Touch Me Not

by Apryl Baker

“No,” he snarled. “Little fucker refused. He knows he’ll lose.”

  Nikoli laughed and then joined Luther on the couch. He cracked open his beer and took a long draw from the bottle. Ah, he’d needed that.

  “So,” Luther drawled. “How did your…date…go?”

  “We talked.”

  “Talked?” Luther’s eyebrows shot up. “Just…talked?”

  “Do people really call me the manwhore of BU?” he asked instead of answering.

  Luther laughed. “You hadn’t heard that before?”

  Nikoli shook his head. “No, it was a little disconcerting. I am not a whore. I don’t sleep with every single woman I meet. I enjoy sex, and I won’t apologize for that, but I am not near as bad as Lily said.”

  “Well, you do have a reputation, Nik, that’s spread like wildfire through the female population. It’s made you into a bit of a celebrity.”

  “Don’t sugarcoat it.” Nikoli took another swig of his beer.

  “I’m not.” Luther shook his head. “You’re an icon, man. Every woman on campus wants to mark you off her bucket list.”

  “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better,” Nikoli muttered.

  “So what are we gonna do since you struck out with Lily?” Luther asked, his face deceptively blank. “Wanna head over to T’s Pub? I think everyone else is either over at Jillian’s or The White Horse.”

  Nikoli’s eyes narrowed. Why was Luther suggesting they stay away from everyone?

  “I mean, it’s obvious you had an epic failure with Lily,” Luther continued. “I’m sure you don’t want to listen to every guy we know go on and on and on about it…”

  “Not a problem.” Nikoli stared pointedly at Luther. “If that were to happen with any guy we know, I’d beat him to within an inch of his life.”

  The grin slid from Luther’s face, and he beat a hasty retreat to the fridge for more beers. “At least you’re giving up on Lily and…”

  “Who said I was giving up on Lily?” Nikoli savored the jaw drop currently on Luther’s face.

  “But…but…you came home alone!” Luther stammered, slamming the fridge door.

  “Yeah, so?”

  Luther snapped his mouth shut and glared. “You can’t do this, man. She’s not a girl you fuck with. She’s too nice. I swear to God, you hurt her, me and you, we’ll have a problem.”

  Nikoli’s eyebrows shot up. He’d heard Luther talk about Lily before. She’d helped him out in one of his English classes he’d been failing. Nik had no idea Luther was this protective of her, though.

  “Calm the fuck down and stop acting like an outraged woman. You look like your sister when you do that.” Nikoli chuckled when Luther’s glare got hotter. He loved riling him up sometimes. “You got it wrong. Lily and I came to a mutual agreement.”

  “What kind of agreement?” Luther asked suspiciously.

  “She’s in love with Boy Wonder,” Nik told him, disgusted. “He’s marrying the blonde. I promised to help her win over Boy Wonder if she agreed I could try to seduce her.”

  “And she agreed to that stupidity?” Luther barked.

  “Not yet,” Nikoli admitted. “I took her home and told her to think about it. If she stands a chance of stealing Boy Wonder, she has to get over her fears, and I can I help her with that. Deep down, she knows she needs help, and she’ll agree.”

  “Fears?” Luther asked, curious.

  Nik debated with how much he should tell Luther, but Lily would be spending a lot of time here as well as his other apartment. Luther needed to know her boundaries if she was ever going to be comfortable around him.

  “Lily has a phobia,” he said at last. “I’m only telling you because you need to know so you don’t do something to send her running. If she finds out I told you, she’ll beat me bloody.”

  “Now I really am curious.” Luther tossed Nik a bottle of water as he sat down. “What? We’re out of beer. Water won’t kill you.”

  Nikoli grunted. Truth was neither he nor Luther were big drinkers. They could drink with the best of them, but they both agreed after the epic car crash of 2008, they’d keep their drinking to a manageable level. They’d gone out drinking with a buddy, and on the way home, they’d crashed the car. Their friend, who’d been driving, died. After that, both Nikoli and Luther refused to drink and drive.

  “She doesn’t like to be touched,” Nikoli said. “That’s where my biggest problem is. If I can’t touch her, I stand zero chance of getting her in my bed. If she can’t learn to tolerate someone touching her, she stands zero chance of stealing Boy Wonder, who is a touchy-feely person.”

  “Well, damn.” Luther whistled, his expression thoughtful. “That explains a lot. So what kind of agreement did you two come to?”

  “I’m willing to help her get past her phobia and make Boy Wonder jealous if she agrees to my price.”

  “And what price is that?” Luther was back to being suspicious.

  “I get the chance to seduce her, and she gets Boy Wonder.” Nikoli swallowed the rest of his beer and then broke open the water. “It’s a win-win.”

  “Until you break her heart,” Luther growled. “Lily’s not…”

  “Dammit, Luther, shut the hell up!” Nikoli exploded. “I’m tired of hearing everyone warn me off. She’s just a chick!”

  Luther’s mouth worked furiously, before he snapped it shut. A slow grin spread across his face, and Nikoli’s frown deepened.

  “I take it back,” Luther said. “I think this is the best damn idea you’ve ever had.”

  Something was definitely up; Nikoli just wasn’t sure what. “Why are you grinning like an idiot?”

  “Because you are never going to see it until it’s too late,” Luther said. “Lily is the best thing that’ll ever happen to you, but by the time you figure it out, she’ll be gone.”

  “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Nikoli denied, even though he knew Luther was probably right. Lily Holmes terrified him.

  “We’ll see.” Luther grinned. “Come on, let’s get out of here. The White Horse or T’s?”

  “T’s,” Nikoli told him. “I’m not in the mood for trendy. I need a bar tonight.”

  Luther didn’t say a word. He just held the door open and grinned like the idiot Nikoli labeled him. Nik grumbled and headed out. Tonight he needed some stiff whiskey. Lily Holmes wasn’t even his yet, and she was already driving him to drink. Just what the hell had he gotten himself into?

  ***

  The phone buzzed again, and Lily sighed. She knew without looking it was Adam. He’d been blowing up her cell since she left the restaurant. He was worried. She got it, but at the same time, he didn’t have the right to make her feel like second best to anyone. It may not have been his intention, but that’s how she ended up feeling. That’s how she always felt around Adam.

  It came back to her aversion to being touched. Adam looked out for her, protected her. He saw her as a pseudo little sister. Never once in the entire time they’d known each other had he ever looked at her the way he looked at any of his girlfriends. Even before her aversion started. She was always just Lily to him.

  Frustrated, she threw a throw pillow at the wall. Nikoli was right about one thing. Adam was a touchy-feely person, and he needed that intimate contact. Her hands started to shake just thinking about letting Adam stroke her hand like he had Sue’s, and she cursed herself six ways to Sunday. Why couldn’t she get past her stupid phobia?

  Someone started pounding on her door, and she closed her eyes in frustration. It was only the first day. What kind of trouble could the girls have gotten themselves into already? Grumbling, she dragged herself to the door, surprised when she saw Adam on the other side. He looked relieved to see her.

  “What are you doing here, Adam?” Lily asked, resigned to a potential fight.

  “I just need to make sure you were…that you didn’t…are you okay?”

  Lily quirked a brow. “That I didn’t what? Sleep with Nikoli? You
know me better than that, Adam.”

  He let out a breath she didn’t realize he’d been holding. Maybe Nikoli wasn’t entirely wrong about how Adam felt. Could there be hope? One way to find out.

  “Not that it would have been any of your business if I had,” she said. “Why do you even care who I sleep with?”

  “Can I come in?” he asked, his eyes a little pained. “I don’t really want to talk about this standing here where half the hall is listening.”

  Lily peeked around him and saw that several of the doors had opened and people were listening. Damn nosy freshmen. She stepped back and let him in, closing the door. He collapsed on her bed and stared at the ceiling for a minute. She leaned against the door and waited.

  He rolled to face her. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” She narrowed her eyes. “For insulting me? For following me to Joe’s? For acting like a complete asshole? For embarrassing me in front of Nikoli? For making me feel worthless? What exactly are you sorry for, Adam?”

  He had the good grace to wince. “All that,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel worthless, Lily, or insinuate that you weren’t good enough for Nikoli. I swear to God, that’s not what I meant.”

  She continued to glare, and he flushed. “Look, Lily, it’s just that Nikoli is more experienced, he’s…well, he’s…”

  “A manwhore?” Lily supplied. “I know that, Adam. No one has to tell me who he is. I know who he is and his opinion of women.”

  “Then why the hell would you go out with him?” Adam shouted, his blue eyes starting to burn with his own anger.

  “Because I wanted to!” Lily shouted right back.

  “You really have lost your damn mind!” Adam growled, sitting up. “He will eat you alive, Lily.”

  “Again, none of your business!”

  “Yes, it is my business!” Adam stood and stalked over to stand barely inches from her. “You’re my business.”

  “Adam, like I said at Joe’s, I’m not your sister, and I’m certainly not your girlfriend. You can’t tell me what to do, who to do it with, or where I can do it! If I want to screw the entire football team in the locker room, I can, and it still won’t be any of your business!”

  His eyes glowed with fury. She could read it in every muscle in his body. His fist landed against the wall beside her head. She’d never seen him this mad. Nikoli was right about one thing. Adam was jealous.

  “Lily Isabella Holmes.” His eyes softened. “You have been my business since you beat the shit out of Jimmy Carson in fourth grade when he tried to take my lunch. You’re my best friend, and I’ll be damned if I sit and watch you fall victim to Nikoli Kincaid. You’re better than that. You deserve to be treated like something more than a piece of ass.”

  “Nikoli has been very upfront and honest with me.” Panic started to creep in as Adam moved closer, blocking her in. “He never promised me forever, only a good time. If I do anything, I will go into it with my eyes wide open. I’m not stupid, Adam.”

  His hand came up and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She flinched and whimpered. The small touch made her start to shake. She couldn’t bear it, and Adam knew it. He laughed. “I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that, anyway, Lils.”

  “Really?” she asked, her fear turning to anger. “Why’s that, Adam? Explain it to me.”

  “You won’t let him touch you, Lily.” The anger bled out of his eyes. “You and I both know it.”

  “Bastard,” she whispered, tears welling up despite her attempt to keep them back. “Get the hell out!”

  His face blanched, realizing what he’d said. “Oh, God, Lily, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it…I’m so sorry…”

  “Get. Out.”

  He moved away from her, and she yanked the door open. “Get out!”

  “No!” he yelled. “I didn’t mean it. Please, Lily, I didn’t mean it!”

  She could hear the doors opening down the hall, and she closed her eyes, mortified. “Adam, I can’t talk to you right now. I need you to leave. Please.”

  “Not until you forgive me.” He pulled the door from her and shut it. “I can’t leave until you forgive me, Lily, please. I’m sorry. I swear to you, I didn’t mean it. I would never try to use that to hurt you.”

  “Adam, I’m going to ask you one more time to leave, then I’m calling Mikey to come haul you out. I can’t, not right now. Please, just leave me the hell alone.”

  “Lily…”

  “No,” she cut him off. “I want you to leave. Go find your perfect little girlfriend who can stand for you to touch her.”

  “Shit, Lily…”

  “Shut up!” she shouted. “You have no right, none! Now. Get. The. Hell. Out!”

  She opened the door. His whole body slumped, defeated. “I’ll leave, but this isn’t over, Lily. I’m not about to lose my best friend because I can’t control my own stupid mouth.”

  “I already lost you a long time ago, Adam,” she said softly. He frowned, confused. “Please, just leave.”

  Finally, he walked out of her room, and she slammed the door, sliding down until she sat against it. Her whole body shook from the pain of what just happened. How dare he throw that in her face? She felt worse than worthless; Adam had used her phobia to demoralize her. It hurt. Tears burned wet tracks down her cheeks.

  Lily was tired of being afraid, tired of feeling like she was worthless, broken, and not worthy of the great Adam Roberts. She was tired of being a self-imposed victim. She deserved better, dammit. Adam was right about that. She’d be damned if she sat here and let her own fear hold her back anymore. She would never let anyone make her feel like this again.

  Reaching for her phone, she found Nik’s number. He picked it up on the second ring.

  “Lily Bells?”

  “Okay, Kincaid, you’ve got a deal.”

  Chapter Nine

  “What’s wrong?” Nik sat up in his chair and pushed the blonde off his lap. Lily sounded like she was crying. “What happened?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she whispered, her voice a little broken. “Do you want the deal or not?”

  “Hell, yes, I want the deal,” he said. Why was she crying?

  “Call me tomorrow and we’ll set up the details.” Click.

  Nik pulled the phone from his ear and stared down at it, shocked. She’d hung up on him. No one ever hung up on him. Why the fuck was she crying? The blonde tried to crawl back in his lap, and he stood up. “Luther!”

  Luther emerged from the direction of the pool tables. “Yeah?”

  “Find your own way home,” he told him. “I need to go take care of something.”

  Luther nodded and wandered back the way he’d come. Nik waved his waitress over and paid his bill, tipping the girl a fifty. She’d been a good server, actually doing her job instead of flirting. Plus he knew she had three kids at home she was supporting off her tips. He’d overheard her discussing it with one of the other waitresses last year. Since then, he always tried to tip her well when she was his waitress. She appreciated it, and he got great service.

  “We’re leaving already?” the blonde asked, her eyes lighting up.

  “I’m leaving. You can do whatever you want.” With that, he grabbed his keys and walked out of the bar, the blonde glaring at his retreating back. He couldn’t get Lily’s voice out of his head. She’d sounded devastated. He was thrilled she’d agreed, but the thought of this making her cry unsettled him.

  It only took him about twenty minutes to get to her dorm. He nodded to Jamie, the security officer, as he strolled in. “Jamie, how’s it going?”

  “Not too bad,” the young guard said with a yawn. “I just got here, so I’ll let you know in a few hours.”

  “I’m supposed to meet Lily Holmes, but I forgot what floor she said she’s on,” he continued, not missing the look Jamie gave him. “She called earlier and left a voicemail.”

  “Lily called you?” Jamie asked suspiciously.

  Nikoli sighe
d and pulled out his phone, showing Jamie the last call with Lily’s name on it. “What room?”

  Jamie’s green eyes narrowed further, and his red hair only served to make his face look redder when he glared at Nik. “She’s in room 432, but I swear if you upset her, I won’t let you back in this dorm for any reason.”

  Nikoli frowned. He was getting tired of the threats. “Trust me.” He forced himself to curb his irritation. “The last thing I want is to hurt her. She’s upset, and I just need to check on her.” With that, he boarded an elevator and tapped his foot impatiently as he rode up to the fourth floor. When he stepped off the elevator, two freshmen stared at him, but he ignored them as he started searching room numbers.

  Lily’s door was dead center of the hall, and as he was about to knock, he heard something. Listening, he realized she was crying, and it made his gut wrench. Not letting himself think about why it bothered him, he knocked. He heard shuffling, and then the door opened. Her face was a puffy red mess. “You don’t cry well,” was the first thing out of his mouth. She tried to slam the door in his face, but he caught it and pushed his way in, closing the door behind him.

  “I said we’d meet tomorrow.”

  “Milaya, what happened?” he asked softly. “Why are you crying?”

  She just stared at him, tears leaking out of her big blue eyes, and it nearly did him in. It was a feeling he’d never experienced, and it unsettled him. He reached out to touch her, and she shrank away from him, her whole body trembling. He could see the fear in her eyes. This was the first time he’d ever really wanted to comfort someone, to help them, and he couldn’t. Her phobia prevented him from even trying to soothe her. Frustration burned inside, both at himself for wanting to comfort her, and his inability to do just that.

  “If our arrangement is upsetting you this much, Lily, we won’t do it.” Nikoli couldn’t believe the words escaped his lips, but he wouldn’t be the cause of this. People were right in that Lily was special, and maybe that was why he was determined to have her, but he would never delibrately do anything to cause her this much pain.

  She shook her head. “No…no, this isn’t your fault. Adam…”