Alec's Dream

by Riley Edwards

  “The kids—”

  “If you don’t think Caleb hasn’t already cottoned on to who his father is, you’d be wrong,” Jonny told her.

  Macy sagged in Alec's arms and he felt that knife as it plunged through her heart. She thought she’d been shielding her son.

  “I’ll talk to you later, Jonny,” Alec told his friend and turned himself and Macy toward the house.

  Alec knew all the fight had drained out of Macy when she woodenly allowed him to lead her into the house. He closed and locked the door and moved them to the couch.

  She sat, gave a sad shake of her head, and stared across the room not looking at him.

  Fucking shit.

  Now what was he supposed to do?

  7

  “You should get some ice on your knuckles.”

  That was what Alec said, cutting through my major freak out.

  It happened, I finally lost my shit and did it in front of perfect, father-of-the-year Alec. Could my life get any worse?

  Yes, yes, it could. When Doug told the kids I hit him, it would be worse. Way fucking worse. Monumentally worse when they looked at me with disappointment and disgust. Everything I’d been trying so hard to teach them about being kind—no matter what—was all for naught. And Caleb, he was at an age where he’d understand the hypocrisy. Rory would just be confused.

  God, I was so stupid.

  “Macy?”

  “I can’t believe I did that,” I whispered.

  “Did what?”

  Did what? Was he crazy?

  “I hit him.”

  “You did. By my count, you got in five solid hits before the dickhead even registered what was going on. The only reason I pulled you off when I did was because you’d lost the element of surprise and I didn’t want to find myself in lockup for the night if he was stupid enough to try to hit you back.”

  No, Alec wasn’t crazy, he was certifiable.

  “Are you nuts? He’s gonna tell my kids.” Alec didn’t say anything so I continued to explain. “Just the other day I was telling Aurora to be nice to the class bully because being kind is always the better option. Then I had to explain to Caleb why it wasn’t his job to teach Larry or his brother a lesson for being jerks. Now they’re both gonna know I’m a hypocrite and a liar. And believe me, Doug’s gonna eat that up.”

  “Right, I see what Jonny told you didn’t penetrate, so let me tell you again. Your son is far from stupid, he knows who his father is.”

  “That doesn’t—”

  “That means Caleb’s gonna wonder what pushed his sweet, kind mother to resort to physical violence. And just to add, babe, it is Caleb’s job to teach the class bully that his sister is off-limits. It is always the job of the stronger to protect the weak.”

  “My daughter is not weak,” I seethed.

  “No, I suspect she is not, but in that scenario, Caleb’s the big brother—older and stronger—therefore, it is his place. And if he doesn’t do it that means this Larry kid keeps picking on his sister until it festers. Leaving Aurora with two options, explode and protect herself or learn to eat shit. And that is not a lesson you want your daughter to learn.”

  There you had it, parenting advice from the perfect father. Nothing like a kick to the chin when you’re already down and out.

  “Is that what you think I’m teaching her, to eat shit?”

  “Yes.”

  Resolute.

  Firm.

  No holding back.

  Shit, that hurt. Not my pride, somewhere deeper.

  “Right,” I nodded. “Because I’m weak.”

  “No, because you’re trying to be a good mom seeing as your children only have one good parent. You’re trying to protect them, but while you’re doing that, you’re telling them it is okay for a man to treat their mother like shit.”

  The spike he’d pierced my heart with drove straight through and I sucked in a breath trying to hide how bad his observation killed.

  “Right,” I hated that my voice wobbled.

  I hated that I was still screwing up my kids.

  I hated that Alec knew I was a bad mom.

  “Ask me how I know.”

  “Know what?” I inquired even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear anything else Alec had to say.

  “How I know that’s what you’re doing.”

  “I don’t think I want to know,” I whispered and before he could cover it, I could’ve sworn I saw disappointment.

  Oh, well, so be it. There was already enough for him to be disappointed about.

  He’d had a front-row seat to my lunacy.

  “I need to go pick up my kids,” I told him in an effort to get rid of him.

  The show was over. Doug was gone thanks to him and Jonny. And I still had a whole week to spend with my kids before they knew the kind of woman their mother was and I didn’t want to waste a minute of it.

  And maybe if I was lucky, Alec would keep this latest incident to himself and not call my boss to tell her that I was batshit crazy, which meant she may reconsider me running her daycare, putting me in serious jeopardy of not being able to feed my kids.

  “I want you and your kids to come to Jocelyn’s birthday party. My house, tomorrow at noon.”

  Yep, Alec was certifiable all right.

  And that would be a hell to the no. I didn’t want to spend any more time than necessary with Alec. Doing so would provide him further opportunity to impart his parenting wisdom and I’d had more than enough of that.

  No, just no.

  “I appreciate the invitation but we have plans tomorrow.”

  Alec stared at me, probably trying to figure out the veracity of my statement. And by the look on his face, he knew I was lying.

  Of course he would. Jocelyn was only a year old and he already had the father-truth-radar perfectly honed in.

  “I’ve never lied to you, Macy. And as far as I can tell you’ve never lied to me either. Don’t start now.”

  Criminy, that was annoying.

  If he wanted the truth, I’d tell him.

  “Fine, Alec, the truth is, I don’t want to go to Jocelyn’s party. And please don’t take that the wrong way. I adore Joss. I love seeing her every day.”

  “Right. You adore my daughter, it’s just her dad you don’t like.”

  “I like you just fine.”

  “Are you back to lying?”

  Was he for real? In all my life, I’d never met anyone, man or woman, who was blunt to the point of rude.

  “Are you being serious?”

  “Very.”

  “Okay…well…honestly…” Yeah, I had nothing to say so I was stammering trying to come up with words.

  “Come to Joss’s party,” he pushed.

  “No way. I think I’ve had enough of your truth bombs.”

  “Truth bombs?”

  “Yeah, you know, when you just blurt out the truth about my shitty parenting without a care if what you’re saying is gonna hurt my feelings.”

  Oh boy, that was the wrong thing to say. Fire was sparking in his eyes again and this time it was arcing in my direction.

  “Jesus, Macy. I never said you were a shitty parent.”

  “No? So I’m just a mother who teaches her kids to eat shit.”

  Alec’s jaw clenched, and through the clench he ground out words that once again hurt.

  “Fucking hell. I see you’re used to the men in your life being lying sacks of shit. A dose of honesty has you twisting shit in your head that’s turned me into the bad guy. I didn’t say you were a bad mom. As a matter of fact, I said you were the only good parent your kids have. But the fact remains—if you continue to be your ex-fucktard’s punching bag, you’ll teach them that it is okay for a man to treat a woman like dirt. You’re teaching Rory that it’s okay for a man to shit all over her and she should take it—with a smile. And you’re teaching your son to be that man. The kind of man that would harm a good woman. You are the only example they have. You, Macy. And if you can�
�t handle that truth bomb, I don’t know what the fuck to tell you.”

  With that, Alec turned on his heel and headed for the door. Okay, so he didn’t turn on his heel—he stomped to the door, opened it, then slammed it shut, leaving me in my living room broken.

  Shattered.

  I wanted to live in denial.

  I wanted to shut his words out and pretend I hadn’t heard them. But now that I had, they kept playing over and over.

  What the hell had I done? I would be murderous if Rory was with a man that treated her like Doug treated me. And my sweet, little man Caleb. I would die a thousand deaths if he grew up thinking he could treat his wife like Doug had treated me.

  When had I turned into such a failure?

  “What happened to your knuckles?” my dad asked the second we were alone in the kitchen.

  I’d gone to my parents’ house to pick up the kids and I knew my dad had spotted my swollen knuckles as soon as I walked in the front door. But he was a good dad, a good man; he’d never ask in front of my kids. He’d find a quiet moment to ask, which he had now and I needed to fess up.

  “Doug showed up at eleven just like he said he would.”

  No sooner had the words left my mouth, my father’s body went tight.

  It must be noted my dad hated Doug only a smidgen less than I did. He begged me not to marry Doug. Pleaded with me, actually. Then he even tried to forbid me, but I was an adult and there wasn’t anything he could do to stop me. Once he figured out I was hell-bent on ruining my life, he made sure to stick close. He stopped telling me not to marry Doug and instead was my champion. He listened to me cry. He listened to me rage. And he stood by me until the bitter end, hating every second.

  I’d put my family through hell. I was a good girl. Always was. Got good grades, worked hard, never gave them any lip, I simply loved the wrong man.

  And that love was blinding.

  “Did he—”

  “No!”

  I took a deep breath and launched into what happened. I started with Alec at Little Lights hearing Doug’s threat and didn’t stop until I told him everything. Including me hitting Doug and what Alec had said about what I was teaching my kids.

  It sucked watching my dad’s face getting tight then tighter until it was a deep shade of red and I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack.

  “About time you punched that asshole in the face.”

  “Dad,” I admonished.

  “And I hate to say it, sweet pea, but this Alec guy has a point.” My eyes closed in an effort to block out my dad. “Macy, I understand what you’re teaching Rory and Caleb—to be kind at all costs. I know you’re trying to offset what Doug’s showing them. But it comes at a cost.”

  “It shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have to roll around in the mud with Doug. That’s setting a bad example. Mom always says kill ‘em with kindness.”

  “She does and you wanna know why she can say that, totally ridiculous saying?”

  “It’s not ridiculous.”

  “Sweet pea, it is. It’s bullshit. And your mom can say it, because she’s had me at her back all these years making it safe for her to spout out that kind of ridiculousness.”

  To say my dad was protective of my mom was an understatement. He was protective of me, too, when I wasn’t behaving like an idiot, forcing him to allow me to make my own mistakes because I refused to listen to him.

  “Macy.” My dad’s tone softened and I was worried he was going to lay some more truths on me and I wasn’t sure I could take any more. “You’re mistaking being kind for being a sucker. You’re mistaking rolling in the mud with Doug for standing up for yourself demanding respect. You think you’re taking the high road when really you’re still giving Doug the upper hand. He knows he can do and say whatever he wants to you because you’ll take it. And you do it because you love your kids and you want to protect them. But your friend is right, you’re doing them no favors if you’re not actually protecting them.”

  I was right, I couldn’t take it. I felt tears hit my eyes.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “I think you do. I think today, finally, you’ve had enough. You’ve been beating your head against a wall. What’s the worst that can happen if you stop letting Doug walk all over you?”

  “Rory and Caleb end up hating me.”

  “Hate you? For what?”

  “For being a bitch to their father. For taking him away from them. For…I don’t know…for hurting them.”

  “Sweetheart, you are a good mother. You put them before yourself to the point of detriment.”

  “I’m their mother. I’m supposed to.”

  “No, Macy you are not. You need—”

  “Momma,” Rory came into the kitchen. “I’m hungry.”

  “Well, then we better get you home so I can feed my girl.”

  “Can I help you cook dinner?”

  “May I,” I corrected.

  “May I help?”

  “Of course you may. Go tell your brother we’re leaving. But first, say goodbye to your gramps.”

  “Bye, Gramps.” Rory bounced to my dad and threw her little body against his, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Thank you for taking us to the movies. And for buying popcorn. And soda. And for buying me a pretty new shirt. I’m gonna wear it to school Monday.”

  “You’re very welcome, my pretty princess.”

  “Love you bunches,” Rory finished.

  “Love you more. Now go tell your brother to come in here so I can say goodbye to him, too.”

  “Okay.”

  Rory flounced out of the kitchen the way only a carefree six-year-old could and my dad smiled at me.

  “Thanks for the talk, Dad.”

  “Open your eyes, Macy. You’re doing a great job with them. They’re happy. It’s time for you to be happy, too.”

  “I am happy, Dad.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re happy with them.” My dad gestured to the door Rory had disappeared through. “You’re happy being a mom. You’re happy when you see them smile. But, you, my beautiful daughter, are not happy.”

  And I’d never find the kind of happiness my father was referring to. I rolled the dice once and came out a loser. I’ve since thrown those fuckers in the trash and decided I’d never play that game again. All I needed was Caleb and Aurora.

  They made me happy.

  8

  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were plotting murder at a one-year-old’s birthday party,” Jameson said.

  “Not murder, just bodily harm,” Alec told him honestly.

  Jameson chuckled and shook his head. “You serious?”

  “Yep.”

  “Shit.”

  Alec glanced around his packed living room and spotted Jocelyn sitting on McKenna’s lap eating a cupcake. By Alec’s calculation that was Joss’s third one, and as much as he wanted to tell McKenna if she fed his daughter one more sugary treat he was sending Joss home with her, he thought better of it. Not because he wanted Jocelyn up all night but he figured McKenna would start force-feeding his daughter cupcakes so she had an excuse to skip out with Joss. That, and Jocelyn’s smile was so huge as she shoved more frosting in her mouth he didn’t have it in him to take it away.

  He was a sucker for his daughter’s smile—sleep be damned.

  “Have you ever met Jonny’s brother, Doug?” Alec asked Jameson.

  “No. I didn’t even know he had a brother. Why?”

  “Just wondering.”

  “Weird thing to wonder unless this Doug guy is who you’re plannin’ on puttin’ the hurt on.”

  “Who’s puttin’ the hurt on who?” Nixon asked, joining Alec and Jameson.

  “Some Doug guy,” Jameson answered.

  “Fuck,” Nix muttered. “I didn’t see you yesterday when you picked up Joss. How’d that go?”

  “Not well. The guy’s a bigger assclown than I thought. I rolled up and he was in her face.”

  “Come
again?” Jameson growled.

  Alec didn’t acquaint himself with men that were not like him, therefore, it wasn’t a surprise that Jameson would be pissed-off on behalf of a woman he didn’t know.

  It took a few minutes but Alec filled both men on what happened. By the time he was done, Nix and Jameson looked like they’d be happy to skip over the bodily harm and go straight to murder.

  “Little Macy? Seriously, she took him down?” Nix asked.

  “Fuck yeah. It was beautiful. Bloodied his foul mouth and his nose. It pained me to pull her off, she was beatin’ on him good.”

  “And Doug is Jonny’s brother?” Jameson asked.

  “Yeah,” Nixon started. “If I remember correctly, the Spencers started fostering Doug when we were…maybe five or six. That put Doug at about nine or ten. A few years later they ended up adopting him.”

  “Jonny’s never mentioned him,” Jameson added incredulously.

  “Doug’s an asshat,” Nixon said as if that was a good reason for Jonny to never mention he had a brother.

  “Sounds like that’s an understatement,” Jameson returned.

  “What now?” Nix turned to Alec.

  “Now I watch and keep diggin’.”

  “Not much you can do if she’s not willin’ to press charges,” Jameson told him with a brow raised.

  “Sure there is,” Alec corrected.

  “Brother—”

  “Already told you, Nixon, I sucked that shit up once. Stood not even five feet from her while that douche berated her. Then I had a front-row seat to Doug’s vitriol. Heard it, saw it, but more than that I witnessed the pain he caused. She has two kids, she’s sweet, and she’s good to Joss. Whether she wants it or not, I’m making this better for her.”

  “Whatever you need,” Nix sighed. “We got your back.”

  Jameson nodded his agreement. And not for the first time Alec felt it—the comradery he’d been missing when he left the Navy and went to work for DHS. It felt good to have it back. Not only for him, but for his daughter, too.