Touch Me Not

by Apryl Baker

  “Why are you on there?” she countered.

  “My brother introduced me to it,” he answered. “I was visiting him and saw it up on his laptop. Asked him what it was, and when he explained it, I was a goner. Perfect game for me.”

  “It’s about more than just sex,” she told him. And it was. It wasn’t why she was there, not really. She loved the friends she’d made, and her business thrived because she treated her customers like family and helped them out when they needed helping. Lots of other gem merchants didn’t do credit. She did.

  “Yes, Lily, it is,” Nikoli agreed. “Now, tell me how you found it?”

  He made it a question, and she smiled. He always knew when to switch tactics on her. She was well aware of when he did it, but she didn’t mind. She’d rather answer questions than commands any day of the week.

  “Well, Mike was the first one to find it. I never asked how he found it, mind you. He got Adam into playing it, and they both decided it might be good for me.”

  “Good for you?”

  Lily took another bite of her fish while she thought about the best way to answer him. It all had to do with her fears and those two trying to find ways of helping her. She loved them for it, and in truth, she’d discovered a place where she could be herself without fear of anyone or her own fears taking over. She felt safe there, to be herself. As safe as she felt with Nikoli.

  “Mike and Adam thought it would help me,” she said finally. “Adam thought if I could get used to being intimate with someone online in a virtual setting where I couldn’t get scared, it might help me be able to deal with my fears in the real world. I was so embarrassed.” She laughed, remembering that conversation. “It wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with him. Virtual sex.” She shook her head, grinning.

  “Did it help at all?” Nikoli asked, curiously.

  She thought for a minute before answering. “Yeah, it did. Not with the physical aspect of my phobia, but with my own bashfulness and self-esteem. It was a place where I could be myself, be the person I hide from everyone else. No one cares in there how messed up I am in the real world, they only care about the little pixel person in front of them. It helped me learn to be myself in the real world.”

  Nikoli stared at the woman staring at him and took a deep breath. Her honesty always shocked him. It was something he valued, though. Most women, while not dishonest, tended to stretch or avoid the truth. It was one of the reasons he never bothered to get to know many of them. Oh, he had a few friends who were girls, but only a few, and he never talked to them for hours like he did Lily Bells.

  “So, did you ever have virtual sex?” he asked, the devil in him wanting to make her blush.

  “That’s really none of your business,” she replied, picking at her food, the blush blooming on her cheeks.

  “Come on, Milaya,” he wheedled. “You can tell me. It is VSL after all.” He watched her duck her head, and he smiled in response. She was nervous. The one thing she didn’t need to be with him.

  “Really, Mr. Kincaid, it’s none of your business.”

  “Oh, but I beg to differ, Miss Holmes,” he said, his voice soft. “You are my business, and now that I know you’re on VSL, you’ll be my business there too.”

  “Well, no, I don’t think so,” she replied, finally looking up, and his breath caught at the devilment in her blue eyes. They were shining with laughter. “I may already be someone else’s business on there.”

  Anger and jealousy swelled up within him. The thought of her being with anyone else, even some virtual boyfriend she’d never meet, had him seeing red. She was his. In the real world or in the virtual world.

  “Do you have a boyfriend on there, Milaya?” His voice came out whisper soft, but the steel in it was impossible to mistake, and Lily’s eyes flared in response. When she didn’t answer, he let out a low growl. “Answer the damn question, Lily.”

  “No,” she said. “I haven’t had a boyfriend on there for months. The guys on that game are bloody cheating bastards.”

  Relief swept through him at those words. She would have broken up with the guy if she’d had one. “Well, it is a sex game, Milaya. They are there for one reason, and one reason only. If you aren’t giving them what they want, they move on.”

  “I don’t do voice or video,” she said. “I think that is part of it.”

  He nodded. He’d never thought of that, but then again, his same rule applied online as much as it did in real life. He never dated girls online either. He had lots of friends on there, but the girls he had sex with in-game stayed off his friends list.

  “You shouldn’t,” he said. “They aren’t just cheaters, Lily. Some of them are downright stalkers.”

  “Creepers.” She smiled. “That’s what I call them. The ones who creep me out.”

  He shook his head. Leave it to Lily to come up with a cute name for the weirdos who liked to stalk girls online. “Now, next question. I’m assuming you’ve had virtual sex on there?”

  “Yes.” The one word sounded low and almost torn from her. She was so embarrassed, and it was adorable.

  “How long have you been a member?” he asked.

  “Since our sophomore year.”

  He sat back and stared. Two years on a sex game. She wasn’t as innocent as he’d thought at first. Then again, virtual sex wasn’t the same. “Do you touch yourself, Lily? When you’re in the moment, do you touch yourself for them?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’ve never felt the need to do that with anyone. I just lie and say I do.”

  Again her honesty shocked him. So she’d been playing this game for two years and never so much as stroked herself? He shook his head this time. Time for his girl to understand the beauty of being touched. She’d been depriving herself for far too long.

  “Well, Lily Bells, that is all about to change,” he said, the grin on his face causing her eyes to widen. She knew him well. She knew he was up to something. “I have something planned for you.”

  “Look, you have a reputation to uphold on VSL.” Nerves made her voice crack just a bit. “Won’t chasing me there ruin that rep?”

  “Have I ever cared what anyone thought of me, Lily? Why would it be any different there than here? Besides, you don’t need to worry about that right now. I have other plans for you tonight.”

  She let out a low strangled sound, like that of a trapped animal, and his grin widened. The waiter came, and he said no, they’d be skipping dessert. He asked for the check and just watched her.

  Lily fidgeted in her seat. What was he up to? What plans? The look in his eyes made her want to run and never look back, but at the same time, she wanted to lean forward and demand to know what he was going to do to her. She waited while he paid the bill, then collected her purse and let him usher her out to the car.

  He never said a word while he drove, didn’t even look at her, and it made Lily that much more nervous. What was he going to do? He’d been watching her for days, his eyes broody and heavy. She knew he wanted her badly. The truth was she wanted him just as much, but she wasn’t going to give in. She wanted that car. Then again, it might be moot. If he touched her like that, she might end up screaming her head off, her body’s instinctive learned fear taking over. She hoped to God she wouldn’t, but she simply didn’t know.

  They drove to the apartment complex she’d only been to once before. The penthouse. Her breath came out in a low, ragged sound when she realized where they were. There was no one to interrupt them here. No Luther or Mike or Adam. No residents knocking on her door. No one. She would be all alone with Nikoli Kincaid.

  Oh, damn.

  He parked and then got out to open her door. She took his hand and let him help her from the car before following him to the elevator that led to the penthouse apartment. The ride up was quiet, and when the bell chimed their arrival, she jumped. Nikoli only smiled and led her out of the elevator and into the apartment. Her eyebrows shot up. New furniture decorated the main room, and she saw
he’d even gotten a new kitchen table. He’d kept his word. A small smile flirted with her lips.

  “Do the furnishings meet your approval?” he asked, his voice almost formal.

  She nodded, not trusting her voice yet. The furniture was modern and done in softer tones than he’d had before. It was as if he’d shopped with her in mind, which was ridiculous. He wouldn’t decorate this place just for her.

  “Have a seat, and I’ll get us something to drink.” He motioned toward the couch, much as he had the first time he’d brought her here. She didn’t see another option, so she took a seat, tugging her dress as far down as it would go, which wasn’t saying much. She felt exposed, naked in this skimpy little black dress.

  “Take your shoes off,” he said, his voice casual, and Lily glanced up to see him surveying the contents of the fridge. She frowned, but unbuckled the strappy heels. Her feet were killing her. It’d been a while since she’d worn six inch heels.

  Nikoli came over and dropped down on the other end, handing her a bottle of water. Lily took it and massaged her aching feet with the other hand. Nikoli brushed her hand away and pulled her feet into his lap. His fingers began to massage the bottom of first one foot and then the other, working out the tense muscles. He didn’t say anything while he did this, and Lily watched him. He hummed to himself, and she grinned. She didn’t think he even realized he was humming. He did it sometimes when he was very relaxed. Lily loved to watch him at times like these, when he was peaceful and carefree.

  His smile was soft, and his black eyes glowed with contentment. His humming calmed her rising panic, and she slumped back against the couch cushion, a low moan of pleasure slipping out of her lips. This was nice, and she loved it when he was sweet like this. She was starting to love a lot of things about him, and it worried her. Nikoli didn’t do girlfriends. Sure, for the sake of the bet, he’d called her his girlfriend earlier, but she knew he didn’t really think like that. He may be helping her, but he had his own reasons for it. She had to remind herself of that. Daily. Hourly, really.

  The problem was, that little reminder stopped working weeks ago, and she wasn’t sure how to stop herself from falling for the manwhore. She admitted she may have already fallen for him and was just too stubborn to admit it. Either way, she was in deep trouble. Her heart was bound to suffer an epic heartbreak by the end of all this. Of that, she was certain.

  Nikoli watched her from underneath his lashes. Her face was pensive. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking about, but her body was completely relaxed. It was exactly what he needed her to be. His fingers worked their way around to the top of her feet and up her ankles, slowly massaging the muscles. She was so relaxed she wasn’t even paying attention to his wandering fingers, and he smiled as he moved higher to her calves. He kneaded the muscles and chuckled at her little sigh of pleasure.

  He made it all the way to her knees before she realized what was going on. She bolted upright and stared at him, her eyes a little wild. He simply stared back for a moment, and then continued his gentle massage around the back side of her knees and then up to her thighs. He slowed his pace, but increased the pressure of his fingers, soothing and kneading away the tension. She let out a little moan, but still he didn’t look up.

  Her hand grabbed his when he got to her upper thighs, right below her hemline of her dress. She tugged, and he refused to stop. When he looked up, her eyes were overflowing with several emotions. He could see fear and panic, but there was also curiosity and lust. He needed her to focus on the latter two.

  “Lily, I am going to take your dress off.”

  “No.”

  He did look up then, his eyes stern. “Yes, Milaya. You need to learn to feel my hands on your bare flesh. It’s time to push you just a bit further. You know I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “I…I…Nikoli…”

  “Shh, Milaya,” he crooned. “You are fine. You can do this. I know you can. Do you trust me?” He reached his hand out to her and waited. She looked at it like it was the hand of the devil, but he didn’t grow impatient. He simply waited for her to decide she was going to trust him.

  It took her a good five minutes, but she finally whispered, “Yes.”

  She put her hand in his and he sat up, pulling her toward him. She landed in his lap, her legs straddling his own. Her blue eyes were so dark they were almost black. He saw her fear and forced himself to stay calm, to go slowly with her.

  “Easy,” he murmured, placing his hands on her thighs, where the bottom of her dress had bunched up higher. She gasped and put her hands on top of his to stop him, and he let her, knowing she needed to feel more in control.

  She looked into his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. “I don’t know if I can do this, Nikoli. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  “How can you know, though, if you don’t try, Lily?”

  Her gaze swept down to where her hands lay on top of his. He could feel the tremor in them. He understood she was scared, maybe even terrified, but that was the point of all this. She needed to stop being afraid, and that wouldn’t happen if she refused to push herself.

  It took every ounce of strength she had for Lily not to jump up, run into the other room, and huddle in the corner, screaming. Her panic was so severe, she felt her throat closing up on her and she started to shake. Just the thought of what Nikoli was going to do terrified her. Right now panic was all she felt.

  “Look at me, Lily.”

  Lily pulled her head up and met Nikoli’s gaze. His face was only a few inches from hers. His black eyes were calm, warm. She gave him a hesitant smile, doing her best to make herself relax.

  “Have I ever hurt you?” he asked softly.

  “No.”

  “Do you think I ever would?”

  “No.”

  “Then stop thinking so hard,” he said, a small laugh escaping. “Just look at me and breathe, Milaya, just breathe.”

  Lily did what he asked her to do. She thought about the last two months, about all the time she’d spent with him. She thought about the way he made her feel when he kissed her, when he made her laugh, when he held her, and how safe she felt. The more she thought about him, the more her body relaxed and the more her mind began to panic. Looking into his patient, dark eyes, Lily realized a hard truth she’d been hiding from.

  She loved him.

  Not just loved him. She was in love with him.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice concerned. “You just tensed back up, Milaya. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Wrong? Everything was wrong. Her panic shifted from his touching her legs to touching her heart. She felt like her entire world had just bottomed out. How had this happened? When had this happened? She couldn’t be in love with Nikoli Kincaid.

  “Easy, baby, everything is okay. Just take slow, deep breaths and calm down.”

  Calm down? How was she supposed to calm down when she was in love with the manwhore? Dear God, how did she let herself fall for him? She knew better. Sure, he might have called her his girlfriend for the sake of the bet, but he didn’t want one. He was helping her get over her fears, yes, but he had an ulterior motive. He wanted in her panties. Simple as that. He didn’t love her. She couldn’t ever let him know how she felt.

  “Lily?”

  “Give me a minute,” she told him, her voice a little sharper than she’d meant for it to be.

  “I got all night, Lily Bells. You take as much time as you need.”

  Damn him. Why couldn’t he still be the manwhore to her? Why did he have to be sweet, and kind, and considerate?

  He started rubbing his fingers back and forth over her thighs, and she closed her eyes. The panic tried to come back, but her fear of his breaking her heart drowned that out enough for the sensations of his fingers to break through, and it felt…good. Oh hell, it felt really good. She was in so much trouble.

  “Do you have to do that?” she asked, trying once again to pull his hands up.

  “Yes, I do,” he s
aid, the laughter evident in his tone. “Besides, you like this.”

  His hands slid higher, slipping under the hemline of her skirt and pushing it farther up, his fingers continuing to massage the flesh he exposed. Holy hell. It was all she could do to stop a moan from slipping past her lips. She wanted to squeeze her thighs together to relieve the pressure that was starting to build.

  “Easy, baby,” he murmured. “I got you. It’s okay. You’re safe with me.”

  Lily did moan when his wandering fingers traveled up, her dress inching up her hips. Her hands fell away as he caressed her hips, moved around to cup her ass, and squeezed gently. She felt every caress travel from his fingers in a little path of lightning all the way to her core. She did squeeze her legs together then, and he let out another low chuckle that sent a shiver through her.

  His hand drifted up her back to where the zipper rested. She felt him tug on it, heard it as he slowly pulled it down, felt the cool air against her back as it was exposed. He laid his hand flat against her back and looked up, his eyes meeting hers.

  “We need to set a safe word for you, Lily, something you’ll be able to remember no matter what happens here. Think, baby, what word will you remember?”

  The first word that came to mind was Laney, but that didn’t seem appropriate. They had both loved one thing, and it was something she was sure she could remember.