“Yeah?”
“What if we widened the search? We don’t have to live here. I’d just like to be less than an hour away from my dad.”
“Are you sure?” Tim questions this decision after Clarke has been adamant about keeping Tyler grounded.
“I’ve been thinking about it, and it makes more sense.”
“I’ll call the realtor in the morning.”
Clarke snuggles her body into his and closes her eyes. She’s dodged a bullet. It’s temporary. He’ll know she’s hiding something if she continues to act this way. All she can do is force herself to stop thinking about Eli before it causes strain on her current relationship with Tim. She can’t lose him. She won’t.
Eli sits in the kitchen where Clarke left him. His mixed emotions have caused him to rethink his decision to stay. It’s obvious he has no chance of rekindling a relationship with Clarke. She’s getting married. She’s happy. That’s all he’s ever wanted for her. Now that she knows the whole truth he’s no longer riddled with the guilt and regret. He can move on with his life.
Thoughts of Jonny flood his mind. He’s still in his early twenties, never really thought about raising a kid, until now. Their instant bond was another reminder of what they share. Siobhan was stupid to think he’d keep the secret forever. It was only a matter of time before Eli embraced what’s come out of the ashes.
While remaining at the same table he remembers sharing meals with his parents at, he decides to talk to his father, in hopes that he’s watching over him, guiding him to make right decisions.
“Dad, if you’re out there then you know the truth. I don’t know how many ways I can apologize for keeping it a secret. Siobhan didn’t deserve your love, but you were happy. You trusted her and she used it against you. What she did that night changed my life. I wouldn’t be where I am today if things played out differently. I tried to stay away. I wanted you to raise Jonny. He was yours in every way that counted. You were in a stable part of life, which is something I still struggle with. I knew you loved him. In some ways I hoped he could replace the emptiness I left behind. It’s kind of pathetic now that I’m saying it out loud. You can’t replace a person with another, but they can help you heal. Maybe you would have done things the same. I’ll never know now. I missed my opportunity to ask you for advice. Skipping out on everything, everyone, well it’s all I knew to do. Siobhan was breathing down my neck. She wanted me gone. God only knows what she told you. I had no idea she’d spoken to Clarke.” He pauses for a moment. “You told me to never let her go. You were right. She can’t be replaced or forgotten. I still feel that spark when I see her across the room. I can feel the connection we once shared, but I know it’s not the same for her. I need her to be happy, Dad. I need Jonny to be happy too. I guess that’s why I’m sitting here at the kitchen table talking to myself. I need someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing. Do I stay and become the father that boy needs, or do I let him go on thinking he’s my brother? Are visits even going to be enough now? Because I tell ya, I love the kid already. I’m going to have the test done, but I already know the answer. I’ve known the whole time. I thought it was guilt, but it’s something stronger. I feel him. I worry about him. I just don’t want to hurt him. It’s what I’m known for, walking out and leaving the people I love. Please help me get through this. Help me make the best choice for everyone. Give me a reason to walk away and I will. Even if this time it kills me.”
Finishing his beer, Eli steps out onto the porch and stares into the dark forest beyond the property. This isn’t a situation he can take lightly. It’s probably the second biggest choice he’s ever had to make. For now he’ll be patient. He’ll have the test done. Then he’ll wait.
When the answer is definite and in his hands, he’ll make the final decision about his future. For now he’ll continue working on the house and getting it back to new condition in case he needs to flip it. He’ll report to reserve duty and return to finish up. He has time. It’s just not as much as he needs.
Chapter 17
Clarke nestles up next to Tim while he sleeps beside her. Two days ago she learned the horrid truth and reasoning for Eli’s departure. She’s been tormented by it ever since. To listen to the vile acts of his step-mother is mortifying. She’s been sick to her stomach. A part of her wants to reach out to the authorities, but what could they do? Eli was eighteen at the time. No laws were broken. They’d probably assume he was involved in an affair with her and is trying to cover it up to save face.
After being confronted by Tim for acting out of sorts, Clarke broke down and admitted something was bothering her, but she withheld the parts about Eli and who he’d been to her. She left out the part of him being Tyler’s father.
Recalling the tears she saw in Eli’s eyes, Clarke knows her secret would only cause him more anguish. Knowing how important it is to reassure Tim, she proceeds with the legal documentation required for him to adopt Tyler. When Tim is around she’s optimistic and happy, but as soon as he leaves the room she’s stricken with fear and apprehension.
The following day isn’t much better. She pretends to go about her daily tasks like normal, but more than four times she’s reminded of how much of a mess this is.
For five years she’s wished Eli could be a part of her son’s life. She’d even dreamed of an alternate life where he never left. Knowing of one person who was a witness to her struggles, Clarke decides to visit her dad and ask for his unbiased advice. Her first inclination is that he’ll be supportive and know what’s best, but that’s not what happens at all.
Ed Mayville considers himself to be Clarke’s only father. He and his wife raised her since she was a small child, so it’s only expected that she’d come to him with any troubles she might encounter. He’s taken back when Clarke sits down in front of him with fretful eyes and starts talking about Eli Hargrove, a name he never thought would be mentioned in his lifetime, not after what he’d put Clarke through. With mindful ears, he sits and listens to Clarke telling the story of a son surrounded by a lie so big it caused him to escape his life and never return.
For a few moments he sits there in shock. No matter the boy’s age, no child should have to live with such remorse and blame. As Clarke sits across from him he sees the hurt and understanding in her eyes, knowing exactly what this means for his strong-willed girl. She loved that boy back then, and just as clear as day he knows there’s something brewing now. The undeniable tie they share can be proven by a little guy who calls him grandpa.
“It’s a bit unbelievable. In a lot of ways it explains what happened. Eli was always good to you. He was happy.”
Clarke nods and manages a smile through her tears. “I know. We were happy. I’m just so confused. All this time Tyler could have had a father, but now I don’t know what to do. Eli’s back, and seeing the determination in his eyes when he speaks about Jonathan only makes me weary when it comes to Tyler. He doesn’t know he exists. What kind of person does it make me if I don’t want him to ever find out? It’s not like I want to hurt him or pay him back for hurting me. I’m scared, Dad. I’m so afraid of my own feelings. When I’m close to him it would be so easy to fall right into his arms. I can’t explain it. I’m drawn to him, but at the same time, I love Tim. He’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve this. Neither of them do. Tim’s about to adopt Tyler. He wants to be his dad. Am I supposed to put my life on hold because Eli came back? Do I share Tyler with a man he doesn’t know? What will it do to my child to discover he has a brother? That all this time he’s been missing out. Will he blame me? I blame me. I have all these choices and I can’t come to terms with any of it. I’m falling apart, Dad. I need your help.”
“It’s not a simple solution, Clarke. You know that just as well as I do. No matter what, it’s going to get messy, but it’s unavoidable at this point. You’re not the type of person to live with a lie, or a secret. You aren’t conniving. Why do you think Tim loves you so much?”
Clarke shrugs. “He’s to
o good for me.”
“No. You’re a wonderful, loving person. You’re a beautiful soul, and one hell of a mother. Any man would be lucky to have you in their life, and I’m not just saying that because I raised you. You have a habit of taking care of people. It’s in your nature to care, and it’s a great quality. Unfortunately, with that big heart of yours comes a mess of heartache. I always wondered what happened to Eli. He has his head on straight and then poof, he vanished. Now it makes sense. The kid couldn’t live with himself. He couldn’t look you in the eye and lie. Then you have Tim. He’s already lost too much in life. All he wants to do is find someone to fill the void in his heart. Two men. Two completely different situations. Both of them are a part of you. It’s not something you can decide while sitting here with me. I think you owe it to yourself to take your time. Talk to Eli. Get a feel for the man he’s become. Really think about your future with Tim. Choose the man that makes your heart happy. This ain’t about right and wrong. It’s also not about fixing the past. You’re standing in front of two doors. Both hold a future. You don’t know what’s behind either. One could end in divorce. One could end in death. Both could lead to happiness. It’s a catch-twenty two dear.”
“I keep thinking about Tyler. Maybe I should let him choose.”
“He’d choose Tim. He’s been there for the kid and he trusts him. Eli’s nothing but a stranger.”
Clarke knows her dad has a point. “It’s not even about the man I want to share my future with. When I think about Eli I think of Tyler. He hasn’t hit on me or made any attempt to be with me. He’s in a relationship. She has a kid.”
“Why not allow them both to be a part of Tyler’s life?”
“I’m afraid I’ll lose Tim. He’ll think I’m a liar. I’ve been hiding things from him, and we’re supposed to be a team. We’re getting married.”
Clarke watches her dad, waiting for him to tell her she’s being ridiculous, but it doesn’t happen. “Clarke, I don’t know what you want to hear from me. Keeping a child from their father is never a good idea. Look at what Eli is going through now. Can you imagine what it will be like to learn he has two children, one he never knew existed? I’ll tell you what he’ll think. He’ll think you kept it a secret on purpose. He’ll put you on the same level as that step-mother of his. Is that how you want to be perceived?”
She wipes another bout of tears from her eyes. “Of course not. I’m nothing like that terrible woman.”
“Then prove it to him. Look the man in the eye and tell him what he left behind. Don’t do it to hurt him. Do it because he deserves to know.”
She knows what she has to do, but going through with it is harder said than done. It will change everything, and she’s not good with change.
Tim is asleep on the sofa when she returns. She removes the book from his hands and slides into the spot beside him. He stirs and smiles when he realizes she’s home. “Hey. I tried to wait up. I wanted to tell you about a property that might be coming up for sale. It’s perfect. It has everything on our list. I’ve got a call into the real estate agent to see if we can take a look at it.”
“That’s great.” Not wanting to talk about house hunting, Clarke decides to tell Tim what’s going on before she loses her nerve. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
He straightens, a look of concern flashing across his face. “What’s wrong?”
She closes her eyes. “Everything. Everything’s wrong and I can’t stand keeping it from you, but I also know once you hear it you’re going to freak out.”
“Well, now you’re scaring me.”
“Tim, I haven’t been honest with you when it comes to Tyler’s father.”
“You said he left you when you got pregnant. I didn’t know there was more story to tell.”
“It turns out he didn’t know I was pregnant.”
“Is that the line he’s feeding you? Who is it?”
“It’s not a line. I thought he knew, but the person telling him lied. He still doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a clue.”
“Are you telling me this because of the adoption?”
“No. I mean, yes, sort of. It’s complicated.” She’s confusing herself with how she wants to go about explaining. “In high school I was in a serious relationship with a guy. We were in love even though everyone said we were too young for it to last. We’d been planning a future together. The same week I found out I was pregnant he left town and didn’t return until recently. If he hadn’t come into the diner I never would have known he was back.”
“So you’ve talked to this guy?”
“Yes.”
“And you kept it a secret? Why? Is there something going on between the two of you?”
“No. Of course not. I just wanted to know why he left with no warning. He broke my heart. I thought it was because he didn’t want to be a father, but that wasn’t it at all. It turns out his step-mother did something to jeopardize his relationship with his father. He didn’t have a choice. It was never about me or the baby.”
Tim stands and begins to paces back and forth. Clarke knows he’s worried. “Tim, I love you. I’ve just been going through how I want to handle this. It turns out he’s a good person who only did what he thought was right.”
“Well he needs to know he has a kid, Clarke. You can’t keep something like that from a guy.”
“I’m scared.”
“Why? What aren’t you telling me?”
“He’s just got a lot to deal with already. I’m afraid adding Tyler to his life right now might not be the best for either of them. Plus you’re wanting to adopt him. Telling him could change what happens. The last thing I want is to put stress on you, or hurt you in any way. You have to believe I never saw this coming. For five years I’ve been on my own. He’s never once contacted me, but to be fair, he didn’t think he needed to. He assumed I’d moved on, and I have. I told him about you and our engagement.”
“I want to meet him.”
It’s unexpected. Clarke doesn’t know if she can be in the same room as the two of them. “I don’t know. If I’m going to tell him about Tyler I think I need to do it alone. He could say things to me that you might not like hearing. He’s going to be hurt and lash out at me. I’m prepared for it. I’ll be okay. You’d only overreact and it would get ugly.”
He sits back down beside her and takes her hand. “I’ll support whatever you want to do. If his father is a good guy then I can’t go through with the adoption. It’s not right. We can have other kids, Clarke. I can still love Tyler. I’ll be a good step-dad.”
“I know you will.”
He brings her hand up to his lips and kisses it. “I love you and I trust that you’ll make the right decision.”
“You’re not upset with me?”
“I’m disappointed you felt like you had to keep it a secret, but I understand how hard it must be to sort out.”
“It changes nothing. We’re still getting married.”
“Good, because if this guy thinks he can steal my girl away he’s got another thing coming.”
They share a laugh and then embrace. Clarke wonders if maybe she worried about nothing. If Tim can be this compassionate, maybe Eli will act the same way. There’s only one way to find out.
Chapter 18
Eli waits a few days to see if he’ll hear from Clarke again. When he doesn’t, he knows without a doubt that she wants nothing to do with him. Accepting that it’s the way it has to be, he goes ahead with his plan to collect a blood sample from Jonathan without Siobhan knowing. He makes arrangements for the two of them to go camping at the same place his father was going to take him the night of his death. It’s going to be a pivotal breakthrough in their newfound relationship. Bonding with the boy, teaching him skills, getting to know each other, it’s all part of the process Eli’s been afraid of doing. He knew if he let himself love the boy he wouldn’t be able to stay away. Stepping into the role of father isn’t as simple as calling himself a dad, o
r taking responsibility for the son he neglected up until now. He has a lot to make up for. First and foremost, he has to be one hundred percent certain he’s the biological father. There’s still a part of him that wishes the results would come back saying they were siblings, but he knows better. Too many factors point in the opposite direction. He can feel that tie now. It’s so strong it’s impossible to ignore. He thinks about the boy constantly, misses him even.
For now, Siobhan is being nice. She’s happy Eli wants to spend time with his so-called brother and, to his knowledge, doesn’t suspect he’s up to something. Using a Marine contact, Eli gets in touch with a company the military outsources it’s lab work to. It will take longer then going somewhere local, but he’d rather know it’s in good hands. This could determine his future. His dad would want him to fight. He owes it to him to be what the boy needs. Eli may still be young, but he doesn’t back down without giving it his all.
Not having camped since he was a kid, Eli struggles with the tent. He curses under his breath, but preservers through it to impress Jonny. After they unpack their supplies, Eli helps Jonny build a campfire and then find sticks they can use to roast the hotdogs they’ll be having for dinner. By the time the stars come out the two guys have consumed a whole pack of eight hotdogs, a bag of Doritos, and four s’mores. Jonny is wired on soda, and while he’s in a crazy mood Eli decides to play along. They monkey around until Jonny trips and cuts his knee. It’s bloody and he’s crying out into the dark of the night. Eli grabs the first aid kit and gets to work attending to the wound. He’s gentle as he cleans off the blood and dirt and places a bandage over the open cut. Jonny looks up at him with tear filled eyes and sniffles. “I wish Dad were here.”
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