Practicing What You Preach

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  “May I go first?” Melissa asked. She cleared her throat. “You were trying to tell me something about Sasha earlier today. I wasn’t hearing what you were really trying to say. Would you please just tell me without me having to guess? What’s going on with you and Sasha?”

  He nodded. “I was struggling with something you and I have discussed in the past.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You asked me that if Sasha wanted to get back together, would that be something I would consider.”

  “Yeah. And you usually avoid the question by saying that nothing like that is ever going to ever happen.”

  “Right. Because that’s what I’ve always believed. But today, this weekend really, I feel something is going on with her. She was acting so different,” Marcus said.

  “How?”

  “Okay. Friday when I picked up Aaliyah, Sasha actually had everything ready when I arrived. Also, she was more subdued. Then later Aaliyah told me Sasha had been crying and had told her not to tell me.” He chuckled a little. “Now, don’t get me wrong. Crying, for Sasha, is a sport that she knows how to play very well. But usually when she cries, she makes an effort not to waste it.”

  “Do you think she did that with Aaliyah to up her game? Maybe she actually told Aaliyah to tell you, but to tell you she said not to tell you.”

  Marcus smiled for a second, then he shook his head. “No. She genuinely didn’t want Aaliyah to tell me. Whatever it is, she told Aaliyah she didn’t think even God could fix it.”

  “Do you think she’s sick or something? That’s how people act when they’ve gotten a bad report from the doctor. They don’t like to tell people at first, and they internalize it.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. But when I went over there earlier this afternoon, she seemed fine. She was happy, laughing, playing with me and Aaliyah. She had cooked this feast like I’ve never seen from her. That took quite a lot of time and effort. Then she told me she’d cooked all of that, many of the foods being my favorite dishes, because she wanted to thank me.”

  “See, that sounds like a person who may have been told some bad news. About five years ago, one of my friends found out she had cancer and she acted almost the same way. First she cried. Then she resigned herself to what was going on. She made up with her ex-husband because they had two little children and she wanted to make sure he got them and took care of them if she didn’t make it,” Melissa said. “She pulled through fine. And because of that tragedy, they got back together, and now their marriage is stronger than ever.”

  “So you think Sasha may be sick and just doesn’t want to tell me?”

  “That’s a possibility,” Melissa said. She didn’t like the feel of any of this conversation. Especially after she remembered her friend and how things had turned out with her and her ex-husband, now devoted husband again. “So what do you want to do?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, are you planning to ask her and get to the bottom of what’s going on?”

  Marcus shook his head. “I can’t just ask her something like that. What if that’s not it? What if something else is going on?”

  “Then just ask her what’s going on straight out.”

  “Today,” Marcus said, “she was a different woman.”

  “Okay. Let me ask you something, and will you promise you’ll answer me no matter what?” Melissa said.

  “If I can.”

  “If Sasha wants to get back with you now, are you open to that? And please don’t skirt the question by saying she doesn’t. I’m not asking you about her. I’m asking you about you. I need to know where you are. I need to know where your heart is.”

  Marcus stood up, walked around the room as he scratched his head, then sat back down next to Melissa. “I love you, Melissa. You have changed my life. You brought me back my laughter, my joy. I’m so glad I found you. I thank God for you. You give me a reason to look forward to the next day and then the next. Whatever Sasha and I had, it’s over. I don’t want to be her enemy, so if we can be cordial to one another, all the better.”

  “So your answer is no?”

  “My answer is no. No, I wouldn’t want to get back with her. That chapter in our lives is over, done. She has moved on, and so have I.”

  Melissa nodded.

  He stood and pulled her up. “You are who I’m focused on right now.”

  Melissa smiled. She knew that’s what he thought. She only wished she could be sure he truly believed it. She laid her head on his shoulder and allowed him to hold her.

  Chapter 45

  Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in the present world.

  —Titus 2:11

  Sasha had to do something quick. She had made Marcus dinner hoping to see how he was really feeling toward her. Right now, she needed money to pay her bills. Her mother was having a fit about her own bills and the money she had lost that was to have paid them. Sasha knew Marcus would eventually get over the piano deal and the money she’d lost for it. Even if he got mad, he would still get over it. Marcus always got over the things she did. And she’d done some pretty horrid things in the past.

  Sasha knew Marcus loved her—always had and always would. He hadn’t wanted the divorce. He had done everything in his power to keep them together as a family. She was the one who had pushed it forward. She was the one who had done whatever she could to hurt him. She had lied to everybody, making him out to be the bad guy, an abuser. In the beginning, she had insinuated it, then later, she accused him outright of physically abusing her when he hadn’t. All he’d ever done was love her and try to make her happy.

  When Marcus didn’t bow to Sasha’s and her mother’s whims and demands, mother and daughter teamed up with an unspoken vow to make his life miserable.

  “He loves that child,” Sasha’s mother had said. “You want to hurt him the way he has hurt you? Then take that child away from him. That will bring him to his knees. Either he’ll get in line with the program, or he’ll find himself on the outside looking in.”

  The only thing was, Sasha had gotten her divorce, just as she’d wanted. And she had enjoyed a few months with the “guy friend” she’d continued talking with during her marriage. Of course, he dumped her as soon as he saw how much trouble she really was. Then she met another guy at a club. He seemed really into her. He would take her here and there, but he wasn’t all that crazy about children. So every chance he could, he got Sasha to send her daughter off to someone else’s place when he was around. Sasha spun so many tales of emergencies, she could have starred in her own television drama.

  Her mother caught on to what she was doing rather quickly. But of course, her mother was the master of deception herself. She stopped keeping Aaliyah altogether. They both could visit her, but she wasn’t keeping anybody. Sasha’s cousin would keep Aaliyah, but she wasn’t quite stable and everybody in the family knew it. Whenever Marcus found out his daughter had been left at Thelma’s house, he would have a fit.

  “If you ever need someone to keep our daughter, call me, okay? I don’t want her staying with any-and everybody,” Marcus said. “All right, Sasha?”

  So when Sasha was asked to go out of town with this guy or that, and she didn’t have anyone to keep Aaliyah for a few days, she’d call Marcus. Other times, when she didn’t want to merely ask him, she would create phony emergencies. And when Marcus questioned her about these supposed emergencies, she did what she always did with him: she wouldn’t answer the question and would quickly turn it back on him.

  There was one thing Sasha noted about all the guys she had been with since she divorced. They would start out wooing her, using their money at first, then her own, to pay for their outings, to “Can I hold a few Andrew Jacksons until I get paid?” (Five Andrews were the equivalent of one Benjamin.) Then somehow, these wonderful men would tell her she was too high maintenance, and they were out of there like a streak of lightning. On to the
ir next conquest.

  In truth, they were looking for an excuse to walk away. But Marcus never did. It was finally starting to register with Sasha what a great man and husband she had had in Marcus. He loved her and she now knew that. He had always helped her with Aaliyah without complaint. He had paid all the bills. And even at the rare times when she worked during their marriage, she was able to use her money for whatever she wanted. Had she still been married to Marcus, she would have been able to help her mother out more after her father died.

  But Sasha had totally miscalculated. She saw the fun of being single but not the responsibility. Aaliyah adored her father. It had been a mistake for Sasha ever to have pushed Marcus out of her life the way she had. She now understood that. The question she faced was: what at this point could she do to fix things between them?

  She had cooked dinner for him hoping for an opening to let him know what she was thinking and feeling. Yes, on Friday she had been upset about the money and all that what had just happened had represented. But after Aaliyah went over to her father’s house, Sasha had time to think, time to reflect, and time to earnestly pray about her life.

  Yes, she admitted she had sinned and fallen short. The relationship she had claimed was just a friendship with her guy friend had been more than that. And when her own mother realized that, she had encouraged her, running interference to assist her in her deceit. Especially when her mother got upset with Marcus and wanted to show him who was really in charge. Sasha knew that was the real motive behind her mother’s rallied support of her. And as much as Sasha hated to admit it, she had craved something from her mother other than the hurt she had felt over the years. When her mother got behind her and encouraged her to leave Marcus, she was just glad her mother seemed to be paying her any attention. So she took it and ran with it.

  Yes, she had lied about the real deal surrounding her and Marcus. She had purposely and deliberately led everybody to believe that behind that thoughtful and caring exterior resided a man horrible enough to be an abuser. She didn’t have to prove that. All she had to do was lead people to believe it was so. She did think, because of Marcus’s generous nature, that if they divorced, he would give her whatever amount of money she asked for just because he loved her and his daughter so. Sasha truly believed she could have the best of both worlds if she and Marcus divorced: Marcus’s undying attention and access to his money, coupled with the freedom to date and to do as she pleased.

  Yes, she loved her daughter the same way she was certain her own mother loved her. What she hadn’t realized, until this weekend, was how much she was treating Aaliyah the way her mother had treated her. While in prayer on Friday night, Sasha saw how her father had adored her, always doing whatever he could for her. How he had loved her unconditionally, just like Marcus loved his child. Sasha now saw how jealous her mother had been because of the love her father had for her. She didn’t blame her mother completely. She now realized it was a spirit, that this was spiritual warfare. Seeing how she was repeating that same pattern, she understood how easily something like that can creep up and take over without your ever really noticing it. Like boiling a frog in hot water—gradually, and over time.

  Why had she wanted so much to be free of Marcus? Marcus, whose only offense it seemed was to love her and love his child with all of his heart. Isn’t that what most women desire in a man? That’s why she went from one man to the next after she and Marcus separated and then divorced. Like an idiot, she was searching for what she already had.

  God showed her all of this as she was first bowed before Him in prayer, then completely facedown on the floor. She had cried out to God and He had shown her the errors in judgment she’d made by not consulting Him. She confessed her sins and asked God to forgive her. She then reminded God of His Word as Marcus had often said we need to do. “Not because God doesn’t remember,” Marcus had said in a sermon, “but to let God know that you know what His Word says. That’s what God is looking for from us. That and faith.”

  God, You said that if we will confess our sins and ask forgiveness, you will forgive us and cleanse us from all our unrighteousness. I’m asking you to forgive me right now. Lord, I was wrong. I should have acknowledged You in all of my ways. But instead, I went about trying to establish my own way. Please forgive me.

  That Sunday, she had gone to church, something she had slacked off on quite a bit over the past two years, mostly because there was always some guy who wanted to stay out late from a Saturday night date well into early Sunday morning. At other times, she just wanted to stay in bed and catch up on her rest from having been out so much.

  It had seemed fun at first, the guys. But then she realized none of them really cared about her. She had heard it and said it herself before: they were only after what they could get from her. They didn’t really care about her, and they certainly didn’t respect her. But when you get caught up in their web, you don’t see these things as objectively. She thought she was enjoying herself and her life. But pausing at this point and evaluating things, she saw clearly that she was far from having fun or being happy. And when it came to Marcus, she at least needed to make amends. That’s why on Saturday night, she called and asked him to bring Aaliyah home earlier on Sunday than he normally would. The very least she could do was surprise him by making them all a nice dinner.

  Sunday, she had gone to a new church that people at her office were constantly talking about. They would bring tapes of the pastor’s sermons and pass them around. Sasha had not been interested in hearing him, hearing about him, or hearing about his church. But after she prayed Saturday night, she listened to one of the tapes a coworker had given her. It was on “Strongholds” and how they can keep you from attaining all God has for you. That message ministered deeply to her. Like most everybody, she had her own stronghold. So she got directions to the church off the Internet, and on Sunday morning, she got up and made her way to the early-morning service at Followers of Jesus Faith Worship Center.

  Pastor George Landris was preaching on, of all things, “Generational Curses.” How a thing may have begun with our great-great-great-grandparents before making its way down through the generations to find us. And we’re left not even realizing why we do what we do.

  “Yes, it may have originated with your grandmother. Yes, your mother may have done the exact same thing,” Pastor Landris said. “Yes, you may be doing it right now. And if you have children, you may very well be passing it on to them. At some point, we must realize that it is a curse, and curses can be broken. But we must first acknowledge there’s a problem. Too many people want to act like they don’t see there’s something wrong in their lives. Church, it’s time-out for playing church.” He bobbed his head up and down. “I said it’s time-out for playing church.”

  Sasha found herself engrossed in his every word. He was speaking to her in plain English. This man was speaking to her where she lived. He was indeed a different kind of a preacher than what she had grown to think was the true standard of what a preacher was. He spoke in today’s terms, talked about the things people are dealing with in real life. He spoke so that his words would be heard and observed without distraction.

  “Amen,” she said softly. Yes, too many people are merely playing church.

  “People of God, the Bible gives us plenty of instances where folks were cursed because of things they either did or didn’t do. Yes, you may be under a curse right now. And yes, maybe it wasn’t anything you yourself chose, it was just passed down from one generation to the next. When I was growing up, before welfare reform kicked in, you would find where the great-grandmother might have been an unwed mother at fifteen. She would sign up to get a welfare check. She may or may not have ever gotten married, although I believe lots of these women wanted to marry the men they ended up living with. But the way the government worked the welfare system, if you married, they would cut your check off. It didn’t matter if you were struggling and needed a helping hand. If you married or had a man helping you o
ut in any form, and they found out, your check would be cut.”

  Pastor Landris rubbed his chin. “Can’t you just see Satan’s hand in all of this? If you needed help, you could get help as long as you didn’t marry. I won’t go into the history behind keeping the men out of the picture in order to get that welfare check, but suffice it to say that the system was structured to keep the men out of the home and out of children’s lives. All of this: from the mother being unwed and having children, to finding ways to keep the men out of their children’s lives, to keeping people from ever marrying, became generational curses. And after that generation, the next generation would come along doing exactly what they saw. If you don’t know any differently, how can you do any differently? So that young girl who became a mother at fifteen now has a daughter who comes along and does the exact same thing at fifteen, and the cycle continues.”

  Pastor Landris shook his head. “But let’s not get caught up in the old welfare system of things. Some of our rich and well-off brothers and sisters have their own generational curses. Their family may have lied and cheated to get their wealth; now the next generation lies and cheats to keep the wealth. People divorcing, changing spouses like they change their winter clothes for spring, spring for summer, summer for fall. You all know what I’m talking about. Some people say getting rid of the old model for the new.”

  People laughed as they nodded.

  “So let’s not start pointing fingers at just the have-nots, trying to say they are under a generational curse,” Pastor Landris said. “Let me assure you, those who have have their own problems, too. And you can believe that. Just like God is not a respecter of persons. Well, problems and generational curses are not a respecter of persons—they are an equal-opportunity employer. It rains on the just and the unjust. But children of God, it’s high time to lay these generational curses down. Jesus is the answer to breaking these curses. Jesus has redeemed us. We who have received Him are no longer cursed. We are blessed.”