Clean Slate

by Andrea Bramhall

  “Tristan’s attendance record has been very good prior to this.”

  “Thank you. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She hung up and checked the clock. Erin was due home in the next half hour. She hoped Tristan was at least somewhere safe, since he wasn’t at school. She sighed; figuring his change in behavior probably had to do with the chaos she had brought into their lives.

  She tidied her sketchbook and charcoal away, then hobbled to the kitchen to wash up, setting the kettle to boil as she passed. She’d just finished making the tea when the door opened and Erin bustled in, dropped her bag on the table, and slung her coat over the back of the chair.

  “Hi.” She took the mug, sipped, and sighed appreciatively. “Bless you, I needed that.” She took the other mug and placed it on the table. “How’s the knee feeling today?”

  “Aches, but it’s fine.” She sat down and propped the crutches against the back of the chair. “I had a call from Tristan’s school a little while ago.”

  Erin set her tea down. “Is he sick? Do I need to go get him?”

  “No. They rang to see if he was at home ill. He’s ditching. Evidently, he ditched yesterday too.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe it’s stuff with me, but I thought we’d made progress on all that. I thought he was okay. The headmaster wants to see us in the morning.”

  “Yeah.” Erin glanced at the calendar.

  “I checked. You’re on a late, so it’s fine.”

  “Right, thanks.” Erin frowned and chewed her lip.

  Morgan grasped her hand and squeezed gently. “It’ll be okay. It’s been a tough time for him. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.”

  “He could be anywhere. He could be hurt.”

  “If he was in the hospital or in trouble, someone would contact us. The police, hospital staff. Someone. I mean, how long did it take them to get in touch when they found me?”

  “Not long.”

  “He’ll be fine.”

  “I hope so. Then when he gets home, I can kill him.”

  Erin’s stared into space, seemingly unaware that she was stroking the back of Morgan’s knuckles with her thumb. Her natural physical action restored some of Morgan’s hope that there was a future for them.

  Erin finished her drink and stood, still holding Morgan’s hand. She ran her fingers across Morgan’s shoulder and kissed the top of her head. She froze and stepped away.

  “Oh my God. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Habit, or something…”

  “Please don’t apologize.” Morgan stumbled to her feet and hopped to stand beside her. “I want you to touch me. I want to touch you. All the time.”

  “Morgan, we talked about this—”

  “Have we? Really? Because all I remember is you being scared. I know I made mistakes, and I got it all so wrong. But I was trying to do the best for ever—”

  “I know that. We really don’t have to go over it all again. But that doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me.”

  “And that’s unforgivable? Whether I’m old Morgan or new Morgan makes no difference, does it? Have we never hurt each other before? Surely, we fought, argued, and screamed at each other in the past? Fifteen years, Erin, you can’t tell me that we never hurt each other before?”

  “What is it you want, Morgan?”

  “You.” Morgan pulled her close and kissed her. “Like I told you last night, I love you. I want you. I want our family, together, whole, and happy.” She ran her fingers along Erin’s jaw. “I need you.” Erin’s pupils dilated and her lips parted.

  Morgan leaned in and claimed her mouth. She let loose the passion that had built inside her since she had opened her eyes and watched Erin sleep, curled in a hospital chair. She acted on instinct, holding Erin’s face between her hands as she nibbled on her lips, before soothing each nip with the gentle caress of her tongue. She explored every millimeter of Erin’s mouth, reveling in the taste of her, and relishing the tiny sighs and gasps that escaped her. She felt goose bumps erupt on Erin’s neck as she drew her index finger down her cheek, along her jaw, and down the long column of her throat.

  The silken flesh beneath her fingertip burned her skin even as Erin shivered against her body. And Morgan wanted more. She wanted all of her, and she wanted Erin to want that too.

  She pulled back from the kiss, smiling when Erin whimpered, missing the intimate contact already. Her lips barely an inch from Erin’s, she whispered, “We’ll take this as slow as you need to, you have my word. But please, please give me a chance to love you.” Morgan didn’t care if she had to beg. Whatever Erin wanted, all she had to do was ask. “Erin, I love you.”

  “Don’t hurt me.” Erin’s eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

  “Never again.”

  Erin closed her eyes and threaded her fingers through Morgan’s hair and tugged, closing the scant distance between them. The ferocious passion of Erin’s kiss stole her breath; she felt her knees go weak and wrapped her arms around her shoulders to steady herself. Her lips burned with the fires of possession as Erin claimed her, branding her to the very core of her soul.

  The telephone rang, pulling them both from the lingering kisses. They were both breathless, desire darkened Erin’s eyes, her hair mussed from Morgan’s fingers, her cheeks flushed, and Morgan knew she looked very much the same. The smile that spread across Erin’s face stunned her. It was the first she’d seen that truly reached her eyes, making them sparkle and flash like sapphires held up to the light.

  “I need to get that. It might be about that boy of ours.”

  Morgan nodded and watched her walk away, hips swaying, teasing, and promising with every step she took.

  Oh fuck! Morgan froze. I don’t remember doing it before!

  *

  Okay, breathe. Morgan dropped into the chair. She’s going to expect someone who knows what they’re doing. She’s going to expect the…lover…that you were. She pulled the phone from her pocket and selected the message icon. She squinted at the small screen as she located Nikki’s number and started typing.

  Morgan: Need help!

  Nikki’s reply took thirty agonizing seconds, and Morgan drummed her fingers on the table, her eyes glued to the screen.

  Nikki: What’s the problem?

  Morgan: I’m a virgin!

  Nikki: RAOTFLMFAO

  Morgan: What the fuck does that mean?

  Nikki: Rolling around on the floor laughing my fucking ass off

  Morgan: Thanks. Bitch

  Nikki: So what do you want me to do about it? Amy’ll kill us both if you even suggest I fix this problem for you.

  Morgan: Ew. I just threw up a little. I need advice. Is there a manual I can read?

  Nikki: What? Lesbian sex for Dummies? Lol!

  Morgan: Lol? I don’t know what that means either. Please speak English for dummies!

  Nikki: Okay, spoil sport. Erin has quite a little library of lesbian romance novels. They’re upstairs in her bedroom.

  Morgan: How do YOU know this?

  Nikki: Keep your hair on. She and Amy do swaps.

  Morgan: Oh. Right.

  Nikki: Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to study these guides. They will become your bible.

  Morgan: I accept the mission.

  Nikki: This message will self destruct in five…four…

  Morgan: Right. Thanks.

  Upstairs. In Erin’s bedroom. She glanced at her crutches then at the ceiling. Wonderful.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Morgan slid her phone back into her pocket, and smiled as Erin came back into the kitchen. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” Erin eased into her seat. “It was Chris. Apparently, Mum’s not very well and needs to go to the doctor. He has appointments all afternoon, so he was phoning to see if I could take her.”

  “Is she all right?”

  “Yeah, probably just a cold or something, you know what she’s like—sorry.” Erin
grimaced.

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’m not trying to be insensitive or anything—”

  “I know.” She reached over to Erin’s hand and ran her finger over her ring. “We’ll get there again. But right now, I’ve never met your mother.”

  “Oh God. We have to go through all that again!”

  Morgan laughed. “Was it bad?”

  Erin groaned and dropped her head to the table. She felt Morgan’s fingers brushing through her hair, sweeping it away from Erin’s face. She shifted until her cheek rested on the back of Morgan’s hand, and she smiled under Morgan’s caress.

  “Is this okay?” Morgan’s voice was husky.

  “Yes.” Erin cleared her throat as Morgan’s fingers worked through the long strands. Their gazes locked. “I’d never seen you so nervous. We’d been friends for quite a while before we got together. You knew that, right?” She raised her eyebrow.

  “Yeah, Nikki and Amy told me a little bit.”

  “Hm, did they mention the stalking?” Erin laughed as Morgan blushed. “I’ll take that as a yes. Well, you seemed to have some sort of phobia about meeting my mum. I suppose given what we now know about your parents, it’s not much of a surprise, but it was bloody infuriating for me.” She sighed and shifted a little closer to Morgan. “You came round one day when she was out.”

  “You were still living at home?”

  “Yeah, I was only twenty-one then. I stayed at home while I went to uni. It was cheaper, and we were close to campus.”

  “True. What did you do at uni?”

  “Mathematics and physics.

  Morgan whistled. “No wonder you looked at me funny when I said I’d help Maddie with her math homework.” Erin relaxed further under Morgan’s ministrations.

  “Yeah, sorry about that.” She smiled sheepishly. “It’s usually my job, and it was pretty strange to see you doing it.”

  “Why’d you go into air traffic control?” Morgan’s curiosity was evident in the broad smile and her rapt attention.

  “Long story. We’ll get to that another time. I was telling you about my mum.”

  “Oh, yeah. So, me phobic, you living at home. Got it.”

  “Yes. You were picking me up. Said you had a whole day out planned, but I wasn’t ready. You were sitting in the front room while I changed, and Mum came in. It was a Saturday, and she’d been shopping. She practically dragged you out to carry in bags of food. She loaded you up with all the tins and the heavy stuff, then made you sit in the kitchen. When I came down, you were as white as a sheet and looked as if you’d been tortured.”

  “Was she giving me the third degree?”

  “I asked her later. She said she only asked what your name was, and she thought you were going to hyperventilate or something. So no, it wasn’t that bad, but it was very difficult for you.”

  “Hopefully, I’ll be better this time round.”

  Erin caught her hand, pulled it to her lips, and kissed her fingertips. “Hopefully, everything will be.”

  “What did I have planned for us?”

  “That afternoon? You took me on a picnic.”

  “Really? Where?”

  “To the duck pond where you saw the kids. You always loved it there. It’s one of the reasons we moved here.”

  “It’s a lovely house. When did we move here?”

  “About ten years ago now. I had better go. Mum doesn’t like to leave the house. I think it’s some sort of agoraphobia that’s developed over the past few years. It’s hell to get her outside. I’ll pick Maddie up from school after I drop Mum home. Tristan’s supposed to be at basketball practice this evening, but he’s not going after this mess at school. I should be back before he’s due in, if not—”

  “I’ll tell him practice is a no go.”

  “You sure you’re okay with that?”

  “I’m his mum too. You don’t have to be the bad guy all the time.”

  “Okay, gotta go.” She stood, and Morgan kept hold of her hand.

  “I love you.”

  Erin put her fingers over Morgan’s lips. “I know. And I still love you too, but I need to take this a little slowly. Okay? I need a little time to adjust.”

  “I understand. You let me know what you want—what you need from me, and I’ll do it.”

  Erin smiled. “I know that too.” She bent down and kissed her.

  The kiss was sweet, and chaste, and over far too quickly.

  *

  Time. I can do that. Time for research.

  Morgan grabbed her crutches and struggled with the stairs, banging the crutches against each stair, and the walls, and even her foot. She gave up and crawled up on her hands, one knee, and shuffling up on her backside, dragging her crutches along with her. She was out of breath and sweating when she reached the top. The door to her left had a picture of Scooby-Doo, with pink glitter spots added to his neck and collar. That has to be Maddie’s room. The bathroom door was open, and the one next to it was ajar. A black sock was part way across the threshold, like a wounded soldier trying to crawl for freedom. Not that one either. She slowly pushed open the door to Erin’s room—their room.

  Three walls had been painted a soft cream color and the fourth was a rich purple. The furniture was in chunky solid pine, with matching wardrobes, drawers, and dresser spread throughout the large room. A TV sat in the middle of a bookshelf, but the power cable lay coiled around the base of it. The rest of the shelves were filled with books. She hobbled over and started looking at titles. Oh. My. God. There are so many. How am I supposed to find a manual in this lot?

  She pulled out her phone.

  Morgan: There are hundreds here. Which one do I use?

  Nikki: I don’t know, read the blurbs on the back

  Morgan: I’m not kidding, there are HUNDREDS. Ask Amy

  Nikki: Amy says do you want a romantic story or a sexual how to guide?

  Morgan: What does Erin like?

  Nikki: Amy says it depends what mood she’s in.

  “Great, loads of help there, Nikki, thanks.”

  Morgan: Which one does she think is hot?

  Nikki: Amy says that Erin has a few favorites, but they were all about the characters and not really about the smokin’ hot sex scenes.

  The phone buzzed in her hand making her jump before she could answer it.

  “Hello.”

  “I swear you two are like kids.” Amy tutted at her. “Are you in the bedroom looking at the shelf with the TV on it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like my help?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you need to answer three questions.”

  “What?” She could hear the laughter in Amy’s voice and knew she was in trouble.

  “No, I’m asking the questions. First, does this research trip mean that you and Erin are back together?”

  “Maybe? I don’t know. She wants to take it slow, but we kissed and she said she needed some time. So I think, maybe.”

  “I get the picture. So why do you need to raid her romance novels?”

  “I—I don’t remember—I hadn’t been with—my memory starts before—”

  “Oh, bless you. You’ve never had sex. Well, you have. Oh, that’s so sweet. Nikki, stop laughing. So what do you remember?”

  “Well, kissing.”

  “Yes, and?”

  “And, that’s it really.”

  “Just kissing?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh, kiddo, you were so innocent. Nikki, get off the floor and behave yourself. Jesus, you’re worse than a baby! So you need a guide to the birds and the bees of lesbian sex.”

  “No, I understand the—the principles. But Erin’s going to remember what it was like before. She’s going to expect me to know what to do. And I get the idea of what goes where and stuff, but, like, what do I do when I get there?”

  “Well, I’d probably suggest asking Erin.”

  “I can’t do that!” Morgan felt her face flush at
the thought of asking Erin for intimate instructions.

  “Why not?”

  “Well, shouldn’t I know this stuff? I’m going to look like an idiot.”

  “Morgan, Erin won’t think you’re an idiot for asking what will give her pleasure. I can guarantee that.”

  “Won’t she think—I don’t know. It’s humiliating. I feel so…inept.”

  “Morgan, if I were in Erin’s position, I’d think it was wonderful.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, she’ll be the only lover you know, and that makes it incredibly special.”

  “But what if I can’t…you know?” Morgan waved her hands. Idiot she can’t see your hands.

  “What?”

  “Make her…you know?” Morgan waved again, catching herself. I’m losing it.

  “Orgasm?”

  Morgan blushed. “Yeah.”

  “Morgan, you’re almost forty years old.”

  Morgan could practically see Amy shaking her head. “I’m trying, Amy.”

  “I know. Look, Erin is a wonderful woman. You need to talk to her about your concerns. She’ll help you, advise, teach, whatever. That really is the best way.”

  “So I shouldn’t read any of these?”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Amy gave her a list of five titles to get her started and instructions to let her know if she needed any more help in the future.

  Morgan found that going down the stairs on her crutches was much easier than climbing them and was almost at the bottom when Tristan breezed in, dumping his school bag and coat on a chair.

  Show time.

  “Hi.” Her shoulders tensed as she hobbled into the kitchen behind him.

  He ignored her and pulled open the fridge.

  She took a deep breath. “I got a call from your school today.”

  He paused, shrugged, and pulled out a can of pop.

  She’d spent enough time with him now to recognize that this wasn’t his usual sullen silence. “They said you were absent and wanted to know if you were ill.”

  He continued to ignore her, sat at the table, and popped the can open.

  Come on, Trist, at least grunt at me. “Where were you?”

  He took a drink.

  “Tristan, I asked you a question.”