Amanda's Touch [D.A.R.E.ing Women] (Siren Publishing Allure)

by LeeAnn Masters

  “Can I ask you something? Will you be honest with me?” Zack asked, changing direction. He did want to know what she saw but he was still replaying her earlier words in his head. “I’m moving on,” she’d said. Not waiting for her to answer, he asked.

  “Mandy, are you still planning on leaving me?” he whispered.

  Unconsciously he tightened his arms even more, as though to keep her with him. She looked at him in shock and he realized she didn’t remember telling him.

  “You told me, earlier, that you have your resignation typed up. That you were thinking of moving to Florida, remember?”

  She groaned and covered her face with her hands as she recalled her drunken rant.

  “Also, I couldn’t help but notice the for-sale sign in the yard,” he added dryly.

  “Babe, please, you’re killing me over here. I don’t want to lose you and I think we both made in-roads tonight to make this work. Don’t you feel it? Doesn’t it feel different somehow?”

  “Zack, what do you think? Can we make this work, long-term?” she questioned him, snuggling closer to him, wanting his comfort.

  She hadn’t been upset about his asking if she was staying. She was angry at herself for upsetting him with her childishness.

  “Are you sure you want me to stay with you. We’ve already talked about how difficult this is going to be. Have you thought about it this week?”

  “Mandy, I’m not ever going to tell you this is going to be easy. I don’t expect it to be. Nothing, worth having, comes free or easy. You have to work for it.” He began trying to think how to phrase it so it would be both honest and hopeful. “Neither of us is a stranger to hard work. We just both have to be willing to compromise. If I’ve learned anything during your week of silence, it’s that I can’t stand not being with you.”

  He took a deep breath. “Now, I’ve been honest with you. Will you please answer me? Do you still see us together?”

  She hesitated for a long time as she searched for and caught another future flash, and he gently nudged her to get her to answer him.

  “Yes. I still see us together,” she whispered. “No. I don’t plan to leave you. Not if you want me to stay, and if you’re willing to work with me and not control me. But, you’re right. This will be anything but easy. Especially with the newest challenge we’ll soon have to face.”

  Her newest vision gave her a date. It was Christmas of the following year, she could see the year stamped on a Baby’s First Christmas ornament. His quizzical look stopped her and she closed her eyes laying her hand over her stomach as it churned.

  “As far as selling the house, it’s simply time,” she added quietly. “Past time, really. No matter where I wind up, I need a change. Putting the house up for sale will make me seek that.”

  She missed his disgruntled look because she was caught up in her own little world and began to panic again as she realized that she’d been drinking that night. She’d had what? Two and a half beers? That was a lot for her. Oh dear God, if she was pregnant…

  She briefly wondered if she’d done any damage and spent several minutes rechecking her visions in slow motion for anomalies in the children she’d seen. Something almost pulled her from her visions, because it felt like she’d been stung. She rubbed at her arm and then dove back into her thoughts. She heaved a sigh of relief. She was lucky. The babies would be healthy.

  From now on, she’d make sure to do everything she could for a healthy pregnancy. Babies! Oh gosh! She was happy and terrified at the same time. Is this how Diane felt when Amanda had dropped the bombshell on her? And how strange and unlikely that they both be pregnant at the same time with fraternal twins! As she pondered the circumstances she thought they probably had a better chance of hitting the lottery.

  Zack began to worry. Amanda was unresponsive to his questions and staring at nothing in particular. He tapped her, none too gently, on the inside of her right wrist and she swung an absent gaze on him momentarily. He started to apologize for hitting her but she only absently rubbed at her wrist and looked away again. She didn’t seem to realize he’d literally slapped her to gain her attention. This was scarily like last weekend.

  “Amanda!” Zack released her and sat up, looking down on her as her eyes became unfocused again. What the hell was she seeing that had her so distant?

  “Mandy? Babe! What new challenge?” Like they didn’t have enough going on?

  “Whatever it is we can handle it together. I promise,” he vowed, knowing he was speaking to himself because she wasn’t with him.

  Groaning in frustration, he laid back down to wait her out. She wasn’t doing this deliberately, he reminded himself. She was either in extremely deep thought, or coping with a vision about something big. He could feel the panic seething just beneath the surface, along with fear, which had become almost crippling to her in its severity for several minutes but then abated. Right now he’d have to deal with her panic. The other emotions were surprise and concern.

  Wrapping his arms around her again he pushed calming pulses and waited to see what she’d do. Would she be angry with him for influencing her? He wasn’t sending a continuing wave at her to bury her feelings, or control them. He was sending just enough to for her to grab onto, to help her through whatever the hell she’d seen. Compromise, he told himself.

  To his surprise after several more minutes she blinked at him, slowly refocusing, and hugged him tight saying, “Thank you. I needed some help there, and you gave me just enough.” She laid back and smiled at him, though it was still a little panicked.

  “Please, talk to me. You’ve got me all tied up in knots over here.” Even his eyes were wide and pleading.

  He watched as Amanda opened her mouth and nothing came out. She took a deep breath and choked a little.

  “Spit it out, Amanda. You’ve chewed it enough, sweetheart. How bad can it be?” He knew it could be bad, but didn’t want to admit he was worried. Chances were good she knew it anyway.

  “Um…” she stammered and swallowed. “Uh…well…” She laughed a little hysterically when he shook her just a bit, making the bed frame vibrate and the headboard knock against the wall.

  “Mandy, come on already!” he growled. He could tell she was struggling with something massive and was ready to throttle her for not sharing.

  “What the hell did you see, Amanda!” His voice rose in his worry again and he could have kicked himself as he felt her shut down on him.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell,” he said more calmly. “Please, baby. Please tell me. Whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as what I’m imagining!”

  She nodded and pulled herself together with a visible effort. “We don’t need to worry about using the condoms for a while,” she began, trying to ease into it.

  “What? Amanda Grace! I’m in no mood. Say it straight out!” He ordered. Even as he said the words his mind was churning through the meaning of hers.

  “I’m…” she stopped again and looked at him fearfully. She was stunned when his smile lit up the darkened room. It was so bright and wide she could see it in the near dark.

  “You’re pregnant?” he finished for her. His question was more a statement as he checked her feelings and found truth, more fear, more panic, and just a trace amount of happiness.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I’m pregnant. I am so sorry, Zack. I should have thought about being careful. I know this is going to make things so much tougher.”

  He silenced her with a long deep kiss and hugged her so tight that she had to beg him to ease up before he cracked her spine.

  “You’re pregnant.” He stated it almost disbelievingly, again, as though to get it through his own head.

  “No! We’re pregnant!” He kissed her again, hard.

  “We’re pregnant!” The happiness in his voice was unquestionable.

  “Zack?” Amanda looked at him uncertainly. He seemed excited! That was not the reaction she’d expected. What guy is ever happy to be informed of an un
planned pregnancy?

  “Honestly. I’m not trying to trap you, or anything. I’m more than capable of handling this on my own, if it’s too much for you.” She gulped. She didn’t want to do this on her own, but knew she could if she had no choice.

  “A baby, Amanda. I’m…I mean we’re going to have a baby! Together.” He caught her gaze with his.

  His eyes grave, he reminded, “I told you last weekend. We’d face whatever happened together, remember? I was already in this before you told me you were pregnant. Why would I run away when I find out such fantastic news?”

  “Zack, are you sure? It’s a lot to take in and I don’t know that you’re thinking clearly about this.”

  She was trying to give him time to come to grips with the news and get over the shock before he made promises he couldn’t keep. His history of indecisiveness was still very front and foremost in her mind. Last weekend he’d initially taken the knowledge of her psychic abilities with aplomb and then had backpedaled once it had sunk in. She wasn’t sure how she’d be able to handle it if he backpedaled on wanting their children.

  “Oh, sweetheart! Of course I’m sure! Though, I am worried about you. Are you okay with this? I mean, I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to do. But I’ve already told I don’t believe in abortion, and even if you don’t want this child I do.” He trapped her gaze with his own and held it there, making sure she understood how serious he was.

  She gasped in horror. “I would never abort a child, Zachary! No! Definitely not! I thought I’d already made that clear.” She shuddered at what he implied. “I definitely want to keep them.” The last sentence she spoke absently, she was still wondering how he could even think she’d be capable of killing their children.

  “Them?” His voice sounded a bit strangled and she realized she’d slipped up. Oh hell! Now he’d definitely run, and who the hell could blame him?

  “How many?” he asked a little fearfully.

  When he’d told his sister he was ready to start a family he hadn’t anticipated more than one at a time, but what the hell? They’d been blessed with a jump start. Multiples? He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

  “Two.” She eyed him curiously to see his reaction.

  “Boys or girls? Do you know yet?” He sounded calmer this time and was proud of himself.

  As he rolled the thought around in his mind he liked it more and more. Amanda would be a fantastic mother, and as he’d told Cara, he was ready. He could see himself helping her with two a.m. feedings, or would she want to breast feed, he wondered? That would be best for the babies but, with double trouble, probably a little too much for poor Amanda. They’d have time to figure it out though.

  “Actually, one of each.” She smiled.

  “The girl will have my auburn hair and your blue eyes. The boy will have your black hair and my green eyes,” she whispered. Peering into her vision once more she worried about Zack’s possible loss of sanity.

  “Mandy! Babies! We’re having babies!” He rolled her on top of him and held her tightly against him. His eyes were alight with excitement and wonder.

  “Zack, I looked to see if they were all right. I mean, I double checked the visions of the future, and they seem healthy. But, I’m asking you, as a doctor, since I was drinking tonight. Will they be okay? I didn’t know when I did it. I swear I didn’t know! I would never have even had one beer if I’d known.”

  Her anxiety grew because she already felt like a failure as a mother, and she was what, six days pregnant, tops?

  He kissed her again, trying to alleviate her anxiety but knowing he had to be truthful, too. “Babe, I’ll be honest. It’s never a good idea to drink when you’re pregnant. It can cause severe birth defects, more commonly known as fetal alcohol syndrome, if you were a dedicated drinker. But if you saw they were healthy then I’m sure they’re fine. Just don’t drink any more. Got it?”

  “Ordinary people don’t know they’re pregnant until at least a month or more into it. In full doctor mode he continued, “From now on, only healthy foods. Speaking of which, when is the last time you actually ate anything? I would swear you look like you lost more weight this past week.” He gave her a stern look, daring her to deny it.

  “I don’t eat when I’m stressed, Zack. My stomach gets all snarled up. All this week I was thinking about you, and me, and how screwed up we were. And, oh jeez! Now this!”

  She began to shake in reaction as it all hit her. Widowed, unmarried, pregnant with twins, in a new and highly volatile relationship, trying to bring down an embezzler, and tomorrow she still had to deal with Joshua and his contingent of specters.

  Chapter 15:

  Remembrance

  Zack was ecstatic. It was two in the morning and he was wide awake because of his excitement. Briefly, he wondered. Was it so wrong of him to want something to tie him and Amanda together? Was it so wrong to want something that would hold her here? Was he being selfish? It seemed as though his prayer had been answered. She was staying, but for what reason? He could only hope it was for the right one, because she wanted to. Not because she felt stuck due to her pregnancy.

  He knew she was still uncertain, both about their predicament, and how he felt about it. She’d mentioned numerous times that she was not attempting to trap him in a relationship. She had apologized many times more for putting them in this quandary. His only concern was how panicked she seemed to be over it all. She seemed happy too, but more panicked than anything. The news she’d at first taken with at least a modicum of excitement and joy had been replaced with the feeling of trepidation as it settled in on her.

  He’d offered assurances that they would be okay. That this wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle together. He’d stressed over and over that he was going to be there for her and for their children, and that he wanted this. None of that was a lie. He was, quite obviously, much happier about their circumstances than Amanda.

  She’d sobbed herself to sleep, and every moment of her pain from the situation burned another hole straight through him. This should have been a celebrated event, not something over which she was all broken up. He wasn’t sure how much of the news was shock, how much was a reminder of her past, and how much she felt it altered her own plans for her future, a future that for the past week had not included him.

  As she hitched another uneven sob in her sleep he pulled her closer, tucking her still naked body tightly against his chest and groin. He tenderly caressed one rough hand over the velvety soft skin of her flat tummy, where his children were ensconced. She couldn’t be more than five or six days pregnant at this point, so the babies were still only teeny bundles of cells forming and dividing. How miraculous procreation was. In just nine months a whole new person was made from scratch, and in their case two whole new persons!

  He couldn’t wait to tell Eric, who was bound to give him loads of shit about it. He’d always accused Zack of being competitive. He laughed, thinking of what his buddy would have to say to them both having twins. How phenomenal were those chances, he wondered? Then again, Amanda and Diane were inseparable in a variety of ways. Maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised.

  The air suddenly became thicker and warmer. Zack glanced around him, quickly pulling the sheet up and over Amanda’s bare breasts and shoulders. Why the hell couldn’t David make a frigging appointment so he’d know when he was going to show up? he wondered in annoyance. It seemed like the guy was forever catching him in bed, with his wife. Then he realized that was because that was when Amanda was in his arms and he could see and hear him, when the hell else would David be able to contact him?

  “Hmm…” was all David could manage to say, when he first appeared. He cleared his throat and apologized. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, uh… anything.” He looked so miserable and uncomfortable that Zack began to feel bad for him.

  “I was just dropping in to check on Amanda. She seemed overwrought earlier but I didn’t want to show up again while she was awake and piss h
er off. She hasn’t talked to me for most of the week.” He looked forlorn and Zack quietly chuckled.

  “She hasn’t spoken to me for almost a week either,” he admitted abashedly.

  David grimaced at him. “I know! She’s been busy crying herself to sleep every night because she’s mad at you, or missing you, or wanting you…” He trailed off and Zack began replaying Amanda’s words in his mind. I’m moving on… Those words would stay ingrained in his psyche.

  “I see she’s told you she’s thinking about leaving? Moving away? I’m worried, Zack. As much as I hate to find her in anyone’s arms but my own, she’s supposed to be with you now. Don’t let her screw that up!” David’s insistent voice began to escalate and Amanda half roused. Both men froze and waited quietly for her to settle back to sleep.

  David studied her intently. “I see she’s been crying again. What the hell’s going on now? She’s with you. I thought you guys had figured things out?” He stopped and looked at Zack as he read his thoughts. “Oh man. Jesus Christ, Zack! Don’t you know what the hell a condom is?” David berated him and Zack could feel himself turn beet red. He felt like his father had come down on him for impregnating his teenaged girlfriend.

  “Accidents are called accidents for a reason, David. We didn’t plan on it. It just happened.” Then he reconsidered. He had planned on seducing Amanda. It had been premeditated. He’d just gotten ahead of himself. David read the lie in Zack’s thoughts.

  “Uh huh! Sure!” David shook his head “She doesn’t need this shit right now!” he hissed angrily. “Do you have any fucking idea how stressed out she is? Of course you do. You can read her emotions. So you should fucking know better! Are you trying to push her over the edge again?”

  “Stop talking about me like I’m not here, guys,” Amanda moaned and clutched at her head and stomach. She was definitely going to pay for those three beers. Why had she thought that was such a great idea earlier?