by Jules Dixon
“I don’t understand the whole thing,” he mumbled, with the camera back at his face.
I examined the surroundings, thinking he was talking about the mission, but since his vision never strayed from the lens, I realized he was talking about me or at the very least someone who wasn’t heterosexual.
“What don’t you understand?”
“Why?”
“Because I was born this way. Just like you have an attraction to women, I have one to both women and men. I can’t and won’t turn it off to please someone else. I only need to please myself.”
“How did you know you were…” He waved the camera like he couldn’t say the word.
“Bisexual?”
He mumbled an acknowledgment but kept his focus on the building.
I wrote additional notes before answering. “It was never about knowing or not knowing, Jake. I experimented with both sexes and owned my sexuality by the time I was sixteen. I like being with a man, absorbing his strength, and sometimes there is a roughness that two men can have together that I appreciate. But I like being with a woman for her softness and how she can be tender, and then again, some like it rough, too.”
“Women like it rough?”
“Not smacking them around rough, but yeah, they want to feel a connection with what’s happening and who it’s happening with. It’s not all about you, Jake.”
“I realize that, Oliver.” His sneer was evident even with the camera still blocking half of his face.
Then something else entered my mind as a possibility.
“Jake, are you…?”
“No! My younger brother is.”
Not having siblings, I never had someone to compare myself to as being different. My mother never treated me any differently—at least I never thought she did—than any other parent treated their child. But Holt’s mother had definitely let me see her protectiveness last night and that she thought of Holt a little differently than his brothers. Her instinct to protect him from being hurt was what I imagined could easily happen.
Which brought Rory Jessen into my brain and her younger brother. Memories flashed of what I’d gone through during high school. Kids weren’t just unkind. They were pick-at-you-until-you-wanted-to-die cruel. Adults could be even nastier. Even though I was sure of who I was, and I wasn’t afraid to let my tricolored flag fly back then, the taunts and jeers still hurt.
“Gay, bi, trans, queer, intersex, asexual, or his own designation?” I asked.
“Gay. And what the hell does ‘his own designation’ mean?”
“Some people identify outside of any label, not that anyone should be labeled. You don’t like his orientation or his behavior or what?”
“I just don’t know why someone would want to put themselves through the ridicule and hurt that seems to come with being that way.”
“It’s not about putting ourselves through anything. It’s being who we are. That’s where you should be the grounding force—not anti-gravity—for LGBTQ, Jake. By supporting your brother and making sure people understand it’s not a choice, it’s who we are.”
“What do you mean?”
“You let others know that bullying or taunting or intolerance isn’t acceptable. Be an ally for your brother.”
“I’ve kind of been the bully myself.”
“Fuck, Jake, you’re a grown man!” I didn’t mean to cuss at him but I’d figured if he felt the need to release his distress on me regarding my orientation, that he’d done it more than once to his brother. I wrote more details onto the form. “You can apologize, you know.”
“He won’t talk to me anymore.”
“Do you want to apologize?”
“What good will it do? I still don’t understand.”
“And I don’t understand what you don’t understand. Maybe that’s how your brother feels, too?”
“Why can’t he be normal?” He pulled the camera down and rested it on the steering wheel.
“Jake, we are fucking normal! Your brother is who he is. I am who I am. You are who you are. This intolerant judgment of normal and not normal is fucking bullshit.”
He turned, but his eyes stayed lowered. “You’re going to be with this Holt guy for a while?”
“Yes. For a very, very long time.”
“And women?”
“For Holt and I to know and you to never find out.”
Last night came rushing back to me. I eyed Jake. I wasn’t thrilled to be disclosing this to him before Holt, but as much as Jake could be a jackass, I knew there was a decent guy in there somewhere and one who I considered my friend.
“There is one woman who will also be in my life for a very long time,” I added.
“Your mother?”
“No, you remember that girl you saw me banging up against Welch’s truck outside of Two Fine?”
He returned to photographing. “Remember? How could I forget? She was screaming your name, Aston.”
“She’s pregnant and it’s mine.”
He stopped taking pictures and looked to me. “No shit.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I’m going to raise the child, hopefully with Holt.”
“What the hell? Two guys raising a…” He shook his head. “That was that fucking bullshit again, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, it was,” I huffed and returned to completing notes.
I pointed to another area, and Jake took a few more pictures, finishing up what was supposed to take all day but only took a couple of hours.
Back at VSI, the place was quiet—too quiet.
Bryson turned his chair as we walked by. “Guys, um…”
“Hey, Welch.” I dropped my bag in my chair and walked back to his cubicle. “What’s up?”
“Ollie, Sage was taken into surgery about twenty minutes ago.”
A rush of adrenaline pumped through my veins. “What for?”
Bryson shook his head. “I don’t really know the medical reasons. Jude texted me after he couldn’t get a hold of you.”
I searched my pockets. “Shit! I left my phone in my car this morning.”
Bryson continued, “Everyone else is at the hospital. I said I’d stay here. Jake, is your phone on?” ”
“It was but I ignored the buzz because Oliver and I were working and discussing something.” Jake came up behind me and grabbed my shoulder. “We’ll handle the fort. I’ll reschedule the installs for next week and do the write-up on this morning. Go.” He pushed me toward the door.
“Thanks, guys.” I ran to my car and found my phone to make a call.
“Hey, I didn’t expect to hear from you today, Ollie.” The rumble of his voice made me mute for a few seconds.
“Sage is in surgery but I don’t know why.” I blasted the car from the parking lot.
“You want me to meet you at the hospital?”
“Yes, please.”
“I can hear you’re upset, drive carefully.”
I took my foot off of the accelerator, didn’t need to be in the hospital myself.
“Ollie, I’m on my way. Don’t worry.”
After last night, that isn’t possible.
“I’ll see you there.”
“Babe, don’t worry.”
Just hearing his sexy southern rumble of “babe” brought my focus back.
“I’ll try not to.”
“Love you.”
“Love you.”
I made the drive to the hospital in a daze. I texted Breigh to see where they were, and she directed me to the surgical unit on the third floor. She waved me over to a group of people who seemed more jovial than I expected they would be.
“What’s wrong with Sage?”
“How much detail do you want to know?” Breigh crossed her arms.
“How bad is it?”
“She’s okay, and the babies are okay for now.”
“For now?”
Her hand rubbed up and down my arm. “She started having contraction
s again and after an exam they found her cervix was dilating already which isn’t good. They took her in and they’re doing a cervical cerclage.”
“What the hell is that?” My heart pounded imagining Sage in pain. I leaned back against the wall.
“Oliver.” I spun when I heard his voice and crashed into his arms. He rubbed my back, whispering, “Babe, she’s gonna be okay.” He raised his voice, “My oldest sister had one with the twins. They stitch the cervix shut. Right, Breigh?”
“Yeah. Hi again, Holt.” Breigh’s voice had changed timber, and I turned to look at her, watching a pink blush covering her face.
I backed away from Holt and leaned to Breigh’s ear, “Verbal lubricant guy?”
She giggled. “Congrats, Ollie. Hope he has the same effect on you.”
“You have no idea, Ellis.” I raised my voice and looked back to Holt. “So you two know each other?”
Holt rocked in his boots. “Seems I met most of your friends before you even knew I was here, Aston.”
“But Sage and the babies are going to be okay?” I asked.
Breigh sighed. “Yes, but the boss man, I don’t know about him.”
“What’s up?” I turned to stand beside Holt and saw that Rahl wasn’t in the room.
Jude stepped into the group. “He fainted.”
“What?”
“Yeah, when Dr. Richter told him Sage needed the procedure, he fainted and smacked his head against the bottom railing of her hospital bed. He had to get six stitches, and he has a concussion. He’s under observation for twenty-four hours.”
“No shit? Huh, the Ogre took himself out.”
There were muffled giggles and chuckles in the room.
Jude wiped a grin off his face. “He’s not too happy with being confined to a bed. Well, less happy than his normal kind of happy. He’ll probably sign himself out against medical advice, but since he almost falls over when he stands up, it’s safe to say he’s staying in a bed for a while.”
“Can we see him?”
Jude’s brows dipped inward. “If you want to. Just a warning, he’s even grouchier than normal.” Jude shook his head. “I’m not going in there.”
“Why don’t you go see him, Ollie?” Holt nudged me. “You seem to be able to handle his Ogreness.”
“Will you come with me?”
“Sure.” Just that one word and his support steadied me to make it through this.
Hope I can do the same for him when I tell him about Chloe.
“Room 817,” Jude said, pointing toward the bank of elevators. “Presley’s with him … for now.”
Inside the bank of elevators, we stood close and a couple of elderly women smiled at us. Holt grabbed my hand and squeezed, watching their smiles become sneers and their eyes narrow onto our connection.
When they got off on the fifth floor, Holt held the door. “Ladies, enjoy your day.”
They both walked off shaking their heads and whispering under their breath.
“Why’d you grab my hand?”
“Experiment.” He leaned against the back of the elevator as the doors closed. “Figured that might be the response. I wanted to feel the judgment so we could talk about it together.”
I stepped in front of him. “And? How do you feel?”
“Not bad. Your friends are so accepting that I just try to remember how they make me feel whenever someone looks down their nose or says something unflattering.”
I kissed him in a slow-motion style, every pressure light, flicking my tongue along his lips. He mumbled a cuss word across my tongue, activating a chain reaction below my belt. Thankfully, my pants had some room to camouflage the results of the contact. The door dinged for the eighth floor. I turned around and walked out.
“Damn, Aston.” At the last second, his arm stopped the doors from closing and he followed behind me, doing a few deep-breathing exercises of his own.
We found Rahl’s room and knocked on the door.
“Come in please!” a frantic voice called out.
“Hey, Prez. What’s up?”
Presley Bradenhurst was usually a very upbeat and happy person but by her immediate skate across the floor and tear-filled eyes, I could tell the Ogre had done his best, and worst, to make sure her mood deteriorated to his.
You’re gonna stop this, Ogre, or you won’t have anyone to listen to you.
“I’m done. He’s not making any sense.” She lowered her voice. “And he’s being a jerk!”
“I have to see her.” He sat up and his eyes rolled in the sockets while he made a noise I imagined would come from a zombie. He clamped his eyes closed, and the bed bumped against the wall when his massive body crashed back against the mattress.
“For the tenth time, you hit your head.” Presley flipped her head to Rahl, then back to us. “He seems to be having some short-term memory issues, which the doc says are totally normal. Really, Ollie, I can’t do it anymore.”
“I got him. Thanks, Presley.”
She hugged me tightly, and I smiled.
The Ogre isn’t for everyone.
“Rahl, just rest.” I stood by the side of the bed.
“She was scared. How will she trust me when I’m failing her?”
“You’re not failing her. You’re going to take care of yourself, so you can take care of her.”
“She’ll need someone there when she gets out of the procedure. Aston, go be with her.” His eyes started to dip like they were made of lead. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna … take a …” And his eyes closed.
Holt sat in one of the chairs along the bank of windows and grabbed a magazine from the pile Presley had left behind.
“Holt, will you stay here with him and wake him up in an hour to check on him?”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
I backed toward the door. “I’ll go see what I can find out about Sage.”
“Sage…” Rahl mumbled in a half-sleep stupor.
Holt smiled. “Love.”
On the maternity floor, Dr. Richter was exiting Sage’s room.
“Dr. Richter, how’s she doing?”
He looked up from his phone. “Hey, Mr. Aston. She’s still a little numb from the epidural, but she’s doing well. You’re welcome to go in and see her. Her biggest worry at this point is my brother-in-law.”
“He’s sleeping right now.”
“I have to get back to the office for scheduled appointments, otherwise I’d sit with him.”
“My boyfriend is with him.”
“That’s good to hear. Hope your boyfriend doesn’t take things personally.”
“He’ll hold his own.”
Inside Sage’s room, I watched her sleep for a while, then pulled out my phone.
Oliver: Any changes your way?
Holt: Nope. I’ll wake him up soon. Anything specific to ask him to check him?
Oliver: His license plate is MYOGRE.
Holt: Nice plate.
Oliver: Sage’s touch.
Holt: How is she?
Oliver: Asleep. She looks so peaceful. Hope that continues when she’s awake.
Holt: Same here—with Rahl.
I tried to stop a chuckle, but it muffled through my lips.
Sage rolled over to face me. “I thought I recognized that sound.”
Standing, I hovered over the side railing. “How are you, sweetie?”
“A little freaked out.” Her voice crackled. I grabbed the glass of water from the tray at the bottom of the bed. After a long drink, she handed it back. “Thank you. How is Rahl?”
“Sleeping. Holt’s with him.”
“That’s nice of Holt.”
“If Holt can handle me, he can handle anyone.”
“Now that’s probably the truth.” She smiled.
I held her hand. “Is everything okay with you and Rahl?”
“Not yet, but I think we will be, although he might rethink it after he hears what my amazing doctor told me today.”
“What’s that?”
“No sex until after the babies are born.” She blushed but also cringed.
“I think he’ll be fine with that, Sage.”
“I feel bad about it.”
I dropped the rail and sat on the bed. “Don’t. He’ll understand. All he wanted was to come back to you.”
“If you would’ve heard his head hit the bed.” She cringed. “Ollie, there was blood everywhere. I thought he was dead. Thank God, Tyson was in the room.”
“Yeah, six stitches and he’s a little out of it.”
“Poor baby.”
The door opened and Holt rolled in a wheelchair holding the collapsing grump himself.
“Sage. How are you?” Rahl took over for Holt and rolled himself to the edge of the bed.
“I’m fine. We’re all okay.” Sage scooted to the side of the bed closest to him. “How are you?” She touched his forehead where the bandage was covering his injury.
“Tired from the concussion, but I couldn’t stay away any longer. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you got back. I tried.”
I started for the door. “Hey guys, we’re gonna—”
“I want to see Dave today,” Sage told Rahl.
“Honey, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re facing enough stress already.”
“I need to apologize to him. My grandparents decided to sell the farm and I blamed him. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know he was sick and wouldn’t be coming back. I know hospice doesn’t mean good things.”
Holt stopped moving toward the door and turned back, his face paled. “They’re sellin’ the farm?”
Sage’s mouth opened, then closed as she realized what she’d just told Holt. She nodded. “That’s what I was arguing about with them. It’s been in the family for three generations, but they’re going to stay in Arizona permanently and they need the money to finish out retirement. I’m really sorry, Holt. They were planning on talking to you this week. I forgot you didn’t know.”
“Not your fault, Sage. Hope you feel better. Same goes for you, Rahl. Have a good day.” Holt walked from the room.
Sage’s brow furrowed. “I’m sorry, Ollie.”
Back at the bed, I placed a kiss on her forehead. “No worries. I’m gonna go. When you’re back home, call me.” I stepped around the bed to Rahl. “No more fainting or we’ll start calling you Sleeping Beauty.”
