To Me I Wed

by K. M. Jackson

  Was she seriously having this conversation in hushed tones in the middle of his kitchen when she had clients outside? Lily let out a long, frustrated growl. “Number one, you are not policing my private parts, and two, this is not the time or the place. I’m not having this conversation right now.”

  Thankfully, Tori peeked her head in to break up the heated tension. “Bus arrives in two minutes,” she said, her eyes shifting uncomfortably between the two of them.

  Lily looked up at Vin, her fire on four alarm. “I’m out.”

  She started to walk away, and then his hand shot out to cover the bare section of her upper arm. Lily looked down at his hand, and he released quickly but still stepped in close, leaning near her ear. “This is not over, Lil. You and I will have this conversation. You can’t ignore my texts forever or run away from whatever it is we have going on here.”

  Lily snorted and stepped away. “Oh really? Just watch me.”

  * * *

  Over a hundred teens later, not to mention fifty adults, a staff of twenty, and one brooding chef, and Lily was exhausted.

  The party was finally winding down, and it seemed to have been a huge success. Lily was everywhere at once, but mostly she watched out for Christie, making sure that the honoree was having a great time. Thankfully, Christie spent most of the evening laughing and dancing. And for the four hours that the party lasted, she never looked bored and picked up her phone only for selfies that she Instagrammed. She even grabbed hold of Lily and Toni to snap a quick picture of the three of them for her gram, which Lily knew to be the highest form of praise for her set. Lily couldn’t ask for more than that.

  After the night ended with Lily getting everyone back on the party bus and out of her care, Lily thanked the Canela staff for their help with making the night a success. Lily gave Tori a hug and let her leave before the rental company came to break down the tables and chairs, with a ride to the train from Manny and a quick warning to stay safe. Tori gave her a laugh. “Yes, Mom.”

  Lily shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know that was over the line. I can’t help it. I always play the big sister even if I’m your boss.”

  Tori patted her hand. “It’s okay, and don’t worry, I’ve got both eyes on him.” She looked over Lily’s shoulder to a still brooding Vin, who was hanging back and pretending not to be watching from the kitchen opening. “You watch yourself too.”

  Lily smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ve got my eyes wide open.”

  “Yeah, but what about your heart?”

  “Heart? What’s that got to do with any of this?” Tori shook her head as Manny appeared by her side. “You ready? I’ve just got to drop this food at the shelter on my way.” He gave her a sly grin after making his statement, and Tori rolled her eyes.

  “Do you, now?”

  * * *

  The rental company had taken the tables and the DJ was done packing up all the equipment as Lily was packing her tote. Vin came over to her. “So, are we going to do this now?” he asked.

  Lily looked at him with tired eyes and shook her head. “No. No we are not going to do this now. This day . . . these past two days have been ridiculous.”

  He let out a long, exasperated breath. “Yes, they have, but the days before were great.”

  Lily nodded her agreement. “You’re right, the days before were great. They’ve also been hot and sexy and exhilarating. But that’s about it.”

  Vin pulled back as if he’d been punched, hard. “For some, even most, that would be enough.”

  Lily stepped forward into his space and put her hand lightly on his chest. He looked at her with hardend eyes that she wasn’t used to seeing from him. But Lily held still, unwavering under his gaze. “You’re right. It is enough, or it should be. Honestly, it’s what I expected from the beginning.”

  “Expected or set up?”

  Lily’s gaze went flat at his accusation. So they were doing this. “What are you trying to get at? I didn’t set anything up from the beginning.”

  Vin’s own gaze was laser sharp. “Like hell, you didn’t. You have us, well, me, exactly where you want me, and you have from the start. A sexual scratching post waiting for you whenever you have an itch.”

  His words hit her hard, with their underlying thread of truth, but still Lily felt the need to protest. “That is completely unfair. You insist on being so closed off.”

  “And whose fault is that?” he challenged.

  Lily shook her head, then looked back at him. “Mine, I guess. But can you honestly tell me that if I did anything different—say, opened myself up to you and poured my heart out and told you I wanted it all, said I wanted a real relationship maybe even a commitment from you—you would have been okay with that? Or even ready for it? Or would my words just be something else to placate your ego, make you feel validated while you strung me along until I got just close enough to be an annoyance under your skin? Something you’d have to cut loose.”

  Vin was quiet, the heavy silence saying more than any words could.

  But still Lily couldn’t help but go on. “And could you really share yourself with me? Go deeper? Tell me about your mother or dare I say, your father? Do you, or did you, even have a father?” She moved close to him and looked deeper into his eyes. She saw nothing there. The only hint at his emotion was the tightening of his jaw, the barest flaring of his nostrils.

  But then his eyes softened and his voice fell. “You care to talk to me about yours?”

  Lily sucked in a breath. “You are cold. You can’t even make yourself vulnerable for one moment without deflecting. Hell, you couldn’t even loosen up enough to tell me why you were afraid to go to the hospital without snapping my head off!”

  Vin opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, looking at her silently.

  “That’s what I thought,” Lily said, now talking softer and pulling her hand away from his chest. She continued to pack her tote, then went to put it on her shoulder when he reached out to stop her. She looked up at him.

  “You’re still not anywhere near close to understanding why I’m having my wedding, are you? Nowhere near understanding who I am.”

  Vin shook his head and his eyes flashed. “Tell me, do you even understand yourself?”

  His words were few, but they were mighty. Lily swallowed and turned away but not before Vin came up behind her and pulled her in toward him.

  “I still want to be with you, you know,” he growled out, then laughed. “Even if you are already promised to another.”

  Lily chuckled, then turned and looked up at him. “Believe me, I know. But the only wrinkle is, for how long?”

  He gave a wry laugh, then bent to kiss her. His lips were soft, his need immediately hard. Lily felt her body begin to fold, compress into his and threaten to become not her own. “As long as it takes,” he replied.

  She pulled back and looked at him. He was beautiful and was looking at her like the answer to every need she could ever have. But something stopped her, and for the life of her she just couldn’t let go and believe with her mind in the momentary happiness she was feeling in her heart. Her mind was telling her that what she was experiencing was all heat and hormones, and beyond that what? She was always happy when she was in his arms. So what? He was addictive like that. But Lily was smart enough to recognize that addictive quality and knew it was the reason she couldn’t easily walk away. He was her drug, and more than anything right now she needed a fix.

  Lily reached down and let her hand go under his T-shirt. She wanted to feel his warm skin under the pads of her fingers. “How about for as long as I let you,” Lily said, going back to Vin’s earlier point.

  She kissed him, then with all she had and let her hand roam over his chest, tease at his nipples, move down into his pants. When she heard him groan she knew she had won, but the victory felt hollow. “Tell me this is what you want,” she said on a low growl into his mouth.

  He was silent once again, and Lily pulled back and looked into those
midnight eyes. He tried to challenge her with all he had, and she challenged him right back. She took a small step, preparing to leave. “Tell me or not.”

  “You are the most infuriating woman I know.”

  Lily nodded. “That I am. Now tell me.”

  “You first.”

  Chapter 21

  Lily woke before sunrise and reluctantly slipped her shoulders out from under Vin’s arms. It wasn’t as easy getting the lower half of her body from where it was wedged under his muscular thighs.

  “Trying to sneak out again without waking me?” His voice was a low rumble, vibrating behind her back.

  Lily turned and looked over her shoulder, catching the golden-hued image of him in faintly shadowed moonlight. “I was, but I see now that’s not going to happen.”

  Vin reached up and pulled her body back down and in toward him. He snuggled her in close, her body fitting perfectly with his. He let out an exhale that let her know he was comforted, and she felt his lips kiss tenderly at the tip of her spine. “Stay, baby. I’ll get up early with you. Take you into the city and have you home or wherever you need to be whenever you need to be.”

  Lily let out a sigh. She wasn’t going anywhere, and she knew it. He’d had her at stay.

  * * *

  After the Carlyle party they’d come to a cool though, Lily told herself, modern and necessary, nonverbal don’t-ask-don’t-tell agreement where the status quo was kept and waters stayed calm. By day they each went about their business, never saying they were exclusive, never saying much of anything, but by night they’d find their way back into each other’s arms and be lovers again. Lily told herself it was the perfect arrangement.

  And in reality it was.

  It was pretty much just like all her past relationships minus the fakery of the potential of something more. She was careful not to talk about a future past their next hookup, and he never spoke of anything that hinted at promises he couldn’t keep. They were living fully and completely in the present, and Lily had reconciled in her mind that she was okay with that. She knew the day would come when some incident would happen—maybe big, maybe little—where he or most likely she would become intolerable and it would just be over. This way, when the time came, she told herself she’d be prepared.

  It had happened to her plenty of times before, and there was no reason for her to think the same wouldn’t happen with this relationship. If not some incident, then someone. There was always another someone. That was just the way of things, and the thought of “the someone” pulled her to the day’s tasks. Coaxing her out of Vin’s arms, where for the moment she was snuggled and warm. But she had meetings to set up with potential new clients. Work. Real work. And then there was meeting her father for lunch. That thought made her want to burrow deeper into the sanctuary of Vin’s chest.

  No longer able to dodge her father’s calls, she’d finally talked to him and he’d pinned her down for lunch. Honestly, her time spent with Vin had infringed on all her time with her family. She’d missed two of the weekly dinners and even one shopping day with Mama Dee. But this thing with her father could no longer be avoided. She wasn’t a child, and it was time to stop acting like one. She could hold on to the anger of his leaving them only for so long—no, that was a little too mature. Lily knew she could hold on to that anger forever. But holding it in while smiling on the outside just wasn’t healthy.

  Still, Lily had been hoping to at least meet him with the buffer of one or two of her sisters, but each of them claimed to be busy with one thing or another, so she was stuck. She didn’t know why he was being so persistent. Just the thought of their sit down, and the possibility that he might bring his new fiancée, filled her with dread.

  She let out a long sigh as the unwelcome thought fluttered through her mind while she was laying across Vin’s chest. She really needed to get up and get her head on straight.

  “What’s bothering you?” he asked, the bass of his voice sending vibrations from him to her.

  She shook her head and then was surprised to find a tear running from her eye and down her cheek. It escaped before she could catch it, and it hit Vin’s bare skin. “Are you crying?”

  She shook her head again and choked out as strong a “No” as she could.

  Vin sat up, leaning over her. Then he flipped on the bedside lamp and looked into her eyes. “Lily, what is going on with you?”

  Lily turned away from him. “I said nothing. Okay? Now either be quiet or just let me go home.”

  Vin shook his head and rubbed at her hair. “God, you really are my little drama queen. You make it sound like I’m holding you here against your will.”

  “And you make it sound like you make this easy.”

  He held her tighter and kissed her shoulder. “Fine. You got me there, I don’t. But I never promised I would.”

  “And neither did I.”

  Lily closed her eyes and went back to sleep. He was right. It was too early to be heading out, and she was tired.

  * * *

  Her father looked his usual handsome self, standing to greet her when she walked into the Gallery Diner. It had always been a favorite of his, along with most other folks in town, as it had been awarded “Best Coffee on the Island” ten years running.

  Her dad was wearing his usual uniform of Levi’s, a T-shirt, and baseball cap, which in her opinion was a little too young and casual for a man of his age. But it seemed to work for him; since leaving her mother, he has never been in want for a date. And always a much younger one than him at that. Maybe it was the jeans, or maybe it was the nice retirement plan that made him so appealing. Lily didn’t know. She did know she was being cynical as all hell and felt a little bad for it.

  Her dad leaned forward and hugged Lily immediately. “Hey, baby girl. I got started on my coffee already. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Lily sat. “Of course not, Dad. Would you like to go ahead and order? I have a lot on my plate this afternoon.”

  Her dad motioned for the waitress, Joan, to come over. He and Lily had been coming to the Gallery for many years, and Joan was a fixture with her tightly wound curls and overly rouged cheeks. “Hey, Lily. How are you?”

  Lily fought to loosen her smile. “I’m fine, Joan, how are you?”

  Joan shrugged. “Can complain, but I won’t. I’ll be a might happier when that son of mine gets out of my basement and on with his life, but that is neither here nor there. Can I get you a cup of coffee? You need a menu, or do you know what you’re having?” All of this was said on one long exhale of breath, and Lily marveled at how Joan did it.

  “I’m glad to hear it. I’m ready to order. I’ll just have a coffee and a grilled cheese, thanks.”

  Joan nodded. “So, the usual?”

  She turned to Lily’s dad. “And you, Phil?”

  Her dad smiled up at Joan. “Club sandwich, hold the pickle. Oh, and a refill on my coffee, please.”

  Joan rolled her eyes playfully. “As if I don’t know you want a refill. I should hook you up intravenously, the way you take it.”

  Lily raised her brow at her father as Joan walked away. “Are you drinking too much coffee, Dad? You know what too much does for your reflux.”

  Lily’s father shook his head at her and then smiled as he took a sip of his coffee. “And here I thought you didn’t care.”

  Now it was Lily who rolled her eyes and leaned back as Joan brought her coffee. She sweetened it in silence and added half-and-half. “What’s this all about, Dad? Like I said, I have work to do.”

  “Like what?” her father countered. “Planning this wedding to yourself? The one I’ve yet to get an invitation to?”

  “Damn Sophie.”

  Joan came over and dropped off their lunch.

  “Don’t blame Sophie. How do you think you can plan an event like that and not have it get back to me?” he asked. “Not to mention, why would you not want it to get back to me?”

  Lily didn’t know why. At first all she wanted was his a
pproval. She felt sure she’d get it over her mother’s, but after his own news and engagement she just wasn’t sure anymore. She took a bite of her sandwich. It was delicious, as always. She took another bite before looking back at her father. He was smiling at her like he always did while he watched her eat, and in the moment it was infuriating.

  “Tell me why it is you choose now to get married,” Lily responded instead of answering her father’s question.

  Her father gave her a long look. “Why are you?”

  Lily took a sip of her coffee and carefully measured her words. “Because I want people to know that I’m good. I’m okay and happy just how I am. That I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel complete within myself.”

  Her father nodded as he took a bite of his club sandwich before looking up at her earnestly. “And by people I guess that excludes me.”

  Lily frowned. “It was not like that. Things,” she paused. “Things have been moving fast and everything is not about you. Like I said, this is about me being fine with me.”

  He nodded. “Well, all right, baby girl. You’re better than me. I have found that I’m the type that needs companionship, people around, family. I don’t do well on my own.”

  Lily frowned. The cheese turned pasty in her mouth. “Funny, you had all that and threw it all away. It didn’t seem so important to you back then.”

  Then it was her father’s turn to frown. “What are you talking about, threw it away?”

  Lily shook her head. “Can we just eat so I can go? I don’t feel like doing this right now.”

  Her father nodded. “Yeah, I can see that.”

  They ate in silence for a while until Lily decided to speak up. “Why did you do it?”

  “Do what, Lil?”

  “Leave Mom. Leave us. All of us.” Lily felt herself starting to lose control and fought to pull it back in. “We were doing fine. You told me that. You said we were fine. Then you left. How could you walk away from Mom like you did?”