Invasion of the Boy Snatchers

by Lisi Harrison

  Massie leaned over and lifted the sunglasses off the mysterious stranger’s face. “Dylan?”

  “Shhhh. If my buther knows I came here, she’ll kill be. She thinks I’m doo sick do be out in the cold, but there’s doh way I’b gonna let someone else shoot Chris Plovert.” She broke into a coughing fit.

  “Wait, you don’t have a brother,” Kristen piped in.

  “Buther, not brother. Buther!”

  “Is that a jumble?” A hopeful smile spread across Kristen’s face.

  “I think she’s trying to say ‘mother,’” Claire offered.

  “I ham,” Dylan sighed. “I’m just doh duffed dup.”

  “Dylan, did you lose weight?” Nina asked. “You look so slim.”

  “Really?” Dylan smiled. “Maybe it’s because I’b wearing black.”

  “I think it’s because you have a very sexy figure.” Nina smiled.

  “Thanks, Deena. You look really good in those shorts.”

  Claire looked at Massie and stuck her finger down her throat. Massie giggled.

  “Is dis another inside joke between you two?” Dylan barked.

  “No!” Claire and Massie shouted at the same time.

  “Whatever.” Dylan rolled her eyes. “Does anyone have any gloss? By lips are chapped.”

  “Here, you can keep this.” Massie gave Dylan her tube of Taco Belle.

  Dylan spread the wand across her lips. “Ew!” She whipped the tube onto the soccer field. “Even I can smell dat! Dince when is Sweaty Butt a lip gloss flavor?”

  Everyone burst out laughing.

  “Here, try mine.” Nina passed a gold tube of gloss down the row. Then she blew a huge pink bubble with her gum and smiled when it popped all over her shiny lips.

  Dylan sniffed it and smiled. “Better. I don’t dmell a thing. Dhanks.”

  “Lemme take a whiff.” Dylan held the wand up to Claire’s nose. “Mmmm, Cotton Candy,” Claire said loud enough for Massie to hear. But Massie’s face was buried in her game of Breakout. “Mmmm, Cotton Candy,” Claire shouted again. “Massie, you’d love this—have a smell.”

  “Huh?” Massie looked up. Her eyes were tearing, either from the wind or sheer boredom.

  “Smell.”

  Massie leaned forward. She positioned her tiny button nose over the wand and sniffed. Her face came to life like she had just inhaled a bag of smelling salts, then a second later she squinted.

  “Nina, am I a used Band-Aid?”

  “Uh, no.” Nina’s eyes were fixed on the soccer players.

  “Then why did you rip me off?” Massie’s voice was flat and calm, but her teeth were showing, like an attack dog’s.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “You stole my lip gloss!” Massie yelled.

  “Ma’am, I found it!” a referee yelled back from the field.

  He was holding up the tube of Taco Belle and waving it between his fingers. He fake-tossed it to let Massie know he was about to throw it. When he actually did, Massie made no effort to catch it, and the stinky gloss plopped down in a muddy puddle just below their feet.

  “Where’s my crimper? Did you take that too?”

  “And what about my bike lock?” Kristen chimed in.

  A look of panic washed over Alicia’s face, as if she were the one being accused. “Nina, did you take Massie’s lip gloss?”

  “No!” Nina pouted the way grown-ups do when they want you to think they’re offended. “That’s crazy talk.”

  “Then where did you get this?” Massie was shaking the gold tube.

  “I bought it at the duty-free shop in the airport.” Nina stood up and jumped off the bleacher. She bent down slowly in front of the puddle and picked up the tube of Taco Belle.

  “Can we get an instant replay of that?” someone shouted at her from the stands.

  Nina bent down again and wiggled her butt. When she straightened back up, the boys in their section applauded. She smiled and waved, then blew another bubble. She looked at Dylan. “Guys love it when you blow big bubbles. It reminds them of boobs.”

  “Really?” Dylan said. “Lemme have a piece.”

  “Me too.” Kristen forgot all about her missing bike lock.

  Nina handed them each a piece of watermelon-flavored Bubblicious, then looked at Massie and scowled. She held the dirty tube over Massie’s face so the mud would drip on her face.

  “Oops.” Nina put her hand over her mouth. “So sorry. I was just trying to show you that your tube is silver and mine is gold. I assumed a rich girl like you would know the difference between the two, but I guess I was wrong.”

  A teardrop clump of mud slid down Massie’s cheek.

  “Clean yourself up,” Nina instructed. “You’re a mess.”

  Claire felt so uncomfortable for Massie, she could hardly look at her. No one had ever treated her like that before, and it must have been tearing her apart on the inside. But outside she was cool and calm.

  “Good idea.” Massie unscrewed the top on her bottle of Perrier, shook it, and aimed it at Nina’s shirt.

  Nina screamed so loud, it sounded like she was getting sprayed with liquid acid, not expensive mineral water. Everyone in their entire section turned to see what had happened. And they loved what they saw. Some of them cheered louder for Nina than they did for the players. After all, the only thing sports fans like more than a good game is a beautiful girl with a pair of D-cups in a soaking wet T-shirt.

  Dylan and Kristen stood beside Nina and blew as many big bubbles as they could.

  Claire could feel herself starting to panic and silently asked the hearts if Nina would steal Cam away from her. She slowly pulled a green one out of the bag, then ran her finger along its raised letters, hoping to get an idea of what it might say. It was pretty easy to make out the first word; it was Love.

  Yes! she thought. Everything was going to be okay. She tried to figure out the second word but was having a harder time. There was a U and definitely an S. It was probably something like Love Trust or Trust Love, which was good. Claire exhaled and pulled the heart out of the bag. She felt much better, until she flipped it over and read her fortune.

  It said, “Love Hurts.”

  BRIARWOOD ACADEMY

  SOCCER STADIUM

  Friday, February 6th 5:50 P.M.

  “Ten, nine, eight …” Massie was shocked by the sound of her own voice counting down the remaining ten seconds of the game. Despite being paralyzed by boredom, she couldn’t help getting excited over this last play. Briarwood was ahead by one point, and in seven seconds they would win the playoffs and this game would finally be over.

  “Noooo!” Kristen shouted.

  “What?” Massie screamed. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.

  “Look.” She was pointing to some speedy Grayson guy who was kicking the ball toward Derrington. “If he scores, we go into overtime. We could lose.”

  More importantly, it would mean no MVP pin for Derrington, which would reflect very poorly on her choice of boyfriend.

  “Save it!” Massie shouted at Derrington. “Saaa-vvve it!”

  “Six, five, four …”

  Kristen and Claire were squeezing each other’s hands, Dylan was blowing her nose, and Nina was shaking her butt in time with the cheerleaders. Alicia didn’t stand up until the speedy Grayson guy pulled back his muscular leg, grunted, and kicked the ball. It made a loud popping sound that could be heard over the cheering crowd.

  “Three, two …”

  As the ball shot toward the net, Massie’s popularity flashed before her eyes. If Derrington saved this ball, he would be a star and they would be the ahb-vious choice for the Cupid Award. If he didn’t …

  “Yes!” Kristen shouted. She grabbed Claire and they both started bouncing up down at the exact same time. They were holding each other so tight, it looked like their torsos had been sewn together.

  The Tomahawks punched the cold air with their fists and rushed toward the net. The
y lifted Derrington above their heads and whooped and hollered like animals. Massie had been too busy thinking about the Cupid Award to catch the actual moment where he’d saved the ball but judging from everyone’s reaction, she assumed Derrington had done something right.

  A pack of crazed Briarwood fans rushed the field.

  “We’re going to the playoffs!” Kristen shouted.

  “My school in Orlando sucked at sports. It’s great to finally be part of the winning team!”

  “I’ll bet,” Dylan mumbled.

  Claire leaned across Dylan as if she weren’t even there. “Hey, Massie, wanna go on the field and congratulate them?”

  Massie suddenly felt overcome by a wave of fear. What if

  Derrington doesn’t like me anymore? What if he wants to be with an older girl or a prettier girl because he’s a big soccer star? “Kuh-laire, don’t you know anything about boys? Play it cool or you’ll look like a fool.”

  “But they just won—”

  “Well, I’m going.” Nina put her hands on her hips. “Anyone want to come with me?”

  Everyone turned to Massie. She looked at them with a hard stare that double dared them to go with Nina. When no one responded, Nina shrugged her shoulders and ran off alone.

  “See, do you want to seem desperate like her?” Massie asked Claire.

  Claire bit her bottom lip, then shook her head.

  “I didn’t think so. Now, who needs a touch-up?” Massie reached into her feather clutch and pulled out a suede Coach makeup bag. “The Love Struck dash is in a few minutes. Anyone want some blush?”

  No one said a word. They were too busy watching Nina twirl her braids as she spoke to sweaty soccer players. It was obvious from their goofy boyish expressions that they preferred flirting with her to celebrating their victory.

  “Guys love her,” Kristen sighed.

  “How does she do it?” Dylan asked.

  “Like this.” Massie slammed her blush brush down on the bleacher and stood up. She pushed her small boobs together with her hands, leaned forward, and wiggled her butt.

  “Yeah, baby!” an eighth grader shouted.

  Massie blew a kiss to her admirer and her friends cracked up. She was back at the center of attention and everything finally felt right again.

  “Look,” Claire screeched. She was pointing at the field.

  Massie’s smiled faded.

  Nina was standing between Cam and Derrington, with one arm around each of them. The boys seemed completely unaware of the high-fiving and celebrating going on around them. They were too captivated by Nina and what she was saying.

  “She’s like a snake charmer, only with guys,” Dylan said.

  “It’s ha-zaming!”

  “Ehmagod, Alicia,” Massie shouted. “Your cousin has G2G!”

  “She’s probably just congratulating them.” Alicia tugged on her braids. “I’m sure it’s totally innocent.” They watched Nina pat them both on the butt before she sauntered off. “See? She’s gone.”

  “Yeah, but look where she’s going now.” Claire folded her arms across her chest and looked at Alicia.

  “Oh, no, she is not.” Alicia pulled the rubber bands off her braids and unraveled her hair while Nina handed Josh Hotz a note. He looked like he was about to read it, but Nina put her hand on his and squeezed it, implying that he should wait until he was alone.

  “She is so dead to me.”

  “Maybe you guys are being too hard on her.” Dylan pulled the gum from her mouth and twirled it around her index finger. “Maybe we should just ask her what we’re doing wrong. Maybe she can give us a few pointers on how to get boys.” She used her teeth to scrape the gum back into her mouth.

  Massie squinted her amber eyes and glared at Dylan. “Does it look like we have any trouble with that?”

  “Uh,” Dylan mumbled. “Well, we’re up here and they’re all down there, so yeah, maybe.”

  Kristen giggled.

  Principal Burns’s voice crackled over the loudspeaker, and everyone turned to face the scoreboard. Her face was being broadcast over the Jumbotron like she was the Wizard of Oz.

  “Aww, aww!” a guy shouted as soon as her voice came through the speakers. Someone always made crow sounds when Principal Burns spoke, because her beaklike nose and beady black eyes made her look exactly like a bird. As usual, she ignored them.

  “Will everyone please clear the field except for the Briarwood Boys?” she asked.

  The stadium lights went on, giving everything around them a blinding glow.

  It took ten minutes for Principal Burns to get what she had asked for. Finally, when the Briarwood boys were alone on the field, the soccer coach drove around in a golf cart, handing out Velcro suits and forcing the boys to put them on. Massie could hear them moaning in protest from the bleachers. She leaned in toward Claire and whispered, “Aren’t you so glad we have a plan? How bad would it suck if we had to chase after a bunch of guys with a bow and arrow like we were desperate or something?”

  “I heard that.” Kristen was doing the runner’s stretch. “Some of us actually have to go through with this.” She took a long sip of orange Gatorade.

  “At least you know how to run,” Dylan whined. “I never learned.”

  “I can’t even walk fast,” Alicia put in.

  A teacher’s aide passed out bows and arrows to the girls in the stands. Once everyone was armed, Principal Burns asked them to stand so she could repeat the rules. But she never had the chance. Everyone stormed the field and the chase was on. Kristen raced down the bleachers, while Alicia and Dylan begged Josh Hotz and Chris Plovert to slow down.

  Massie decided to take her time, figuring it was better spent curling her eyelashes and forcing Claire to “put a little color in those pale cheeks.”

  “Can we go now?” Claire urged. “Pleeeease?” She was squirming and shifting from one foot to the other like she was holding in a massive pee.

  “Okay,” Massie sighed as she zipped up her makeup bag and dropped it in her purse. “Let’s get this over with.” She stood up and walked carefully toward the field, trying not to let her heels stick in the grass.

  “I don’t see them,” Claire panicked. “Do you?”

  Massie stepped onto the field and looked around. Her classmates were darting past her, hollering like Indians and shooting Velcro-tipped arrows into the air. One by one, boys were getting captured, and the field was slowly starting to clear.

  “There they are.” Massie pointed. Derrington and Cam were running as quickly as they could toward the far side of the field. None of the other Briarwood Boys seemed half as desperate to escape as they did. “Where are they going?”

  “I dunno.” Claire looked stunned as she watched them. “Cam!” she shouted. “Caaaam!”

  This time, Massie didn’t bother trying to stop Claire from looking desperate. “Call him again,” she urged. “Maybe he didn’t hear you.”

  Claire shouted and waved her arms in the air like she was on Park Avenue trying to flag down a cab in the rain. “Over here!”

  But the boys kept running.

  “Do they think this is funny?” Massie took out her cell phone and speed-dialed Derrington.

  “Ugh!” she snapped her phone shut. “Straight to voicemail.”

  “Maybe they don’t think we came to the game?” Claire offered.

  “They smiled at us during both halftimes.”

  “Maybe they’re mad because we played hard to get when they won.” Claire bit down on her pinky nail, then spit it out on the field. “I knew we should have congratulated them.”

  Massie considered the same thing but refused to admit that this was her fault. “No way. Impossible.” She looked around the stadium, like she was hoping some sort of explanation would blow by her any minute.

  Layne and her two friends Meena and Heather were standing on the sidelines, waving signs that said, OCD GIRLS RUN FOR PRESIDENT, NOT BOYS! and were getting hit with more arrows than the guys.

&nb
sp; Dylan was in the distance shooting at Chris Plovert’s bad leg, and Alicia was walking behind Josh Hotz trying to figure out how to string her arrow. She was shouting at him, begging him to slow down, but he refused. “At least try to run,” he shouted back.

  “I am trying,” Alicia insisted as she swung her arms a little faster. “Look!”

  But he didn’t seem convinced and decided to pick up his pace.

  The piercing sound of an air horn punctured the air. “And that’s time!” Principal Burns announced.

  Massie watched as everyone stood beside their captives with proud sweaty glows on their faces. Kristen was panting beside Kemp Hurley, Dylan was sitting on the cold grass with Chris Plovert, and Nina was surrounded by seven guys, including Eli and Josh Hotz.

  “This can’t be happening to me,” Massie murmured. She ducked down behind the happy couples, grabbed Claire’s arm, and pulled her off the field.

  “What are you doing?” Claire hissed. “What if they try to find us and explain?”

  “There’s no way I’m going to stand around completely dateless,” Massie said once she had pulled Claire to the parking lot. “I feel naked.”

  “I don’t understand.” Claire wiped a tear away from her eyes. “Hearts, why did the boys run away from us?” She pulled out a blue candy, read it, and then whipped it onto the cracked pavement. Massie watched it roll under the front tire of a white Mercedes.

  “What did it say?”

  “What difference does it make?” Claire pouted. “They’re gone.” She wiped away another tear. “And so is my first kiss.”

  At first, Massie couldn’t decide what she was more upset about—losing Derrington or missing her shot at the Cupid Award. She searched her mind for an answer, hoping the hollow, empty feeling in her stomach would go away once she figured it out. But it only got worse when she finally did. Because it wasn’t all about Derrington and the Cupid Award: it was that Massie Block hadn’t come out on top. And there was nothing more devastating than that.

  THE BLOCK ESTATE

  MASSIE (& CLAIRE)’S BEDROOM

  Tuesday, February 10th 7:50 A.M.

  “Massie!” Claire banged on the bathroom door for the third time. “Isaac is honking the horn and I haven’t even showered yet. Will you please hurry up?” She loosened the bow on her blue terry cloth robe and contemplated skipping the hygiene thing so they wouldn’t be late. But she’d done that yesterday.