And I’d seen the spark between them too.
Which hurt my heart and my ego.
Was she just playing me? Was what I felt between us the other night, real?
All my old insecurities came roaring out and I found myself feeling like how I often had around my ex-wife. Towards the end of our marriage, she’d boldly and blatantly flirted with other men while in my presence, which had done its fair share of damage to my sense of manhood and pride.
A bear shifter’s pride is nothing to fool around with and I’d hated her for it.
So, I sat through the grueling evening, doing my best to keep the two situations separated in my head and heart.
I was just getting to know Cass. We were not anything to compare against a dying marriage, and I was damned if I’d sit passively by, watching another man and bear shifter make his interest in her known.
There was civility, bear politics and social propriety to consider after all.
I finally found the courage to ask her to come outside and get some fresh air. It was now or never. I’d say what I needed to say and it would be what it would be.
“Cass? Care to join me outside?” I asked when a moment of privacy arose.
Her smile in response to my request, would have lit up the world if needed, which made my heart lurch in excitement.
“Sure Abe, that sounds nice. I’m a bit warm. I could use some fresh air.” She said, fanning herself with her hands, pretending it was too warm.
As we walked out to the back patio area, I grazed her back with my fingertips and gently push-led her while walking behind her. Sort of a reverse cowgirl, only with a light touch.
Just as I’d expected, we fell into pace within that short distance and the electric chemistry between us damned well shocked my fingertips. When she turned around to face me, I was stunned as she lifted herself up on her toes, pulled my jaw forward, wrapping her hand around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss.
Hot damn!
Her lips were warm, the musky heat of want and need laced them with her sweet desire and I was consumed in a nanosecond flat. She pressed herself up close to me, the contour of her body meeting the contours of mine as if they were made for it.
I was instantly rock-hard for her, my manhood wanting her immediately.
As our lips, tongues and body swirled, laying claim to one another, I damned well completely forgot what it was I needed to say to her. I somehow managed to get my thoughts and feelings back to their center. To be coherent and take control, although I loved that she’d initiated and hadn’t waited.
“Cass,” I said breathlessly, “There’s some things I need to tell you…”
Her hot, soft, curvy body was murdering my attention span, doing wicked things to my manhood, and seducing me as fast as I’d ever been seduced.
“Yes, Abe.” She answered, equally as breathless. “What is it?”
I managed to ever-so-gently distance her a bit from my body frame, while steadying her on her feet at the same time. So much for worrying about her innocent flirting with Officer Rotan. I’d address it another time. What I had to say was more important.
I sucked in a deep breath and blurted it out. “I’m divorced and I’m a shifter.”
She tilted her head as if part of what I said wasn’t news to her. Then she tilted it again as if she didn’t comprehend or understand what I meant about being a shifter. The confused look on her face was as adorable as anything I’d ever witnessed.
We stood staring at one another for a moment. She seemed speechless, but eventually found her voice.
“I know Abe, Charlene told me you were recently divorced. Thank you for letting me know…”
I let out a sigh of relief. That was good, it hadn’t occurred to me that Charlene might have shared that tidbit about me with her.
“And the part about me being a shifter…” I asked softly, my entire body acquiescing to the awkwardness of the confession.
She bit her lip, “Oh come on Abe, please don’t tease me. That’s just not nice…”
She didn’t believe me. That I was a shifter.
I didn’t know what to say or do, so I blurted it out again, “No, really Cass – this ain’t something I would joke around about. I’m a shifter. A bear shifter to be exact. Grizzly. I’m from the Yellowstone Park region. I figured it would be best to tell you sooner than later, before we got too much more involved.”
I hoped the further explanation would help her get the idea that I was serious and not chiding her or playing pretend.
She suddenly put her hands on her hips, looking as if she was somewhat hurt and angry.
“Did Charlene put you up to this? Cuz if she did, I’m gonna kill her. It ain’t funny, I like you Abe. Like, I really like you…”
I was too stunned to react appropriately, which only made it worse. “What?!”
And then her fuse lit, her face horrified, ashamed and embarrassed all at the same time.
“Of course! I mean, why wouldn’t the overweight, plus-sized writer not want a shifter man, she makes her living writing about them, right?!” She said, smacking her head as if she’d been insulted.
My eyes must have been as big as moons and the look on my face more horrified than I knew, because the next thing I knew, I was being slapped hard, in the face. Exactly at the same time as when Officer Rotan stepped outside to check on whether we wanted to join and play the next game of pool.
And that was when all hell and hilarity broke loose.
Officer Rotan did one complete roundabout, shaking his head at the commotion. Cass looked as if she wanted to fall right through to the middle of Earth and well, I just stood there somehow managing to hold my pride in my hands, demolished as it was.
At some point, all three of us registered the same thing. All the crazy, complex emotions and energy just swirling into the perfect storm of lust, attraction, misunderstood remarks and bear jealousy.
It was too late, Officer Rotan was well aware of the pistol that was Cass and he called her out on it.
“Cass, my dear – what is it with you and decking men? Do I need to take you in to the station, again?”
Red didn’t even begin to explain how embarrassed her color was. She looked down at her toes and muttered in response.
“He said he was a bear shifter and I told him it wasn’t funny to say things like that.”
Officer Rotan and I exchanged knowing looks between one another. It was hard not to laugh, although we both dared not to. It was only kind. Fair. Necessary.
“Abe, are you messing with Cass’s mind?”
“No, officer. I’m not. It’s the truth, I’m a shifter. I’ve been meaning to tell her…” I started, but didn’t get to finish cuz Cass full on lost it at that point.
“What in the ever-living-fuck did Charlene put you up to?!” She said, her voice raising in a calm fury that genuinely concerned me.
“Nothing! I swear. It’s the truth Cass, I’m telling you now so as to not be getting involved with you and not doing right by you. I needed you to know sooner than later.” I said, desperate for her to believe me.
She swiveled her head to Officer Rotan as if she needed an alibi. A witness.
“Do you believe this man, Jason?! Telling me he’s a shifter?”
At that point, the wide-eyed expression on Officer Rotan’s face just couldn’t hold back his horrified amusement at my predicament. As straight-faced as he could muster, he answered her.
“As a matter of fact, I do believe him Cass. I’m a shifter too.”
Right then and there, she lost it.
And we both realized why. She seriously believed we were playing a practical joke on her. Only, it was one that had gone too far.
A look of pure humiliation came over her face, then the tears.
“That’s just great! You two find it funny and amusing to lead me on and then tell me your shifters. Let’s make fun of the fat girl! Let’s get the fat
author who writes shifter romances to believe we’re shifters too! Well I got a response for both of you… Fuck off!!”
She stormed past us both and was gone. We quickly followed her back to the pool hall area where we stood helplessly by and watched as she grabbed her belongings to leave Biddy’s.
Officer Rotan went into cop mode despite being off-duty, “Cass, you’re not sober enough to drive, let me call you a cab or have a friend drive you home.” He said gently.
In that moment, I didn’t care if he was an officer or not, my feelings for her trumped anything that made logical sense.
“Jason, I can take her home, I haven’t had a sip of alcohol in over an hour. Just the one beer earlier tonight. I’m sober.” I said, my inner bear coming to life.
Which caused his inner bear to respond, “Its okay, I’ve got this. I’ll make sure she’s safe one way or another.”
I furrowed my brow, and stared him down as he was missing the point. Cass was my concern, not his. My interest in her naturally trumped his. Which is why we both failed to notice when she slipped out of the bar and was long gone by the time our poor male, shifter egos finally managed to get out of the way long enough to return to the woman we both had feelings for.
She was halfway down the street before we caught up to her, both of us chattering on telepathically in our minds, between us, so she wouldn’t freak out.
Just as she made it to her car, Officer Rotan made it clear that he’d have to arrest her, off-duty or not for attempting to drive under the influence.
“I’m not gonna drive! I just need to sit in here away from you two jokers!” She blurted out, as if she’d mind-read him herself.
I felt horrible. Why hadn’t I waited to tell her? And why for the love of all that was holy had I done it in a public setting, around other bear shifters? Shifters who were policemen. My timing had always been bad. It was one of my ex’s complaints, about not knowing when was a good time to share or do something.
I sighed and leaned against her car feeling stupid and hopeless. A bit exasperated. I always did like the feisty ones.
Officer Rotan leaned next to me, both of us with our arms crossed.
“She always like this?” He asked, his voice low.
I shook my head, “Well, I’ve only just barely gotten to know her. But I’m thinking this filly runs a bit hot-tempered.”
“She’s cute though. Got a great personality. Very real and down to earth. I knew it the moment we had to assess and arrest her at the gym. She just kind of wears it, ya know?” He shared, still talking quietly, thank goodness.
I was glad her car windows were rolled up. I just nodded in response. What else was I going to do? Tell an off-duty cop that I barely knew to back off from the woman I was falling in love with?
There it was. Again. That feeling. Love.
Part of me was royally irked at his interest in her. Part of me understood it. She was pretty charismatic and I’d never been the jealous type. I might be possessive in one sense, but in another sense, I was perfectly logical. I really couldn’t lay claim to her yet. Sure, we were getting there, on our way to it – but as of yet, we weren’t an item. Not a couple.
Not boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, to be fair, it would make no sense to piss off an officer of the law who was clearly attracted to her. I needed to keep the peace, even if she couldn’t. And so, I dealt. I dealt with my jealousy. Even as I stewed inside, my bear senses a mess of emotions, I kept calm and protected her the best I could.
With my sheer presence. Just being there. Waiting.
Chapter Eleven
(( 11 ))
CASSIDY
By the time I made it home that night, I was a storming, steaming wreck of anger and sadness. I needed a bubble bath. A long soak in the tub always helped me get back to my center.
As I took off my clothes, I thought about how I’d sat in my car for over an hour, sobering up, while Abe and Officer Rotan had stayed close by, chatting. About what, god only knew as they kept talking too quiet for me to hear them.
Which was probably a good thing since they’d both said and done enough to royally piss me off.
Something in me knew I wasn’t being sensible, but at that rate, I was partly blaming my hormones and PMS.
I was so horny, I could scream. And I tended to over-react. It was true.
So, I’d decided it would be best to not engage either one of them for fear of completely ruining my chances with either of them. Stewing in the car, I’d found an old pack of cigarettes in the glove compartment, an old bad habit I’d mostly kicked. I’d gone ahead and smoked a few, deciding that the calming effects of nicotine would work in my favor, given the situation. Help me sober up in more ways than one.
Before I pulled away, I’d rolled down my car window to say something. “Sorry guys, I’m just a bit sensitive and moody. I think it’s best if I just head home.”
They each looked at me with concern but both said nothing and just nodded at me, acknowledging what I’d said. So, I continued, feeling brave.
“Officer Rotan, I believe I’m sober enough to drive home now. If you don’t think so, god help me.”
I figured that he would follow or chase after me if he truly thought I was still inebriated. Which I wasn’t anymore, by the time I left.
It was all I said, but I’d somehow managed to find the courage to look them in their faces and catch their eyes. Both seemed earnestly sincere. Not the type that were playing games with me or making fun of me.
Which was what I was now sitting with. Like a huge rock in the middle of my gut. I couldn’t ignore it. That said, how in the world did a woman, anyone, find not just one bear shifter, but two?! It was so ludicrous, that I literally smacked my hand to my forehead repeatedly.
Sitting in the bathtub, I was grateful to be immersed in a sea of foamy bubbles. I’d poured myself a stiff drink once I’d gotten home, a helping size of whiskey on the rocks. I wondered why they’d been so calm, so chivalrous about every-thing? Was it the bear shifter way?
My amusement aside, I had to give fate, destiny, the universe, sun, moon and the stars some credit. This was downright hilarious! An author of romantic shifter fiction finding two bear shifter men interested in her. On the same day.
Holding my breath, I sunk down into the tub, immersing myself under the water. All sound disappeared but the beating of my heart. That wonderful sensation of peace, privacy and calm acceptance swept through me.
Was that why I wrote what I wrote?!
Because I’d secretly always been drawn to or attracted to shifter males?!
Not just one, but two!
And why was I making such a big deal about it if that was the case? I mean, society had finally come around and warmed up to the idea. Granted, us regular humans kept to ourselves for the most part and so did the shifters, but we both lived in the same world. A tentative peace of sorts existed.
Done holding my breath, I came out from under the water. A bit of peace managing to wind its way into me. So, it finally wound itself outta me. I’d behaved badly. I need to apologize. Again. Which made me groan.
How did I keep ending up in the same place? Behaving for my actions? What was my deal?! Why was the universe doling out so much humiliation? And what was I supposed to be learning from all of it?
My therapist wouldn’t believe it at my next session. That on the same day I’d purged out the getting arrested and going to jail incident, I’d managed to upset the applecart again…
Eventually, the relaxing bath and the drink lulled me to that state of drowsiness where I would fall asleep straightaway after towel drying and climbing into bed.
Was it any wonder that I dreamed of bears again? Not one this time, but two…
* * *
A few days came and went. I was amazed at all that had transpired in the week since I’d met Abe.
Despite my wanting to, Abe and I hadn’t spoken since the night p
laying pool at Biddy’s. He was done with the edit and we’d agreed to meet at an old-fashioned diner near his place. It was only fair, he’d come my direction when we’d first met for breakfast at the café.
I was nervous and standing in the middle of my walk-in closet, peering into a mirror, trying to decide what to wear. I typically lived in jeans or yoga pants, t-shirts and hoodies. I rarely dressed up any longer, having accepted my single status.
But today, I wanted to look good for Abe and so I’d gone through three changes of clothes already. I was feeling more feminine, less tom-boyish now that I had a man I was interested in my life. I’d gone and gotten a mani-pedi, a facial and a new haircut. A total spa day. I’d decided that between taking my mind off of the assault and my attorney duking it out, then the way the night ended at Biddy’s, I needed to get my mind off of things and do some pampering.
I was running my apology through my head, hoping to find the right words so we could navigate beyond the editing gig. He’d let me be, and other than informing me that his edit was done, I hadn’t heard a word in the couple of days since playing pool at Biddy’s.
Now I stood in front of my mirror with a critical eye, wondering what he liked best about me. Was it my hips? Or my bust? My ass, perhaps? Or the whole package?
Whatever it might be, I’d make myself look as good as possible. So, I settled on something sexy, feminine and body-hugging in a flattering way. I found that I was humming to myself, something I hadn’t done in a long time. Despite everything that had transpired in the last week, I was happy to see him. Very happy, actually.
I’d made peace that if the man liked me, he liked me – as is. Meaning, he’d had some doses of my crazy and that was a flavor he was willing to taste.
* * *
After I parked my car, I took one last look at my makeup and hair in my car mirror. I added another layer of gloss to my full lips, smacked them together and smiled at my own reflection. It was time. I was so excited, even though it had only been a few days, it felt like weeks.
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