To Me I Wed

by K. M. Jackson

  Lily forced a smile. “Mom, you don’t have to look like I’m about to kick your dog. This is good news. The family has another wedding coming up.”

  With that declaration her mother blinked and looked around the table as if to see if all her kids were accounted for. Mama Dee gave a cheerful clap and a yelp. “That’s fantastic. You know how I love a good wedding.”

  It was then that her mother chimed in again. “Well, that is good news. But where is the groom? I’m assuming that you and Thomas are on better footing than you were during Sophie’s wedding. He should have been with you tonight. I would have made him his favorite dish. ” Her mother’s eyes brightened then she looked at Lily, a question in her eyes. “What is his favorite dish anyway? I know it’s not modern but you really should brush up on your kitchen skills Lily.”

  Lily held back on an eye roll. “You know cooking is not my area of expertise Ma. And what Thomas likes to eat and doesn’t is irrelevant to this conversation. We’re not currently together. ”

  Her mother frowned deeply. “So you’re telling me it’s Violet getting married? I’m going to kill that girl. She’s got to finish getting her degree first and she knows it. Now, I do want all my girls to settle down, but you know how I feel about getting your education.”

  “Yeah, about the same as getting our skills in the kitchen,” Lily mumbled.

  “Don’t be a smart ass, Miz Lily,” her mother countered back quickly. Lily sucked in a breath and briefly closed her eyes then opened them again. She was being a smart ass and needed to get a handle on it if she was getting any of her family on board with her plan. She looked from her now simmering with anger mother to the other concerned and confused faces around the table. She knew she shouldn’t care but she loved them and she did want to get them on board. It was time to clear up the confusion. Lily looked her mother in the eye. “No, Mom, it’s not Violet. It is me.”

  Her mother’s frown deepened and she let out a weary sigh. “Okay, now you’ve lost me Lily. You just said that you and Thomas weren’t seeing each other. So now what? Have you worked things out and decided to make a go at marriage?” Her mouth then formed the shape of an O as another option hit her. “Wait, did you break up because you were seeing someone else? I can’t believe you kept a person you were so serious with a secret from us.” She waved a hand. “No matter. As long as I still think this person could have had the decency to at least come with you as you made the announcement to your family tonight. I mean, it is only right, don’t you think so, Mama Dee?”

  Mama Dee tilted her head and looked at Lily quizzically. “That I do, but I also don’t think that’s the whole crux of the story, now, is it, Lily?”

  Lily swallowed. Leave it to Mama Dee to get right to it and to know she wasn’t sharing all the facts. She let out a short sigh, then looked at her grandmother first and then at her mother. “No, that’s not all of it. I’m not marrying Thomas.”

  Her mother raised a brow. “So we gathered. Thanks for getting that out. Now, please tell us, if you’re not marrying Thomas, then who are you marrying? I swear, I can’t keep track of you, Lily. You flit from one guy to the next and to the next, never lasting more than a season in any relationship and now you talk about getting married. Marriage takes commitment, girl. It’s serious, not something you jump into lightly or play with. You can’t make a commitment to someone and then move on as if you’re switching to the latest fashion. How can you expect to be a good wife? Tell me who is crazy enough to take you on?”

  “Me,” Lily said, her voice low and hushed. But when she spoke again it was louder, clearer. “It’s me, Mom. I’m marrying myself.”

  Renée Perry shook her head, and Lily watched as her mother’s lips quirked up into a smile that held no humor. “If that don’t just beat anything. Lily Perry, have you gone and completely lost your mind? What the hell are you talking about marrying yourself? Is this some sort of joke or just your way of acting out? If so, get over it, because you are way too old to play games to get attention. Now get the silliness out of your head; go on, get yourself another piece of pie and let’s talk about your wedding when it’s time to really have a wedding worth talking about.” Her mother gave her body a little shake as if physically pushing Lily’s news aside. “And just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse. I swear, child, you are just like your father. Always gotta be the star of the show. We’re still barely over Sophie’s day. Can’t we just bask in that for a while?”

  Lily felt the heat in her body threaten to boil over with her mother’s quick and rude dismissal. She should have known that her mother was going to laugh her off. Her mom was just like those commenters on the article she’d seen, accusing the bride of being desperate or somehow unhinged or worst just attention seeking. But her mother’s dismissal only served to fuel her and make her that more determined to have her wedding. Not to mention the comparison to her father. Lily looked around the table at her family’s confused expressions and let out a breath before speaking. “I’m just telling you to let you know because more than anything I’d like to have my family with me, supporting me, as I make this commitment to myself. But if you’re not there, I’ll fully understand. My celebration is happening either way, because right now I do feel like celebrating.” She looked pointedly at her mom. “No, I don’t have a man in my life right now, at least not one I’m seeing seriously, and you know I’m cool with that. It doesn’t bring me down or keep me up at night. I’m happy. I’m carefree, and I love myself and my own company. And my coming to that realization thrills me to no end.” Lily smiled even though her mother didn’t smile back. Just continued to stare at her with both condemnation and confusion. No matter. She wouldn’t be held back. “September ninth will be my wedding day. It’s all arranged; I’m having the ceremony out on the beach. The reception will follow at Simon’s friend’s restaurant Canela.” She looked at her sisters then and gave them a wink. “Dress is semiformal, and I insist that shoes not be dyed to match.”

  Her mother stared her down. “Well then, maybe you should call up your dad and see about getting a two-for-one, or should I call it one in a half deal?”

  It was Lily’s turn now to look confused. “What are you talking about, Mom?”

  Her mother let out a weary sigh, all her cool pretense evaporating on her slow breath. “What I’m talking about is the fact that it seems your father done went and got himself engaged to his latest chippie. So maybe you all could get in and have a ceremony together.”

  Lily quickly sucked in air as she struggled to get all the life-preserving oxygen she could. How could he do this? How could he finally end the dream of their family once and for all?

  With that declaration from her mom, Lily was clear out of words. All she could do was look at her mother and mouth an apology. She then got up, grabbed a napkin, and cut herself a to-go piece of pecan pie before making her way to the door.

  Chapter 7

  It was Sunday afternoon, but just barely, when Lily’s phone rang. “I feel like going shopping.” Mama Dee’s voice was light and matter of fact.

  “And you’re telling me this because . . .” Lily said teasingly. She was still in a huff over the horrendous disaster after her wedding announcement but knew it would do no good showing any of that huffiness toward Mama Dee. Besides, they played this little game twice monthly. Mama Dee would call her up for their usual Sunday hangout and shopping trip to either the big-box store, where Mama Dee stocked up on food for the house for the rest of the month, or the local Walmart, or if Lily could persuade her the fancy mall with the Neiman’s over on the south side. She left it up to Mama Dee. Half the fun was the surprise.

  Lily’s sisters never quite got the allure of their twice-monthly trips. They all seemed to think that Lily was being so kind, taking their grandmother out and spending the afternoon with her as if it were some sort of hardship. But Lily truly loved the time she spent with her grandmother. An afternoon with Mama Dee was never dull. The older woman was quick-wi
tted and at times downright bawdy. Lily found her easy to talk to, and she usually left her company feeling somehow lighter than when the day began. Mama Dee had a way of making the issues that were weighted on her mind seem trivial and not worth the stress.

  “Girl, don’t go playing those games with me. I can’t believe you’re not already on your way. I’ve been out of church for a full half hour. What is it?” she admonished, then whispered, “Don’t tell me you got some man up there in your fancy city apartment? Wait.” Mama Dee lowered her voice as if she had hit the nail on the head. “Do you have some man up there? If so, I’ll let you alone to get back to whatever and we can go out next week. I don’t want to be an interrupter.”

  Lily thought she felt her eyes roll on their own. “No, Mama Dee, I don’t have some man here. And there is no ‘whatever’ going on. I thought I made it clear at dinner that I was fine as I was.”

  “Sweetie, you made nothing clear at dinner, but we can get to that when we go out. Now, are you on your way or what?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m actually walking out the door now,” Lily said, grabbing her purse and car keys. “I should be to you within the hour.” She heard Mama Dee snort.

  “Within the hour . . . sure. You know how traffic is on Sunday, especially out here. I won’t go holding my breath. At my age you don’t play with things like that.”

  “Now who’s the one being dramatic?” Lily said as she made her way down to the underground garage in her building. She was so lucky to have her space. The landlord of the high-rise where she rented her old Brooklyn condo was actually an old friend of the family, so he cut her an amazing deal. Honestly, she had a feeling that back in the day he’d had his heart put through its paces by Mama Dee. He never failed to ask about her, and she never spilled the tea on him, but Lily got a great deal on her apartment and her parking spot was thrown in, which by Brooklyn standards should have at least run her the cost of a spare kidney. Without the parking spot there was no other way she’d ever be able to have a car anywhere near the city. Her friends and even her family thought she was crazy for holding on to the old Buick that her father had passed on to her. But she liked the freedom it afforded her to travel back and forth between home and her family without having to rely on mass transportation. Besides, her father didn’t leave her or any of them much of anything else when he hit the road so, she didn’t know, maybe she was keeping the car out of some sort of misplaced maudlin attachment or maybe it was out of spite, but still she held on to it as well as her spot. As Lily unlocked the car door she gave a silent prayer that the old girl would hold up just a little longer. She’s gotten attached to old Bitsy. “Listen, I’m getting in the car now; let me hang up to get to you that much faster.”

  “Okay, baby, drive carefully,” Mama Dee said. “I’ll see you soon. I can put together some sandwiches if you’d like for the road?”

  Lily shook her head. “No thanks, Mama Dee. We’re hitting the stores. It’s not like we’re driving down south. And you eat light if you going to get anything out. How about we go to the mall today? We can stop at the Cheesecake Factory and have lunch?” She knew she wasn’t being aboveboard, but she really didn’t want to hang out at the Walmart this afternoon, so she figured she’d dangle the idea of cheesecake in front of her grandmother as a way of a bribe.

  “Now you know you’re not playing fair, child, but if you twist my arm I could be persuaded into having some of that fried macaroni and cheese that they serve.”

  Lily cranked up the car and backed out of her spot, having put the phone on speaker. “All right, I’ll get it for you as long as you promise not to tell Mom about it.”

  “Darling, you know I never spill any secrets between the two of us. See you soon. Bye.”

  Lily hung up and spent her time on the road thinking of how grateful she was for the precious time she had with Mama Dee. It really meant so much to her, but she couldn’t help the moments of worry that came over her when she thought about Mama Dee’s declining health. She knew that her grandmother would scoff if she were to bring it up with her, but the fact still remained that two years prior she had given all of them a scare when quite suddenly the vibrant woman fell ill with a minor heart attack. The thought of it still gave Lily a chill. As if any heart attack could ever be considered minor. But thank goodness it wasn’t major, and her grandmother had received quick and very good medical attention. Her blockages were cleared and stents were put in.

  Still, Mama Dee was changed. Lily saw the small differences. How Mama Dee’s normally quick pace had slowed; how she was so careful now with all her movements. Careful when cooking and prepping so as not to cut herself because of the blood thinners. Careful watching her food. Although she talked about the fried macaroni and cheese, Lily knew that she would let her grandmother have only a small taste, because the high-fat food was not on her diet. No, Mama Dee was all talk; she had to take care of herself, and Lily helped to make sure that she did.

  And as much as their outings helped Lily, she hoped they helped Mama Dee too. Giving her a certain amount of respite from Renée’s all-seeing eye. For the most part the two women got along, but Lily knew that in a way these outings were a necessary form of therapy for Mama Dee, finding freedom from Lily’s mom, who’d barely cut Mama Dee any slack when it came to her health and her diet. Renée was usually there with her medication before Mama Dee could even get it herself. She watched what Mama Dee ate like a hawk, and when it came down to Mama Dee’s antics of going on bus rides to the casino or to see friends or on weekend shopping trips, well, her mother tried to put a stop to that also. Lily had to think that although it was all done out of love, it was still slightly crazy making.

  Lily’s mind flittered from the relationship between her mother and grandmother and wandered over to her upcoming ceremony and the fact that she needed to get in next week to meet with Vin. The thought brought an instant tenseness to her shoulder blades and at the same time, in a weird juxtaposition, a tingling in her breasts.

  If that didn’t just beat all, she thought. What was she supposed to do with the roller coaster of emotions that just the thought of him put her through? How was she supposed to plan a specular party while she was in the midst of a hormonal firestorm? And what was she doing feeling this way anyway? She should know good and well to have a firm hand on her emotions if she couldn’t or wouldn’t get a firm hand on Vin. The thought of taking him in hand once again had her smiling against her will, if there was any such thing. But the man really was delicious. She had to give herself props for not jumping his bones during the meeting the other day. He was just that tempting with his strong and silent good looks, and then his sexy skill in the kitchen . . . The man was the full package, and it was clear he knew it.

  Quicker than she expected, Lily was pulling up to her old family house. Traffic turned out to be lighter than normal, which was good because, after the talk about macaroni and cheese balls, Lily’s stomach was talking back to her and she could use a little something to eat. Lily started to open her door and was halfway out when she caught sight of Mama Dee hurrying out the front door.

  Mama Dee gave her head a quick shake as she came toward the car. “I wouldn’t go inside there if I were you.”

  Lily’s brows knit together. “Why in the world not? Honestly, I need to go and pee before we get back on the road. ”

  Mama Dee got into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. “Well, you can go in and pee at your own risk. Your mama is on a warpath today, and she is just waiting to give you an earful about this wedding/commitment ceremony/whatever you want to call this shindig you’re having. She’s been on the phone with Ruby for half the morning getting herself in a right rile up. You, child, have become the talk of the Rockaways.”

  Lily groaned, letting her head fall back against the headrest. She turned toward her grandmother and looked her in the eyes. “I can only imagine what Aunt Ruby is saying. I’m sure she’s egging Mom on with talk about me not being able to hold down a
man or some such crap. And she’s only making it worse by bringing up Nikki and her ever-so-perfect soldier-boy fiancé.”

  Mama Dee nodded. “Well, it seems that’s about the size of it, and don’t go hatin’ on Nikki. You two are first cousins. You need to support each other.”

  At that declaration Lily shot her grandmother a look. Mama Dee knew that Nikki was damn near insufferable with her overly plucked and plasticized behind.

  Mama Dee continued, “Don’t give me that look, and I don’t have to explain it no further to you about your mama. You’ve got the gist of it. So are you gonna go in, or are you going to crank this baby up and get us going? There is a gas station right down around the corner, or you can hold it until we get to the mall, your choice.”

  Lily’s eyes swept from her grandmother toward the old Cape Cod–style house. As she was looking she saw the curtains in the front room flutter open and knew her mother was peering through to look at them, waiting for Lily to get out of the car and step inside. She could practically feel her simmering anger through the window, across the sidewalk, and into the car. Lily swallowed. “You know, I think I’m going to hold it for a little bit.”

  Mama Dee looked from Lily over to the house and then back at her again. “Good to know that, even with this commitment wedding to yourself, or whatever it is, you haven’t completely lost your senses. Smart move. Come on, girl, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

  Lily gave her head a shake and cranked up the car. It rumbled to life with the low horse cough and then an insistent sputter. Lily ran her hand lovingly across the steering wheel and put on what she hoped was a confident smile. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand, girlie,” she said brightly.

  Her grandmother smiled, taking some of the heavy weight off her chest with the twinkle in her eyes. “Let’s do this. Maybe along the way I can convince you to drive a little farther north and we can hit up some slot machines. I just got my social security check, and it’s burning a hole in my pocket.”