Release

by V. J. Chambers

  Gordic wrapped an arm around her waist and squeezed her quickly. “Me too. I can’t say I miss being in danger all the time.”

  Ariana wasn’t used to seeing such casual displays of closeness at the dinner table. Husbands and wives were usually quite formal with each other back in the sector. She liked it. It was as warm and cozy as the dining room.

  Gordic got up too, picking up a few more dishes. Keirth started to move as well, but Gordic put a finger in his face. “You stay put. You’re our guests. You don’t help clear the table.”

  Another thing Ariana wasn’t used to. Servants served food and cleared the table in her world. But as she watched Gordic and Winda together, their devotion to each other clear on their faces, it made her feel a strange hunger for that shared intimacy. Actually seeing to one’s own primary needs together. Cleaning up after oneself, it suddenly seemed to her, was a symbol of being in touch with reality, being real. Everything about the culture at the sector was removed from reality. It was caught up in stupid rules and customs, but none of those things really mattered. The people of the sector pretended they mattered—maybe they even believed it. But without those rules, they would survive. Real work meant survival, and it was almost as if her family and the others on the sector had created false urgency to fill the need of doing something that ensured survival.

  The table clear, Gordic and Winda sat back down at the table. Gordic had brought another bottle of wine, which he was opening.

  “So, how did you two meet?” asked Keirth.

  Winda and Gordic exchanged a look, smiling.

  “Winda tells this story better than me,” said Gordic. He’d opened the wine, and he topped off his own glass and offered the bottle to everyone else. Keirth took some more, but Ariana’s glass was still quite full.

  “There’s no story,” said Winda, sipping at her wine.

  “Sure there’s a story,” said Keirth. “There’s got to be a story.”

  “We met at a bar on Trill,” said Winda. She turned to Ariana. “That’s the biggest planet in the Pyrneth Sector.” She shrugged. “He was really arrogant, and I hated him, but he kept buying me drinks every time I saw him and telling me about the amazing space station he lived on. Eventually, he wore me down, and I came home with him. I pretty much never left.”

  “I’m not arrogant,” said Gordic.

  Winda sipped some wine, giggling. “You are arrogant.”

  “No,” said Gordic. “I’m confident.” He slung his arm over the back of Winda’s chair.

  “So,” said Keirth, “you gave up the smuggling business, then? Just like that?”

  Winda and Gordic looked at each other again, as if they were deciding how to answer the question. They seemed to be able to communicate just by looking into each other’s eyes. Ariana had never seen anything like it before.

  “You know, when I got into dealing illegal weapons, I had this idea that it would be a big adventure all the time.” Gordic ran a finger around the edge of his glass. “After I almost got myself killed the fifth time, I started feeling like the adventure aspect wasn’t exactly worth it, you know? It wasn’t what I’d expected it to be in the end.”

  Keirth looked into his wine.

  Ariana wondered what he was thinking.

  “What are you going to do now?” Gordic asked. “Ever since I met you, Transman, you’ve been focused on your revenge. Now it’s done. So now what?”

  Keirth laughed, but it was a kind of hollow sound. “I never thought beyond it, you know. I always figured they’d capture me, and I’d get killed. Oddly, I find I’m not quite ready to die.”

  “Who is ready to die, mate?” Gordic took a drink of wine. “Well, you’ll have to stay off the radar for a bit, that’s no question. They certainly are looking for you.”

  * * *

  After the women had gone to bed, Keirth and Gordic sat in Gordic’s den smoking cigars. Keirth stared up at guns that Gordic had hanging on the wall, and the two reminisced for hours. Keirth had to admit that Gordic was the last man he would have expected to find in domestic bliss. When he’d known Gordic, he’d been a confirmed bachelor who seemed to live for danger. Keirth had never expected Gordic to settle down, but he couldn’t deny that Gordic seemed happier than he’d ever been. And he and Winda were comfortable in a way that he wasn’t really used to. Keirth supposed he hadn’t had much occasion in his life to witness happily married couples.

  Still, it was strange. Keirth had spent enough time planetside with Gordic, watching him seduce random women on a host of planets. In the morning, Gordic had always been ready to leave. On to the next adventure. He’d always seemed content to leave women out of it. What had changed? Why had Gordic completely shifted his life to be with Winda?

  Finally, as the conversation about their shared hijinks began to wane, Keirth had to ask about it. “You met Winda in a bar, then?”

  Gordic’s face transformed into a relaxed smile at the mention of Winda. “You should have seen her, mate. She had the sharpest tongue of any woman I’d ever met. She simply wouldn’t be charmed by me. And, as you know, I’ve charmed quite a few women in my time.”

  “So that was what made her special? The fact that she didn’t want you?”

  Gordic chuckled. “Trust Transman to cut to the heart of the matter.” He leaned back in his easy chair, puffing on his cigar. “Maybe you’re right. I didn’t go to that bar looking for a wife, that’s for sure. But once I saw her... I don’t know. I couldn’t get her out of my head, mate. The more she refused me, the more determined I became to get her.”

  Keirth wasn’t sure he understood. “But you’ve changed, Gordic. Your whole life is different. And wanting this woman made you do that?”

  “Transman the Monk wouldn’t get it, of course,” said Gordic. “You’ve never looked at a women twice the whole time I’ve known you. Sometimes I wondered if that act you put on for the police that time didn’t have a kernel of truth.”

  Alarmed, Keirth shifted in his chair. “Absolutely not.”

  Gordic shrugged. “It’s really okay, Transman. You’ve never made me feel uncomfortable. If your taste runs that way—”

  “I’m not attracted to men,” Keirth cut him off.

  “Sorry,” said Gordic.

  Keirth shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” He puffed on his own cigar. “But you chased women all over the galaxy. And none of them convinced you to stop smuggling guns until Winda.”

  “Right,” said Gordic. He was quiet for a minute. “I don’t really know why that is, mate. Maybe it was her. Maybe I was just waiting for the right woman. Or maybe I’d gotten sick of it, you know? Chased all the time, dumping cargo, being on the run from the authorities. It got old. Maybe I was looking for someone or something to change it. I don’t know. But I wouldn’t go back to smuggling, that’s for sure.” He cocked his head to the side. “Why are you asking me this, mate? This have something to do with the girl you brought along?”

  Did it? Keirth had to admit that if he wasn’t chasing Risciter across the galaxy, being transitory lost some of its appeal. And if he weren’t planning on dying, there was less of a reason not to get involved with a woman. He remembered Ariana in his bed the night before... “She’s been through a lot. She’s not ready for anything like that.”

  Gordic raised his eyebrows. “I don’t believe it. Transman the Monk has a crush on a girl.”

  Keirth shot him a dirty look. “Please, Gordic.”

  But then Gordic got serious. “What do you mean, she’s been through a lot?”

  Keirth studied his knuckles. “My revenge plan didn’t exactly work with Risciter. It wasn’t like I wanted. I didn’t tie him up and torture him. It was more like I pulled him off Ariana, got his knife, and stabbed him to death.”

  Gordic grimaced. “It’s a good thing you killed that bastard.”

  Keirth nodded. “But to pursue her now, after what happened, it would be obscene.”

  Gordic puffed at his cigar. “That’s a touchy sit
uation all right. I guess she’s pretty distant.”

  “No, that’s the thing,” said Keirth. “She’s not distant. She’s... she keeps trying to get close to me, she—But how could she possibly know what she wants after what Risciter did to her?”

  Gordic didn’t answer.

  Keirth got up out of his chair. “Not to mention the fact that I’m wanted for murder. I can’t promise her anything. I could be captured at any time.”

  Gordic got out of his chair too. He put a hand on Keirth’s shoulder. “These things tend to work out, mate. Come on, I’ll show you your room. It’s late.”

  Keirth let his friend lead him to his bedroom and got some clean bandages for his shoulder wound. He cleaned it and redressed it before he lay down. But long after he’d curled up in bed, he thought about Winda and Gordic. Could it really be like that between a man and woman? Could it just be easy and comfortable, no party taking advantage of the other?

  He’d never given women much thought. What was the point? He’d always assumed he’d be living a short life during which he’d accomplish nothing but killing Risciter. Since Risciter was dead, and Keirth found himself with a strong desire to keep surviving, he realized he was going to have to give some thought to the idea of women in general.

  He’d always told himself that he didn’t bed women because he was too honorable to use them and hurt them. It was true that he’d seen enough of that kind of behavior from men when he was growing up to find it cowardly and reprehensible. But if he were truly honest with himself, he found himself slightly disgusted by the act of sex in and of itself. It seemed so bestial, designed in some elemental way to force a woman into submission. He didn’t want to hurt women. He didn’t want to hurt Ariana. And the thought of taking her like that...it seemed...

  He remembered a conversation with Lilla, years ago, when she’d tried to thank him for some service he’d provided for her by suggesting he sleep with one of the women. Of course he’d refused. He remembered railing about how he wouldn’t make one woman miserable to take his pleasure on her and various other noble sentiments. And Lilla had gotten angry. She’d said that there might be a reason women would choose a profession pleasuring men besides desperation. “Have you never considered a woman might not enjoy it?” she’d spat at him.

  He couldn’t believe that any did, and he’d told her so.

  “Perhaps some women aren’t built for one man,” Lilla had said to him. “Perhaps some women enjoy a variety. Perhaps some women choose not to be tied down, to treat the world as an adventure and to sample every cock in it.” She’d been angry.

  The truth was that Keirth had spent his life viewing sex as a disgusting thing that men forced women to endure. But maybe he was being narrow minded to think that sex was really so horrible. After all, as Lilla had pointed out, it was a necessary part of reproduction. And so many people did it, seemingly enjoying it, so...

  He gulped, thinking of the soft springy give of Ariana’s breast when he’d touched it. He liked the way she felt. If she really did desire it, perhaps he wouldn’t be hurting her if he bedded her.

  But that would complicate things, wouldn’t it? What would he do with Ariana afterwards? Surely, she wouldn’t want to jaunt about the galaxy, running from the authorities for the rest of her days, would she? And would he want her around him forever? The girl annoyed him beyond belief occasionally. There was also the matter of her being a duke’s daughter. Her family would never stop looking for her.

  Of course, Risciter had told his comm that Ariana was dead. Perhaps they wouldn’t be looking for her anymore.

  Keirth shook himself. What was he thinking? He’d been right at first. He’d been right all along. Ariana had been traumatized. She was clinging to him because he was the only thing that hadn’t hurt her. She’d get over her infatuation with him soon enough. He oughtn’t plan their life out just because he’d been tempted by her body.

  * * *

  Now that it was quiet, and Ariana was alone in the dark again, she couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t sleep, but she couldn’t move either. There was a sort of oppressive feeling of fear keeping her glued to her bed, lying on her back. But lying like this made her think of lying on the bed in the cottage, Risciter sneering at her as they waited for Keirth to wake up. She thought that part had been the worst. The dread, knowing that it was going to happen, knowing there was nothing she could do about it.

  Disturbingly, more and more of it kept coming back to her. Right afterwards, it had all been a blur, nothing but bright lights and the sound of Risciter’s laughter. But now, she was remembering more and more of it. And as she lay in the bed alone here in this strange space station, she couldn’t think of anything else. She kept replaying it over and over in her head. Risciter taunting her. Risciter touching her. Risciter over her.

  And she couldn’t move. She was trapped here, stuck with the memory of it. This was why she’d wanted to lie with Keirth. She had no choice with Risciter. He’d tied her down. He’d laughed when she’d struggled. To Risciter, she hadn’t been anything more than a thing to use. If she could have convinced Keirth to have sex with her, it would have meant she’d controlled it. It would have been an act that balanced, that erased what had happened to her. She thought.

  But now, with the events of the previous night—or maybe it was two nights ago, she didn’t know—drilling themselves through her brain, replaying themselves in full color and sound like a vid, she was trapped by them again. And she didn’t think anything would erase them. Not even Keirth, who didn’t want to anyway.

  Though she’d embarrassed herself with him before, if she could have moved, she would have. She would have gotten out of her bed and gone searching for his room. She didn’t want to be alone like this.

  She tried to move. She nudged one of her legs out over the side of the bed. A jolt of terror shot through her. It was easier to lie here, not moving. And maybe she’d go to sleep soon, if she tried. But that was how Risciter had gotten her. In her sleep. She’d gone to sleep alone and woken up tied to a bed with Risciter’s hands on her body. Maybe she never wanted to sleep again. Or maybe she didn’t want to sleep alone. If she’d been with Keirth, would it have happened?

  * * *

  Winda woke up when Gordic crawled into bed with her. She rolled over to snuggle up to him. He wrapped her in his arms.

  “You awake?” he asked.

  “No,” she said. She was sure she’d fall asleep in another minute.

  “Transman’s got it bad for that girl he brought along with him.”

  Did this matter? “I thought you said you thought he liked men.”

  “Well, he doesn’t.”

  “Okay,” she said, burrowing deeper into his warmth. “Well, that’s lovely then.” She yawned.

  “Apparently, she was raped by Risciter. He said he doesn’t know how to pursue her now. I didn’t know what to say to him.”

  Winda sat up in bed. “Raped?”

  “Yeah, I guess I should have figured. He said he saved her from the duke.”

  “You didn’t tell me that.” He was an idiot, her husband. Sometimes, he was a complete idiot.

  “Yeah, I did,” he said. “Anyway, do you have any advice? I mean, after the thing with your sister, maybe?”

  But Winda was already getting out of bed and throwing on her dressing gown.

  “Where are you going?” Gordic asked.

  “My sister couldn’t sleep alone for weeks afterwards,” said Winda. “And we left Ariana alone in that room hours ago. I’ve got to go check on her.” She rushed through the space station to the guest rooms.

  * * *

  When the door to her bedroom slowly opened, Ariana let out a little yelp.

  “Sorry,” said a female voice. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I only wanted to come by and make sure you were all right.”

  It was Winda, Gordic’s husband. Ariana didn’t move from the bed. “I’m fine,” she managed.

  “Were you sleeping? Did I wa
ke you?”

  Ariana wasn’t sure what she should say. “No, I was awake.” She didn’t want to explain that she’d been paralyzed by fear, unable to do anything but replay what had happened to her in her brain.

  “Do you want some company? Should I turn on the light?”

  “Um, sure.” Actually, that would be nice. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so trapped by all of this.

  As light bathed the room, Ariana found she could move. She sat up in bed. The light made her feel a little foolish. Everything seemed better already.

  Winda sat down on the bed next to her. “Listen, Keirth told Gordic what Risciter did to you, and Gordic told me.”

  “What?!” How dare Keirth do something like that? She didn’t even know these people? Ariana felt hot embarrassment creep up her body and over her face.

  “I know,” said Winda. “That’s terribly embarrassing. You don’t want everyone to know. But Gordic and I are friends, and we don’t judge you for it and think less of you at all. It wasn’t your fault, you know.”

  Ariana did know. She’d been robbed of having a fault by Risciter. She’d had no choice. She refused to look at Winda.

  “When I was sixteen,” Winda said, “my older sister Emeil went to a bar one night. She and I grew up on Trill with our father. Anyway, she came home late, and my father was livid until he saw her. She wouldn’t talk about it for hours, and when we finally got her to tell us what happened, my father was so angry, he left the house with his blaster rifle to try to hunt down the man that did it to her. He found him. He killed him.”

  Ariana looked at Winda with horrified eyes.

  Winda nodded. “It was terrible. They arrested him, and so I was left at home with my sister, who’d been raped and was completely traumatized by it. My father didn’t end up serving much time after his trial, but I couldn’t get him out of the jail myself, not before the trial. So I did my best to comfort Emeil. She hated the dark. And she hated being alone. And when Gordic told me what happened, and I thought that I’d left you alone in this room, in the dark, I just couldn’t—”