To Me I Wed

by K. M. Jackson

  Lily dressed quickly and ran downstairs to find Vin already waiting. She fully expected him to get in the delivery van, but he went straight to his bike. “Are you nuts?”

  He tilted his head at her. “Come on. You want to get there and find parking? You know how tight it can get on that shopping strip during the summer season. With my bike, I can ease right in. The van would just have to circle.”

  Lily knew his logic was semi-solid at best, and she also knew he’d been dying to get her on the back of his bike. This totally played into his hand. She let out a long sigh as he handed her a helmet. “You got me this time, V.”

  He grinned. “Just get on and hold on, babe. That’s right, I got you.”

  The ride was more thrilling than Lily imagined, and she couldn’t wait to do it again. The bike, big and dangerous vibrating between her legs, and Vin in front of her gave her double the pleasure. Large and solid, totally and completely relaxed and in command. She liked that about him. No, loved that about him. Though they had their quick, volatile dustups, when he was in control, he was totally in control. He didn’t waver, and she didn’t feel any fear with him at the helm. She trusted him. The thought sobered her as she leaned on him more and rested her chest against his back.

  They made it to the shop in good time and, as Vin had anticipated, there weren’t any spots. Even with the bike he had to circle and wait for one to open. Lily hopped off and went in to get started with her refitting.

  “I’m so sorry about this, Lily,” Miss Benning, the shop owner, said as Lily stood on the dais in the middle of the salon. Her head seamstress, a much older woman than Miss Benning, named Valencia, was stooped down at Lily’s feet pinning from her hip down to the dress’s delicate train. Lily was worried she’d have trouble getting back up and didn’t for the life of her know how her knotted fingers could do such detailed work but they did.

  Lily loved the dress just as much as when she first tried it on, even if it was two sizes too big. The low back, the beautiful bow at her neck, the shapely draping—if she had dreamed up a dress, this would be it. “Are you sure you can get it done in time?” she said, her voice quivering with worry.

  Valencia looked up at her and gave a reassuring smile. Her aged eyes full of promise. “Don’t worry, don’t worry. It will be done, I guarantee it.”

  Lily smiled back believing in the woman and her experience.

  “You’ll be a beautiful bride. Your fiancé will be the happiest of husbands.”

  Lily let out a low, weary breath. She didn’t have it in her to do any correcting. Instead, she looked straight ahead, and when she did her eyes met Vin’s in the mirror. She didn’t even hear him come into the shop, as focused as she was on the fitting. His expression was completely and utterly blank as he took her in. She watched him swallow and saw his jaw twitch. “Yes, you’re right. She will be a beautiful bride. Whomever she’s marrying is very lucky.”

  They didn’t talk about the shop beyond Vin telling her when she met him outside that her dress was beautiful. They tried to pick up where they left off and he took her for a ride down the coastline, and they shared a basket of seafood on the pier before going back to his place and making love. He was distant, though, and in reality so was she. She felt as if she were floating above, then watching two people going through the motions of what a real relationship should look like.

  Lily knew there was something left in that shop. Left in their expressions in the mirror. Lily didn’t know if they had already said good-bye, but she was starting to feel like they had.

  * * *

  Vin stood barefoot in the sand with Dex at his side and looked out into the dark of the ocean, hoping to find peace in the turbulent waters.

  It took all Vin had in him, saying good-bye to Lily and watching her leave to go to her bachelorette party. The afternoon weighed heavy on his chest, and as they went through the motions of smiling and laughing he felt like someone completely outside himself looking back in. Who was this man riding around with, a beautiful woman at his back and suddenly the ridiculous hope of possibilities in his heart? Just thinking about it made him want to back away. Put up a shield and protect himself. That or kick the poor idiot off the bike and knock some sense into his head.

  Vin told himself to think rationally. Tried to channel what his mother would want for him and just open up and let go, enjoy his time with Lily. But for all his trying he couldn’t do it. Something in him didn’t feel worthy enough of a treasure such as her. Not that she was all in with offering. It was as if she knew there was something hidden within him that would inevitably screw it up. Maybe that was why she held herself at arm’s length.

  He wasn’t made like his friends. Not like Aidan, who for all his talk of not settling down had seamlessly fallen in with Eva. Or Simon, who fit with Sophie as if they were born for each other. But what did he know? All he’d known was that he’d had a father who ran out on his mother at the first opportunity, and according to his history he was pretty much like him.

  Vin thought once again of the first day he’d seen Lily. Out with Simon and Sophie. How it was so soon after his mother had died, and how for the very first time in he didn’t know how many months he smiled, seeing her smile, and it was real. Not something his mind told him to do because it was the right thing and society expected it or they’d back away from him permanently. And how when she kissed him that time under the dock, and made him feel, made him forget the pain he’d shrouded himself in that was so strong it was now a part of his persona. Well, he didn’t know how to react. Those moments of forgetfulness left him open and vulnerable. Two things he’d never wanted to be ever again. So he just ran. Not in the literal sense, but in the metaphorical sense for sure. He couldn’t call her. Couldn’t open up to her and feel. Back then he didn’t want to be happy, and honestly even now he wasn’t really sure he knew how to be.

  Frustrated, Vin kicked at the sand and Dex looked up at him with a look that said, “What’s your problem?” Vin shrugged at the dog and pulled off his shirt, peeled off his pants, and got down to his boxers. He was happy to feel the warm night breeze against his body. Walking forward he stepped into the foamy water while Dex hung back and just looked. The coolness of the water was a welcome pinprick against his skin.

  Vin closed his eyes for a moment and remembered Lily’s tense expression as she first tried to balance herself on the board, and then her smile when she realized he had her and that he would not let her fall. Vin frowned and ducked his head under the water. He came up again and opened his eyes to the moonlight and the vision of her in that white wedding dress. So beautiful. So full of promise. The vision a mockery of what they’d both told themselves they didn’t want. But here they were playing at the motions of it.

  He wondered if they were both fools running from pasts that they never had any control over or smart pragmatists avoiding a future that would only lead to the pain of history repeating itself. He never wanted to be the man his father was. The man that Lily already pegged him and all men to be. He couldn’t bring himself to make promises he knew in his heart he may not keep. Vin laughed to himself. The echo of it in his chest was almost painful. Hell, maybe she was right all along. Better to get out now, before either of them went so deep they couldn’t get back to shore.

  * * *

  By the time Lily got to her mother’s, she wasn’t exactly in a bachelorette, male stripper mood, but since faking it was the call for the day, Lily put on the bridal sash given to her by Bobbi and the tiara given to her by her sisters and proceeded to get her party on as they headed out to Talia’s Temptation, The island’s premier ladies lounge. And by premier we’re talking nowhere near close to Magic Mike, but it was good enough to maybe be called Fake It ’Till You Make It Harry.

  Lily could only laugh at the picture they must make, a group of women ranging in age from twenty-one to well over seventy piling into the slightly seedy club. But it wasn’t as bad as Lily anticipated. The guys were all friendly and in no way overly
intrusive. There were no unwanted penises in the face, though there was an abundance of oil and glitter, and Lily saw some pole acrobatics that were truly impressive and had her rethinking her ab game.

  The highlight of the night, though, was Mama Dee. No one was having more fun than she was. Though there was a strict no-touching policy at Talia’s, Mama Dee came prepared to make it rain, and she was fully getting her money’s worth out of all the guys. Lily feared she’d be covered in gold glitter for weeks.

  When Lily was pulled up on stage in a traditional überembarrassing bridal lap dance, she wasn’t surprised to hear Mama Dee whooping it up the loudest. She was surprised, though, to hear her mother’s cheers above the crowd. It got her thinking of her father and their talk and what he’d said about her being her best self. She wondered more and more at the truth of that. Maybe it was her mother’s choice. Maybe she was living the life she wanted to live.

  Lily made it back to her table and downed her drink before giving her mother a tight hug. “Thank you,” she said.

  Her mother pulled back and looked her in the eyes. “For what?”

  Lily smiled. “For everything.”

  Lily’s mom shook her head and laughed. “Oh, honey, I think you’re drunk.”

  Lily sniffled and blinked back tears. “I may be.” There was a loud whoop, and they looked over to see Mama Dee doing the bump with a guy in a gold thong. “I think we all are.”

  * * *

  Leaving the party, they tumbled out of the club like weary warriors who came, saw, and conquered the strippers of Long Island. Lily threw her hands in the air before getting into their rented van for the night. “Victorious!” she yelled as she looked across the street at the other strip bars that littered that part of town. But the words died in her mouth as she saw Vin stumble out of the club arm in arm with Lacy Colten.

  The pain in her chest was real as her heart sank and Sophie walked up beside her. “What the hell is he doing with freaking Lacy Colten?”

  Lily swallowed. The sheen and sparkle of their night at the strip club faded to ash. She turned to her sister. “Living his life just like I’m living mine.”

  Chapter 24

  Lily was awakened along with the rest of the house to the sound of her mother screaming into the phone in panic. They had been home from the club only a few hours. What was her mother going on about? And why did she sound so desperate? It had to be a dream. But no, it wasn’t a dream. No, this was Lily’s worst nightmare.

  It was Mama Dee. She was sitting in the kitchen in the same spot where she’d sat after coming home from the club, when she said she’d just needed a cool drink after all those hot boys. But now there she was slumped over and barely responsive. The paramedics arrived quickly, and Lily’s mother accompanied Mama Dee to the hospital in the ambulance. Lily and Violet couldn’t fit, and Lily was so on edge that she didn’t think she could drive, so Lily was more than happy when Violet offered to get behind the wheel. What was wrong with her? She was the oldest. She was supposed to be the strong one.

  True to form for her family, by the time Mama Dee was admitted everyone was there. Sisters with new husbands, and even her father sans the fiancée. They all paced, cried, and huddled together until the sun rose and the doctor came out to give Mama Dee’s condition. There were thanks and praises to God when the doc told them that Mama Dee had, thankfully, a mild arrhythmia, which Lily knew more than likely was due to the wild time that night. Her blood pressure had fallen alarmingly low as well, so due to her prior conditions, they wanted to keep her for a few days for observation.

  Despite rules of only two visitors at a time, the doctor kindly let all the sisters file in along with Lily’s mom and dad for a few minutes just to see her. The word was she was asking for them all and being “quite persuasive.” Lily had never been happier to hear such a report on Mama Dee’s stubbornness. The brothers-in-laws opted to stand outside the little viewing window and send their love that way.

  But as soon as Lily saw her grandmother in a hospital bed, her larger-than-life spirit looking so frail and fragile, with an IV in her arm and tubes in her nose, Lily choked back sobs just like the rest of her sisters and her mother. She looked over to her father and saw him wiping a tear too. But true to form, Mama Dee looked at them all and shook her head. “Lord, if I haven’t died I’d better have, otherwise there are some asses to be kicked. Now, we had too good a time tonight, girls, don’t go and let this little thing ruin it. And I’ll not have no tears out of you all. I don’t care even if you were at my funeral.”

  Her saying that only caused Lily’s mother to sniffle harder. “Renée, you just cut that blubbering right out. Your sister and that husband of hers are going to be here any moment. I’m sure they’re not here ’cause she’s still squeezing into a girdle. I’m going to need you to be strong to deal with her.”

  “Yes, Mama.” Lily’s mom sniffled, more dutifully than Lily had ever heard her.

  Mama Dee turned to Lily. “I’m going to need you to buck up and act like the woman I know you are. Using me as an example for these silly sisters of yours.”

  “Hey!” Sophie protested loudly, not caring that Mama Dee was in the hospital and maybe she should be a little quiet.

  Mama Dee winked, knowing she had broken the mood. “Oh, hush, girl. Go on out there and get some coffee for your husband. You all do that. Tell my boys I love them and I’m fine. I need to talk with Lily a minute.”

  As everyone reluctantly filed out, Mama Dee reached for Lily’s hand. Her touch was cool and had Lily pulling her blanket farther up her chest. She shooed it off. “It’s all right, honey,” she said to Lily. “I want you to know everything is all right. I want you to stop doing what you’re doing right now with all that blame and let it go.”

  Lily wiped at the tears that were falling freely from her eyes. “But if we didn’t have that silly party, if I didn’t start with this wedding nonsense, then none of this would have happened.”

  Mama Dee laughed. The labor of it caused her to cough. Lily frowned. “What are you laughing about, lady? This is serious. I’m serious.”

  Mama Dee shook her head. “That right there is what I’m laughing about. You are the most dramatic person I know.”

  Lily stilled. The words that Vin had said so often echoed out of Mama Dee’s mouth were sobering. “You think you can control the world. As if the sun waits for you to wake before it rises. Honey, you’ve got to lighten up. The quicker you realize that this all is not your show and there are other forces in control everywhere, the easier your path will be. You can only control you, and hell, sometimes you can’t even control that. Humph. I’ve been in and out of love enough to know that’s the truth.”

  Lily swallowed, not wanting to meet her grandmother’s all-seeing eyes. “Do you love him?”

  The four words were so heavy that Lily felt the need to sit on the edge of the bed. Finally she answered, “I don’t want to love him.”

  Mama Dee nodded, looking to the window that separated her room from the hospital hallway. “Funny, by the pained look on that boy’s face right now, I get the feeling he don’t want to love you either.”

  Lily turned to look, and there was Vin, standing outside the room. He was with the rest of her family but slightly apart, and he was watching her and Mama Dee with an expression of so much longing and pain that Lily thought it would break her heart.

  She turned back to Mama Dee. “I—I don’t know what he’s doing here.”

  Mama Dee nodded. “I think you do.” Then she let out a breath. “You know, I remember him from a few years ago. His mama too. I knew them vaguely from their food stand, but more importantly back when I was still volunteering here, he brought his mother in for some test that, according to her, would be routine. Well, one thing led to another and there was a quick surgery and next thing you know, that poor woman was gone just like that. It couldn’t have been more than a day and it was all over.” Mama Dee sighed. “I’ll never forget the sight of that big man
as he collapsed to the floor in a heap. A man turned back into a child. He was just about inconsolable at the loss of his mother. One of the saddest things I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen a lot of love and a lot of loss in my life. I tried to comfort him, me along with the chaplain and some other volunteers. I don’t think he saw or remembers any of us.” Mama Dee looked back at Vin and gave him a smile and a wave. “But I sure remember him. That one there. He loves hard. And it’s taking all he has to be standing in the spot he’s standing in right now.”

  Vin gave Mama Dee a small wave back. The gesture was so sweet that Lily thought her heart might explode from her chest. It was then that the enormity and the reasoning behind his earlier outburst and refusal to go to a hospital came to her.

  “Yep, it must have taken everything for him to come here today,” Mama Dee said. “And I know he didn’t do it for me. He did it for you. Now go now, chile’. I got some resting up to do so that I can dance at your wedding.” She let out a sigh. “I also got to get my strength up for that dang Ruby and Gene. If they don’t work a nerve.”

  Chapter 25

  Poor Tori was running around like a chicken with two heads after they’d been cut off. “Hey, it’s okay,” Lily told her, stilling her with a hand on her forearm. “You’ve done all you can and the day will be wonderful. Now go, and I’ll meet you at Canela.”

  Lily looked at herself in the full-length mirror one last time and prayed she wasn’t lying. She had no idea how the day would go. Thankfully Mama Dee, true to her fighting spirit, was well on the mend and could attend the ceremony. Lily had offered to cancel the whole thing, and part of her was maybe looking for the out, but Mama Dee said absolutely no way. She was looking forward to seeing her do this amazing thing and nothing would stop it from happening. She was currently going around town telling the story that St. Peter had called her but she said, Sorry you gonna have to call back. I’ve got a granddaughter to see married.