Spellbound

by Margaret Way

  'He was my friend.'

  'You're so young to be bitter!' Avril Tennant reached out and seized Lucie's arm. 'He still cares about you. He loves you.'

  Lucie simply did not know what to answer. 'What is it you want of me, Mrs Tennant?' she asked finally.

  'Come with me to see Joel.'

  'I can't. I have to get home.'

  'But surely you're living with Julian Strasberg?'

  Lucie now felt a frantic desire to pull away. 'He's been very kind to me.'

  'Joel speaks of him as the devil incarnate.'

  'At least he stood by me,' Lucie said quietly.

  Mrs Tennant relaxed her grip and Lucie withdrew her arm. For a few moments within the luxurious interior of the car there was silence.

  'What hold has this man got on you?' Avril Tennant asked, some dark shadow falling across her irresolute face.

  'None,' said Lucie, determined not to be driven into anger. 'When I came out of hospital I was helpless, so Julian hired a nurse and offered me the shelter of his home. He's been kindness itself.'

  'It's not his reputation.' Avril Tennant pointed out baldly.

  'I suppose not. I can only say how he has been to me.' Lucie gave a funny little sigh and glanced at her watch. 'You'll have to excuse me, Mrs Tennant, but I must go.'

  'But where?' Avril Tennant cried. 'You can't be doing anything, working.'

  'I have therapy morning and afternoon.'

  'You've got beautiful violet eyes.' Avril Tennant's voice dropped to a whisper. 'They look so sad yet kind. I can't believe you won't help me with Joel. He has to be drawn out or I think he's going to need psychiatric help. My husband is so angry, you have no idea. He has even called my son a perfect coward. I shall never forgive him. Joel is a wonderful boy. We can't all go into big business, and we have another son to take over from Grant. Don't you understand, my dear, Joel's remorse is killing him!'

  'So you want me to see him.'

  'If you only would!' Avril Tennant's delicate shoulders slumped. 'The relief of seeing you walking, looking so beautiful, will help him enormously.'

  So she was caught by her own pity. 'If you care to meet me this time tomorrow, I'll come with you,' she agreed.

  Mrs Tennant breathed a glad sigh. 'My dear!'

  'You shouldn't have done it,' Jessie said over a small lunch.

  'It seems only—merciful,' Lucie pointed out.

  'He didn't extend much mercy to you!' Jessie was indignant. So much was being asked of this child and now as soon as she was on her feet she had to console the person largely responsible for her plight.

  'His mother is terribly worried about him—his solitary condition. Remorse has put him in some kind of prison.'

  'He's behaved badly,' said Jessie, brooding about what this confrontation might do to Lucie. Her own condition was none too stable; from an abyss of despair to trying to cope with a changed life. On top of that, the incomparable Camilla Price with her blazing vindictiveness.

  'I can bear it, Jessie,' Lucie said gently. 'Don't worry.'

  'Why don't I come with you?' Jessie offered. 'I've a terrible feeling one or other of them is going to make a scene.'

  Lucie wanted to deny any such possibility, but she remembered Joel's bizarre violence the night of the accident, his mother's completely absorbed in her son attitude. She did not want to go, but she had promised.

  'Are you going to tell Julian?' Jessie asked at last.

  'No.' Lucie held out her cup for more tea. 'I expect he would try to stop me. He has no time for Joel.'

  'Small wonder!' Jessie's wide brow was puckered with anxiety. 'This whole thing has taken me by surprise.'

  In the end, because she felt she had to, Lucie went alone. The Mercedes was waiting, and Mrs Tennant took Lucie's hand and held it on the long drive to the Tennant home. It was in a narrow, secluded, tree-lined street, all the houses uniformly large and expensive behind tall, strong brick walls of spiked ornamental wrought iron.

  'You will be gentle with Joel, won't you, my dear?' Mrs Tennant enquired anxiously.

  'Of course.' I'm here to cheer him up, Lucie thought, looking without interest at the imposing columned fa9ade of the Tennant residence. Curious how Joel had never mentioned his family's wealth. Life was full of surprises, some good, some bad.

  The rest passed like a dream. They were inside the house, and Mrs Tennant was calling up the curving stairway in a voice full of excitement, 'Oh, Joel—we're home!'

  A full minute passed and Lucie began to wonder if they would have to beg Joel to come down. Mrs Tennant kept looking upwards hopefully, something unnerving about her little smile. 'You did tell him I was coming?' Lucie asked.

  'What on earth do you mean, my dear?' The pale blue eyes were reproachful. 'Of course I did!'

  'Shall we go up to him?' Lucie said reasonably, when actually she thought, a few minutes more and I shall go mad.

  'He's probably looking down at us now,' Mrs Tennant said.

  'Joel?' Lucie summoned up the strength to take action. She walked to the base of the stairway, put her hand on the gleaming banister and looked up to the first floor landing dramatically lit by a magnificent stained glass window.

  'Perhaps we'd better go up.' Mrs Tennant still stood hesitantly.

  Was she frightened or what? Lucie drew in her lower lip and clasped it with her teeth. There was nothing so very unusual about suffering remorse, but Joel's behaviour was decidedly odd. Then again her immediate worry was that Julian would find out. His scathing disapproval was already unrolling in Lucie's mind. .. . You mean to tell me you went to see Tennant? No, his mother drove me.

  A voice disturbed the whirl of her thoughts and there was Joel above her, staring at her with eyes very bright.

  'Lucie!' It sounded like a prayer. 'Lucie, dear, dear girl!'

  Lucie was so surprised by the change in him, she stood immobile. What demonic changes her accident had caused! For one thing her technical brilliance had been destroyed, now Joel stood above her like a victim of war. Truly he had suffered misery, to look like that. She put out her hand, and below them Mrs Tennant broke into a noisy sob.

  'It's over. It's over!' Joel had his thin arms around her, crushing her. 'I wanted to kill myself, Lucie.'

  'Please, Joel!' She wanted the peace of forgiveness and acceptance, not this arrested violence.

  'Thank God, thank God, you look no different!' He caught her by the shoulders, staring now into her face. 'I deserved to be punished.'

  'I didn't want that, Joel,' she said quietly.

  'Won't you smile at me? I think I've been through hell!'

  She raised her head to meet those light blue, blazing eyes. 'You said so yourself, Joel. It's all over.'

  'Let me touch you.' Very gently he put out his hand, the fingers badly nicotine-stained. 'You're lovely. Just the same.' He caressed her cheek, the pure line of her chin. 'It's like a dream, having you here.'

  'Darling ' Avril Tennant called persuasively,

  'we can talk down here. Bring Lucie into the living room.'

  'No.'

  The way he spoke, so brutally, so abruptly, made Lucie recoil. 'Joel?'

  'I want to speak to you alone.'

  'I wish you'd do as your mothers says,' Lucie persisted.

  'I can't speak in front of her,' Joel muttered.

  'Then come downstairs, Joel, and I'll go away,' Avril Tennant said with resigned quietness.

  'You've got to,' Joel said flatly. 'I want some peace if it's possible.'

  Lucie wanted to go away, but she was caught and held by Joel's hand on her wrist.

  'Don't be angry, darling,' Avril Tennant was saying, soothingly as if to a small, undisciplined child. 'I have some phone calls to make. I'll go into your father's study.'

  Joel waited motionless until his mother had moved away, then his tight grip relaxed and he walked, with Lucie, back down the stairs.

  'Let's go out into the garden.' He almost pulled her through the front door. 'Poor old Mamma, she
doesn't give me or herself a minute's rest.'

  The lawn was like velvet and there were long beds of familiar shrubs and flowers and the heavy shade of lush trees. It was all peaceful solitude, broken only by the sound of birds and the playing of a fountain.

  Still holding tightly to her hand, Joel led her along a path to a little white summerhouse mellowed by a climbing rose. It was just the place for a private talk, but Lucie felt awkward and uncomfortable, still disturbed by the hurtful change in Joel's appearance. For all she had been through, her ethereal beauty was enhanced, but Joel was haggard, with the wild-eyed look of a fugitive.

  'To get on and off the subject of Strasberg as quickly as possible, he threw me out of the company,' he began.

  'You mean you tried to get back?' Lucie sank down on a cushioned bench.

  'I saw him.' Joel remained standing, not even bothering to hide his primitive anger. 'He enjoyed destroying me.'

  'What do you mean, Joel?' she demanded.

  'I know I was responsible for your accident. I didn't need it pointed out.'

  'He can't have been calm himself, Joel.'

  'He made me feel like crawling away.' Joel struck a support post with his hand." 'I don't think I've ever been made to feel so low in my life, even by my dad. He warned me not to try to see you.'

  'But I thought you'd gone away?'

  'After I came back.' Joel dropped to his knees, humble, putting his two hands over Lucie's clasped in her lap. 'At the beginning I was so terrified . . . when I saw you in the headlights from the police car, then when they put you into the ambulance ... I felt like a murderer. I rang Strasberg, and I'll never forget how he was with me for as long as I live. In a way I know we've got to thank him for getting the best for you, but I had to bear the brunt of his fury. After that, I had to get away. I had to be alone. I wanted desperately to come to you, to comfort you, but I was frightened of what I would see.'

  'You didn't want to feel guilty?' Lucie flashed him a strange look from her violet eyes.

  'Darling, I've been crushed by guilt. I don't know how I've survived. 'He bent his fair head until his forehead touched their joined hands. 'I can't blame you if you hate me.'

  'You know I don't hate you, Joel.'

  'Why did you refuse to see me, then?'

  Could it be self-pity that welled in those pale eyes? 'Self-protection, I suppose,' Lucie murmured, at last. 'For quite a while I lost my grip on my own life.'

  'Darling, you've been a saint!' Joel's eyes dropped compulsively to her slender legs. 'They look quite unspoiled,' he said reverently. 'I dare not ask you if there's a hope you'll dance again.'

  'No.'

  'Then how can you go to class?'

  'Julian makes me,' Lucie explained.

  'He can't make you do anything.' Joel pulled himself up and sat down beside her. 'God, as if we need

  Strasberg!' The blue eyes devoured her full of mingled resentment and hope.

  'At least I've got some of my strength back,' Lucie pointed out.

  'But classes!' Joel protested. 'What's he trying to do to you anyway?'

  'Don't go on, Joel,' Lucie said desperately, going back in time to that fatal night when he had been so angry.

  'Darling, forgive me.' It was evident from Joel's drawn face that he was having a struggle with himself. Nothing would have eased him more than to blame Strasberg for everything. 'I'm only saying it because I love you so.'

  The admission both moved her and worried her. 'And you, Joel,' she said gently, 'I'm concerned about you. You look so thin and unhappy.'

  'I've been a bit hard on myself,' he agreed. 'But that's all over. Seeing you walking, and so beautiful, has gladdened my heart. I know you'll feel now you were never given your chance to realise your potential, but ballet is such a hard life and the rewards are few. A lot of us are shot down. I can't bring myself to tell you what Strasberg said to me.'

  Obviously it would have made him feel better, but Lucie shook her head. 'There were a lot of things you kept from me, Joel. .. .'

  'I know.' Swiftly he interrupted. 'I'm sure you never guessed my dad was loaded?'

  'No,' she replied. 'Why the secret?'

  'Maybe because I wish I had another father.'

  'Is it so bad a relationship?' Lucie had wished all her life she had known the father she barely remembered.

  'My God, yes!’ Joel lowered his curly blond head. 'Everything I do seems to shock him—the way.I was at school, the way I never seemed to measure up. The unhappiness I caused. Then when I decided I wanted to take up dancing for a career he barely managed to stay civil, as though I was some kind of pansy instead of a goddamned man!'

  'A lot of people don't realise how physically demanding and strenuous our life is,' Lucie said soothingly. 'But that's changing. Nureyev on his own changed the image, with all that flamboyant male power and grandeur. Probably your father has never seen good ballet. He just needs . . . educating?'

  'Too late to start.' Joel laughed a little wildly and broke off. 'What a joke, then—I'm going into the business.'

  'You mean you're going to work for your father?'

  Joel reached out to take her hand. 'I guess I've no alternative. Anyway, now there's a reason to it. I have to look after you.'

  'Me?' she queried.

  Joel's hand tightened as she tried to pull away. 'Have you-forgotten I love you? You need taking care of. Both of us are finished as dancers, and in a way, I'm glad. We were always so damned beat, living with tiredness and aching limbs. I think I only lasted so long because I was with you. Now if I behave myself things will happen for me. It shouldn't be so difficult, going into the office with Dad and Gavin. Gavin is my brother, by the way.'

  'You never told me,' said Lucie.

  'I've been used to playing it very close to the chest,' Joel explained. 'Once I used to dream about being a big star so I could ask the whole family, uncles, aunts, cousins, the lot, to come to a packed opera house to see me. Those were some of my happiest dreams. I was always dancing with you because I was always sure you had it in you to reach stardom. Together we would have shared the limelight.'

  'As you say, a dream.'

  Joel did not even hear her sigh. 'I'm not as hopeless as Dad thinks. Gavin is certain he can find a place for me. He's really not a bad guy, despite the fact he's tried to model himself on Dad.'

  'So when is this going to happen?' Lucie looked up at the beautiful rambling rose.

  'We've got to settle a few details yet.' Joel paused expectantly. 'You've got to let us help you, Lucie, with all those bills.'

  'No need.' She shrugged delicately.

  'I can imagine where you got the money.' This very bitterly.

  'It will be all paid back.'

  'How?'

  'Heavens, that's my business!' Lucie let her anger slip.

  'And mine,' Joel said quietly. 'What has happened to us, Lucie, has drained me.'

  It was so painfully apparent Lucie bit her lip. 'We're over it now—the worst of it.'

  He put his arm around her, hugged her, then kissed her cheek. 'So now I want to give you the kind of life you deserve. I can be a hard-as-nails businessman if I have to. I'll get poor old Gavin to tutor me. You've no idea how pleased he was when I asked him if I could get into the firm. Like Dad, he was dismayed at my choice of a career. At least on the payroll I can afford a wife.'

  'Not me, Joel!' Lucie looked at him intently.

  'You love me, don't you?' he asked in an impassioned, low voice.

  'I care about you, Joel,' she said simply, her violet eyes troubled.

  'Then you can't turn your back on me now. That would be tragic. I love you, Lucie, and I swear I'll devote my whole life to making you happy.'

  'Please, Joel, understand.' Lucie barely trusted herself to say more.

  'All right, darling, I do understand. You want time. You've been through so much, and my criminal negligence almost cost you your life.' The glitter of tears stood in Joel's eyes. 'If that had happened. . . .'
/>
  'It didn't.' Tender-hearted Lucie wanted to spare him more pain. 'Accidents happen all the time, Joel, you know that.'

  'Yes.' He pulled himself together. 'Look, darling, I know you're staying with Strasberg.'

  Lucie drew in a deep breath. 'He's been very kind to me, Joel.'

  'Except that he's not kind. One could only guess at his motives. I want to take you away from him now.'

  'I have my own plans,' said Lucie. 'I have a good friend in the nurse Julian hired for me. She's an extraordinary woman, so different from my mother, yet I think of her as family, like a favourite aunt. She lives alone, so do I, so we could share a flat. I expect I'll need her skill for a while yet. She's a splendid physiotherapist.'

  'What the devil for?' Joel challenged her. 'I'm thrilled to see you walking so normally.'

  'I expect I still want to dance,' she admitted.

  It took Joel a moment for that to sink in. 'God, darling, surely I heard your legs won't take it?'

  'I guess not.' Lucie lowered her gleaming, japanned head, the white nape very tender and vulnerable. 'Once or twice lately, I thought it might come back. Julian makes me do everything.'

  'The swine!' Joel glowered, unable to conceal his anger and jealousy. 'As if effort is going to achieve a miracle!'

  'Happily, sometimes it does.'

  'Oh, for God's sake!' Joel muttered. 'Let go, darling. Let go. Married to me you won't have to want for anything. I just know you can win Dad around, you're so lovely. I'm even glad Gavin has a girl of his own.'