Some Like It Hopeless (A Temporary Engagement)

by Megan Bryce

  It was Sunday afternoon, the weekenders had gone home, the business suits hadn’t arrived yet. The pool area wasn’t empty but it was sparse. They were the only ones in the pool and she’d stopped him in the deep end. They treaded water, bobbing silently.

  They stared at each other, no Shane standing between them this time. She liked that he looked worried, but then she decided he probably always looked that way a little. He was a worrier.

  She said, “Let me see if I have this right. You want him, you just don’t want to want him.”

  “Shane?”

  “No, the abominable snowman.”

  He didn’t smile. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”

  “It is my business. I’m keeper of his heart, protector of his back.”

  He said softly, “It must be nice to have a friend so true, a friend you can depend on no matter what. He’s a lucky man.”

  And Cassandra, in that moment, hated Christian. Hated that he felt no jealousy toward her. Hated that he thought she was Shane’s friend because she wasn’t. They were soul mates. It wasn’t friendship, it was love.

  It was platonic love, but still.

  Their feet bumped in the water and Christian pushed himself backwards.

  Cassandra said, “Do you even know you’re gay? Because you don’t act like it.”

  That had been ruder than she meant. Or ruder than she normally was, at least.

  His head jerked back and she waited for him to say he wasn’t. To deny it.

  But he took a deep breath and raised his chin. “Because I don’t dress colorfully enough for you?”

  “Because you flinch when he touches you.”

  “I don’t like people touching me.”

  If she was a different kind of person, she would feel sorry for him. Would wrap her arms around him until he did like it. Give him one true friend so he wouldn’t be alone.

  Would let him have Shane to himself so he wouldn’t be alone.

  But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t, she wasn’t.

  She said, “Shane’s not people, is he?”

  “No.”

  Christian’s eyes flicked behind her and widened. Cassandra turned, expecting Shane in his tight-fitting swim trunks, but it was Brady, standing at the edge of the pool and watching them.

  Christian said softly to her back, “I think I could love him, if I let myself. I just haven’t figured out how to do that yet.”

  Cassandra swam away from him like she hadn’t heard, swam toward Brady. She rested her arms on the ledge and looked up at him. He squatted and said, “I’m going to guess that is not Shane.”

  “Good guess. What gave it away?”

  “You looked like you wanted to drown him.”

  She tried not to smile. “You’d hide the body for me, right?”

  Brady’s head tipped up to look behind her. “That bad?”

  He wasn’t. Not that bad. Christian was careful and skittish, and those weren’t her favorite personality traits, but he wasn’t that bad. She just had no patience for people who could hurt Shane. Who would hurt him simply because they didn’t know how to stand tall and proud. Who would hurt him because they didn’t know how to accept what was.

  It was not lost on her that the people who could fill your heart, who could give you a home, were the ones who could hurt you the most.

  She ignored Brady’s question to ask one of her own. “Are you going to get your suit on?”

  He shook his head. “I have a meeting. And then I thought I’d go for a drive.”

  She touched his hand, her cool skin warming against his heat. “Do you want company?”

  “Only if I drive.”

  “It is my car now.”

  He grinned down at her. “I said you could use it. To drive to work and back.”

  “I don’t want to go with you if you’re going to drive. I’d die of boredom.”

  It was just a little prick, to see if he would bleed, to see if his wounds were starting to scab over.

  He said, “Then I guess you should stay here with your friends and enjoy the pool.”

  “Or you could come back down here after your meeting and enjoy it with us.”

  “I have an appointment to keep today, Cassandra.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  A loud splash alerted her that Shane had come back out. Brady lifted his head and stood. He slid his hands into his pockets and watched Shane swim the length of the pool. His eyes tracked, his smile was gone.

  He murmured, “That’s who I’m a surrogate for? I think I’m overselling it.”

  “Don’t make me come out of this pool and hurt you.”

  He looked down at her. “I remember you saying something about my wife that made me want to chuck you down a hill.”

  “And I appreciate that you didn’t. Which is why I’m warning you.”

  He stared down at her a long moment and her breath came faster, her heart sped up. She thought she’d really like it if he put on a tiny little swimsuit and joined her. And it wouldn’t be because she couldn’t have Shane.

  Brady looked back at Shane and Christian, gave them the same blank stare, and she knew the water would be heating up where they were, too. Could practically hear Shane’s breath getting sucked in.

  Brady said, “Don’t kill anyone in my pool.”

  Cassandra cleared her throat. “Shane’s here now. He’s safe.”

  He looked down at her and gave her a small smile, then turned and walked away. Cassandra thought, Lord have mercy, then ducked her head under the water.

  She swam slowly back to Shane and Christian, taking her sweet time, trying to cool down. She surfaced next to them, gulping down air.

  Shane muttered, “I know why you moved into the penthouse. I’ve got tingles.”

  He poked Christian in the side, making him jump, and Shane said, “Come on. Tell me that man did not make you want to take a ride on the wild side.”

  Christian turned a lovely shade of purple. “He’s. . .impressive.”

  Cassandra turned to watch Brady take those last few steps inside, and when he turned, she gave him a little finger wave.

  She said, “Impressive? Yes, yes, he is.”

  Shane sighed. “Tell me he is one of those big, hard men that loves to cuddle, and when he gets his hands on you, he is so gentle you want to choke him.”

  Cassandra flicked her eyes to Christian, still purple, and said, “Gentle? He is not particularly.”

  Shane groaned and whispered, “Rough? Oh, my God. I’m never going to be able to get out of this pool.”

  “We’ll just have to stay in here until you’re all wrinkly and pruny.”

  “Yes, that is how long we’re going to stay in here.” Shane held up his hand. “Only two more questions. Will he be joining us? And does he wear a Speedo?”

  She shook her head. “And I don’t know what he wears. My guess would be. . .he wears nothing.”

  Shane said with no heat, “Bitch,” and she laughed.

  “Cool your jets, Smokey. He wasn’t that hot.”

  “Right. Because your fripples aren’t telling you to pop upstairs for a quickie.”

  Quite a few parts of were telling her to do that but she said, “This water is cold. Too bad that explanation doesn’t work for you.”

  “Too bad the cold water isn’t working for me.”

  She looked down into the water. “Perhaps Christian is on to something with those board shorts. At least while we’re in the water, we just don’t know what he thought about Brady, do we?”

  Shane said, “Brady? Oh, Brady. I like it. And Christian is a red-blooded gay man. We know what he thought about Brady.”

  Christian had been watching them silently but at that he said, “I already said he was impressive. What more do you want?”

  Cassandra said, “We want to hear you say you’d tie that man down and have him six ways to Sunday. Or that he could tie you down. Either one, really.”

  “I’m not going to s
ay that. I wouldn’t say it about a woman; I won’t say it about a man.”

  Shane sighed theatrically. “He’s going to be noble. Respectful.”

  Cassandra didn’t sigh. She said, “You wouldn’t even think it, would you, Christian?”

  When he shook his head, Cassandra said to Shane, “Good Mormon gay boy. You’ll just have to be catty and bitchy and lustful with me.”

  Shane looked at Christian. “Good Mormon gay boy. What am I going to be with you?”

  He sounded like he was honestly wondering. What was Shane going to be, who was he going to be.

  Cassandra swam away. She let him wonder.

  Because that was all she had.

  She couldn’t veto Christian. Shane would have to do that himself.

  She would be as catty, and as bitchy, and as lustful as they normally were. She wouldn’t hide it from Christian.

  Because if he was going to leave, he would have to do it sooner rather than later.

  And if he wasn’t going to leave, then she was going to have to like him. And she was pretty sure that would be impossible.

  When they finished swimming, they went up to the penthouse and ordered from room service, just because.

  Shane ate his fish with gusto and said, “I like it. I like the penthouse. I like Brady. You may continue.”

  “You didn’t even meet him. You just like that he gives you tingles.”

  “Yes. I don’t need to meet him. I just need to look at him.”

  Christian ate his burger and fries with a little less gusto. He had asked for ketchup and mayonnaise, mixing them together to cries of horror. He dipped and ate, dipped and ate, and Cassandra and Shane just looked at each other.

  Christian said, “Are you sure putting our dinners on the tab was okay?”

  Cassandra nodded. “Brady will pay. He just doesn’t know about it yet.”

  Shane said, “I’m sure he knows by now that you will make him pay in myriad ways.”

  “He’s figuring it out. And he lets me be creative in how I pay him back.”

  Shane groaned, closing his eyes. He whispered, “You are killing me.”

  Cassandra flicked her eyes to Christian, wondering just how long it had been for Shane.

  Christian met her eyes, and ate another fry.

  Cassandra almost laughed. Almost thought he knew exactly what he was doing.

  Shane said, “He pays for gas, he’s given you his car, he pays for room service. I don’t even want to know what you are doing to deserve all this.”

  “You want to know.”

  He leaned forward. “I do, I do. Please tell me.”

  She chuckled, shaking her head.

  Shane said, “I looked when you were in the bathroom and I couldn’t find any rope, no handcuffs, no sex toys.”

  “We can’t keep those things out in the open. Housekeeping is in here everyday.”

  Christian let out a long, loud breath. “Do you two only talk about sex?”

  Cassandra looked at Shane. “Pretty sure we do.”

  “What else is there?”

  Christian closed his eyes. “Movies, books. Current affairs.”

  Cassandra said, “Affairs?”

  Shane said, “You know who’s having an affair–”

  Christian shook his head. “No, no, no. Something else. Anything else.”

  What else was there?

  Cassandra took a long, long sip of her wine. Silently vowed that Shane and/or Christian would pay for this. And said, “So, you mean like. . .Dungeons and Dragons?”

  Brady rode the elevator to the penthouse, wondering if he should have taken a longer drive. The front desk had told him that Cassandra’s guest were still in residence, although they’d left the pool. All of them whole and alive.

  They’d ordered dinner and Brady only briefly wondered if they were eating it on his bed.

  He had a table. But Cassandra liked to eat in bed. Off his chest, occasionally.

  But surely the three of them wouldn’t be eating on his bed.

  Surely.

  He relaxed when he saw them sitting at the table.

  Three heads turned in his direction and Cassandra smiled. She said, “Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?”

  He stopped. “No.”

  Cassandra said to Christian, “You’ll have to teach all of us how to play,” and Brady raised his eyebrows.

  Shane shivered and whispered loudly, “He’s going to make you pay for even imagining he’d play a little D&D.”

  Cassandra whispered back, “I know.”

  Shane held a hand to his chest. “And look at me, using the lingo and everything.”

  Cassandra swatted his arm and said, “I know!”

  Shane grinned at her and turned back to Brady. “Come and tell me a little bit about yourself.”

  “Why?”

  Shane whimpered, propping his face on his fist. “Does he ever turn the menace off?”

  “If I say yes, he’ll punish me. So, yes.”

  Brady smiled at her, with his eyes, and headed for a shower.

  When the bathroom door opened, Brady’s hair was full of shampoo and he realized he should have locked the door.

  He said, “That had better be Cassandra.”

  “No. But I won’t peek. Promise.”

  “I’m going to guess you are Shane.”

  “Good guess.”

  Brady paused, remembering Cassandra saying the same thing. Remembering what it was like to be a couple. Not just together, but a couple.

  Shane said, “I wanted to say hello. Meet you. These long glances across a crowded room are just not enough.”

  Brady snorted and rinsed his hair. Shane wanted to mark his territory. He might be gay but he was still a man. And Brady was encroaching.

  “You wanted to make sure I know my place with Cassandra. Behind you.”

  Brady heard rustling, as if Shane was moving items around on the counter, and Shane said, “I do want to make sure you know that. Not to warn you off; just to warn you.”

  “That’s kind of you. But I’m just using her. She’s just using me.”

  “That’s okay. A little mutually beneficial using never hurt anyone. It’s just when one party forgets that it’s just for fun. Cassandra doesn’t normally move in with men she’s known for a few weeks.”

  “I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse.”

  “The car, I know. She also watched me come in here.”

  Brady said, “So you are worried. That I mean more to her than you would like.”

  Shane murmured, “She’s checking. To see how you react to me. If she didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t care what you thought.”

  Brady turned off the water and pulled back the curtain. Shane’s eyes met his in the mirror and Brady said, “I’m not going to react to you. I don’t care one way or the other.”

  Shane glanced down and murmured, “I can see that.”

  He turned around, kept his eyes up, and crossed his arms.

  Just two men, facing off. Over a woman.

  Brady couldn’t see that being gay changed much about being a man. Just who you liked to cuddle up to at night.

  Shane said, “I can at least tell her that she doesn’t need to worry about you being a switch-hitter.”

  Brady chuckled, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. “You think she’d care about that?”

  “Yes. I think she would care a lot. More than I want her to.” Shane’s eyes slid down Brady’s chest. “But really, who could blame her.”

  Brady thought quite a few people could and would, including the two men facing off in this bathroom.

  Shane said, “I love her and I don’t want her hurt.”

  “I don’t know how I could hurt her, she loves you. I don’t know why I’d hurt her, I love someone else.”

  Shane nodded. “Love. C’est impossible.”

  “Impossible and hopeless. Including your little friend out there.”

  “I know,
you can’t even see his knees.” Shane held his hands up and shrugged. “Love. C’est impossible.”

  Brady walked over to stand next to him at the counter. Shane propped his hip against the counter and watched. “And who is it that you love?”

  “My wife.”

  Shane blinked uncontrollably. “Married?”

  “She. . .died.”

  Brady grabbed for his toothbrush and thought that those were actual tears popping into Shane’s eyes.

  “So you give Cassandra your body, but she will never have your heart. And she gives you her body, but you will never feel her love.” Shane closed his eyes. “Oh, that is so painfully beautiful. Oh, I love it.”

  Brady grunted, and when Shane opened his eyes again, the tears were gone. “Easy love is boring. Loving your dead wife is tragic. I adore tragic.”

  “Loving your gay friend is just as tragic.”

  “And I adore Cassandra. I love her. If she’d been born a man, or if I’d been born straight, we would have been so happy. It would have been easy. And then, we’d be boring.”

  Brady turned his head away from the mirror, to look Shane in the eyes, and saw the same look that was in Cassandra’s.

  Life’s a bitch. What’s next?

  And he saw also that Cassandra was Shane’s, always would be.

  Brady nodded imperceptibly. He didn’t want Cassandra. Not her heart, not her love.

  She was only a little distraction. A little bit of peace.

  Shane pushed away from the counter and gave him a little finger wave. “Thanks for the show.”

  Brady waited until Shane had pushed open the bathroom door to say, “You’re welcome.”

  Brady was still grooming a few minutes later when there was a light knock on the door. He sighed, hanging his head. He hadn’t realized that when he’d moved Cassandra in, he’d moved her entire posse in.

  He said loudly, “Who is it this time?”

  Cassandra open the door and leaned against the jamb. “They’ve gone home. Are you done with meetings for tonight?

  He nodded, even though she already seemed to know his schedule. “I’m free for a few hours.”

  “Oh, good.”

  “No. You’ve been very, very bad. A man’s shower time is sacred.”

  He walked toward her, slowly, menacingly. He wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and walked her toward the bed.