by Lucy Daniels
Jack, Susan thought. They were here to discuss Jack. She lifted her drink. The ice clinked as she lifted it to her lips. It was delicious: sweet and bitter with a kick that warmed all the way to her stomach. She could feel herself relaxing.
‘So how have you been?’ he asked.
‘I’ve been fine,’ she replied. It seemed suddenly impossible to rush into all the issues about Jack. She could have a drink first. She lifted the glass again. The flavours mingled in her mouth, taking her back in time. ‘How about you?’ she asked and he smiled.
‘Much better for having seen you,’ he said. He lifted his glass and inspected the amber liquid, then put it to his lips and took a sip. He set it back down with a sigh, as if it was completely satisfactory. ‘Do you know,’ he said. ‘I ran into Matthew the other day. He and Julie are married now.’
Susan frowned, casting her mind back. Matthew and Julie had often been a part of their circle when they had been out and about in York. They were both lawyers as well, although they worked in different firms from Michael. Together, they’d been quite a crew of pleasure seekers. Long weekend brunches, mid-week drinks, mini-breaks galore. Those memories barely felt like her own any more, they were so different from her life now.
‘We had some good times together, didn’t we?’ Michael said. ‘Do you remember the weekend away in Pickering?’
Susan did. The four of them had stayed in the Silver Hart, an old coaching inn in the centre of the little market town. She and Michael had splashed out on a tiny suite with a four-poster bed and thick white carpets. That had been just before Christmas too. They’d drunk mulled wine in the Swan. Afterwards, she and Michael had walked up the hill towards the castle and had kissed in the lee of its ancient stone walls.
‘Do you remember it had snowed when we got back?’ she said. The heating in their flat had broken and there had been ice on the inside of the windows. ‘You had to light a fire.’ They had huddled together on the couch sharing a blanket. They’d drunk whisky cocktails that night too. Julie had offered to let them stay over at hers, but Michael had whispered to Susan that he wanted time alone with her.
They had shared the most wonderful little flat. It had been on the top floor of an old Georgian house. Their windows had peeped out from under the roof and ancient ivy had tapped on the glass when it was windy.
‘That was one of the best weekends of my life,’ he said softly. He lifted his glass. ‘Cheers to good times.’
Susan raised her glass to meet his. He began to chat again about the memories they shared. Summer days on the beach at Scarborough. An autumn trip to Scotland. They had another drink, and then another. It was years since she had laughed like this. So long since she had felt this free.
She was aware that she should be turning the subject back to Jack, but she couldn’t bring herself to end their fun reminiscing. It felt so natural, and besides, all their chat was helping her get to know Michael again. To learn who he was now. As she had thought last time, he really did seem to have changed. He was still confident and self-assured, but he seemed to have lost the arrogance and temper that had marred their relationship before. As she was thinking this, their eyes met and she felt suddenly, uncomplicatedly happy. A shiver ran down her spine. He was the only man she had ever loved and here they were, back together. Hadn’t this been her dream? That he would come back to her and accept Jack? It was all she’d ever wanted.
When Michael shifted in his seat and slipped an arm around her, Susan didn’t pull away. Friends can sit like this too, she reasoned, but really, she knew that she was enjoying feeling like a couple again. Sitting in this pose that they had sat in hundreds of times before, comfortable with one another. It just felt the same. Even his aftershave was familiar and that, mingled with the smell of the whisky meant that if Susan closed her eyes, she could believe it was still five years ago.
When it was time to go home, he helped her up as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She felt a little unsteady as she walked to the door, but he held her elbow.
‘Here’s your taxi,’ he said as a sleek silver car drew up beside them. Had she forgotten his efficiency? Everything ran like clockwork when Michael was at her side. He pulled open the door. His hand was still there, warm and steady. He leaned in to kiss her and by instinct, she turned at the last moment so that it landed on her cheek, but he laughed at the near miss and she reached out and hugged him.
‘I’m so glad you’re back,’ she whispered in his ear, then sighed as she pulled away. ‘I’m sure Jack would love to get to know you too.’
He helped her into the car and leaned in, touching a lock of her hair that had escaped from the band that was holding it back. He smiled. ‘I’ll be in touch,’ he promised. ‘I can’t wait to see you again, and to meet Jack.’
He closed the car door and stepped back.
‘Where to?’ The driver was looking at her in the mirror.
‘Torsdale House,’ she replied and the driver nodded and put the car in gear. Susan turned as they drove off, but Michael had already disappeared.
Chapter Fifteen
Susan stood in the reception area of Hope Meadows, clutching the stem of a wine glass. She had taken a sip of the wine when she’d first been handed it, but then she’d stopped. Not that it wasn’t good: it was expensive enough. She just couldn’t face any more alcohol after yesterday.
At the front of the room, a man with a rather plummy voice was telling them all about the different wines available, but Susan was distracted. Her mind kept wandering back to the previous evening with Michael. She shouldn’t have drunk so much. She had almost kissed him. The meeting should have been all about Jack and they had barely mentioned him. Though she was willing for Jack and Michael to have a relationship, she had wanted to keep boundaries in place. Now he seemed to be creeping back into her life as well.
‘If anyone is interested in buying the Tempranillo …’ The voice at the front droned on. It had been Toby Gordon’s idea to have a wine-tasting fundraiser. He had invited a few colleagues and friends from college in the hope of making some money for Hope Meadows. Susan had come to give Mandy moral support. She knew Mandy had agonised over whether to charge for entry. Toby had assured her that the money from the wine sales would be topped up with donations, but as far as Susan could see, there had been very few of either.
Her mind wandered again. The situation with Michael would have been bad enough in itself. But then there was Douglas. The last time she’d seen him, when he’d offered to paint Jack’s bedroom, she had felt very much at ease. She had begun to feel that their friendship might have a future. They were supposed to be meeting up on Thursday. Now her feelings for Michael made everything complicated. They were such different men. Michael, with his expensive tastes and city living, was from her past. Douglas’s goofy demeanour and laid-back attitude slotted perfectly into her Welford life.
Around her, people were shuffling their feet and starting to chat. The lecture had ended. Several people were huddled round the table where the wine was being shared. Nearby there was a table with several plates of rather expensive nibbles supplied by the wine company. There were definitely more people standing around with miniature egg-wraps and canapés than buying anything, Susan thought. Poor Mandy. She really should go over and chat.
The phone in her pocket buzzed and she pulled it out. It was a message from Michael.
Thank you for yesterday evening. I had a great time and it was lovely hearing all about Jack. I look forward to meeting him. I am free on Thursday if that would suit. Please let me know as soon as possible.
Susan felt worry rising in her stomach, which did nothing to help her hangover. She had told him at the end of the night that he could see Jack. Why did I say that? She mentally scolded herself. Now she’d created a pressure she didn’t need to have. She could have left things vague, at least until they’d had a proper conversation about Jack, instead of tipsy reminiscences. Besides, Thursday was her date with Douglas and she couldn�
�t cancel on him again.
Would it be possible to do a different day? Tuesday or Wednesday would work better for me. She typed in the words and hit ‘send’. She wasn’t going to gush about yesterday evening. Not until she’d had time to think about what she wanted.
A text pinged back almost instantly. I’m afraid not. Big case starting in the crown court next week and Thursday will be the only possibility in the near future. Possibly next week on Saturday, if that isn’t too long?
How long was the ‘near future’ she wondered with a frown? A week, a month, a year? Couldn’t he be more specific? It wasn’t really fair on Douglas, but she guessed it wasn’t fair on Michael to make him wait too long after she’d said he could meet Jack. The Saturday wasn’t possible either. Jack was going to a Christmas party at the Dhanjals’. Susan sighed and looked up. Mandy was now chatting to Toby. They appeared to be deep in conversation. She didn’t really know anybody else.
Okay, let’s do Thursday, she typed back. Jack has a party on the Saturday afternoon. A few more messages and they had agreed on the details. Susan tried to ignore the queasy feeling in her stomach at the thought of the meeting. I knew this was coming and I’ll worry about it later. She just hoped Jack would be okay.
In the meantime, she had to rearrange her meeting with Douglas. She took a gulp of wine. What should she tell him? Jack meeting Michael would be a perfectly valid reason to give. She could explain to Douglas that Jack’s dad had contacted her and wanted to spend some time with Jack. A stray memory from last night slunk into her mind. Michael’s arm had been round her. She hadn’t pushed him away. Why hadn’t she?
Sorry, Douglas, she typed quickly, I forgot I was taking Jack to the dentist’s on Thursday. Would it be possible to meet up another night? Again she clicked ‘send’ before she had time to think. She stared at the screen a moment later. Why hadn’t she just told him the truth? Should she tell him now? She couldn’t. She lifted the glass again. The wine was almost gone.
No problem. The message popped up with a cheery emoticon. How about the Thursday after? Maybe we could go for a ride? I know you love horses.
That would be lovely, thanks. She felt a little breathless as she sent it. By the time she saw him again, the first meeting with Michael and Jack would be over. She would tell Douglas all about it then, she thought. She knew she didn’t exactly owe him anything, but she hated lying.
When she looked up, the room had started to empty, though several people were still standing around chatting. The wine-salesman was packing away his wares and the plates of nibbles had been stripped bare. Mandy was coming towards her, flanked by Toby. Susan shoved her phone back into her pocket.
‘How did it go?’ Susan asked. She couldn’t read Mandy’s face.
Mandy shrugged and glanced at Toby. ‘So-so,’ she said.
Toby grimaced. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said to Mandy. It sounded as if it wasn’t the first time he’d said it.
‘I think people had a good time, but we didn’t make anything.’ Mandy managed a smile.
‘Actually, it made a loss,’ Toby admitted. He looked sad as he looked straight into Susan’s eyes. His hair wasn’t quite as fiercely styled today, she noticed.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Mandy assured him. ‘I’ll come up with another idea. It’s good to try different things.’
‘I can have a think too,’ Susan said. ‘I’d really like to help. You’ve been so good to me and Jack.’ She shuffled her feet. She had worn high heels and they were starting to nip.
‘You’re looking very nice,’ Mandy said, looking her up and down. ‘That dress really suits you.’
‘Thanks.’ Susan smiled. She was wearing a shimmery green number that she’d owned for a few years now and she’d been hoping it wasn’t obvious that it was old. She glanced down and brushed a speck of dust from the skirt. Would Douglas ever see it? she wondered. It wasn’t the sort of thing she could wear to go swinging around on ropes or horse-riding. Michael would like it, though. They were two very different men, she thought, smiling to herself.
The moon was high in the night sky by the time she arrived home. Miranda came out into the hall as she opened the front door.
‘How did it go?’ she asked. ‘Did you buy anything?’
Susan shook her head. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I should have brought you something. For looking after Jack.’
Miranda smiled. ‘No you shouldn’t,’ she said, putting her hands on her hips. ‘You know I enjoy it.’
‘Mummy!’ There was a cry from the top of the stairs and a moment later, Jack rushed down and flung himself into her arms. Susan snuggled him for a moment, enjoying the tightness of his little arms, wrapped around her neck.
‘Love you,’ she murmured, dropping a kiss on his soap-scented cheek.
She set him down and he tugged her into the living room. The coffee table was strewn with felt-tipped pens and half-finished drawings. Jack pulled out a paper from under the pile. ‘This is for you, Mummy,’ he said.
Susan took the picture. Though it wasn’t easy to see exactly what he had drawn, there seemed to be a ginger cat and something that looked a bit like a scrubbing brush on legs. ‘Tell me about your picture,’ she said, crouching down beside him and holding out the drawing.
‘That’s Marmalade,’ he said, pointing to the cat.
Susan smiled. ‘He’s lovely,’ she said.
‘And that’s Frosty.’ Susan looked at the brush figure. It was wearing a red bow, she realised. It was Frosty the little white hedgehog from Douglas’s books.
‘It’s really very good,’ Susan told her son.
She handed the paper back to Jack. ‘Can you give me a minute?’ she asked. ‘I need to talk to Nana.’
Jack nodded, his face solemn. ‘Can I draw another picture?’ he asked. ‘One for Nana?’
Susan wanted to kiss his earnest little face. ‘Good idea,’ she said.
Miranda raised her eyebrows as Jack trotted off and knelt down at the table. ‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘Come into the kitchen?’ Susan suggested. She glanced down at Jack, who was already concentrating hard.
Miranda looked surprised. ‘Yes, of course,’ she said.
Susan led her through, leaving the doors open. She no longer needed to have her eyes on Jack every minute of the day, but she liked him to know she was there if he needed anything.
She put the kettle on, then stood leaning on the worktop. Miranda wasn’t going to like what she had to say. She knew that from their previous discussion when Mandy had been here. Though her mum had made it clear she would respect Susan’s choices, Susan had been able to tell she would much rather Michael went away and never came back.
‘I’ve spoken to Michael,’ she said. Miranda pursed her lips a little, but Susan ploughed on. ‘I’ve told him he can meet Jack. He’s coming here on Thursday.’ Her mum’s frown deepened. Susan wasn’t too enamoured herself with the idea of letting Michael into her home, but she had thought about Jack. He would be more relaxed in his own place. ‘I haven’t talked to Jack about it yet. I was wondering if you would mind staying a few minutes longer while I tell him?’
For a moment, Susan wondered if Miranda was going to object. She had said many times that even if Michael deigned to return, Susan shouldn’t give him the time of day. The frown on Miranda’s face was replaced after a moment with a small smile. ‘Of course I will.’
Susan felt the tension in her shoulders ease a little. It would be better to have her mum there, she thought. An extra layer of comfort if Jack seemed worried. He loved his Nana so much. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ she said and reached out to give Miranda’s hand a squeeze.
Jack was still drawing, but he stopped and looked up when they walked in. ‘Come see, Mummy,’ he said.
Susan walked round to where he was sitting on the floor, but her eyes barely registered Jack’s picture. ‘Come and sit with me over here,’ she said. She took the two steps over to the couch, sat down, and patted the seat beside her. Miranda s
at down in the chair nearest the fire. ‘I want to talk to you about families,’ she said, looking down into Jack’s big, dark eyes. ‘Lots of families have a mummy and a daddy don’t they?’ She smiled at him and he smiled back at her.
‘You mean like Herbie’s mummy and daddy?’ he said.
Susan nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Like Herbie’s mummy and daddy.’ She paused for a second. She had to get this right. ‘Well, you know some families only have a mummy or a daddy? And some families have a mummy and daddy who live in different houses?’ Jack’s eyes were still gazing at her, filled with innocence. He had never once asked about his father and he didn’t have an inkling where this conversation was going, but there was no going back. ‘Well you have a daddy. Do you know that?’ She stopped and held her breath. Jack was staring at her. ‘He’s a very nice man.’ She rushed on. ‘He’s a lot like you,’ she said.
From the other side of the room, she heard Miranda shift in her chair. She glanced over, but her mum’s face was unreadable.
Susan reached out her arm and put it round Jack, pulling him in closer, smiling to reassure him. ‘So what do you think?’ she asked. ‘Would you like to meet him?’
Jack had screwed up his mouth into a tight ‘O’ shape and he was frowning. Susan waited. ‘My daddy isn’t like Harrison’s daddy, is he?’ he said.
Susan shook her head. Harrison’s mum and dad were going through an acrimonious divorce. Poor Harrison had confided in Susan that his daddy was often very cross. She hadn’t known Jack knew about it. ‘Not like that,’ she assured him. ‘Your daddy is good,’ she said, ‘and he and I are friends.’ For a moment she wondered if he would ask why his daddy hadn’t come round before, if they were friends, but he was staring at her, his face serious.
Susan felt suddenly nervous. She didn’t want him worrying. ‘You’re so yummy, I just wanted to keep you all to myself,’ she told him, grinning, trying to lighten the apprehension in his gaze. She reached out a hand and gave his tummy a tickle and he smiled, so she leaned down and started to smother him in kisses, ending up with blowing a raspberry on his stomach. Jack was laughing now, the tension dispersed. She put her arm round him again and hugged him. ‘Whatever you want,’ she said, ‘it’ll be fine. Nothing else will change, okay?’
