Double Clutch

by Liz Reinhardt

  “There’s a technical reason.” He winked at me. “Someday I’ll explain it all to you.”

  And then, because he was just the best guy and I loved how he always smiled when he talked to me, and because I was missing him a little already, I leaned over and kissed him right next to his mouth, but not on it. He smelled minty and the corner of his mouth was dry and warm with just a little scratchy facial hair.

  “Oh man,” he said as I pulled back. He blinked hard and turned red again. I got on my bike.

  “You better be my Facebook friend when I check.”

  “I’m gonna be your Facebook stalker.” The chip in his tooth glinted a little. His face fell suddenly. “I’m actually a little bummed we won’t be in school on Monday.”

  “We won’t?” I asked, puzzled. And deflated. No school meant no Jake.

  “It’s Labor day.” He ran his fingers along my handlebar, just around my mittened hands. “With this beautiful weather you didn’t realize? Aren’t you all ready for a nice picnic?”

  “Seriously! I think my brain has frostbite. But that’s good news now that I know.” I inched one yarn-covered finger towards his hand, and he brushed his fingers over mine.

  “I guess it depends on how much you’re looking forward to school. I might just get the perfect attendance award this year.” His fingers crept to the sliver of skin between my mitten and my jacket sleeve and brushed lightly, breaking my arm into goosebumps.

  “Don’t bother on my behalf. I always skip a few days a year.” I bit my bottom lip and gave him my best rebel face.

  “Call me before you do. School will be extra depressing when you’re absent.” He slid his hands off of mine, then off of the handlebars, then backed away a few reluctant steps so I had space to pedal.

  “Bye, Jake,” I called over my shoulder.

  “Be careful, Brenna!” he shouted.

  When I looked back, he was still watching me ride away, all the way down the road.

  Chapter 4

  The wind was cold, but I felt so good I didn’t even mind. My cheeks ached from smiling. Saxon was intriguing, but there was something so real and decent about Jake. I pedaled faster, thinking about Mom waiting at the window, and then coasted for a minute, so I could pull my scarf up over my nose. She would probably grab it today to see if it was cold. I was happy that I was going to be able to tell her that I had plans with Kelsie tonight. She wanted me to hang out with kids my own age a little more.

  But I didn’t want to tell her about Jake. She had some of the same prejudices about Tech kids that the rest of the county seemed to have, and I felt a little protective of him. I didn’t want to hear anyone say the things that seemed definitive of him; that he wasn’t very good at school, that he would probably end up laboring for the rest of his life, that he didn’t value academics the way I did. It might all be true about Jake, but that didn’t really define him. There was so much more to Jake than met the eye. He was humble and hardworking and determined. He wasn’t full of himself, but he had passion and he had good ideas and he was focused. I liked him.

  I really liked him.

  Which made the way I acted around Saxon all the more confusing. Why couldn’t I get him out of my system? Especially when I had the promise of someone as good as Jake to care about? Even if my mind wanted to reject Saxon, my body couldn’t. Something about the way he looked and moved and talked made me feel a warm rush that shook me to the core.

  I hated it, but I couldn’t stop it anymore than I could stop a blush or a shiver. It was automatic. I pedaled faster, harder, focusing on my breathing as I moved quickly along the roads, sending vibrant red and orange and yellow leaves swirling up under my tires. I enjoyed the rolling hills, which forced me to work hard on the uphill, but let me relax as I coasted down. Hills were not part of the terrain in Denmark, so I was still getting used to the difficulty of pedaling up them.

  I turned onto my road and almost slammed into a parked car.

  It was a Charger, one of the new models that took up too much road and roared around like big hulking predators, but I liked them anyway. Or maybe I liked them because of those facts.

  “Watch it!” I yelled hopping off of my bike as I skidded to a stop.

  That’s when I saw the driver’s tinted window roll down. “Watch yourself, Blixen,” Saxon said coolly. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m driving a car. You’re on a bike. I don’t care who has the right of way, you’re not winning that one.” He lit a cigarette. I backed up.

  “Get in the car.” He didn’t ask or plead. He just told me like I’d instantly obey.

  “No way.” I got back on my bike.

  “Your nose is red,” he said casually.

  “So what?”

  “So, your mom is gonna be pissed. Get in and warm up. We don’t need to go anywhere. We’ll just talk.” He held his arms out innocently. His face was so handsome, and his eyes were dark and devilish.

  “I can’t. Mom will kill me if I smell like smoke.” I put one foot on the pedal.

  He let the cigarette drop out of his mouth and crushed it under his heel. “Now c’mon. I’m trying to help you out with this whole ridiculous bike riding fiasco.”

  I laid my bike on the uneven side of the road and climbed into the car, one hundred per cent against my better judgment.

  “Don’t wait for me like this,” I said, even as my body rejoiced at the warm air blowing from the vents. He had music in, some kind of neopunk. “What are you listening to?”

  “Folly.” He turned the volume up a little. “Do you know them?”

  I shook my head.

  “The drummer is a senior at Frankford. They’re playing a show next week. Here.” He popped the CD out of the player. “I’ve got another copy. Listen to it. If you like it, we can go see them.”

  He didn’t ask if I wanted to go; he just assumed that I’d take him up on it. I shook my head.

  “No thanks.”

  “What? You don’t like music?” he asked, his voice low and mocking.

  “I like music. I’ve…I’ve never been to a concert.” I flipped the vents open wider and basked in the heat, hoping I could store it up until I got home.

  “Are you kidding?” He raised his eyebrows incredulously. “Tell me you’re not serious. Never?”

  “No. Not with like a whole audience.” By now my skin was probably pink from the warmth. I should get out and go home. But I couldn’t do it. Not yet.

  “What does that mean?” He stretched back in his seat and gave me his total attention.

  “I means that I did see a band once, but by myself.” I pulled off my mittens and loosened my scarf. The air was getting extremely hot, and it wasn’t only because of the vents.

  Saxon turned the heat down without glancing at the controls and rubbed his fingers against his thumb. “Like your parents came up with a cool mil and you got Beyonce to dance for you in your bedroom?”

  I clucked my tongue. “Beyonce isn’t going to shake it in your bedroom for a mil. She‘s not some cheap lap dancer. My dad works for Saturday Night Live, and once Green Day was on as a live performer. I got to go to the rehearsal. My dad is a really huge fan, and he got me into them. But it wasn’t just me. It was me and my dad and the camera crew and sound guys.”

  “Wow.” He shook his box of cigarettes, then did that annoying tapping on the box that apparently “packed the tobacco.”

  It was an incredibly annoying spectacle. I wanted to say, If you’re going to smoke just do it. Don’t make it some big show. But even with those sentiments, I couldn’t stop myself from watching him do it. And even though I hated smoking, I could sort of see how some people might be able to give it that old Hollywood, James Dean cool look. Sort of.

  “So you met the boys from Green Day? Unreal. Did you talk to them?” He peeled back the foil paper inside the carton.

  I wished I had a more impressive story, but I didn’t. I’d been young and completely, dorkishly starstruck at the time. “No. Not really. I to
ld them I was a fan, you know, cheesy stuff like that. They were super nice to me, though, and gave me autographs and all that.”

  “Cool,” Saxon nodded. “Hey,” he said, and his voice completely lacked the excitement that Jake’s voice would have had if he was about to tell me something. “I talked to the guy from Folly about your shirt.”

  “My shirt?” I repeated.

  “Yeah.” He put a cigarette to his lips without lighting it. When he spoke, he moved his lips around the cigarette, which was obnoxious, especially because of how much I liked watching him do it. “He noticed it. He’s in your crafts class. Anyway, he was wondering if you’d be able to come up with something for Folly. So, whatever. If you don’t want to, don’t worry about it.”

  “Okay,” I said, still in shock. “Why didn’t this guy just talk to me?”

  He took the cigarette out from between his lips for a minute. “His name’s Chris Holcomb. Because he thinks you’re my girlfriend, so he thought I’d be able to get you to say yes.” Saxon put the cigarette back in his mouth and shrugged as if his words were no big deal. My heart was thudding in my chest.

  “Why would he think we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” I glared at him.

  “Maybe because of the adoring way you’re always staring at me,” he said, his grin purposefully annoying. “C’mon? Really? He saw us after gym class the last two days. What can I say, Blix? We have an attraction that’s noticeable.” He leaned over me, his arm sliding past my stomach, and popped open my door. “Alright, I’ve held you captive long enough,” he said, but he didn’t lean back.

  So quickly I had no time to react, he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, pulled me toward him, and pressed his lips on mine. His lips were soft at first, then firmer, then his tongue pressed into my mouth, gently. I opened my mouth, tasting the stale flavor of cigarette smoke and the crisp tang of orange Tic Tac. His hand slid to my jaw and it felt so great, big and warm and strong. Suddenly the entire world narrowed down to me and Saxon and our lips and tongues in that big shark of a car. My body felt warm and ready for something that I couldn’t put my finger on. I melted into him, pressed harder to his mouth and even moaned just a little bit.

  Then I remembered Jake and our chaste kiss outside the school. I remembered Kelsie and our plans for the night. I pulled away with a start.

  “No!” I grabbed my bag. “I don’t want you, Saxon,” I insisted, and my voice sounded wild in my own ears.

  “I would say that’s not entirely accurate, Brenna.” He picked up the cigarette and lit it nonchalantly. The smoke began to furl from the end. “Now run along before Mommy smells smoke and you get in trouble.” He exhaled wide o’s from his open mouth and waved me away lazily.

  I was so mad I slammed the car door as hard as humanly possible. I hated him! I hated his arrogance and his persistence. I hated that he could make me feel things for him when all I wanted to do was avoid him. I hated that being around him could threaten two friendships that were important to me. And I hated that I got in his car and kissed him back when he had told me with his own mouth that all he wanted was to get me out of his system. What was I doing?

  I told myself I was just trying to get him out of my system, but that made me feel like just as big a jerk as he was.

  When I got to the house, I saw the curtains flick and knew Mom wondered where I was. She did pull on my nose when I got in, and pinched my ears, but they were normal after all that hot air pouring out of Saxon’s vents. And mouth.

  “Kelsie asked me to spend the night at her place. I told her you might be able to take me to Castle Video and pick up some chick flicks. Is that okay?”

  She kissed my head hard. “Of course. I’m so glad you’re getting back together with your old girlfriends. It’s good for you to be around some nice girls your own age.”

  I felt a wave of shame sweep through me. How could I have done this to Kelsie? The feel of Saxon’s mouth on mine was still vibrating through me, and, embarrassingly, it had made me feel a little wet and warm. I sighed, ashamed, wondering how I had become such a degenerate over the past few days.

  “I’ll go pack a bag for overnight. Maybe when you and Thorsten come to get me tomorrow, we can go to IKEA?” It would be cool to have Kelsie come to my place, but it might be a little weird if my room was still lavender. Then again, I had never been in Kelsie’s room. It could be Barbie pink for all I knew.

  “That would be fun. Pack the IKEA catalog in case you want to look through it tonight.”

  I stuffed a change of clothes for the next day, pajamas and a toothbrush and toothpaste in a bag with some nail polish and my iPod and pillow. I met Mom in the kitchen and we got in the car, ready to go to Castle Video.

  “So, how was school?” My mom had a serious lead foot, and I watched the speedometer so I could warn her if she did more than ten over.

  “Good. My classes are all really decent. I even like gym this year,” I admitted.

  “I always had a feeling you might be a closet athlete. Good for you, Bren. It’s about time you started to really let yourself shine.”

  I smiled wanly. If only she knew that what I seemed to be excelling at was kissing multiple boys in a single day.

  We went in and I grabbed the Nicholas Sparks movies. I convinced Mom to rent two for herself and Thorsten, and then she bought a couple of big tubs of microwave popcorn and some soda for Kelsie and me.

  She dropped me at Kelsie’s with a quick kiss. “Keep your cell on. Love you, baby.”

  “Love you!” I called, and she waited until I was in the door and Kelsie’s mom waved before she pulled away.

  “It’s so nice to see you again, Brenna,” Kelsie’s mom said.

  “It’s nice to see you, too, Mrs. Jordan.” I liked Kelsie’s warm, sweet mom. Unlike my mother, Kelsie’s mom gave her plenty of space and didn’t ask many questions.

  Kelsie crashed down the stairs. “Hey Brenna! C’mon up!”

  I smiled at her mom and followed Kelsie to her bedroom, which was definitely not Barbie pink. It was a deep purple and covered with posters of Salvador Dali paintings, Janis Joplin posters, and black and white photos of local places and wildlife that I was pretty sure Kelsie had taken. The carpet was covered with rugs that looked like Indian saris, and there was another silky sari-like covering on the bed. Kelsie had plants all over and white twinkle lights around her windows and ceiling. They made the room seem warm and cozy.

  “I love your room.” I stood in the middle and spun slowly, taking it all in.

  “Thanks. Look.” She pointed to a picture stuck in the corner of her bureau mirror. It was Kelsie and me in eighth grade at our dinner dance. I was wearing a short black dress with a metallic, shiny overlay and my hair was curled. Kelsie was wearing a short purple halter dress and her hair was in a fancy updo. I had my arm around her and we were smiling big, cheesy smiles.

  “Wow,” I laughed. “We were big time dorks.”

  “Oh yeah,” she agreed. “What’s that?” She pointed to the popcorn tub I still clutched in my hands.

  “Mom thought we’d want snacks.”

  “Your mom is the best,” Kelsie gushed, and I felt another layer of guilt, thinking of all the times my mom bemoaned Kelsie’s butt or hairline. “So how’s it going riding your bike to school? It’s been weirdly cold lately, right?”

  “Yeah, but, um, it’s been okay.” I so didn’t want my thoughts going anywhere that had anything to do with Saxon or his stupid ideas about us. I decided the best way to put him entirely out of my head was to talk about someone who was so much better. “There’s this guy in my Tech class.”

  At the word ‘guy’ Kelsie’s eyes lit up. “Yeah?” she asked eagerly.

  I felt the giddiness and excitement well up in me. “He’s so cute. His eyes are gorgeous. They’re the weirdest color, like silver. Anyway, he’s getting his license in November and he offered to drive me home when the weather gets colder.”

  “That’s so cute,” Kelsie squealed. “He’s
making plans for you in November? That’s adorable! What’s his name?”

  “Jake Kelly.” My heart fell into my stomach when I saw Kelsie’s face. “What? Do you know him?”

  “No. Not really. I mean, he had a reputation a year or two ago as kind of…it’s not even important. A year can be a long time, and it was rumors.” She suddenly became transfixed with the throw pillows on her bed.

  “Kelsie.” I looked her in the face. “It’s, like, your duty as a friend to tell me what you know about this guy. I’ve only known him for two days. If he’s shady, I need to know so I can stay away from him.” But I hoped I would be cool with whatever Kelsie told me, because I knew I was kidding myself if I thought I could just drop Jake with no problem.

  “No! I’ll tell you what I’ve heard, but I want you to know, I don’t know this guy and it could all be totally exaggerated, rumor-mill type stuff.” She took a deep breath, then dove in. “I heard that he has been with a lot of girls. Like, everyone. And that he is supposed to be some big conquest. Apparently, girls in Tech rip each other apart to get him to take them out. And he’s supposed to be, you know…” Kelsie looked uncomfortable.

  “What?” I sat on the edge of my seat.

  “Good. Like, sexually good. Really good.” She raised her eyebrows up high.

  “Oh.”

  One piece of me was devastated by the idea of Jake with so many other girls, having sex with them. It made him seem kind of cheap and gross. Another part of me was confused and wanted to talk to him about it. It just didn’t make sense. The Jake I knew was definitely really good looking, but he seemed kind of shy and not like what Kelsie was describing. But I didn’t know. And a third part of me, the part I was pretty embarrassed about, was completely curious. What had he done? How many girls? Did he want me that way? It was exhilarating and humiliating at the same time.

  “Don’t make that face, Brenna. It’s a rumor. And a totally exaggerated one for all we know. Don’t take it too seriously, okay? Just, maybe talk to him before you…you know.” She nudged me with her elbow.