by Karen Clow
Back in the house he led her by the hand up the stairs, stopping on the landing to kiss her before pulling her T shirt off over her head and then removing her bra. He was breathing heavily as he hurried to undo her jeans. “Slow down Jimmy, there’s no hurry we’ve got all day.” Picking her up, he carried her to the bedroom. With her arms secured around his neck, she said, “I would have been happy to make love on the landing.” “But we haven’t got mirrors on the landing!” Laying her on the bed with her feet were facing the headboard, he kissed her. Then taking the pillows he placed them at the bottom off the bed under her head. That way he could watch as they made love in three different wardrobe mirrors. Jimmy had introduced her to the real world of love making; she had no one other than Nick to compare him to, which was a totally different thing. Nick had only ever wanted to please himself; he got sexual pleasure from hurting her. The actual time between him penetrating her and coming was barely minutes; it was the terrible things he did before that he liked. Jimmy was different; apart from his temper he was loving and passionate, always keen to satisfy her. They enjoyed using sex toys, but only for pleasure, this day would be no exception as he was desperate to please her. After tying her hands loosely to the headboard he slowly kissed her body all over before pushing her legs apart and giving her oral sex. Maria fully expected him to enter her after she came, but instead he surprised when he took a vibrator from the bedside cabinet and seductively rolled it over her mouth. He watched as she licked it before he took it away and rolled it down her to her nipple, then finally pleasuring her with it. With her hands still tied he finally fucked her. Lying together exhausted he untied her so they could cuddle and said, “I’ve got a confession to make, I wanted Justin to put a mirror on the ceiling above the bed; but I wasn’t sure if you’d like it.” She smiled and replied, “I wouldn’t have minded if that’s what you wanted.” “Really, maybe we could try to have it done before the wedding then?” Despite his happy banter, she realised it was yet another reference to them getting married.
Lying next to him she said, “I know you want an answer about whether we’ll get married or not, but I need be sure; to me Jimmy, marriage will be a lifelong commitment.” “And me babe.” Kissing her neck he added, “I love you more than anything, but I can understand how you feel; believe me babe if I could take back the things I’ve done to you I would in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to marry me, but one thing I can promise you if you do marry me and that’s, I will love you ‘til the day I die and I promise I’ll never hurt you again” Lovingly she looked at him and said, “Jimmy don’t make promises you know you can’t keep. We both know your jealousy isn’t going to go away.” Desperate to convince her he replied, “You’re probably right babe, but I’m sure I can control it.” Gently stroking his face she looked at him and she knew at that moment in time he truly meant what he was saying. Realistically she also knew it probably wouldn’t be long before something would make him jealous again and his dark side would surface. Feeling relaxed with him she tried to tell him about her fears; but he was in denial over his outbursts. Calmly she said, “This is what I mean Jimmy, you’re trying to justify your temper, you’re in total denial, you need help and I don’t think I’m qualified to give it. You told me before you would never let me leave you once we were married, you said you would see me dead first, surely you must realise that is not a normal thing to say?” “I know I shouldn’t have said it and I even feel angry towards myself for thinking the way I do. I don’t know why I do and say those dreadful things, especially to you babe.”
For the first time she thought that maybe they could talk about it without him become aggressive. Gingerly she carried on with the conversation and said, “Can I ask you something?” “Of course you can, anything babe.” “Those horrible things you’ve said and done to me, did you’re father do and say the same things to your mother?” Immediately his manner changed as he said, “Stop it Maria, this is about me not my mother!” Realising she’d hit a nerve, she definitely wasn’t going to leave it, so purposefully she said, “I believe the things you say and do are the things you saw and heard your father do, this is why you do them!” He didn’t answer straight away; but she could see his breathing beginning to labour. Several moments past then looking aggressive he said, “I’m nothing like my father, I fucking hated him!” Gently stroking his face she said, “I know Jimmy, but you were afraid of him. You knew what he was capable of; you must have felt so helpless.” Waiting for his reply she felt him clench his fist under the duvet, but she was not deterred. Putting her arm across his chest to hold him she said, “This is what I mean Jimmy, just look at you, I can feel the anger coming from you. I only want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t talk to me.” Sitting up quickly he began to get out of bed; but she pulled his arm and said, “Stay Jimmy please.” Looking angry he turned and said, “I can’t fucking do this Maria! You’ve got no fucking idea what you’re asking of me!”
Since living with him, she knew he had issues that he’d never have told her about, but this was it, if their marriage was to have any chance she couldn’t back down now. In a firm but gentle voice she said, “The truth Jimmy, I want the truth for both our sakes, that’s all I’m asking for, just the truth!” Jumping out of the bed with his fist raised, he arrogantly snapped at her and shouted, “You’re asking me to talk about things I’ve kept buried for years, things that are too painful to remember!”
Quickly getting out of the bed, she grabbed hold of him and said, “I want us to have a future together Jimmy, I love you! Don’t you think you’ve carried this for long enough!” In a raised voice he angrily shouted, “What is it you want to hear Maria! That my mother knew what my father was like, that she heard me begging him to stop? The nights when he would come home drunk and beat us, or the nights when my mother would lock herself in the bathroom, knowing my father would take it out on me! Have you any idea what it feels like for a ten year old boy to be held down by his father and raped!” In his anger he turned and punched the wall, tears streaming down his face as he struggled to breathe. Still she held him and said, “Let it go Jimmy, stop blaming yourself, you were a little boy what could you do?” “I could have stabbed him if only I’d had the courage. I could have put an end to it, but I was afraid!”
Now he was really struggling to breath, concerned for him she said, “Calm down Jimmy, take some deep breaths.” Unable to reply he just burst into tears and sobbed. In his mind he was reliving the whole terrible nightmare of his father abusing him. The terrible pain he felt after every attack, the night tremors when he was too afraid to go to sleep in case his father come into his room threatening to kill him, unless he did what he wanted. Suddenly he pulled away from her and rushed into the bathroom, instantly she followed him, standing behind him as he leaned over the toilet and vomited. Standing next to him she gently rubbed his back and softly said, “Everything will be alright Jimmy.” Several minutes past before he stopped being sick. Still shaking he washed his face and cleaned his teeth, before walking back into the bedroom with her.
Jimmy sat down on the bed while she stood naked in front of him. Putting his arms around her waist, he held her tight as he pressed his head against her tummy.
For the first time in years he felt a sense of relief, unable to control his sobbing. Softly she held his head against her and said, “That’s it baby, let it all out. I’ll always be here for you Jimmy. I love you, we can work this out. You’re a good man; you’re not like your father.” For the first time she felt his aggression subside without the need for him to act violently or force himself on her. Kissing the top of his head she said, “Get in the bed Jimmy and lie down.” She climbed in next to him; this would be the test to see if he didn’t need sex. Still sobbing he held her tight and said, “Please babe, don’t ever leave me. I’ve got nothing without you, I love you so much, please babe.” Rolling over she softly replied, “I want to be with you for the rest of my life Jimmy and I’ll help you deal
with the past.” Pulling her towards him, he kissed her then said, “Now you know my terrible secret, do you still feel the same about me? Knowing what my father did to me can you bear to be with me?” Tenderly she kissed him and replied, “Do you really think that would make any difference to me, with everything you know about me, I think that makes us soul mates, don’t you?”
As he looked at her, he had a strange feeling of calm, so in a final act of desperation he said, “Please tell me babe, are you going to marry me on Saturday?” Grinning she replied, “Only if Justin can fit the mirror by then!” Gently he pushed her over, now with him lying on top of her he said, “Oh babe, I promise you won’t regret it. I’m so sorry about everything.” Gently he kissed her through his tears.
When he finally stopped crying, she could see the pain of almost thirty years of silence etched on his face. Finally facing his demons had taken its toll on him, yet in some strange way he looked at peace. At last someone had told him that none of what had happened was his fault; he had carried the guilt for long enough.
Gazing up at him she lovingly touched his face and said, “Make love to me Jimmy.” Moments later he was inside her. Holding him she whispered in his ear, “This is all I want; I have my Jimmy back.”
They spent the rest of the day in bed talking about their future together. After all those years of silence he was finally able to talk about his family. To his mother he had been a relief from the rapes and the beatings that she received. In some strange way; he could even understand why she had tried to pretend that it wasn’t happening. Even her suicide wasn’t all down to what his father had done; it was also because of her guilt over Jimmy. Knowing how important her faith was to her, he knew how desperate she must have been to have taken her own life, despite her unwavering belief in God, she was prepared to commit the ultimate sin of suicide. Regardless, he had still loved his mother, but he also felt hatred towards her because he knew she’d been aware what was happening. Although they had never spoken about it, he still questioned as to why she hadn’t protected him, especially now, because he knew if Maria ever found herself in that type of situation, she would do anything to protect her children, as would he.
Eventually he fell asleep, she just laid there cuddled up to him. Inside her mind she felt today had been a turning point in their lives. She wasn’t so naïve as to think from then on everything would be a bed of roses, more on the lines of a fresh start. She would be his councillor if that’s what it would take for him to let go of his past.Watching him sleep she noticed how peaceful he looked. Convinced she had found her soul mate, she believed that through all the painful events of their pasts, God had brought them together. This was her calling to love him.
They didn’t leave the house until nine that evening after she suggested getting fish and chips on the way home. She noticed that he seemed a bit quiet as he drove, but that was only to be expected considering the last couple of days.
Eating their fish and chips she said, “Are you alright?” Before answering her he hesitated, it was as though he wasn’t sure whether to say what he obviously wanted too. Reaching over and touching her hand he looked at her and said, “I need you to know something babe.” “What is it?” asked Maria. “I need you to know I would never hurt our children.” Looking surprised; she immediately replied “That thought had never even entered my head. Why on earth did you say that?” “I’ve heard people say that children of abuse can often go on to abuse.” Seeing the anguish on his face she held his hand as he continued, “I would never want any child to experience the terrible things I had.” Leaning over she kissed him and said, “I know that.” “I want our children to have the type of life Mickey and Fay had, with loving parents.” “Our children will be loved Jimmy, that’s one thing I’d never doubt.” Obviously feeling better hearing what she’d said he replied, “One final thing on the topic. I think I should warn you, if anyone ever so much as looked at my kids in a sexual way; I wouldn’t hesitate to beat them to death!” “I know that too!” she said with a big grin on her face.
Having said all he needed too, he changed the subject completely and said, “Fancy a Jacuzzi before we go to bed?” Grinning she replied, “Why not!”
Two hours later he was lying in the bubbling water watching her as she undressed. By the time she was actually getting into the bath, he was almost at fever pitch. From the moment she sat down his hands were all over her. Slowly she lowered herself onto him as he took her nipple into his mouth. Deliberately she moved up and down him slowly and seductively, although she could sense that he wanted her to be quicker and more forceful. Caressing his head to her breast with one hand, she placed her other hand into the water and gently began touching herself. Jimmy was quick to move his hand down to help her. Feeling her body nearing to orgasm, she moved quicker. Leaving him stimulating her, she put both her arms around his neck as she moved on him. Her body now jerking, he squeezed her buttocks to increase their pleasure. Gradually they stopped; totally satisfied she moved off of him and sat between his legs. Her breasts were just under the water line; gently he caressed them as he kissed her neck.
Talking softly into her ear he said, “You’re so wonderful; I can’t wait to marry you.” Taking his hands she wrapped them tightly around her chest and laid back against him. They stayed in that position for twenty minutes, before getting out.
CHAPTER 49
They were woken the next morning by the phone ringing, it was a little after nine. Answering it and listening to whoever was on the line before Jimmy replied, “That would be fine. Thanks for calling.” Because of the way he’d spoken, she knew it wasn’t Mickey or one of the lads, so she said, “Who was that on the phone?” “Virginia Hollingsworth’s secretary; she wants to see me and Mickey again. We’ve got an appointment at three o’clock tomorrow. The secretary said it’s only to go over our statements, because she’s is hoping to take it to court within the next four weeks.” “Oh that’s good, sounds like everything’s moving along nicely.” “Yeah, four weeks is very quick; although seeing Samuels banged up can’t come quick enough for me.” “Or me, he’s such a horrid creepy man.” “Yeah he is. Pass me my mobile babe; it’s been switched off since we got home.” Opening it he put it onto speaker phone so she could hear, he had four missed calls. The first was from Shaun, a brief message to say that they were going to take the pub. Then there were three from Mickey the first said, ‘hope you two had a good day at the house yesterday? If you’ve got any energy left, I’ve got four complementary tickets for the Lion King tonight; thought Maria would enjoy it.’ The second said ‘Let us know about the show by five, and the final message said ‘Virginia’s office called.’ Jimmy smiled at Maria and said, “I’ll get back to him now, I take it you’d like to go?” Excitedly she nodded her head.
Mickey answered almost instantly, “All right mate,” said Jimmy, “sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, forgot to turn me phone on. If the offer still stands we’d love to go tonight.” “Great, the evening also includes a meal in the west end compliments of me.” “That’s very generous of you, cheers. Oh before I forget, I spoke to Virginia’s office; we’ve got an appointment tomorrow at three, is that ok with you?” “That’s fine, how are things going with Maria, is the wedding back on?” Jimmy knew she was listening so he jokingly replied, “Yeah, she can’t get enough of me Mick, of course the wedding’s on!” “That’s great. Can you pick us up later, about half five?” “Yeah, no problem, we’ll see you then.” Once the call ended, Mickey told Monica the good news. Happy to hear the celebrations were back on she said, “I’ll need to spend a bit of time with Maria tomorrow; we need to go over a few last details concerning the wedding.” Laughing he replied, “No problem babe, me and Jimmy can check in on the clubs if you want to spend the evening with her.” Although she was happy with his reply she said, “Do me a favour darling, don’t go to Sweet Cheeks.” Looking curious he said, “Why?” “Because Della might be there and if Maria thinks Jimmy’s there with her, it c
ould throw a spanner in the works.” “You’re right; I never gave it a thought. Della’s nothing but an old tart, but I wouldn’t put anything past her, especially where Jimmy’s concerned. If she thought she could cause trouble between him and Maria, she would.” “Precisely, so try to avoid the club.” “Della always saw herself as the next Mrs Dixon, but Jimmy only saw her as a Friday night fuck.” Giggling she replied, “Eloquently put darling.”
Back at the apartment Jimmy and Maria were talking about having the evening out with their friends. Jokingly she said, “Will I be allowed to wear a dress, or would you prefer a suit of armour.” Grinning he replied, “Very funny, tonight gorgeous you can wear whatever you like.” “Is that a fact, well perhaps you could help me choose something then, just to be on the safe side!” Grinning back at her he replied, “As long as you’re with me whatever you choose will be fine. The West End won’t know what’s hit it. No doubt you’ll outshine the cast.”
They spent the rest of the day packing items they wanted to take to the house. It seemed to her that he was calmer; she hoped it was due to their talking about his past, but only time would tell. Time passed quickly, he reminded her they had to leave about five to pick up the others. It was almost four o’clock, when she finally said, “I’m going to get ready.” It was approaching five when she finally reappeared.
