By the time I’d finished the edit, I was very eager to see her again. I’d chewed on it the entire time on how I was going to go about informing her that I was divorced and a bear-shifter. I’d decided that I’d just figure out a way to work it into a conversation, innocently enough when it came to the divorce piece.
As for the shifter part, I needed to ease her into it. So, I was thinking about bringing up movies or books that were based on paranormal beings and creatures. Get a feel for what she thought, how she might react.
We weren’t all that much different from humans, really. We just had the animal component. That part of us that was creature merged inside of a human body that needed to come out and be what it was.
Things had changed dramatically over the last few decades. To the point that those who were paranormal entities could mingle and live amongst the masses, if needed. We’d found ways to be peaceful and remain unobtrusive. Invisible and behind-the-scenes. Our own internal governing bodies and pack or tribe laws and politics took precedent over the ordinary laws of humankind.
The honor system was crucial and we all abided by it.
Generally, relationships and marriages with non-shifters were discouraged but not enforced like it used to be. As a result, we were no longer the taboo topic of discussion we’d once been. Vampires, werewolves, shifters, and the like had all made agreements to gently reintroduce ourselves to human civilization.
And this was why I’d gained the courage to leave the comfort of my mountainous region in Yellowstone National Park and the Jackson Hole, Wyoming area to make my way to Boston, of all places.
Because, her signal was here, in this town, and had haunted my dreams and sleep for years. Even when with my first wife, I’d known she was still out there. My true bear mate.
I’d thought her to be a shifter too. Like my first wife.
But she wasn’t. Which made me wonder – why?
Having settled but still being new in town, I’d decided it was time to meet more of my own kind. Make some acquaintances and hopefully, some friends in the long run. I’d snooped around a bit, starting up casual chit-chats with other shifter types who were all too wary of a bear asking questions about the social scene and neighborhoods.
Eventually and somewhat amusedly, it was two lesbian wolf-shifters at my gym who shared some good hangout spots. As it turned out, there was a classy bar, called Biddy’s, which served mostly beer and wine which also had a large pool hall area. Plus it was known for a bear-shifter crowd that they thought I would appreciate. They mentioned that a lot of bear-folk gathered to play pool and that it was generally welcome to newcomer.
I’d already gone to play pool and had ran into both of the officers I’d spoke with the night Cassidy got arrested. After sharing some good laughs about her funny predicament, we were soon drinking and cheering to other stories that they could share without getting into trouble.
Chapter Nine
(( 9 ))
CASSIDY
After my therapy session, I headed towards one of my favorite places to hang out. Biddy’s was an upscale place; a wine and beer bar that had a pool hall tucked away in the back. It was a bit of an anomaly, as if the owner hadn’t been able to decide what they really wanted the place to be. But somehow, it worked. Casual but classy, it drew a nice crowd and I always felt comfortable.
It was about two blocks away from my therapist’s office and part of an historic brick building protected from destruction. Well over a hundred years old and charmingly decorated in the old lampoon bar style.
Precious little bullshit was tolerated by the staff. Plus there was a large backspace for a pool hall and plenty of nice people to meet. Local bands had an elevated stage to play at and many evenings, there was a vibrant crowd. The space worked.
Some would say it was even a wee bit haunted. But I wasn’t sure about paranormal stuff like that. Although I wrote about paranormal creatures and beings, as a Taurus, I liked having my feet squarely planted on the Earth and in reality, thank you very much.
Once I settled in a comfortable, wooden booth, I ordered a light amber beer, and a double shot of Maker’s Mark whiskey over ice, on the side. I spent the next hour thinking about the session I’d just had with my therapist. I opened my hand-written journal, set about writing notes about my feelings, impressions, insight and thoughts about the session.
Being a creative-minded person, I’d specifically searched for, sought and found a therapist who worked with creative types, understanding how our minds work.
Thinking about my therapy session, it had been hard, and terribly embarrassing to share about how I’d decked a total stranger and ended up needing to be bailed out of jail. Even as I said the words, heard them coming out of my mouth, I realized how ridiculous it must have sounded to my therapist.
That mortification was sitting with me and just didn’t seem to want to go away. My therapist assured me that with some time and self-evaluation, I’d be able to move forward. I’d learned quickly enough that the best path to self-forgiveness was to move on quickly. Fast and furious. Clinging to it had no place in the heart or mind. Just solemn acceptance and a promise to be a better person.
To be a bigger and better person than one of the antagonists in my stories, for starters.
Well, bigger figuratively. The last thing I needed was to be bigger, literally. Diet humor aside, having learned the art of writing an antagonist worthy enough of the central character was something I’d had to develop quickly.
For one simple reason. Readers loved it!
They really love it when the dynamic is strong, intense, has that crazy passion between the primary characters. That push, pull and merge that keeps the human drama story moving forward. But a dynamic that must be handled tenaciously and preciously. As the tendency to self-destruct is all too common. Overused in too many a storyline.
It’s amazing how we can fail once, one fucking moment and have it haunt us. I was determined to do right by Mr. Silk, but he wasn’t exactly entirely innocent either. Once he met me in the middle, it would all change and hopefully, he’d stop bullying people in public spaces such as he’d done to me, that day at the gym pool.
I tapped my pen a bit against my teeth, a bad habit I’d developed in Jr. High and realized that what was going on in my personal life could also go into my novel.
It was then, my full concentration on my contemplative thoughts, my therapy journal wide open and my gaze going wherever it may, that I noticed one of the policemen from the other night, standing with his pool stick planted on the ground and he happened to be staring right at me, a friendly smile on his face.
Officer Rotan.
Very tall, built like a line-backer, sandy blonde hair and when he spoke, his Texan background revealed itself. A Texan drawl, warm like butterscotch. Along with the slight twinge of his, come-hither-and-fuck-me-silly cowboy charm.
Truth was, if I wasn’t so into Abe at the moment, Officer Rotan would have his hands full in an entirely different way.
With me, my interest and attraction to him.
One bloody man at a time Cassidy!! I chided myself…
I’d always been a bit like that, crushing on more than one man at a time. Something that society had made me feel somewhat guilty about. Until I started writing ménage and threesome stories that made me realize, many women had a similar fantasy. The love and attraction of more than one man at a time.
Besides being flustered at seeing him, off duty and enjoying a game of pool like any other regular person, I was completely caught off guard by his presence.
I gave him a lukewarm smile, embarrassed but genuinely glad to see him. I added a small wave, hoping that would make my distanced hello seem friendly enough. Trying to be casual, but not too casual. In the end, as my attorney had advised me, it was likely that if anything went to court, both officers would be called up on to help paint a picture of my character. My public persona.
So, good beha
vior was much needed.
Very much so.
He laid down his pool stick and headed towards my booth.
Gulp.
Dear god, dear god, dear god….
“How are you tonight, Miss Cassidy?” Officer Rotan asked.
I had to careen my neck to look up at him, practically staring up at the ceiling, “I’m good, just having a beverage and doing some writing.” I replied, trying to be as calm as possible while feeling wildly flustered inside.
“Staying out of trouble?” He asked, a teasing look in his eye.
“Doing my best, Girl Scout’s honor,” I answered, making the boy scouts sign in some goofy attempt to show I was being sincere.
“Isn’t that the Boy Scout’s pledge?” He noticed, a grin escaping his attempt at feigning seriousness.
“Most likely, I’m dyslexic.” I stated matter-of-factly, going for humor as it was all I had to offer at the moment. I could barely take myself serious half the time.
“And dyslexia causes you to mix up signs as well as words and numbers?” He teased, egging the silliness forward.
“You could say that…” I grinned wryly.
He reminded me of an older brother type who didn’t ever really want to let his sister get away with nothing. Oddly, I found it charming instead of annoying. His wry take on my humor was a welcome relief. Too many people were inclined to take me too serious, much of the time.
“What about you? How you wrangling that pool-stick of yours?” As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I hadn’t meant for any innuendo, but phrases like that often left my mouth before I had the chance to think them through better. It was why I liked writing dialogue. I could edit it later, take away the blunders and social faux-pas.
He chuckled and shook his head. “Day off for me, just enjoying a game of pool. Wanna play? I’m solo until some of the other guys get here.” He announced and gestured in the direction he’d come from.
His invitation sounded nice, actually. I loved playing pool and it had been a while since I’d last played.
“Yeah, I would actually. It’s been a while, but I think I can give it a go. If it’s okay for law enforcement to socialize with delinquents like myself… that is.” I said, while standing up and gathering my belongings to put in my satchel.
“You’re not a delinquent, yet. Get arrested again, then we can discuss,” He quipped. “Need any help?” He asked, his keen and observing gaze on my face.
“Nope, just putting away my stuff. Mind taking my drink and water?” I asked since my hands were full.
“Sure thing,” He said as he collected my beverages.
We walked over to the spot he’d claimed for the evening. I resettled my belongings and took a sip from my drink.
Unsure what to say, I went about picking out a pool stick instead. It seemed that everyone knew some sort of magic trick that I didn’t about making sure they had the right one. A good fit or what not. I hadn’t a clue, but that didn’t stop me from going through the motions and pretending I had a clue. I mean, a lady has to save face sometimes, right?
Once I’d randomly decided on one, I whirled around only to find that Officer Rotan’s gaze had been squarely planted on my assets. I blushed, pretended to not notice and went about playing a few practice shots.
Inside, my heartrate jumped.
He really was attracted to me?!
Was this a good idea? I didn’t want to make the mistake of leading him on? Whether or not I found him attractive was not the point. Besides, I was utterly besotted with Abe.
“Officer Rotan, may I ask what your first name is?” I asked.
“Jason. My first name is Jason.” He answered quickly.
“Is it okay for me to call you by your first name?”
He grinned, “Yes, it is. But when I’m in uniform, missy – its Officer Rotan, got it?”
I giggled, “Got it. Let’s hope we never have any sort of official business ever again, Jason.”
“Good girl. I think you and I both know that ass-hat at your gym needed to be put in his place. But I’ll never publicly condone violence. Understood?” He winked at me, the silent understanding passing between us.
My acknowledging smile must have been as wide as the Grand Canyon since he looked pretty charmed at my response.
“Understood, Officer Rotan.” I said, unable to help myself. There was something so thrilling about being put in one’s place by a sexy man in uniform who served in the capacity of law enforcement. No matter how minor or gentle.
It turned me on and I was completely guilty of imagining him putting me in my place in all sorts of ways. That is, until I heard an, ahem from behind me. An, ahem with a voice I recognized a hundred and ten percent. A voice like caramel and bacon wrapped together and then smoked for a perfect finish.
Abe!
How in the world was Abe here?!
I whirled around to find him with Officer Biggs and a couple of other burly-sized men that made me look like Tinkerbell. For some reason or the other, everyone looked amused and seemed to be on the inside of a joke that I was desperately on the outside of.
“Abe?” I said as if he were some sort of apparition.
“Yes, Cassidy. I’m joining the guys for some beer and pool. What brings you here?”
I must have looked crimson as the other men seemed to know to give us some privacy. They moved on and started chatting with Officer Rotan, um – Jason.
“I love this place, I come here pretty often actually.” I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “I have a weekly appointment in the neighborhood. I come here afterwards to have a few drinks and go home. Ran into Officer Rotan. He invited me to play some pool.” I gestured over my shoulder towards the cluster of burly men discussing beer and pool as far as I could tell.
Part of me wanted to share with him. To let him know why I was there, but another part of me that was still too embarrassed to admit that I needed therapy, didn’t want to divulge this important aspect about myself. Not just yet.
He was studying my face again. In that way that made me suddenly feel as if I have no clothing on and I’m standing in public, in nothing but my knickers. I felt naked. Like he could hear my thoughts, what I was hiding from him.
But I didn’t notice any disapproval on his face.
“What are the chances…” He said, seemingly under his breath, almost as if he forgot I was listening and could hear him.
“Right? I was sitting over there and noticed Officer Rotan, Jason – playing pool. So, he invited me over. As it so happens, I really like playing pool.” I shared.
“Good, in one sense, it makes me feel better to know you’re here. I’m happy to see you of course. In another, I’m kind of… Kind of.” He said, stopping short, as if he was about to reveal too much.
“Kind of, what?” I asked, confused.
What exactly was he getting at?!
“Sorry, I’m just being silly.” He said, something inside him relenting.
Was he jealous? Jealous of Officer Rotan and I playing pool?
He captured my eyes again, the beseeching behind his eyes almost hypnotizing. I sucked in a deep breath knowing he’d always be able to capture me with his keen and appraising gazes. It was almost animalistic. Very primal. Raw and powerful. Beautiful in a masculine way.
As if on instinct, he reached out for my elbow to guide me, while turning me away from the group of men that we were now both rubbing elbows with.
He was jealous… Then he said it so softly, confirming my guess. I thought I would melt like a pat of butter. He was already showing some possessiveness over me and it hadn’t even been a week.
“I’m kind of jealous, Cass.”
“Abe, there’s no reason to be jealous, I promise.” I said. “I might be a torrid flirt from time to time… I admit. But deep down, I’m a loyal type of woman. You’ll learn that about me…”
Okay, so I was sorta telling a tiny, white lie.
But it was true. For the most part. I’d just always had this secret fantasy. Of two men. Two lovers. But exclusive.
And besides, even if there was a physical draw to Officer Rotan, something deeper was already invested between Abe and myself. Even if only mere days had passed.
And that was the moment. Right then and there that I realized my feelings were already inclined to be exclusive with him. Which was as much a self-revelation to myself as it was, to him.
He kissed the top of my head. An endearing gesture that showed more than I had hoped. It was sweet, possessive, and respectful. Meant to make any onlookers know straight-up, I care about this woman. She’s mine.
And it felt amazing…
Yet again, Abe had taken all the words right out of my head and mouth.
I was stunned, happy and mute.
No one, not anyone, in the world could do this to me.
The funny irony of it all was that he hadn’t a clue yet. We didn’t know one another well enough for this to be its own form of consolation. Something that I wished he knew already. All in good time, all in good time.
Chapter Ten
(( 10 ))
ABE
Running into Cassidy at Biddy’s was not only a surprise, but her reaction to our run-in was a welcome sign that she was equally as interested in me as I was in her. I just needed to get the edit off my desk and in her hands, have the editing business aside and allow for things to take their natural course.
Watching her interact with the guys had been insightful, but hard. Although she had a little sister way about her, chumming it up and keeping it light, I could tell she probably didn’t realize what a flirt she came across as.
Which had my inner bear silently snorting, huffing and puffing with jealousy, possessiveness and protectiveness.
Which I’d kept at bay the best I could. But I was pretty certain she was seeing right through it.
As the night proceeded, I saw Officer Rotan’s eyes graze her body plenty of times while we all played pool. Each and every time, my inner bear just wanted to smack his head right off his body. It’d been a long time since I’d felt like this. As if I had a right to. Because I didn’t. She wasn’t technically my mate, yet.
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