by Jules Dixon
Rahl gave me a dirty look, but there was a hint of amusement in his tight lips.
I walked to the waiting room but there was no sign of Holt. I checked the cafeteria and the parking lot. Pulling out my phone, I dialed him. No answer. I tried again and it rolled to voice mail.
“Holt, please call me. We can figure this out together. I’m here for you, Cowboy.”
Chapter Fifteen
Holt
My phone buzzed with another message from Ollie. I stared at my glass of sweet tea, the condensation dripping spots onto the wood as I lifted it to my mouth.
Han Whiteman had confirmed what Sage said. The farm was going up for sale in two weeks, and by January, March at the latest, they were hoping the new owners would take over. Most likely, I’d be out of a job. I’d asked how much they wanted for the farm, knowing with my limited savings I probably wouldn’t qualify for a loan for the amount he would say.
Not even fucking close.
Cade started his new job this morning at a local awning company as a welder, one of the many skills he’d picked up on the road. I had other skills than farming, but they really weren’t made for the Midwest. I’d thought about applying to the FBI a few months ago. Fluency in multiple languages was desirable, but starting over and being on the government’s payroll again wasn’t high on my list of optional career moves. Still, it was an option, and I had to consider all of those now.
I opened my texts to find three.
Oliver: Please, let me be here for you. I can understand if you need some time.
Oliver: I will not call you again, but I’m really worried and I need to know you are okay. Will be over around 6:30. Can I pick up anything?
Drexel: Watching some football tonight at Two Fine Irishmen. You want to join me?
I replied to Oliver first.
Holt: Talked to Han Whiteman, I’ll fill you in tonight. Have beer and will order pizza for delivery.
Then Drexel.
Holt: Having beer and pizza to watch football tonight at the farm. You are welcome to stop by.
Drexel: I’ll be there.
I ordered pizza after taking care of the animals and closing up the barn for the night, then I took a quick shower. I heard Drexel’s car before I saw it pulling up. That exhaust had to be custom. The car rumbled like James Earl Jones’ voice into the driveway with a cloud of accentuating dust billowing behind.
I stepped onto the porch.
“Hey, Holt!” Drexel pulled a case of beer from the trunk.
“I told you I have beer.”
“You can never have too much beer.”
Behind him the pizza delivery came barreling into the driveway.
I grabbed my wallet from the table, but by the time I was outside Drexel had paid and the pizza boxes were in one hand, beer in the other.
I grabbed the pizza. “I’ll get you some cash inside.”
“Nah, thanks for inviting me over. I got some good news so I’m celebrating tonight.”
I waved him in the door as I held it open.
He slipped off his jacket. “I thought Ollie might be here.”
“He’s supposed to be on his way.” As if on cue, a set of headlights flashed in the kitchen window. “I imagine that’s him. Um, Drexel, I’m not great at this. Oliver is my boyfriend.”
“That’s cool. Ollie’s a good guy. You want a beer?” He held out a bottle. “Where’s the TV?”
I grabbed the bottle and pointed through the doorway into the living room.
I still had a hard time believing people could be so accepting. Why did I assume people wouldn’t accept our relationship? But then I remembered Oliver’s friend Jake, and how he hadn’t been as welcoming. I’d told Oliver I didn’t care, but it was hard not to want his friends and family to accept our relationship. If they didn’t, it was like they weren’t accepting of me and maybe not him because of me.
I shook off the thoughts and met him at the door.
“Hey.” I kissed his cheek and he reciprocated with a kiss on my lips. I liked his way much better, but I still tensed.
“It’s your home. You get to decide what’s acceptable here. People can leave if they don’t like it. Right?”
Soon it won’t be my home anymore.
I nodded, examining his blue eyes for any traces of another color. Nope, pure baby blue. Gorgeous.
His cologne scent transported me to great days with him. I gave him a squeeze.
Ollie’s long arm wrapped around my shoulders and guided me to his body. “You’re quiet tonight.”
“Let’s have some beer and pizza and enjoy the evening. We have all night to talk.”
He backed away. “I have some things to talk to you about, too.”
Drexel returned to the kitchen.
Oliver smiled. “Hey, Drex. Try to seduce any other guys into your life?”
Drexel slid a piece of pizza onto a paper plate. “Oliver, what can I say? I’m the full package.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t show Rory your full package. Right?”
“No, I didn’t. Sometimes Aurora Jessen is as irritating as poison ivy on my package. I don’t have the amount of energy that woman would require. I need … well, really, I need to get laid, but she and I, well, that will never happen.”
“Mason, you give love a bad name.”
“Ollie, I think Bon Jovi did that.”
I enjoyed their brotherly interaction while I grabbed the overnight bag Ollie had in his hand and set it on the stairs.
“How’s Sage?” Drexel asked.
“She had a little procedure today to ensure the babies continue their incubation period.” He filled his plate, avoiding the pizza with mushrooms.
Damn, I forgot, no mushrooms.
Ollie continued, “Rahl is the one I’m more worried about. He fainted today. He’s about as agitated and nervous as I’ve ever seen him, and he doesn’t usually show those two emotions.”
I followed them into the living room with my own plate and heard the back door open.
“Hey, guys. I’m gonna shower ‘fore the game starts.” Cade stuck his head around the corner. With his hand outstretched, he crossed the floor to Drexel. “Cade Jamison.”
Drexel stood from the recliner. “Drexel Mason, nice to meet you.”
“That pizza looks great. I’m starving.” His boots pounded up the stairs.
“What’s new in your life, Drex?” Oliver asked.
Drexel picked at his first piece of pizza as he sat in the chair. He turned to me. “First, Holt, let me say, I’m not a violent guy. Normally. Do you remember me talking about that girl that died?”
I nodded.
He still didn’t make eye contact with me. “Well, I didn’t quite tell you the whole story. I was charged with assault and battery when I took down a drug dealer that pushed her into taking too many pills. Anyway, they dropped the charges in return for my testimony against him today.”
Oliver’s eyebrows peaked and he sat forward on the sofa. “That’s great. Glad your side worked out. I was on assignment when all of that went down. Sounded like you saved a lot of people from going down a dead-end road.”
Drexel glanced away and stared at the TV, taking a long pull off his beer. Daddy had a saying that went, “Lack of acknowledgement meant one of two things. Either the person was proud of what they’ve done but they don’t want to brag, or the person regrets what they’ve done or how it turned out.” Seemed Drexel leaned toward the second with his body language.
“Shit, Kansas City doesn’t have any outside containment.” He pointed at the screen.
“Did you play football, Drex?” I asked.
“No. Just baseball. Actually pitched for the K.C. Royals for two years. I was having the game of my life, then during a pitch my rotator cuff popped and that was it. After surgery, it healed to about fifty percent mobility. Not nearly enough to go back to pitching.”
“That’s too bad. You miss it?”
“If I’d known that was go
ing to be my last throw, I would have at least made that last one a strike instead of a chaser. Was a shitty way to go out.”
“But you still have pain?”
He stood. “Restroom?”
I didn’t like how he was avoiding questions. Although his answers might not be to my liking, his evasiveness was most concerning.
“Through the kitchen, on the left before the laundry room.”
“Thanks.”
“You know about his addiction?” Oliver asked after Drex was out of the room.
“Not all about it. Just that he self-medicates.”
“And not just with prescriptions. After his friend Moriah died, it’s pretty clear he’s moved onto using coke as an anesthetic to numb or eliminate the pain. But I just wonder what kind of pain he’s really dealing with.”
“Shit. He gonna get some help?”
“Hopefully … eventually. For now everyone does their part to keep him as close to clean as possible, and we’ve agreed on a plan. If anyone sees him slipping, we’ll intervene. I don’t know him that well, but I wouldn’t hesitate to call Kanyon, Jude, or Rahl to tell them I see changes happening.”
“Ollie, I love that you have friendships that are like family.”
“Give it a chance and you can be part of my family, too.”
I rubbed my hands together, the friction sparking a resolution to be honest. “Like I said in my text, the Whitemans’ are sellin’ the farm. I just don’t have the savings to buy right now. Especially just starting out in farming, the bank expects a higher down payment ‘cause they’re takin’ a bigger risk. Pretty clear that I’ll be out of a job soon.”
“How much are we talking about?” Oliver’s voice tightened and his eyes darted between mine.
“More than you or I have floatin’ around in our pockets. I don’t know if I’ll be stayin’ here much longer.” My voice stayed even as Ollie sat up straight and faced me, his jaw clenched.
“Sorry.” Drexel stepped into the room with another beer in his hands. “You guys need me to leave?”
“No.” I waved him into the room. “We’re fine. Oliver and I can talk later. Right, Ollie?”
“We will talk later.” His clenched jaw twitched as his piercing blue eyes penetrated me. The effect his pained stare had on my heart almost hurt physically.Definitely emotionally.
Cade stepped into the room with a pile of pizza and two beers. He took up roost in the love seat across from where Drexel sat in a chair.
I leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Oliver’s silky lips. I whispered, “Hey, it will work out the way it’s supposed to. Prom—”
“Please don’t say that word.” He turned away from me, grabbing his beer from the end table. After downing the rest, he walked into the kitchen and grabbed four more, then passed them around.
The Chiefs pulled the game out in the last quarter. Drexel stood and excused himself to the bathroom for the third time in this quarter. Oliver and I gave each other concerned glances. His outward appearance was that of collected and in control, but he wasn’t either of those. There was a substance clearly in control.
“That guy has the smallest bladder,” Cade commented.
I’d hate to think that my little brother had ever done drugs, but I didn’t want to be the connection guy for him to get some, so I changed the subject. “How was your first day at the awning place?”
“Good. The big boss is a cool guy. The welding shop boss is a little uptight but he’s workable. They definitely need more help, though. I can see the spring bein’ a busy time of year and I’ll be in work for a full year. Not havin’ any down time. That’ll be somethin’ new for me.”
“You’ll have weekends and holidays like the rest of the world,” I muttered as my little brother finished off his second beer and stood to get refills. “Farmers don’t get days off.”
“Anyone else?” he asked, motioning his empty bottles to us.
Oliver shook his head and I did the same.
“I’m heading out,” Drexel said, stepping into the doorway. “Thanks for tonight, guys. Next time, my place.”
After saying our good-byes, Cade grabbed a couple more beers. “I’m gonna head to bed. Eight-hour days can kill a man.”
Oliver chuckled. “Try doing a sixteen-hour one.”
“Not me. I turn into a pumpkin after eight.” He reached into his pocket. “You two have a good night and just FYI, I bought me some earplugs, so feel free to do whatever you do.” He jingled the noise-canceling devices.
My boyfriend rolled with laughter. I shook my head at Cade, but inside I appreciated his efforts to lighten the mood and be his smart-ass style of supportive.
“Thanks, brother.” I shoved him toward the stairs.
Cade waved the beers as a send-off.
My heart plunged into my stomach.
Now to talk.
Oliver ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes.
“You get any sleep last night?” I asked.
He shook his head. “That’s what I need to talk to you about.” Tugging on my hand, he pulled me behind him back to the sofa. I sat first and he stayed standing and staring at me.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” I reached up for him but he didn’t move.
“Well, first, I’m concerned that you think you’re going to be moving and I’m assuming that moving isn’t into the city but miles away from here.”
“I don’t see any other option, Oliver.”
“There are always options. There has to be a way to buy this place.” Oliver’s eyes darted around the room and his arm did the same in emphasis.
“The thing is this house comes with almost 400 acres of land. It’s the land that’s the big cost. Hell, this house is practically a thank-you gift for buyin’ the dirt. It’s the property and equipment that take collateral and money. I have some savings but to come close to what the bank will ask for I’d need four or five times the amount I have.” I worked the amount in my head. “Shit, ten times more!”
“I have some savings, but…” His body slumped to the couch. “Holt, I’m going to have to use it for something else. Actually, someone else.”
“Someone?” I growled the word, then shook away my reaction. “Sorry. I mean, what for?”
Ollie ran a hand through his hair, standing the strands on end. “Last night when I got home, there was a girl waiting there for me … Chloe.”
“And why does Chloe need your money?”
“Chloe is pregnant and I’m the father.”
Every part of me chilled like I was standing outside in zero-degree weather. The numbness spread to my brain and all I could do was nod. “You’re going to marry her?”
Oliver’s eyes widened as he slid back from me. “No. Chloe isn’t ready to be a mom. I thought this could be our baby.”
“‘Our’ as in you and me?”
“Yes. I know we’ve never really talked about kids, but part of me thinks this child was meant to be—like you and me.” His warm hand covered mine on the sofa and the connection of our bodies snaked warmth through my chilled skin.
I slid my hand back to my lap. “Ollie, I … I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know?” Each word was clipped.
“We’re still young. I love you.” I swallowed. I didn’t want to say the next word. I cleared my throat. “But I have big problems right now, and a baby, that’s not somethin’ I thought would be at the top of the list. Hell, I’m gonna have to start a new career. Again!”
“You have plenty of talents. You could teach languages at a college or do translation. Rahl has contacts in the government. We could talk to him.”
My heart tried to slay me from the inside, pounding and jumping and jerking in my chest, blood making the rounds through my veins at a velocity that pounded in my head.
“I’m thinkin’ Daddy could use me back in Alabama. He’s gettin’ old, and he needs help. Only one of my brothers has ever really been interested in runnin’ the farm. Maybe I could
take over the sod and cattle operation?” I rambled. My thoughts began to thaw, but still a crackling layer of ice covered the majority of brain surface, sealing in feeling, but letting out what seemed like logic, even if it wasn’t.
“You’re shitting me, right?” Ollie pushed quickly from the sofa. “So you came all this way to Nebraska to see if we could still have something, then you fucking give up on us and our future?”
“That baby isn’t my future, Ollie.”
“It could be.”
“You obviously like this girl and have an attraction to her. Why don’t you want to marry Chloe and make a family with her?”
“Because I don’t love her. I love you, Holt! I’m getting the feeling you think I should marry her, though.”
I swallowed deep. “Maybe.”
“Jamison, my heart has been yours for almost two years. This could be our chance to be a family.”
“Oliver, come on! Two guys raising a baby? One out of work soon, the other working sixteen-plus hour days? It doesn’t make any sense. Does this girl want you to be with her?”
Oliver shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “It wouldn’t matter. I don’t want her. I want you.” His voice cracked. “I can’t fucking believe this. I guess it just proves I don’t and didn’t know you.” He backed away and grabbed his bag from the stairs.
“Hey, Oliver, is everything okay?” Cade stepped to the first floor in his boxers.
“No, Cade, it’s not.”
Ollie’s ice blue eyes stabbed into me, and I glanced away.
He raised his voice. “Holt, Chloe’s giving me until Friday to decide what I’m in for or she will abort the baby, but I’ve already decided. I have a good support system, and there’s no reason not to be a father. I’ll raise the baby by myself if I have to. Good luck deciding what the hell you want out of life. If I don’t hear from you by Friday … then … good-bye, Cowboy.”
I raised my eyes only to see him turn away to shelter his heart. Before I made it across the room, the back door slammed and my boots thumped to a halt on the kitchen’s linoleum flooring.
“Brother, I could hear you guys through the earplugs. What the hell was that all about?”
Through the kitchen window, I watched Oliver’s car chuck dirt and gravel in various directions.
