Not Just Another Cowboy (Silhouette Special Edition)

by Finch, Carol

  Passion slammed into him with such devastating force that all he could do was hold on to her. Shudder after helpless shudder rocked him, stole his breath, numbed his mind with intense pleasure. The impact of their lovemaking was so fierce and consuming that Chance was honestly surprised he hadn’t passed out.

  And then he heard the words whisper from her lips. Words that were both heaven and hell.

  “I love you, Chance. Love you...”

  He forced himself to lift his spinning head and peer into her shadowed face—and fell into the depths of her mistygreen eyes. It was all there, the open sincerity, the grim acceptance that he was leaving and that she was prepared to bear the loss as she bore all else.

  “Alexa, I—”

  She touched her index finger to his lips to shush him. “It’s all right. You don’t have to say anything,” she assured him softly. “I just want you to know that wherever you are, I’ll be praying for your safety, your success, your happiness. Zack and I will both be there in spirit to cheer you on.”

  The sensations and emotions triggered by her words would have brought Chance to his knees, had he been standing. He wanted to return the satisfaction of knowing that she was wanted and needed, without making the situation more difficult. But Alexa was better off not knowing how much he cared, how much it troubled him to walk away from the best thing that had ever happened to him. She wasn’t expecting whispered words of love from him.

  If she believed he wouldn’t be back, had already accepted it, then she was already way ahead of him in the count. Chance hadn’t quite adjusted to the idea of his leaving, but obviously Alexa had. She had been down this road before, had learned to dodge every pothole in her path.

  But just because Chance was reluctant to voice the emotion she aroused in him, didn’t mean he couldn’t express his affection in the silent language of passion. And to that dedicated purpose he touched Alexa with all the gentleness that was within him to give, with a tenderness that spun a web of erotic pleasure around her. He worshiped her with intimate caresses and kisses, shared every heated response. He felt her come undone in his arms and heard her words of love whispering over him as he made love to her with all that he was.

  And for that sweet, stolen moment in time, every forbidden dream, every whimsical impossibility, was theirs for the taking.

  Howard Tipton puffed on his cigar, then sipped his Jack Daniel’s whiskey. Squinting through the smoke that hovered around him, he studied his poker hand. The joker winked back at him from between two red aces.

  “You gonna raise or call, Tipton,” Shorty McClain prompted impatiently. “It’s getting late and I ain’t getting any younger.”

  Howard tossed a five-spot into the center of the table in Shorty’s musty basement, then he grinned smugly.

  “Whoa, boys.” Clem Sanders chuckled as he bit down on his stogie. “Ol’ Howard must have himself one hell of a hand, judging by his expression. When this tightwad starts flashing around five-spots we’re all in trouble.” Clem slouched in his chair and shook his bald head. “This pot is getting too rich for my blood. I’m folding my tent and getting out before I get burned.”

  Shorty shot a glance at Howard’s smile, then reevaluated his hand. “Oh hell,” he said finally. “I’m out, too.”

  Pete Fowler tossed in his cards. “Okay, Tipton, show us what you’ve got. We know you’re bursting with the need to flaunt that power hand.”

  A wide grin crinkled Howard’s wrinkled features as he spread each card on the table so his friends could see his hand. “Full house, aces and kings. Read ’em and weep.”

  As Howard raked in his winnings the other men scowled in frustration.

  “Lucky old goat,” Shorty grunted. “That’s the second time this month you’ve cleaned me out of pocket change. How am I gonna take my sweet little granddaughter out for ice cream when I’m broke?”

  Still grinning, Howard stuffed the money in the front pouch in his overalls, then polished off his drink. “Next week you can sign over your social security check,” he teased.

  “Me and the wife couldn’t pay the bills if I did that.” Ben Claremore took a long drag on his cigar, then eyed Howard quizzically. “Saw your daughter-in-law last weekend. How long has she been dating that stiff-legged cowboy that’s staying at Rocking T?”

  Howard’s hand clenched around his glass. “You mean Chance Butler?”

  “Don’t know his name. I saw him and Alexa at the restaurant last Saturday night.” He grinned around his smoking stogie. “That is some kind of good-looking woman when she’s all dolled up.”

  Howard wasn’t sure what he said next, couldn’t remember anything except the raw fury pounding through him. Alexa had been fooling around with Chance while Howard was out of town?

  Feelings of outrage and betrayal roiled through him as he stalked toward his pickup. He had to get home, had to ensure his carefully protected world wasn’t falling down around his ankles.

  “Damn her,” Howard snarled as he mashed on the accelerator. “After all I’ve done for her!”

  Taking the back roads home, Howard drove like a bat out of hell. He couldn’t risk being pulled over by a cop, not when he’d had too much to drink and was seeing furious red.

  “Damn Butler,” Howard snarled as he kicked up a cloud of dust behind him.

  Alexa accompanied Chance downstairs—and found her worst nightmare standing at the bottom of the steps. She could see the old man shaking, his fists clenched at his sides, his chest heaving with fury. Oh God! What was she going to say to defuse this situation?

  When Chance moved protectively in front of her, Alexa tried to duck under his arm, but he held her at bay. “I’ll handle this.”

  “Damn right you will,” Howard seethed. “I offered you my hospitality, my generosity, a paycheck, and this is how you repay me. I told you Alexa was off-limits. You heard me loud and clear. Get your gear and get the hell off this ranch right this minute!”

  “I’m sorry, Howard. I know you’re feeling—”

  “You don’t know a damned thing about how I feel,” Howard cut in. “Perfect Chance.” Howard erupted in a disdainful snort. “Well, Zack wouldn’t think you’re so damn perfect in every way if he knew you were sneaking behind his back to sleep with his mother, betraying his trust and his father’s memory!”

  “Howard—” Alexa tried to cut in.

  “I will deal with you later, Jezebel.” Howard glared at her.

  “This isn’t her fault,” Chance insisted as he boldly approached the outraged old man. “It’s mine. All the anger you’re feeling should be directed toward me.”

  Alexa felt tears burning her eyes and scalding her cheeks. Never had anyone stood up for her the way Chance was doing. Even when they both knew for a fact that she was the one who had gone to him, Chance accepted all the blame. He had the courage to take on Howard in the height of his towering fury.

  “How long has this been going on, Butler?” Howard sneered hatefully. “I bet you couldn’t wait for me and my grandson to hightail it to Tulsa so you could play house under my roof.”

  Howard’s chest swelled like a hot-air balloon, and his eyes shot sparks that penetrated like pieces of shrapnel. “Well, I hope you twist off your damn knee at Fort Worth. And don’t think you can come hobbling back here, because you aren’t welcome, will never be welcome again! I’ll get a restraining order if I have to. This is my home, my family, and you aren’t going to sweet-talk your way in here to take over what I’ve spent years building!”

  “No one is trying to take your ranch away from you,” Chance said calmly. “No one is taking anything that belongs to you, Howard.”

  The old man’s gnarled hand shot toward Alexa. “She does. My grandson does.” He spit hatefully.

  “Howard, you’ve got to calm down,” Alexa insisted as she inched down the steps, alarmed by the wild look in his eyes, the erratic rise and fall of his chest. His face was such a bright shade of crimson that she feared he was about to work himse
lf into a stroke.

  When Alexa reached for Howard, he jerked away as if she were a poisonous snake about to strike him. “You really pulled the wool over my eyes with all your false concern for sending Zack off to the rodeo,” he sputtered furiously. “But you were just itching for me to take Zack away for the weekend, weren’t you? Then you got dressed up fit to kill and walked the streets so you could humiliate me from one end of town to the other!”

  “Howard, lower your voice,” Alexa murmured, casting an apprehensive glance upstairs where Zack slept. “You’ll wake up the boy.”

  “You’re a fine one to show concern now,” Howard said in disgust. “It’s obvious that the only time you take Zack into consideration is when he doesn’t interfere with this fling you have going with the not-so-perfect Chance Butler!”

  “That’s enough, Howard,” Chance gritted out. “Alexa has done nothing to deserve your crude insults.”

  “Like hell she hasn’t. She’s turning out to be as much a flirt as her sister, who runs around with different men to match her moods. Well, I won’t have the townfolks whispering that Alexa is a man’s sure thing!”

  “You leave Deb out of this,” Alexa said heatedly. “This has nothing to do with her.”

  Howard flung Alexa a murderous glance, then hitched his thumb at Chance. “Get the hell out of here. If you’re here in the morning, I’m calling the cops to haul you off. As far as I’m concerned, you both deserve a good shooting!”

  Cursing mightily, Howard stormed toward his bedroom, then slammed the door.

  Alexa sank limply onto the step, her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry,” she said brokenly. “I was afraid he might find out, but I hoped it would be after you left. I never—”

  Chance drew her to her feet and into the comforting circle of his arms. “I don’t care what Howard thinks of me. It’s you I’m worried about. I can’t leave here, wondering and worrying what he might do. I want you to come with me.”

  Alexa gave her head a wild shake, her eyes glistening with tears. “I can’t leave. This isn’t your battle to fight, and it will be easier for me to return to Howard’s good graces when you’re gone. I’ll find a way to smooth over the situation, even if I have to give a sworn statement in blood that I’ll never go near another man.”

  And that was when Chance realized for certain that Alexa’s whispered confession of love wasn’t simply a mindless phrase uttered in the heat of passion. She cared enough to cut herself off from life again, to give Howard what he wanted a permanent maid and waitress who catered to his every whim. There would be no other man in Alexa’s life, no personal pleasure, only continual sacrifice. She would try to live up to Howard’s expectations and allow the old man to fling Dan Tipton’s memory in her face.

  “I can’t let you stay here,” Chance told her. “We’ll take Zack and”

  She stepped away from him. Her chin lifted to that determined angle he was quick to recognize. “Don’t get all noble on me, Butler. I admit that I love you, but do you really think I need a man? I didn’t have one around while I was married. You think I won’t get over this? Better think again. I thought I loved Dan, too. I survived every disappointment and rejection, accepted the fact that I wasn’t a priority in his life. I’m not a priority in your life, either. I chose to live for the moment. But the moment is gone and you will be, too.”

  Chance stood there, watching tears dribble down her cheeks, watching her wrap fierce pride and determination around her like an invisible shield. He knew she was nobly offering him an easy way out. It was so like her, damn it. She stayed to fight, to cope, to tolerate. He was expected to skulk away because that was what she had learned to expect from men like him.

  The easy way out. That was the road Chance had followed all his life. No commitments except to himself, no emotional ties to bind, no burdensome responsibility. And now that he was standing here on the threshold of accepted responsibility—wondering if he would be reliable and adequate, wondering if he could become all the things his own father hadn’t been-Alexa was slamming the door in his face. She was prepared to do it, in order to save him from the frustration and displeasure of dealing with the outraged Howard Tipton.

  Damn noble of her, but infuriating, thought Chance. No matter how much Alexa claimed to care for him, she still expected him to disappoint her, expected him to live down to her low opinion of cowboys. Her faith and trust in him were obviously limited.

  “I’ve already said goodbye,” she whispered through her tears. “Take my truck to town. The keys are in it. Leave it at the airport and I’ll ask my sister to drive me in to pick it up tomorrow.”

  “Alexa—”

  “Please leave,” she interrupted. “If you care anything about me at all, get out of here. That’s what you planned to do. That’s what I want you to do. Now, damn it, do it!”

  If he cared? Chance was awash with so many emotions that he didn’t know what the hell to say or do. And when he stared into her wan face, watching her bleed tears, he felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his belly and then found himself doing as she requested.

  Chance turned and limped out the door. He didn’t look back, didn’t need to. He would carry the image of Alexa standing there until his dying day—possibly longer.

  Chance hobbled to the bunkhouse to collect his belongings. The ache in the pit of his stomach made it hard to breathe. He braced his hand against the wall and tried like hell to pull himself together. He wished he knew Howard well enough to know how vindictive the old man would be, wished Alexa had enough faith in him to let him stay and shoulder the blame for her.

  A grim smile flattened Chance’s lips as he reached for his duffel bag. Alexa claimed to love him, but her words were all the assurance he needed that she had no faith in his staying power. Or rather, he mused, she was afraid to place faith in him, just in case he disappointed her.

  Given her background, he supposed he couldn’t really blame her. But it still hurt like hell to know that she didn’t consider him responsible enough to withstand the difficult situation.

  What a mess, Chance thought as he stuffed his toiletries into the bag. He’d known the situation had complication written all over it when he found himself attracted to Alexa, found himself drawn to that lonely kid. Sure enough, things had blown up in his face.

  Chance glanced toward the sleeping cowboy. Striding forward, he shook Pecos awake—no small task because the injured cowboy was out like a light. “Hey, Pecos, I need to ask a favor.”

  “If it involves physical exertion, we’re in trouble,” Pecos wheezed, holding his arm protectively against his throbbing ribs. “Every breath I take is pure torture.”

  Chance eased down on the edge of the bed, then grabbed the pen and paper off the nightstand. “I’m leaving the phone number of my motel in Fort Worth. I’ll be calling you tomorrow night, and the night after, to check on things here.”

  Pecos managed a crooked grin, though his lips were pasty-white. “Hell, Chance, didn’t know you cared so much about me.”

  “Knock it off, pretty boy. This is serious. Howard and I got crosswise tonight. I don’t want him to do anything crazy.”

  “Why? Because of the knockout in faded blue jeans?” Pecos guessed. “The cowboy crew that was here a couple of weeks ago was talking about how you were sweet on Alexa. Turns out they’re right, huh?”

  Chance scowled. Sometimes cowboys could gossip worse than old hens. He’d probably take a razzing when he returned to the circuit, but it was nothing compared to the ridicule Alexa was likely to face with Howard.

  “Yeah, well, things got a little complicated around here, and I want you to keep tabs on Alexa for me.”

  Pecos smiled knowingly. “The old man laid down the law to me on the way from the airport. He didn’t approve of you messing with his daughter-in-law, did he?”

  “You could say that,” Chance grumbled.

  Pecos shifted carefully on the bed. “You can count on me, Chance. I’ll keep my eyes peeled for po
ssible trouble. If Howard says anything that could be considered remotely threatening I’ll even call the fairgrounds at Fort Worth if I need to get in touch with you immediately.”

  “Thanks. I owe you one.”

  “No, you don’t,” Pecos insisted. “Two years ago you gave me traveling money from your winnings in Mesquite, Texas so I could compete in the next rodeo on the circuit. I haven’t paid you back yet.”

  “You just did,” Chance said as he levered onto his feet. “Spend a little time with the kid, too. Remind Zack to keep his elbow up when he pitches and shoots hoops. Oh, and he’s the Atlanta Braves’ biggest fan. If you don’t know the starting lineup, familiarize yourself. And tell Alexa—”

  Chance broke off abruptly, averting his gaze from Pecos’s unblinking stare. “Just watch out for her, Pecos. She is determined to finish that bed-and-breakfast by herself, and she’s a daredevil on the ladder. Don’t let her get hurt.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Yeah, get well quick,” he said as he scooped up his duffel bag. “I’ll tell the men on the circuit that you send your love.”

  Pecos chuckled, then groaned miserably and hugged his arms against his tender ribs.

  Chance walked out the door.

  It was the hardest thing he’d ever done.

  Chapter Eleven

  For the past few days Alexa felt as if she were walking around the ranch barefoot—on broken glass. Howard rarely spoke to her, wouldn’t look at her. She knew she had shattered his ideals and expectations, but she wasn’t sorry, didn’t regret those precious moments spent with Chance. He’d brought pleasure back into her life, even if it had been short-termed and ended in turmoil.

  She had been touched by Chance’s defensive gestures of accepting the blame and offering to take her away with him. She loved him even more for that, and it had nearly killed her to send him away with those harsh words of assurance that she could live without a man in her life.

  Yet, the determining factor was that Chance had planned to leave before the fiasco with Howard. She had known the rules when she began the affair with Chance. He was a professional cowboy who traveled constantly. They had no commitment to each other.