Under the Flame Tree

by Karen Wood

  Kirra stood and stormed to her bedroom. She threw herself on her bed and stared through the window at the darkness. Everything seemed gone. Daniel, her job, any chance of going to college. She wasn’t sure how long she lay there, staring at the ceiling before her door burst open and the light slapped on.

  She threw an arm over her eyes. ‘Ever heard of knocking?’ she said.

  ‘I talked to Tom. The job’s still yours if you want it,’ said her dad.

  Kirra sat up and squinted into the bright light. ‘What?’

  ‘I said you can have your job back. Now that Daniel’s gone Tom and I think you might be able to focus a bit better, find less trouble to get into.’

  ‘Can I still go to college?’

  ‘If you don’t stuff up again.’

  Kirra flopped back onto the bed. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Don’t let me down.’

  ‘I won’t,’ she said, rolling her head to face him. ‘I promise.’

  He slapped the light off and closed the door. Kirra was left staring out the window again. This was what she wanted most, wasn’t it? Why did she still feel so empty?

  Outside was black. There was no frame of light around the cottage windows, only the dark line of the low ridges across the horizon. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling while a storm crashed around inside her chest, picking up her heart and smashing it against her ribs, drawing into calm again and then hurling it around some more.

  Winter passed slowly at Moorinja. The days shrank to what felt like a few meagre hours of daylight before closing over into darkness again. Kirra started each morning as though she had concrete in her boots, barely noticing the bright red sunrises, working methodically through the cold, windy days and finishing off the horses in the shed while outside, the sun set purple and gold without her.

  Each morning was shrouded in fog. The weight of the buckets dragged at her arms as she fed the horses. One foot stepped mechanically in front of the other. She could still think, see, hear, but her heart was numb. Time pulled her into the next minute and then the next.

  She got text messages from Daniel. He was in Brisbane, talking to solicitors, or he was back at Rutherford, trying to talk to his mother. But there was never any mention of coming back to Moorinja. She saw no point in answering them. Gradually, they became less frequent.

  After a few weeks, they stopped altogether. Kirra tried to stay focused on work. She kept Iceman as her mustering horse and the brisk early-morning starts triggered playful bucking sessions, the only thing that brought a smile to her face. Boss Carney noticed it again. ‘Might have to move that horse on,’ he said. ‘No one else can get on him.’

  Kirra began holding Iceman in tighter, restraining him more. It left him sour all day, gnawing at the bit with his ears flat back and sniping at the cattle, but she couldn’t bear the thought of the big black horse being sold off.

  Pete and Paul remained their cheerful selves, playing the larrikins while they worked the yards, weighing and processing the heifers. On Fridays she could hear them laughing with Steve and Old Jack when they had knock-off drinks.

  She didn’t stick around, unable to plaster on a smile and unable to shake Daniel from her thoughts. His voice, low and gentle when he said her name, echoed through her mind a thousand times a day. On the slow days behind the cattle, she was taunted by visions of him, shirtless in the cattle trough. His half smile and eyes of molten chocolate.

  Above the smoko table, the flame tree was completely bare. Its buds were small and hard and Kirra wondered if it would ever sprout with life again. As spring approached, the days began getting longer and the night-time chill eased. Still no rain. The cows began to calve. The September school holidays arrived and if it weren’t for Natalie ringing and telling her, they’d have gone by unnoticed amid the busy calving season.

  ‘Come and stay over,’ Kirra begged over the phone. ‘Stay for the whole week. Dad won’t mind. I’m going crazy here.’

  ‘We could go into town,’ Natalie suggested. ‘There are some good movies on.’

  ‘I have to work – I haven’t earned any holidays yet. But you can come and muster with me. The calves are dropping everywhere, you’d love it here right now.’

  ‘Okay, okay,’ said Natalie.

  Kirra brightened immediately. ‘So are you coming for the whole week?’

  ‘Sure, why not?’

  Kirra rode Iceman through the stud paddocks with Natalie on one of the older station mares. Egrets flew in and out of the nearby stands of box trees, landing among the resting cows, picking through the long dry grass for insects. The cows turned long, elegant faces and black eyes towards the girls, ears fanning slowly around their cheeks. Kirra laughed at her friend’s delighted response to the beautiful little faces peering up at them through the grass.

  ‘Oh, they’re so adorable,’ Natalie squealed, startling the calves to their feet.

  Some nuzzled at their mum’s udders while others waggled their curly tails as they skipped alongside their grazing mums. More than half the drop had landed already, and the rest of the cows were bursting at the seams, only moments away from calving. Some, Kirra could tell from their brands, had been on the station longer than she had; they were carrying their seventh or eighth calves.

  Paul rode out and joined them. She left Natalie to ride alongside him and make conversation, falling back and detouring to the gullies and creek beds to check on cows. She rode behind them back to the homestead.

  ‘So how was your school term?’ Paul was asking.

  ‘Long and tedious,’ Natalie answered. ‘I can’t wait till I can drive so I can come home more often. You guys are so lucky working here.’

  ‘So you need some wheels until then,’ said Paul, riding one-handed, the other hand resting on his thigh. ‘I could pick you up sometimes.’

  ‘Really?’ Nat held the reins as though she was pushing a shopping trolley.

  ‘Sure, I go into town all the time.’

  The old mare stumbled without warning, dropping her shoulder from under Nat and making her scream.

  Paul reached over and took the mare’s reins, steadying the horse for Natalie. ‘You okay?’

  Kirra noticed his shirt was tucked in. And clean. And his sleeves were rolled up past his biceps.

  ‘This horse is wild,’ Nat said, clutching the front of the saddle. Kirra rolled her eyes. If that mare was any quieter it would be dead. She chuckled to herself as she listened to Paul give her a few pointers. ‘Loosen your reins. Just let her walk next to my horse and she’ll be fine.’

  When she got back to the horse yards, Tom was in the shed. ‘Give that horse a good hose-off and put him in the front yards,’ he said. ‘His new owner’s picking him up later today.’

  Kirra’s heart nearly stopped. ‘His new what?’

  ‘His new owner. I sold him.’

  ‘Who to?’

  ‘Another station,’ said Tom, and Kirra didn’t like the way he sounded so vague.

  ‘You didn’t sell him to a rodeo contractor, did you?’ Tears welled in her eyes and her chest felt as if it would collapse. Next to her, Iceman nuzzled her shoulder and she ran a hand over the top of his neck. ‘He won’t buck long enough for them; he’ll put in some big ones but he won’t keep going, he won’t be any good. They’ll just traumatise him again and then they’ll dog him.’

  ‘Relax, Kirra. He’s going to a good home.’ Tom turned on his heel with no more explanation and left the building.

  Kirra led Iceman to the wash bay in a shocked daze. She hosed him all over, washing off every trace of sweat and dirt. She picked up a scraper, ran it over his body and flicked off all the excess water. Then she put her arms around his hot wet neck and sobbed shamelessly. She’d failed him. She hadn’t got him going smooth enough and now he was being sold on. She’d let her best mate down. ‘I’m sorry, buddy,’ she whispered into his coat.

  Natalie came skipping into the wash bay. ‘The guys are having drinks at the bunker again,’ she s
aid, coyly twisting a strand of her long blonde hair over her shoulder. ‘Coming?’

  Kirra tried to pull herself together. ‘After last time – are you kidding me?’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ said Nat, looking suddenly worried. ‘Your eyes are all red. You’ve been crying.’

  ‘The boss sold Iceman.’ The tears started all over again.

  ‘Oh, Kirra,’ said Nat, and put her arms around her shoulders.

  ‘I tried everything. I reined him in, but he got miserable. He’s just like that, he doesn’t mean it. I’m so worried about where he’s going. I mean, who buys a horse that bucks?’ Kirra took a deep breath and pulled herself out of Nat’s arms. ‘Do you mind if I just hang out with Iceman?’

  ‘Are you sure?’ said Nat. ‘It feels wrong leaving you here when you’re so upset.’

  ‘I want to say goodbye to him,’ said Kirra and she managed to smile through her tears. ‘Besides, you’ve got it bad for Paul. It’ll make me puke watching you two being all lovey-dovey.’

  Nat blushed. ‘Do you mind?’

  Kirra threw her hand at her. ‘You go. I still have some jobs to do anyway.’ She turned the hose back on and began washing out the bay.

  Natalie skipped out of the horse shed and stopped abruptly in the doorway. ‘Ah . . . Kirra?’

  ‘Yep?’ The concrete wash bay had a week’s worth of horse dung in it. She blasted the clods until they liquefied and ran in green rivers into the surrounding drain.

  ‘Think you got a visitor.’

  ‘Who is it?’ Kirra hoped it wasn’t the stock agents again. She hadn’t filled in any of her paperwork. ‘I’ll be there in a second.’ She finished the hosing, gathered up various brushes and scrapers and generally tidied the bay. Then she smeared her wet hands over the front of her jeans. She was filthy anyway. Natalie was grinning her head off as Kirra joined her at the open doorway. ‘Who is it?’

  29

  In the home yard, Daniel stood by the door of a dusty four-wheel drive, a black T-shirt loose over his muscled chest. He ran his hand through his hair and scanned the homestead, until his eyes met Kirra’s. Then he took his hat from the front seat and slammed the door closed. He walked directly towards her, pulling his hat onto his head.

  Kirra retreated quickly to the shed. ‘Nat, why didn’t you warn me?’ she hissed.

  ‘I thought you’d be pleased,’ said Nat, sounding confused.

  Kirra tried to control the happy chaos inside her chest even as she cursed under her breath. She was a mess, hair everywhere and splattered in manure. Her eyes must be red raw. Suddenly she had no idea what to do with herself.

  ‘Kirra.’ Daniel’s voice, low and soft.

  ‘Love to join you guys, but I have prior arrangements,’ said Nat quickly. She threw Kirra a wink. ‘You know where to find me.’

  Kirra barely heard her. Daniel’s gaze was roaming over her, roving up and down her face, along her neck and back to her face again. His eyes went heavy when they connected with hers.

  She had so many questions to ask him. About his court case, about Lisa, about his family. She could so easily gush all over him, fall straight back into adoring him. But what he had done – left her hanging – pulled her up hard.

  Kirra felt the hurt of the last few months roll into a giant wrecking ball in her stomach and start swinging around. She turned and walked further into the shed without answering him.

  As she went about making herself busy, gathering up saddles and horse gear that had been used that day, she felt him come into the shed. The quiet chewing of the horses stopped as they lifted their heads from their feedbins. Hooves brushed over soft earth floor. A nicker. Footsteps.

  Kirra took a towel and began rubbing at Iceman’s back. Long minutes passed, broken only by the resumed chewing of the horses and the swishing sounds of the brush over the horse’s fur. He didn’t speak. But she could still feel him, his eyes on her. She paused and slowly turned around. ‘What do you want?’

  He came closer, making her lungs tighten and her breath stop.

  ‘Daniel, I . . .’ She was going to say, I can’t do this, but he took a step closer. For a moment the only sounds between them were bird feet scratching on the iron roof above and an automatic trough hissing with water at the other end of the shed. He took another step towards her and the closer he got the more beautiful he was: taller, stronger . . .

  Something sparked inside her like steel over a flintstone. She stepped back and bumped into Iceman, making him jump.

  Daniel quirked an eyebrow, stopped and folded his arms, which only made him look all the more gorgeous. ‘When do you knock off?’ His voice flowed through her.

  ‘Uh, soon,’ she said. ‘I just need to pack up.’

  She took a saddle from off the rail and he stepped forward to take it from her. His hands brushed hers beneath it and she felt his touch zing through her arms.

  He took it to the harness shed and hung it on the rack on the wall. She followed with two more and some bridles. The only racks left were up high, which she couldn’t reach.

  ‘Here, let me help.’ He took them from her and hoisted them up. ‘Now, are you finished?’

  ‘Um, no, there’s some more gear . . .’

  ‘Leave it,’ he said, closing the gap between them and brushing the backs of his knuckles over the sides of her neck. She sank slowly into his chest and ran her arms around his back. His arms wrapped around her and his breath whistled through her hair. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered.

  She breathed him in, soap and clean sweat, and felt the contours of his chest through the threadbare fabric of his T-shirt, lifting with his every breath.

  ‘I thought you would never come back,’ she said. ‘Wasn’t that the deal?’

  ‘No, I said I would quit working here. I never agreed to leave you behind.’

  Kirra looked up, her face square with his. ‘But you did.’

  ‘Only for as long as I had to,’ he said. ‘I’ve got everything else sorted out. Come to Rutherford.’

  Outside, footsteps and voices approached. Daniel left his arms possessively around her and she stood awkwardly as Jim and Troy came into the harness room.

  Scooting in after them came a small girl in boots, jeans and a mustering hat that was too big for her. Kirra recognised it as Daniel’s. ‘Come on, Lisa!’ she called back out to the yard. ‘She’s in here!’

  Lisa was here too?

  She appeared in the doorway looking awkward. ‘Hi,’ she said, lifting a hand in a half-hearted wave and then shoving it into her pocket.

  ‘Hi,’ said Kirra, mirroring the awkward wave and stiff smile.

  The little girl put an arm around Troy’s waist and looked up to him. ‘Is that Dan’s girlfriend?’ she asked in a loud whisper.

  Troy smirked. ‘Yep. That’s the one he always talks about.’

  ‘This is Kirra,’ said Daniel. ‘Kirra, this is Sam.’

  ‘Hi, Kirra,’ said Sam with huge brown eyes. ‘Guess what. I have a big sister.’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘And I didn’t even know!’

  Everyone in the shed laughed.

  The girl eyed Kirra up and down. ‘Troy reckons you can ride a steer better than all the boys.’

  Kirra smiled. ‘Daniel reckons you can ride a calf better than all the boys.’

  Sam nodded solemnly. ‘Yep.’

  ‘We should buck some out together some time,’ said Kirra.

  A delighted smile spread across Sam’s face. ‘Now?’

  ‘Well – next time we muster.’

  Kirra’s dad appeared in the shed and held out a hand to Troy and then Daniel. ‘Joss wants to know if you’ll stay for tea.’

  Her dad had known they were coming?

  ‘I’m going to give Troy a preview of the grass-fed bulls that’ll be up for sale next month. We’ll catch up with you guys later.’

  Troy and Jim stepped into one of the station four-wheel drives. Sam took Lisa by the hand and dragged her to the back door. ‘Come on, we don’t w
ant to watch Dan kissing his girlfriend. That’s disgusting.’

  They’d barely left when Daniel reached down and pressed his lips to Kirra’s.

  She kissed him back. His hand slid under the hem of her shirt and moved slowly along the skin of her back, making shivers run up her spine. She pressed into him, kissing him harder, falling into a place where nothing existed but him, his smell, his touch, his kiss, his arms around her. ‘Come to Rutherford,’ he mumbled into her kiss.

  ‘And do what?’ she whispered.

  ‘Live, work, be with me.’

  She pulled away. ‘That could be messy.’

  ‘Messy’s good.’ He took a strand of her hair between two fingers and placed it behind her ear. Her hair, she realised, must be sticking up in every direction. ‘Messy’s cute.’

  ‘Workplace romances are never a good idea,’ she said, ‘especially with the boss’s kid.’

  He grinned. ‘Don’t I know it.’ He started kissing her again. ‘I just want to be with you. I can put you first now.’

  She kissed him back, then broke away again. ‘But I don’t want you to be my boss.’

  He hooked his arms around her waist and cocked his chin to one side. ‘I wouldn’t be. We’d work together.’

  ‘I want to go to college next year.’

  ‘You still could. The company does apprenticeships all the time.’

  The company . . . She didn’t want to be part of a company. He wasn’t getting this.

  ‘Daniel . . .’ She let go of him and gently pushed at his shoulders, taking a step back.

  ‘What do you want?’ he asked, looking suddenly worried. ‘Tell me, anything, it’s yours.’

  ‘I just want to be your girlfriend and I want you to be my boyfriend.’

  He gave a relieved laugh and a boyish smile. ‘Then what’s wrong?’

  ‘I want to live at Moorinja. I like my job here.’

  His face dropped a little and she put her hand to his cheek, running her thumb along the scar under his eye. ‘I want you to come and pick me up on a Friday night and take me out. I want you to come in and have a beer with my dad. I want you to ring me up. I want you to send me text messages through the day. I want to be dying to see you all week. I want you to be dying to see me.’