Hopeless For You

by Hill, Hayden

  It was time to begin the next phase of my life.

  Once I'd checked my bags and gone through security, the wait was painful. I tried to sit and read but I couldn't stay still. I spent most of the time pressed against the glass, watching the airplanes come and go. I grabbed a large cinnamon bun with extra frosting at Cinnabon, with a chocolate mocha chillatta. It was tradition to allow myself comfort food before flying. You never really knew if it was going to be your last meal, after all.

  This time, no one interrupted me while I was boarding. I smiled to myself, remembering my last encounter with Kade.

  Kade.

  He'd be waiting for me at the Vancouver airport. I'd finally talked to him on the phone last night. We'd been texting—well, sexting, really—for the past six days and he kept asking when I'd be free to talk. I always stalled, though, I'm not sure why. I'm just a coward sometimes, I guess. But last night I told him to call and we'd talked for over an hour.

  He already knew my flight number so mostly we just chatted about how things were and how we missed each other. When we got talking about some of our sexy texts, his voice got so husky with promise that I had to hang up and take a cold shower. I got shivers down my spine and my face flushed just thinking about it.

  The plane landed in Denver and I boarded the final flight for Vancouver. I tried to sleep on the second plane but my mind wouldn't let me. My thoughts chased themselves in circles. Nervousness, excitement and impatience whirled in chaotic glee inside me, growing in magnitude with each passing moment.

  Finally the plane began the long descent. The minutes dragged by painfully slowly as I watched the city grow closer below. I shifted impatiently, my foot tapping a staccato rhythm on the airplane carpet. I realized my hair must be a mess so I undid my ponytail and ran my fingers through the pale golden strands, trying to work out some of the tangles from the flight.

  The wheels touched down with a squealing thump and the plane taxied toward the terminal. I already had my seatbelt undone when the jet came to a stop. Everyone started getting up at once and pulling luggage down from the overhead compartments. I waited because I had a window seat and when the aisle cleared I swung my backpack onto my shoulders and pulled my duffel bag down. I shuffled toward the exit and stepped out onto the Jetway, ignoring the ads for banks and travel companies that plastered the walls.

  At Canada Customs, I showed my UBC letter of acceptance, passport, and bank statement. They issued me a study permit on the spot. So far, so good. Maybe things were going to work out after all.

  When I finally reached Arrivals, I searched the waiting faces nervously.

  I didn't see him.

  I slumped. He hadn't come. All of this had been for nothing.

  I pushed my way through the reunited couples and happy families, feeling my world coming apart. So much for all my carefully laid plans. I guess I'd have to do this on my own, after all.

  But maybe he was just late. Maybe—

  I spotted a tall, dark and handsome figure limping straight toward me.

  My hands began shaking. I felt more nervous than when I'd called him at the hospital. What if he pushed me away again? No. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

  When I saw his expression, the tender longing on his face, all nervousness left me and I ran to him.

  I dropped my duffel bag and threw myself at him. I felt him stagger but then his arms were around me, holding me fiercely. Tears rolled unheeded down my cheeks. I dug my fingers into his hair and pushed myself up on tiptoe to crush my lips against his. The taste of him was overwhelming and I broke the kiss. Joyful laughter bubbled up in my throat.

  I was glad to see he was rocking his fauxhawk again. I ran a hand through his hair, relishing the feel of the stiff strands between my fingers, enjoying the scent of his aftershave. I touched the falcon tattoo at his throat and kissed it, telling it, "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you, little guy."

  Still holding me in his arms, Kade beamed down at me. He ran one of his thumbs over my cheek to wipe away a tear. I noticed for the first time that his own tan cheeks were wet but his grin said they weren't tears of sadness.

  "I still can't believe you came back," Kade murmured. He rested his forehead against mine. I drowned in his eyes, his storm-tossed, ocean-green eyes. "I've missed you so much."

  "Missed you too." I kissed him again. I couldn't hide the desperation and longing in that kiss if I wanted to.

  He pulled away. His eyes drifted to my chest and I knew he could tell I wasn't wearing Devon's ring. He smiled warmly. "I'm all yours, aren't I? Ash. My Ash."

  "You are. My Kade." I grabbed his hand and lifted his fingers to kiss the letters tattooed below his knuckles. I must have grabbed the wrong hand, though, because the letters didn't form his name. "What... who?" I read the three letters. A-S-H.

  I felt my chin doing its crazy quivering thing again. "Oh, Kade." I pressed myself harder against him, cradling my head on his strong shoulder. "You didn't have to do that."

  He laughed. It was a rich, resonant sound that I'd heard precious few times, a sound I hoped to hear a lot more of. "Silly girl. I wanted to do it. Whenever I'm missing you, all I have to do is look down at my hand and there you are. My Ash."

  I squeezed my eyes shut, relishing in his touch, wishing I'd never boarded that plane to fly away from him in the first place. "I'm so happy to be here. Everything I need, everything I want, is here."

  We stayed like that for a while longer and then Kade reluctantly broke away from me. Holding my hand and carrying my duffel bag, he led me to Blaine, who was waiting a respectful distance behind.

  "Hey, trouble, I'm loving the platinum look." Blaine ruffled my hair.

  I ducked my head, trying to dodge him, laughing the whole time.

  "Here." He took the duffel bag from Kade. "Any other luggage?"

  "Oh, yeah," I said. "I guess we should get it."

  We started walking to the baggage claim area and the two men filled me in on what I'd missed over the past two weeks. All the other interns had left the center and it was just the summer staff now. Momma Jeanne was as ebullient as ever. Jessica was free, which I already knew, but I was surprised to learn that Orion and another falcon had a brood.

  Kade clung to me like a burr the whole time, keeping his fingers twined through mine. I loved it. I walked as close to him as I could. Every step, our bodies bumped and brushed and that familiar electricity passed between us. I couldn't wait until tonight.

  My luggage was already waiting on the carousel and Blaine refused to let me or Kade take it. He hoisted my duffel bag over one shoulder, then extended the handle of my luggage and began wheeling it toward the exit.

  Kade and I walked outside along the street, holding hands, following Blaine. The two guys had convinced Rebecca to let them take the week off and they planned to drive to the apartment and help me get settled.

  We reached the parking lot. When we got to the Jeep, Kade let go of my hands and helped Blaine load my luggage. I started to open the door but Kade waved me back.

  "Hold on," he said, moving around to the other side of the Jeep. He had a playful expression on his face, like he was up to something.

  Kade pulled a big box from one of the rear passenger seats and knelt beside the Jeep so I couldn't see what he was doing. I heard him opening the box and I had to fight the urge to just walk over there and have a look.

  "Make sure she stays there, Blaine," Kade said.

  Blaine positioned himself strategically beside me.

  Smiling, I shook my head. "As if he or anyone else would be able to keep me back if I really wanted to be with you."

  About a minute later, Kade stood. He was holding the box, which was made of plain cardboard and tied with a lopsided piece of ribbon. I hid a smile at the crooked, uneven bow formed by the ribbon, knowing he'd put the thing on just now.

  He limped over to me, holding the box in both hands. "Curious?"

  "Definitely."

  "Inside you'll find another tw
o falcons who need your help." He grinned, showing off that sexy dimple of his, and he offered me the box.

  Still smiling, I carefully took the big box from him. I wondered what he was playing at. I knew there couldn't be real falcons inside because the box was too light.

  I set the thing down and slowly untied the ribbon, enjoying Kade's obvious suspense—it seemed like he wanted me to look inside more than I did myself. I slid the silky length of ribbon between my fingers in appreciation, dragging out his suspense a bit longer, then I lifted the lid and peeked inside.

  My breath caught. I let the lid fall back and I just stared, stunned by what was inside. "It's beautiful."

  Acting humble, Kade shrugged. "Just a little something I started while we were stranded in the woods."

  I reached inside, almost afraid to touch the carving that lay at the bottom of the box. It was an incredibly detailed figure of two falcons in flight, talons extended toward each other in the act of courtship. Their wings were curled, giving the illusion that they were in motion. It was exactly like the memory I so cherished, of the two falcons racing toward the cliff while the sun set behind them.

  Delicately, I lifted the carving free of the tissue paper. I glanced at Kade. His smile was cautious. I ran my hands along the surface. Every detail had been painstakingly reproduced and textured: the feathers, the beaks, the eyes, down to the rough, scaly skin on their legs. He had to have spent literally hundreds of hours carving this. For me.

  The sunlight flashed off something caught between the talons and I carefully extracted it. I felt a knot well in my throat when the light glinted from the silver band. The centerpiece of the ring was a teardrop-shaped turquoise accented with tiny diamonds.

  Kade cupped his hands around mine, holding the carving—and the ring—with me. He sank down awkwardly on one knee.

  "I know a lot of people will think this is crazy," he said. "They'll say we hardly know each other, that it's just infatuation. But I'm hopeless for you, Ash. And I've been this way since I first saw you, before I even met you. Even though we've only known each other for a short time, I feel like it's been forever. With you I can be myself and more than that, around you I want to be a better person. You saved me out there in the woods in more ways than you know. Even if you decide British Columbia isn't the Eden for you that it is for me, I want to be with you wherever you are. Ash Jensen, will you marry me?"

  I just stared at him, blinking quietly, in total shock. I felt a little scared, remembering the last time the love of my life had proposed. Remembering how short our time together had been after that moment.

  Kade hesitated and when he spoke again, his voice seemed edged with panic. "I mean it doesn't have to be now. I just, well, I wanted you to know I'm serious. You're the only woman I've ever felt this close to. I'll do anything for you, follow you anywhere. We can go to Tennessee. We can live in the city year-round. If you'll just—"

  I leaned down and kissed him on the top of his fauxhawk. What else could I do? He was staring up at me so earnestly, the fear of rejection so raw in his voice, his passion so obvious. I was melting.

  I felt his hands relax slightly around mine and I knelt now, too. I wasn't sure whose fingers were trembling more, mine or his. I couldn't say yes. But I couldn't say no, either.

  "Kade Gyllenhahl. I don't know if I'm ready for a wedding but you're the strongest, most incredible man I know. I would be honored to spend my life with you, here or anywhere. Can we just wing it for now, though, one day at a time?"

  His smile seemed relieved. "Of course we can, Ash. Of course. I'll just save this until you're ready." He unhooked the ring from the carving and produced a carrying case from his jeans. He fumbled the ring inside. "I'll keep asking every day until you say yes, you know."

  "I'll hold you to that." My voice finally broke and fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, landing on the carving in my hands.

  He helped me stand and my tears were silenced when he dipped me into a deep kiss.

  Blaine gave a cheer and a catcall when we broke apart. I flushed scarlet but Kade only laughed that resonating laugh that fit him so well.

  He settled in next to me in the back seat while Blaine drove us into the city.

  I refused to let go of Kade's hand. I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes, snuggling him.

  He was right. We could live in Vancouver or out at the Peregrine Center or even in Tennessee and it wouldn't matter.

  With Kade, I was home.

  Thank you for reading!

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  Until next time,

  Hayden

  A THANK YOU NOTE TO MY READERS

  They say that great art comes from pain. Well then this was my greatest work yet.

  Hopeless For You started out as a rosebud of an idea that grew into this all-consuming tree whose roots had taken a firm hold in every part of my life. I worked obsessively on it. In the mornings. At night. On weekdays. Weekends. On vacation.

  I poured everything into Hopeless For You, heart and soul, and I finally completed my first romance novel. It was a labor of love that's for sure.

  The story of Kade and Ash has been floating around in my head for years now and I sincerely hope you enjoyed following them as they discovered themselves and their love for each other.

  I want to thank my beta readers who helped me craft this into the best book it could possibly be: Crystal Taylor, Emiko Rei, Jennifer Ramey, Lucinda Callahan, Christine Buenaflor, Apoorva Anapindi and Lisa Weir.

  I want to thank my editor, Bev Rosenbaum, for steering me away from the bad paths and down the good ones. Her story insights have been invaluable.

  I want to thank everyone who tweeted about the book on Twitter, or Facebook, or their blog, or spread the word to friends and family.

  I especially want to thank those of you who've taken the time to leave a review, even if it was just a couple of sentences. Every review helps.

  And of course I want to give a big shout out to the amazing bloggers who took a chance on a brand-spanking new romance author. Special thanks to Shaneika Morgan of ItchingForBooks for setting up a blog tour.

  Lastly I want to thank you, dear reader, for buying this book and giving it a chance.

  You guys are incredible and I'll never forget what you've done for me. Great art may come from pain but there is no greater love and joy than what I feel for all of you.

  Thanks again,

  Hayden Hill

  http://www.HaydenHillBooks.com

  Twitter: @HaydenHillBooks

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  Email: haydenhillbooks@gmail.com

  P.S. If you loved this book, please consider leaving a comment on Goodreads or Amazon. Comments and reviews allow readers to discover indie authors, so if you want others to enjoy Hopeless For You as you have, even one or two lines can make a difference.

  Also don't be shy about emails, I love getting them, and try to respond to everyone!

  See you soon!

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  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Hayden Hill is the author of HOPELESS FOR YOU. When not writing, publishing, and blogging, Hayden is busy cycling and taking pictures in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. A romantic at heart, Hayden is always looking to take that one picture or write that one story that will move the world. Maybe someday.

  If you live in Edmonton or will be visiting, feel free to drop Hayden an email and say hello—Hayden is always looking for an excuse to eat White Chocolate Cheesecake with readers :)

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX
>
  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  A THANK YOU NOTE TO MY READERS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  www.haydenhillbooks.com