to admit I kind of missed the sight. I felt my cheeks reddening just thinking about it.

  "Well," Kade said. "We're a bit soggy but none the worse for wear. Let's go."

  We began the long march back, keeping a good distance from the bank. The insides of my boots sloshed with each step. Yup, gross.

  "Seriously, thanks for saving me," I said. Just in case he didn't get what I was trying to say earlier.

  Kade frowned. "Don't read too much into it."

  "I won't." Oh, he got it all right. And he didn't care. It felt like he struck me.

  But why should it matter? I didn't want to get with him. I didn't want him to care about me.

  The sky remained overcast and threatened another storm. My body heat combined with the slight breeze to dry my clothes so I didn't feel wet after a while, which was nice. The boots still felt squishy, though.

  After about half an hour we found one of the abandoned backpacks—it had been snagged by debris along shore. Kade fished out the pack and laid out the contents. Turned out it was his, which meant we had a tent again. The coil of spare rope was intact, as well as a few coffee mugs, but the water had ruined the GPS and the digital camera. His waterlogged drill was equally useless. There was no bear spray, which was in Blaine's backpack. My own bear spray had been lost in the river. I wasn't worried about protecting myself from Kade but rather actual bears.

  Kade squeezed out the excess water from his sleeping bag and spare clothes and then pitched the tent. We let everything air dry for a few minutes before repacking it all and setting out again.

  Kade led at a brisk pace. I widened my stride but the past three days of walking had taken a toll and I had to hustle to keep up. My calves ached and not for the first time, I wished I'd been born with longer legs.

  The ground began to get steeper and soon we were hiking along a ravine. The swollen river tore past around thirty feet below.

  "I know exactly where we are." Kade didn't seem too happy, for some reason.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing. We're just a bit farther than I thought we were."

  I crossed my arms. "Farther? Like how far?"

  "We probably won't make it back to the tree bridge until early tomorrow."

  I rubbed my neck. "Great."

  Kade took off his pack and set it on the ground to sit on. "This is as good a spot as any for a rest."

  It began to rain again, though it was just a light drizzle.

  "Wonderful." I pulled on my hood. I stepped closer to the edge of the ravine and looked down the steep bank at the rushing water below. "What happens when we get to the bridge? We cross the fallen pine again?" I wasn't looking forward to repeating that.

  "With luck, we'll have rescue workers standing by when we get there. Hey, careful, Ash. The banks are unstable. They've been undercut by the river."

  I turned and saw Kade coming closer to me.

  "Undercut? It looks—" The wet soil and gravel I'd been standing on suddenly shifted and the world fell away beneath me.

  I felt Kade's strong arms pull me away even as the ground collapsed. I stumbled and fell backward but most of my body hit solid ground. My legs were left kicking out into empty air.

  I scrambled onto the stable earth, my heart pounding in my chest, my breath coming in gasps. Kade had saved my life yet again. I twisted around to thank him.

  Except he wasn't there.

  The only sign of him was the backpack he'd left perched on the grass in th
e rain.

  "Kade?" No answer. "Kade!"

  I glanced at the edge of the ravine. I couldn't see the bottom from here and I dreaded what I'd find when I looked over. Maybe he had a broken neck. Maybe he was impaled on something. Maybe he was completely buried and I wouldn't see him at all.

  "No. No, no, no." It was my fault. All my fault. Again.

  I finally got hold of my emotions and carefully crept to the new boundary of the ravine. Below, a jumble of dirt and rocks, some of them large enough to be called boulders, showed the extent of the slide. It formed a kind of peninsula out into the river. The loose dirt near the tip was quickly being picked up and carried downstream by the current.

  I spotted Kade close to the bank. He was half buried in the slide.

  He lay on his back, unmoving.

  "Kade!" I called out. Thinking fast, I quickly hurried over to the backpack he'd left on the ground and pawed through the contents. Finally, I found the coil of rope I was looking for. I looped it around a tree, tying it with my best Girl Scout's knot, and wrapped the loose end around my waist. Carefully, I rappelled over the edge, half sliding, half running the slippery, 45-degree angle slope.

  I skidded to a stop next to Kade and dropped to my knees in the mud. The rain fell around me like tears as I cradled his head in my hands. I dropped my forehead to his. I couldn't see anymore. My eyes were too blurry.

  "Kade. What have I done? I'm so sorry." My fault. Again.

  No. I was letting the despair take over. I had to think. I heard the subtle exhalation of his breath. It was weak but he was alive. I checked his pulse. His heart rate seemed normal. Most of his upper body was free and nothing seemed obviously hurt or broken at first glance. I was more concerned about any injuries that might be hidden by the dirt, which buried him to the waist. I checked his head for signs of concussion and I found a small lump. I hoped he hadn't hit his head too badly but it'd be hard to say for sure until he woke up.

  If he woke up.

  Shaking my head to clear away the dark thoughts, I started digging him free. Relief welled up in my chest when I realized he was covered mostly in a thin layer of soil and gravel, nothing I'd have trouble removing. After only a minute, I felt the scrape of denim under my hands and soon I had one of his legs free of the mess.

  The rain picked up, making it hard to see, but as I cleared more of the debris, a growing feeling of unease grew in my gut. Sure enough, when I unearthed his other leg, I found something that wasn't right.

  His pant leg bulged sickly around the knee, as if the entire area were swelling up inside.

  I felt queasy even though I couldn't see how bad the injury was through his jeans. I sat back for a minute, glancing up the slope, trying to decide what I should do. I kept imagining the terrible pain Kade would be in when he finally woke up and I couldn't think clearly.

  I wave of heat flashed through me and I dry heaved.

  I swallowed a few times, steeling myself, and forced myself to look at him.

  Kade. My poor Kade. I'm sorry.

  I closed my eyes as the tears welled. He saved me and now he was going to die.

  Get it together, Ash! You're a premed student, for crying out loud!

  The fighter in me refused to admit defeat. Kade was going to get through this. I was going to make sure of it. He just had a small injury on his knee. Nothing life-threatening.

  I decided there was nothing I could do to treat him while he lay on the slope. The rain was turning the mud into a slurry around me. Who could say whether there'd be another mudslide, one that would bury him entirely and me along with it?

  I had to get him out of there.

  I was equally aware of the roar of the raging river just behind me. Those waters were waiting for me to make a mistake, all too eager to sweep me and Kade away. The river seemed to be growing even more violent with the passing moments, no thanks to the fresh rain.

  Untying the rope from my waist, I coiled it under Kade's armpits and secured it to his chest. There was a chance I'd make his injuries worse by moving him but I didn't have any choice. The slope was just too dangerous.

  I used the rope as a handrail to scale the slippery bank and then I went to the backpack and fished out the heavy work gloves. I put those on, grabbed the rope, and positioned myself a little downstream to lessen the angle of the slope I'd be dragging Kade across.

  At first I thought he really wasn't all that heavy because the bank took most of his weight. And the muddy surface certainly helped, making it easier to slide him along. All those toning exercises I did in the gym were finally paying off.

  But soon enough, my arms started to get sore. When I had him halfway up the slope, I was forced to rest. I slid the rope beneath my bum and sat on it. After a few quick breaths, I started up again.

  Hand over hand, I slowly drew him up the bank. I was glad he was unconscious because the way the bank pressed into his knee with each jerk of the rope looked painful.

  It seemed like an eternity before his dark hair slipped onto the grass beside me. When I finally heaved him completely onto the solid ground, I released the rope and gave a sob of relief. I don't think my hands and arms ever ached so much. So much for the gym paying off...

  When I'd caught my breath and the burning in my arms had faded to a dull ache, I grabbed Kade by the jacket and dragged him farther from the bank. I kept going until I had him under the shelter of a pine.

  I checked his pulse. I might have been imagining it but his heart rate seemed stronger. I thought his breath was a little more forceful, too. I fetched the backpack and pitched the tent under the pine.

  The rain lessened just as I was pulling him inside the tent, which made me kind of mad. I looked at the sky before going in and said, "You could've turned that off earlier, don't you think?"

  In the tent, I stripped off Kade's jacket and shirt. This was no time for blushing or modesty. Kade needed me. My eyes constantly flicked to his face, hoping to find those bottomless, sea-green eyes gazing up at me. I checked his chest and arms for injuries. Everything seemed fine, though I discovered scars I hadn't noticed before hidden beneath the tattoos. It was like the ink was meant to cover them. Some of the marks seemed from fights—jagged, puckering scars that could be from broken glass—while others were definitely talon marks.

  My hand went to his chest and I traced the lion's head above his heart with a light fingertip, running my hand up to the falcon that hugged his neck. Those two tattoos summed him up. His lion heart made him save my life not once, but twice, without thinking about his own safety. And the falcon represented who he was deep inside, soaring free on the wind, held back by no one. A man who, once he fell in love, would love for life.

  Kade's muffled groan made me jerk my hand away. I glanced at his face. His eyes—his sweet, emerald eyes—were open, if only a notch, and his poor face was twisted in a grimace of pain. His breath came in soft hisses between gritted teeth.

  "Kade!" I said.

  "What the hell happened?" he said.

  "Nothing. Everything." I lowered my eyes. "You saved me again."

  "I don't remember."

  I suppressed a sudden panic. "What's your full name?"

  "God, my head is killing me." He tried to sit up but his lips contorted in agony. "I take that back. My leg is killing me."

  I pressed a hand to his chest and held him down. "Your name, please?"

  "Funny," he rasped. "You just said my name, you know that, right?"

  "Tell me your full name." My voice rose slightly and I met his eyes with what I hoped was a stern expression. I had to be strong now. He needed me.

  Kade let his head sink down and he closed his eyes. "Kade Eli Gyllenhahl." He couldn't mask the pain in his voice. "When I said I don't remember, I meant what happened. You were standing at the edge of the ravine. I was walking to you. Next thing I know I wake up here with my leg on fire and my head splitting open."

  "You pulled me away from the ledge," I said quietly. "Saved my life. Again."
r />   His sea-green eyes flickered open. "That sounds like something I'd do." There was passion in those eyes mixed with the pain.

  I smiled and pressed my hand down on his heart. "Yes." I pulled my hand away because I felt that electricity passing between us. Now was not the time for such feelings.

  I held up two fingers. "Tell me how many fingers I'm holding up."

  He blinked once, letting his head sink back down. The passion left his eyes completely, leaving only pain. It broke my heart to see him this way, knowing I'd caused most of it. Why did I have to hurt the people I cared about most?

  "Kade, you didn't say how many fingers—"

  "Two," he snapped. "Happy?"

  "Almost. Keep talking to me."

  He forced a smile. "Sure. You know what I really need right now?"

  "A smoke?"

  "No. A blow job."

  It was my turn to force a smile. "You're going to be okay, after all."

  "Yeah. Well if you can't give me a blow job, that smoke would make a good second choice right about now."

  "I know, Kade. I know." I reached for his belt buckle, knowing I had to examine the wound in his leg more carefully. I was almost afraid of what I would find.

  His hands feebly batted me away. "What are you doing? I was just joking about the blow job. Sort of."

  "Kade, I have to check your leg. I'm in premed, remember? I know what I'm doing."

  "Of course," he said sarcastically. "Premed is the same thing as being a full-blown practitioner. I'm a doctor, Jim, not an intern!"

  "Kade." I looked at him crossly. "Will you just let me get in your pants?"

  "Well, when you put it that way..." He let his hands drift to the side.

  I pulled his belt free and worked open the muddy jeans. In an emergency room setting, I'd just rip them off but I had nothing to cut the pants with out here. He started to shift his hips slightly to help me drag the pants down but then he gave a sharp cry and fell flat again.