Embracing Love (Tainted Love Book 3)

by Lily Zante

  “I’m busy this evening,” he said. He wasn’t busy at all but he was tired of her tendency to overreact. And he’d had enough of her temper. It wasn’t only that she’d given him a hard time over the business—she was becoming needy, clutching to him, which was something he didn’t want in a relationship.

  He didn’t need anyone, and he didn’t want anyone to need him.

  Lately he’d been feeling restless, unsettled even. As though he’d lost something, only he wasn’t sure what it was. As though a void had opened up in his life. Whatever it was, it left him feeling out of sorts.

  Perhaps news of Sébastien leaving had heightened the feeling of restlessness, or had even caused it?

  “It’s the other woman isn’t it? The American from that Zimmerman Group. She’s the one who’s getting the campaign.” He’d forgotten how friendly Vanessa and his secretary were. He would have to have words with her about keeping business details private.

  “It’s out of my hands, Vanessa. We’re now part of Flight, and I have to do as they say.”

  “Let’s forget about the business fuck-ups and just get back to being what we were.”

  “What were we?”

  “People who enjoyed a good time together. That’s the understanding we had, remember, Vanessa?”

  He thought he heard a sniffle. “Vanessa?”

  “If you don’t want to see me anymore, Gabriel, then at least have the balls to tell me.”

  Faced with that sudden decision, the answer was simple. “I don’t want to see you, Vanessa.” He would have preferred to tell her to her face but she’d called him out on it.

  “That’s better, Gabriel. I’ve always told you that you should be more vocal, more self-expressive. It would help get that stick out of your backside.”

  She resorted to viciousness when things didn’t go her way and clearly this conversation wasn’t going the way she had intended. He’d always give in knowing that at the end of the dinner with her it would always lead to a great night of sex. She gave him instant gratification, but these days that itself wasn’t enough.

  “I think it’s time we let it go, Vanessa.”

  “You can’t mean that,” she whispered voice barely a murmur. It made him feel awful, so he tried his best to make her feel better. “We had a good time and when it was good it was really good and when it was bad it was awful.”

  “But when it was good, Gabriel, it was really, really good.” Another pause followed and he was sure she was starting to sniff. It was the first ever sign of her vulnerability he’d witnessed. Ordinarily, Vanessa had balls made of steel. His stomach lurched as the reality of a crying, whimpering Vanessa —so different from the side she usually displayed.

  “Don’t do this.”

  He steeled himself, felt his muscles harden.

  “Can’t we just meet for one last time?” She begged.

  He thought about it. No, he most definitely didn’t want to see her face-to-face. He knew her motivations and he knew her way of thinking. This would end her way if he let her.

  “Trust me on this. You don’t need a man like me. You’re young enough to find someone who means something to you.”

  “You mean something to me.”

  “That’s not the kind of relationship we started.”

  “It’s the kind of relationship I want now, Gabriel.”

  “That’s not fair. Besides, I’m almost twice your age,” he reminded her gently.

  “My age was never a problem before. I thought that’s what you liked about me—the fact that I was so young.”

  “It’s not your age that’s the problem. It’s mine.” He wanted different things but he wasn’t sure exactly what. He thought he knew, he thought he had an idea about the kind of man he wanted to be except that the idea of what he wanted to be had not yet fully taken shape. He knew only that he didn’t want to go on sleeping and screwing his way, treating women with less than the respect that they deserved.

  Vanessa, for all her upset, had known exactly the type of relationship they’d gone into. She was a flirt and a woman with a healthy sexual appetite. She was ambitious and ruthless for a girl of her young years—she was not unlike him.

  They’d both known it was a temporary relationship and neither of them had any inclination or desire to have something permanent. So why was she so unhappy all of a sudden?

  And why had things suddenly changed for him?

  It was all tied up into the upheaval in his life at the moment, what with Sébastien leaving. A part of him felt as though his heart was being ripped out and there was nothing he could do to restore it, yet he craved stability. He wanted something more meaningful—he just didn’t know what that would look like because he hadn’t found it yet. But ditching Vanessa was a start.

  “You bastard,” she said, and hung up on him.

  Chapter 12

  “Hi, how’s it going?” Nadine’s voice sounded tight, and so it damn well should, thought Tanya. She hadn’t questioned Nadine about Michael’s impromptu visit to Paris, and decided she wasn’t even sure she could trust her any more. It was better to leave things alone. And Michael had kept them all busy with back to back meetings, finding out how the Paris implementations were going.

  “Oh, you know. Back to back meetings, the way it always is when Michael wants to find out what’s going on. You were lucky to catch me. He wants us back in fifteen.”

  “I heard he was in town.” Nadine commented.

  I’m sure you did, thought Tanya. But you didn’t think to warn me. “Fancy that, huh?” But she couldn’t resist it. “Did you know?”

  “Not until the day he landed,” said Nadine. “He called me from the airport.”

  “That’s the first you heard of it?” said Tanya her voice bordering on accusation.

  “It’s the first I heard of it. Why?”

  “Because it was a total shock to me to see him, so unexpectedly.”

  “He’d been in London. I had no idea about him going to Paris, but I guess it made sense. Why? Is something wrong?” Nadine had obviously picked up on Tanya’s ill-disguised accusation.

  “I feel as though he’s here to check up on me, and I don’t like to be spied on. Things with Gabriel—with Flight Europe are beginning to pick up. It’s moving along.”

  “Excellent,” said Nadine, ‘I had a meeting with Russell Trent yesterday and he told me the same. I don’t think Michael’s checking up on you, Tanya.”

  “Who knows?” Tanya took a breath.

  “Like I said, visiting the Paris office makes sense, if he’s in London. You’re beginning to sound paranoid. Is something wrong?”

  Perhaps she was. “He’s ordered me to go to Milan. I’m heading there in a few days.”

  “I heard.”

  “I’m sure you did.” It seemed that Nadine heard about every little thing—perhaps had even been masterminding this whole new plan to shift Tanya to Milan. After all, Nadine had overall responsibility for the European expansions. Michael had such great faith in her he’d given her this hefty sized chunk of a project—only she had the luxury of ‘overseeing it from San Francisco. Typical.

  “Maybe he’s being strategic. Maybe this will help get things moving in both offices. You’re doing great but I’ve told him it’s a lot of work for one person. You’re dealing with both offices and you have the ad work on top. Maybe he’s trying to do what he can while he’s there.”

  It sounded plausible but Tanya had her doubts. She didn’t feel as comfortable about the whole setup as Nadine. And it was easy for Nadine to pass judgment from afar.

  “We’ll see.” She was more motivated than ever to make her mark in Milan. Luck just wasn’t on her side and she’d have to work harder than ever to prove to Zimmerman and management that they’d picked the right person for the job.

  She couldn’t fail at this as well. She felt as though she was undergoing a test of some sort, as though Zimmerman was figuring out whether she could ‘cut’ it here. Or whether he wished
Nadine had taken the role anyway.

  “You’re doing great.” Nadine’s words sometimes came over as patronising, and if she counted the number of times Nadine had told her she was doing a good job, she might start to get even more paranoid at what her friend was trying to cover up. But she had no time to think and Zimmerman was waiting.

  “I’d better go. Michael’s waiting,” she said, and automatically opened Vincent’s social media page.

  And nearly dropped the phone.

  Chapter 13

  She’d woken up with a bruised and battered soul. The desire to stay in bed, to call in sick, to hide in her apartment, to reminisce and daydream and ponder and cry—called strongly to her.

  But she couldn’t.

  She didn’t want Michael to cast any more doubt on her ability. And so, with a leaden reluctance that dragged her down, she got dressed and forced herself to meet Michael at Gabriel’s office first thing.

  For the first time she was actually relieved to have Michael by her side, knowing she couldn’t give much in this meeting, because her mind and body were stuck in the mire of unrequited love.

  Vincent was blissfully moving on with his life while she was stuck in the barbed wire of her daily existence.

  On arrival at the Flight Europe offices, Tanya saw that Michael was already there. She wasn’t late; it was just that he was always early. He and Gabriel appeared to be getting on well.

  She managed a well-disguised ‘Good Morning,’ and somehow made it into Gabriel’s office even though her mind was a million miles away. He must have sensed that something wasn’t quite right, for she could feel his gaze on her.

  On any other occasion, it would have heated her skin. But today she avoided eye contact and kept her gaze down, as best as she could without drawing too much attention to herself.

  “Tell me how this is working for you, Gabriel,” said Michael.

  “We’re making great progress.” Gabriel commented, and then looked over to Tanya for verification. His gaze was questioning, and she wondered if he’d even known that Michael would be attending this meeting. She certainly hadn’t told him.

  “Good,” said Michael. “Tanya’s shown me the new mockups and I’m glad to see we’re moving ahead quite quickly now.”

  Tanya remained quiet as she watched Gabriel’s jaw muscles tighten. His gaze skipped over to her face, and their eyes locked for a brief silent minute.

  This is all thanks to you, she thought, looking at him coldly.

  She’d be in Milan tomorrow, and suddenly she was looking forward to getting away from all of this. Leaving these two to deal with the campaign, letting Zimmerman and Thierry work their magic on the systems work. A few weeks in Milan, alone, away from here were exactly what she needed.

  “I’m here for a couple of weeks,” began Michael. “I’m hoping we can get this wrapped up by the time I leave.”

  Gabriel nodded thoughtfully. “There’s no reason why it shouldn’t be,” he said, and glanced at Tanya for anything she might like to add. She didn’t have anything.

  They were having a second child.

  When she and Vincent had talked about starting a family, they’d only ever had plans for one. Maybe two, she’d told him, depending on how it all went with number one.

  Except that she never even made it to number one.

  Memories painted by her tears and grief took her back to those failed attempts with Vincent, the misery of checking every month and seeing nothing. The toll on their relationship had begun.

  Gabriel had asked her something and she was miles away. “The mockups, from Luc? I think you emailed them to me but I seem to have been buried in manufacturing issues. Would you send them again?” His words had an undercurrent of something more personal, and then she remembered.

  Luc had done them but she’d forgotten to send them to Gabriel.

  “Sorry.” She replied, guiltily. “I’ll send them as soon as I get back.” This time, she gave Gabriel a rare smile, appreciating the fact that he’d covered for her.

  “Unfortunately, Tanya’s going to Milan, so you’ll have to make do with me,” said Michael.

  “Milan?” Gabriel cocked his head.

  “I have some preliminary work to do there.” She told him, and wondered why he looked so shocked.

  “When?” he asked her.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow? How long for?” he persisted.

  “A couple of weeks.” It seemed as though there was only the two of them in the room.

  “You’re in good hands,” she reassured him. “Michael is a pro and I’ll still be contactable in the Milan office should you have any questions about the campaigns. Of course there’s always Nadine in San Francisco.” She turned to Michael who nodded in agreement.

  Gabriel remained quiet and at that moment, something vibrated on the desk. Mr. Zimmerman picked up his cell phone, excused himself and disappeared out of the door.

  Tanya sat in an awkward silence unable to escape Gabriel’s stare, yet she could see he had many questions. He clasped his hands together on the table as if fighting the urge to say a word.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked, his eyes skimming over her face as if looking for clues. The look he gave her lingered too long, probed a little deep, suddenly making her feel prickly all over.

  “No,” she replied, even though everything that could have gone wrong in her world, had.

  She was surprised by his ability to read her mood so perfectly well.

  “This trip to Milan, is it a recent development?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Very much so. Is that a problem?”

  “You never mentioned it, that’s all.”

  “We haven’t met since then. If you’re worried about your campaign ad, you have no reason to be.”

  “I’m not worried about that.”

  “Oh? Then?”

  “Nothing. One minute you’re here, the next minute you’re not.”

  “I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs on me.”

  He looked as though he was about to say something, and then, “I’m not.”

  Remembering that he’d saved her, she said, “I’m sorry about the mockups. I completely forgot. It’s been a nightmare lately.”

  “Really?”

  She raised her hands, and then shook her head. It wasn’t easy to explain. “There’s been a lot going on. That’s all.” He wouldn’t know, no wonder he was so confused by the sudden turn of events and her moodiness. She liked to think she could hide it well, but somehow Gabriel seemed to sense things weren’t quite alright for her.

  He waited for her to say more. “Anyway, I’m sorry about the mockups.”

  He shrugged. “The world won’t fall apart because you forgot to send me a file.”

  He was right, of course.

  Michael’s voice grew louder outside the door and the slight movement of the door handle threatened his impending return.

  “I also didn’t know Michael Zimmerman was here.”

  “That was a surprise too.”

  Laughter escalated from outside the door and from the sounds of it, Michael was talking to one of the people at Flight.

  “We seemed to be working well together,” offered Gabriel.

  After the start you gave me it couldn’t possibly get any worse.

  She fought to stop herself from telling him her theory as to why Michael was here—but decided against it. There was no point.

  “You seem a little distant today, Tanya. Is it something I’ve done?”

  “No.” She said, unsure exactly why she felt like this. It was everything and it was nothing. “I’m focusing on Milan and I apologize if I seem a little distant this morning.”

  The door handle turned and Michael entered the room, trespassing into their conversation.

  “What have I missed?” he asked jovially, as he sat down.

  She felt a lightness in her limbs and her mood was somewhat lifted from earlier. Neither of these were from sittin
g in the taxi alongside Michael Zimmerman. Thankfully he was busy on yet another phone call, leaving her free to daydream about the recent meeting with Gabriel.

  She noted the way his jaw tightened, especially on the right hand side of his face, whenever he was uncomfortable about something.

  She concluded that her attitude this morning must have made him uneasy the number of times she’d witnessed his jaw clenching today.

  “It should be interesting.” Michael chuckled as he got off the phone.

  “What should be interesting?” She dragged her attention to her boss.

  “This year’s marketing convention. Nadine’s doing three presentations.”

  She would, thought Tanya, not without malice. “She’s going to have a busy weekend.”

  “I’d like you to do a presentation as well and I’m going to invite Russell Trent to attend.”

  “Russell Trent?” She asked in alarm.

  Why?

  “He’s a good guy. It will be good for business, and it will be interesting for him to see how we’re handling the joint international campaign. It would be good for him to see how we work.”

  “Of course.” It made sense.

  “They’re an important client and I’ve always valued relationships as you know and the power of speaking to people.” Tanya balked at this. Each time he mentioned Flight being an important client, she was reminded of him being here to check up on her. But she nodded her head in agreement anyway, and wished they could be back at the office.

  She didn’t want to always be reminded of the importance of Flight.

  “Naturally, he’ll be there as my guest and obviously he won’t be attending all the presentations. But I think if you put one together about how our two offices have worked together, and how the Flight Europe campaign is evolving, it will further enforce our good relationship.”

  “I’ll get started once I get to Milan.”

  “Excellent.”