Embracing Love (Tainted Love Book 3)

by Lily Zante

  “You know what? I think I’ll head back now. Something about being the first one to open the convention has my stomach doing cartwheels already. Hey,” she took a step towards Gabriel and Ethan who stood with their backs turned to her. They both looked over. “I’m going to get back. I need to do some last minute prep for tomorrow. Good night all.”

  Her words addressed them both but her gaze swept all over Gabriel’s face. She hadn’t really given him a chance to leave with her. But if he really wanted to, he’d find one.

  “Goodnight, see you tomorrow.” He said.

  Chapter 21

  He’d been tempted to follow her but she had a big day tomorrow and he didn’t want to get in the way of her preparation.

  Gabriel was a patient man and there would be plenty of time afterwards. He knew she was here with the people she worked with, and therefore she was in a different space compared to him. He’d come as a guest and he wouldn’t see many of these people again. She would, and she had to be careful.

  It would be awkward to mix business with pleasure especially if there was a danger of being caught—as there had been just now.

  Despite his desire to want to leave with her, he had forced himself to stay where he was.

  If he had any doubts as to how she might have felt, tonight he had his answer and that would do, for now. She did have feelings for him.

  Nadine joined them when Tanya left, and stood by Ethan’s side. “Remember this?” she said dreamily.

  “I could never forget it.”

  “Has Michael roped you in to play golf tomorrow?” Ethan asked.

  “He has. You too?”

  Ethan nodded. “It’s not really my thing, but I’ll give it a go.”

  “Good,” replied Gabriel. “There are a few presentations that I’ve been told I need to watch but I’m free in the afternoon.”

  “I’ll join you in the afternoon then.” Ethan said.

  “But you don’t like golf!” Nadine said in surprise.

  “If we’re going to be coming here every year, I think I ought to start liking it.”

  “He has a point.” Gabriel sided with Ethan.

  “I guess you don’t have to watch all of the presentations,” said Nadine. “If you want to go to the gym or something, you should.”

  “She makes you come to her presentations?” Gabriel asked, amused.

  “It’s all part of the package.” Ethan replied. “Some things you just have to do.”

  Nadine smacked him lightly across the arm.

  Gabriel made an exaggerated show of looking at his watch. “It’s getting late for me. I need to get to bed. If you’ll excuse me.”

  “See you tomorrow,” Ethan replied.

  “Goodnight.”

  Walking back along the route he and Tanya had taken, Gabriel almost envied Ethan and Nadine being left alone. It wasn’t their fault but their timing could have been better.

  Timing.

  It was all about timing.

  Would it make a difference if he sought Tanya out? She’d indicated that she was returning to her room—and he seemed more sure now that she felt the same way about him.

  He walked along in silent contemplation weighing up the pros and cons of whether he should be bold and daring and go to her room.

  Not because he wanted sex.

  Not because he wanted anything in particular.

  Not because he wanted…

  But because she seemed at the same place as him—and perhaps even talking, might be something. But then again, maybe he was presuming too much. She’d have hung around at the fountain if she’d wanted the night to end with him. Instead she’d returned to finish her presentation.

  It would be selfish of him to disturb her now and he wanted her presentation to go well, especially knowing how much it meant to her.

  So the choice was made. Besides, they still had the rest of the weekend before them.

  Chapter 22

  He was going to marry her?

  Tanya covered her face with her hands. She didn’t need this, not with less than half an hour to go before her big moment.

  A heaviness, thick like tar, settled over her completely and erased the happy feeling she’d been wrapped up in all night and morning, ever since she left Gabriel last night. She’d almost danced all the way back to her room and instead of working on her presentation, she’d gone to bed dreaming of love and hope.

  Only to discover this news about Vincent.

  She couldn’t go through with her presentation now, not like this. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to cry.

  Oh god oh god oh god. The tightening in her chest bottled her emotions. But still, she couldn’t continue.

  She stared in silence at the computer screen once more; it must have been many minutes before she abandoned what she’d been doing—what had she been doing?—and forced herself to get dressed.

  Being the first one to ‘open’ the convention was a tall order and practicing her words had focussed her attention on delivering a pitch perfect talk. It had to be perfect, because Gabriel would be watching.

  After running through it a few times she’d decided to make a couple of changes so that it ran smoother, was more polished and succinctly highlighted the points she wanted to make. She was conscious not only of Michael evaluating her, but of Russell and Gabriel watching closely.

  At the last minute she’d set about altering a few things and out of habit and without thinking, she’d made the mistake of visiting Vincent’s social media page as well.

  Only to discover that he had proposed to his girlfriend. Photos of the beaming bride to be and Vincent’s oh-so-happy face had punched her to alertness as she examined the images. One showed a close up of his girlfriend’s face.

  The next one showed the ring.

  It was followed by a short message and pink lovehearts saying she had accepted.

  Tanya had felt as though a herd of buffalos had stampeded right through her—leaving her so paralyzed that she’d stared at her screen, lost in her sadness. She’d even forgotten about the changes she’d started to make.

  It was only when Nadine called her, telling her that she was going down for breakfast that Tanya was jolted out of her trance.

  “Aren’t we supposed to meet for breakfast?”

  “Breakfast?” Food was the last thing she wanted.

  “Did you get up late?” asked Nadine, “you sound groggy.”

  “I’ve been up since five, going through my slides. I don’t feel hungry though. You go ahead without me”

  “You sound nervous. Don’t be.”

  “Okay.” As though it were that simple. “I’m going to skip breakfast, if you don’t mind. I think I’m going to set up in the room now.”

  “Sure. Let me know if you need anything. I’m sitting in. If only to watch Gabriel ogling you.” But Nadine’s joke was lost on Tanya. She wasn’t in the mood for any frivolous conversation.

  “Gotta go.” She hung up as her stomach began to make that queasy, rolling movement it did when she was nervous or scared, or both.

  Why did it hurt so much? She’d cried for hours when the divorce had come through. She’d thought she was over the worst of it. Was this closure? Is that why it hurt so much?

  You didn’t really think he’d ever come back, did you?

  Sad, pathetic woman.

  She didn’t know what she felt any more except that she was all over the place.

  She was a complete mess.

  And she still had to give the best address of her career.

  She was almost done with setting up in the conference room.

  ‘Save changes?’ The question on her laptop screen asked, causing her to panic. She selected ‘Yes’.

  What changes had she made? She couldn’t remember.

  And that’s when she knew her day was going downhill faster than an Olympic skier.

  The room began to fill up and she smiled as people slowly walked in, even though her breaths hitched in her t
hroat.

  They looked fresh, expectant, hopeful.

  And she felt a wave of nausea drench over her.

  Shit shit shit shit shit.

  “Hey,” Nadine strolled up to her, looking effortlessly graceful in her peach colored shift dress. It made Tanya’s blue skirt and jacket, teamed with a stiff white shirt look positively dowdy.

  “Hey.” She fiddled around with her mouse, the damn thing glitched every now and then and she’d been meaning to get IT to have a look at it. The presentation was due to start in…she glanced at her watch…seven minutes.

  “Are you alright?” Nadine asked her, looking worried.

  “I hate being first. I don’t think I’m prepared enough.” Just making the admission made her feel one percent better. Her insides, already mush, now threatened to climb up her throat.

  She inhaled deeply, tried to remember Louise Hay’s affirmations:

  You are surrounded by love

  I wish

  All is well

  It isn’t

  I am comfortable

  I am not

  My self-esteem is high

  It’s never been lower

  She used to be a pro at doing these things. A seasoned veteran whom others sought out because of her awesome presentation skills.

  “You’re probably over prepared and getting antsy for no reason.” Nadine spoke quietly, and when Tanya glanced behind she saw that the room was now full.

  Melissa sat at the back patiently, smiling back at her.

  Tanya’s throat felt as though sand had been poured down it. She coughed and saw that Michael Zimmerman, Russell Trent and Gabriel sat in the first row. They gave her a polite nod when her gaze swept over them.

  Gabriel’s eyes locked with hers, then lingered over her face.

  Oh god. Is this what a panic attack felt like?

  “I don’t think I can do this,” she whispered to Nadine.

  “Hey,” Nadine moved closer, reached out with her hand to reassure her. “You can do this. Its nerves, but you’ve done this a million times before with your eyes shut. You taught me. I learned from the best. Now go get them. Half an hour. And we’ll celebrate in the lobby when you can tell me what’s really bugging you.”

  Tanya’s lips wouldn’t form into a smile. And the only thing she could hear right now, blocking out the silent hush that suddenly swept the room was the steel drum beat of her own heart.

  Nadine took her seat beside Gabriel, and Tanya straightened up, clasped her hands together and gave them an obligatory smile.

  “Good morning. A warm welcome to you all. Wow,” she said looking around at everyone. “A full room.” She attempted humor as her gaze swept around the eager faces. Luc, sitting in the back row, gave her a broad smile which only knocked her concentration further.

  “A full room, I’m honored.” She said, again.

  Now, what was she going to start with? Her introductory piece completely vanished right out of her brain.

  What was it?

  A blank screen filled her mind as the words she had recited a million times over wiped themselves clean out of her brain. “Just one moment,” her voice wavered as she returned to her laptop and took a hold of the mouse. Her hands shook as she tried desperately to remember what came next.

  She hadn’t even prepared her table properly, hadn’t placed her cue cards beside her. Where were her cue cards?

  Upstairs in her room.

  She had no backup and she was flying blind. She clicked her mouse and the first slide of her presentation flashed up.

  She faced the audience again as her slideshow sprang to life on the screen. Nadine gave her a heart-warming smile, which gave her just enough steam power to get some semblance of her act together.

  “As I was saying, I’m here today to talk about our collaboration with our Paris office and Flight Europe. We have a very successful advertising campaign created by the amazing Nadine Stefano,” she swept her arm to the side by way of introducing Nadine, and for a second the entire crowd turned to look at Nadine.

  It gave her a moment’s breathing space and she reminded herself to take a long, deep breath. Except that she forgot what she was going to say next. Introducing Nadine hadn’t been part of her early morning recital and it threw her.

  Nothing had ever thrown her before.

  There was a pause, a long, slow awkward moment that seemed to last for more than a couple of her heartbeats.

  “Would you care to share a little about the San Francisco campaign?” Michael jumped into her silence and stole Tanya’s train of thought from right under her.

  Nadine, ever the consummate player, got up. “Sure, I can share a few moments—if that’s okay?” Nadine looked to Tanya for reassurance and both women knew this wasn’t part of the presentation. And both women knew it was Michael’s way of getting the presentation going.

  “Of course.” Tanya smiled and gave Nadine the floor, while she returned to the table where her laptop was. She felt humiliated, embarrassed and uncomfortable. She’d failed before she’d even started.

  And everyone knew it.

  She dared not even raise her head to look around.

  You have to fake it.

  Her heart thumped like mad, and she couldn’t concentrate. Her hand paused as she held the mouse. What was she going to check? Ah, yes, her slide notes. These would help her remember—since she’d lost the whole freaking plot—what she was going to talk about.

  But she’d messed up the opening.

  The opening was key.

  It hooked people in, gave them a promise of how great her presentation would be. But she’d messed the opening up, so nothing else mattered anymore.

  Michael had seen she couldn’t do it. He knew it. And so did everybody else. This negative self-talk wasn’t helping her one bit. But, oh god, she was falling to pieces and she didn’t know how to fix it.

  She’d been flown over especially for this. Even worse, Russell Trent and Gabriel Valois had been flown over too. And here she was in the prime time, first-presentation-of-the-day slot and she’d messed it up big time.

  The crowd laughed and she briefly lifted up her head. They were hooked, swallowing each and every word Nadine offered. She stood center stage, a magnetic commanding presence, completely holding their attention. She oozed confidence from every hair follicle and skin pore.

  The woman was at the top of her game. And in love with a gorgeous guy and she had the world at her feet.

  Tanya had been that woman once.

  She felt her eyes start to well up.

  For goodness sake get your act together. You can’t break down now.

  Three deep breaths.

  She took them.

  Slowly.

  But time was running out.

  Nadine’s spiel would soon be over and she had to get up there and hold that level of attention.

  She couldn’t. Not in her dowdy outfit, looking like this. She wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear under the table.

  “And with the continuing expansion of our Paris office, it made sense to have the campaign move over so that both Flight Europe and our Paris agency could work together to bring that same cohesive marketing message that Flight wanted to deliver on. Now, I’m going to hand you over to our marketing maestro in Europe, Tanya Braun.”

  Tanya absorbed the notes for the slides with one snap of her photographic memory. She got up and thanked Nadine who had left her in a good position to take over.

  Tanya switched to her slideshow and began to talk. The words came slowly, but they came. She walked around a little and talked about the designs, then showed the audience the original ad that Nadine had created. The words began to flow more easily. The more she spoke, the more the words came to her.

  When she felt she had started to get into the zone, she stood at the center of the floor, directly in front of the three head honchos: Michael, Russell and Gabriel and nodded to acknowledge them. She began to talk about how they had settled on ch
anging the design at Gabriel’s recommendation based on a different type of running shoe which outsold all the others in Europe.

  It was starting to come back. She didn’t need her notes and this time she addressed the audience, growing more confident by reading the reaction on their faces.

  She had them. She continued, everything coming back to her like one continuously playing movie.

  Smooth, scripted and interesting.

  She knew what she was talking about, didn’t need any cues, could refer to each and every slide and quote numbers, figures, style layouts, creatives.

  Settling in more she moved effortlessly and easily through the slides until she was almost three quarters of the way through.

  And then she saw that the order of her slideshow had changed. This was where she’d made the changes.

  Godammit.

  The re-order threw her briefly and she’d gone ahead of herself. She carried on talking, and clicked the mouse, moving back a slide. Talked about that one.

  She took a question from the floor.

  Answered it easily.

  Took another question.

  Moved the slide forward, talked some more. Except it was a different slide. She glossed over it, carried on talking, ignoring the sweat she felt damping her underarms, swallowed again, to ease her dry mouth.

  Please let this be over now.

  What time was it anyway?

  She decided to forget the order and just talk about the slides as they appeared.

  “What’s that?” Someone asked, and a low murmur rippled through the crowd. She turned to see her slideshow had ended and she’d accidentally switched to her social media page.

  She hadn’t closed the freaking thing down.

  You have got to be kidding me.

  An image of Vincent and his lover taunted her. With one click, she closed the window, her hand shaking.

  “Ooops,” she smiled, trying to gloss over her faux pas. “And that, ladies and gentleman is how we will end up with a trans-Atlantic advertising campaign that will be live in Europe by next month.” Her heart shuddered, and she knew she’d lost that last impact of her presentation, knew she’d cocked it up with that switch to her ex’s page.