Pining Away
Page 5
Glancing down, Dipper saw a box labeled LIL’ GIDEON BRAND BLUNT OBJECT. He reached inside and pulled out a baseball bat, charging Gideon. Gideon pointed a finger and sent Dipper floating in the air.
“She’s never gonna date you, man!” Dipper yelled.
“That’s a lie!” Gideon roared. “And I’m gonna make sure you never lie to me again, friend.”
He nodded toward a box of LIL’ GIDEON LAMB SHEARS. The box opened by itself and a pair of sharp shears floated up and started snapping menacingly at Dipper.
Mabel burst through the door of the warehouse. “Gideon! We have to talk!”
Gideon spun around, surprised. “M-M-Mabel! My marshmallow! What are you doing here?” he stuttered, and the shears clattered harmlessly to the floor.
“I’m sorry, Gideon, but I can’t be your marshmallow,” Mabel said. “I needed to be honest and tell you that myself.”
“I don’t understand,” he said, anxiously grasping the stone in his bolo tie. The blue-green energy cloud around Dipper started to sizzle.
“Uh, Mabel, this probably isn’t the best time to be brutally honest with him!” Dipper called down as he felt an invisible force choke him.
Mabel took a step toward Gideon, smiling sweetly. “Hey, but we can still be makeover buddies, right?” she asked Gideon. “Wouldn’t you like that?”
Gideon’s eyes widened. “Really?” he asked.
“No! Not really!” Mabel cried, yanking the bolo tie off his neck.
The blue-green light vanished and Dipper fell to the floor.
“You were, like, attacking my brother!” said Mabel. “What the heck!”
“My tie! Give it back!” Gideon demanded.
He lunged for Mabel, who tossed the stone to Dipper.
“Hah! Not so powerful without this, are you?” Dipper asked.
Gideon charged at Dipper like a bull. Dipper tossed the stone back to Mabel just as Gideon rammed into him. He and Gideon crashed through the factory window off an enormous cliff!
“Dipper!” Mabel yelled.
As they plummeted off the cliff, Gideon and Dipper traded slaps. Then they noticed the ground coming up to meet them. They were doomed!
“Aaaaaaaaaah!” they screamed.
Then a blue-green light surrounded them, suspending them in midair. They looked up to see Mabel floating in the air above them, bathed in light. The stone glowed in her hand.
“Listen, Gideon. It’s over. I will never, ever date you,” Mabel said.
“Yeah!” shouted Dipper as he and Gideon fell to the ground.
Then Mabel threw the stone against a rock and it crumbled into dust.
“My powers!” Gideon wailed. His eyes narrowed as he backed away. “Oh, this isn’t over. This isn’t the last you’ll see of widdle ol’ me.”
Gideon angrily marched back home and pushed open the door, where he found his father and Stan relaxing on the couch, drinking name-brand soda and planning a profitable future together.
Gideon jumped up on the coffee table and pointed at Stan. “Stanford Pines, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!”
“‘Rebuke’? Is that a word?” Stan asked.
“The entire Pines family has invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!” Gideon said, clenching his fists.
“What, you got like a word-a-day calendar or something?” Stan asked.
Buddy nervously wrung his hands together and addressed Gideon. “But, sunshine, what about our arrangement with Mabel and the—”
“Silence!” Gideon roared at him.
Buddy chuckled and turned to Stan. “Well, uh, I see he’s taken to one of his rages again. Sorry, Stan. I have to side with Gideon on this one.”
He tore up the contract that he and Stan had drafted.
Stan stood up. “Okay! Okay! I can see when I’m not wanted.”
Then Stan grabbed the sad clown painting from the wall and hot-footed it out the door.
“Try and catch me, suckers!” he yelled out behind him.
Stan jumped in his car and raced back to the Mystery Shack, where he found Dipper and Mabel sitting forlornly on the couch.
“I could have had it all,” Stan said with a sigh as he mounted the sad clown painting on the wall. Then he noticed how miserable Dipper and Mabel both looked.
“What the heck happened to you two?”
“Gideon,” the twins said together.
Stan squinted his eyes. “Gideon. Yeah. The little mutant swore vengeance on the whole family.” Stan chuckled. “I guess he’s gonna try to nibble my ankles or something.”
Dipper brightened. Grunkle Stan had a point. Without his magic stone, Gideon was just an annoying kid. “Oh, yeah. How’s he gonna destroy us now? Try to guess what number we’re thinking of?” Dipper laughed.
“He’ll never guess what number I’m thinking of,” Mabel said. “Negative eight! No one would guess a negative number!”
They all laughed.
“Look out! Bet he’s planning our destruction right now!” Stan said, and they all laughed even harder.
But in fact, Gideon was planning their destruction.…
“Gideon, I still love you!” Gideon said in a high voice, holding up a Mabel figurine he had made out of wood. “If only my family wasn’t in the way.”
Then he picked up a figurine that looked like Stan. “Look at me, I am old! And I’m smelly!”
Finally, he picked up a Dipper figurine. “Hey, what are you gonna do without your precious amulet?”
Gideon grinned. “Oh, you’ll see, boy. You’ll see.…”