Letters to Love

by Soraya Lane

  Bella was smug. So pleased with herself that she wanted to yell “Sucker!” at Noah. She laughed as she passed him. And then promptly fell off again.

  The sun was lower now, not so intense, and Bella dropped her head to Noah’s shoulder as they walked along the boardwalk.

  “Want to go paddleboarding again next week?” Noah asked, voice low and only meant for her.

  “When pigs fly, that’s when I’ll go again.”

  They both laughed, and Bella pressed her palm to his. “It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

  “No. I’m just being silly.”

  “You know what’s not silly?” Noah asked, stopping and turning her around to face him, taking her other hand and pulling her against him.

  “What?” Her breath started to become more rapid, eyes drawn to his mouth. Always to his full, delicious lips that tasted so good against hers.

  “The way I feel about you.”

  His deep, gruff words lit something inside of her. “Something about us just feels right,” she mused.

  “I’ve always been too scared to let anyone close, too scared to open up, and with you, not doing that just seems stupid.” He paused, stroked her cheek. “There’s something about you, Bella. Something that drives me wild and soothes me all at the same time.”

  “So what are we going to do about this . . .”—she grinned—“predicament.”

  “We’re going to get ice cream, and then I’m taking you home.”

  Bella shivered, goose pimples coursing down her arms and over her body. “Is that right?”

  “Why else do you think I asked your folks to have the boys for the entire weekend?”

  Bella tipped her head back and laughed, body igniting with desire as he dropped his mouth to her neck, kissing all the way to her jaw. When she righted herself, he dipped his lips to her mouth, kissing her long and slow.

  “Can we forget about the ice cream?” she mumbled, lips still meshed with his.

  “No,” he said, kissing her over and over again, clearly not giving a damn who could see. “The chocolate ice cream I’m having is the starter.” His laugh was wicked. “And you’re the main.”

  Bella slapped at him, and he caught her by the wrist, turning her arm over and nipping at the soft skin underneath.

  “My mother was right, you are wicked.” Her breathing was raspy, anticipation firing through her body, making every inch of her feel alive.

  “You don’t know the half of it,” Noah whispered, lips warm and soft against her ear.

  Bella’s body molded into his, oblivious to whatever was going on around them. She was with her man, and she didn’t give a damn who could see.

  Noah walked close to Bella as they licked their ice creams, heading back to the car. One minute he wanted to strip her clothes off right then and there, and the next he was content just to be in her company.

  “Will we have to move?” she asked out of the blue.

  “When?”

  “As part of your new job,” she clarified. “Will we have to move to Washington?”

  Noah shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I’m based here for the meantime, but I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge at some stage.”

  When Bella didn’t say anything, he nudged her with his shoulder. “I’m not breaking up this family, and I’m not leaving you, so don’t go worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet.”

  She nodded. “I’m not. I’m just . . .” Bella sighed. “I’m a planner. Letting go and taking things as they come doesn’t come naturally to me.”

  “Hence the uptight nicknames,” he teased.

  “Ha-ha, very funny.”

  Noah finished his ice cream as they approached the SUV, unlocking it and opening Bella’s door. She smiled as she got in, and he closed her door and moved around to his side, pausing to look out at the surf one last time. He’d spent a lot of his adult life around water and near water, yet up until he’d joined the Navy, he’d scarcely been able to swim.

  If you’re up there, I’ve got your back, brother, Noah said silently to Gray as he stared at the ocean. I’ve got your boys, and I’ve got Bella. He blinked tears away. And if I could have traded places with you and been behind the wheel that day, I would have.

  When he got in, Bella’s hand found his almost immediately. Noah turned to face her, resisted the urge to start making out with her and instead gunned the engine into life. It wasn’t far to home, but he bet it was going to feel like an eternity.

  “Noah?” she asked, eyes wide as she watched him.

  He kept both hands on the wheel as he pulled out. “Yeah?”

  Bella’s hand suddenly touched his thigh, sliding down. Lower. He hissed out a breath at the sound of her gentle laughter.

  “Drive fast,” she murmured.

  Noah thumped his foot on the gas and had them home within fifteen minutes.

  “I take no responsibility for my actions,” Noah blurted as he yanked her door open and grabbed her, hauling her into his arms and over his shoulder as he marched across the front steps.

  “Noah!” she squealed, thumping her fists on his back.

  He kept hold, tight, unlocking the door, kicking it open and then shut behind him. He didn’t stop until he reached the stairs, letting her slip down so she was in his arms instead of over his shoulder, stealing a hot, sultry kiss before taking her upstairs and walking determinedly to her bedroom, dropping her to the bed. He lowered himself before she had a chance to get away, unwavering in his desire to spend the rest of the day and night naked between the sheets with her.

  Bella gasped as he pinned her arms above her head, kissing her hard and fierce. Her legs tangled around him, locked him in place, but it wasn’t enough. Noah grunted as he let go of her arms so he could rid her of her denim shorts, tugging them down, sliding his hands up her slender, smooth legs as he worked his way up her body. He ran a finger over her bikini bottoms, long dry from lying in the sun before they had gone for ice cream.

  “I’ve been waiting a long time for this,” he said, keeping control when all he wanted was to lose it.

  “Me, too,” she managed before groaning at his fingers tracing up under her top. She obediently raised her arms as he slid it up, leaving her so close to being naked below him.

  Noah had been kneeling between her legs, but he moved so he was straddling her, sitting astride her without putting his weight onto her. He took his T-shirt off, threw it across the room and lowered himself, forcing himself to be more gentle this time. But Bella fought him straightaway, wasn’t content with slow kisses and soft touches.

  She wriggled until he pulled back, and then she moved fast, getting away from him and pushing him back, flipping their roles. Now she was astride him, pausing to yank his shorts down and then sliding on top of him, wiggling in a way that made it almost impossible for him to let her be in control.

  “You hate taking orders, don’t you?” she whispered, bending and nipping at his lower lip, then his neck, before trailing kisses all the way down his chest.

  “Uh-huh,” he groaned. “I prefer giving them.”

  “I guess this will be torture for you, then,” she murmured, kissing his stomach, fingers following the path her tongue had traced.

  Noah grabbed her and went to flip her, but she held on tight with her thighs, refusing to make it that easy for him.

  “Damn you!” he cursed.

  Bella just laughed, sitting up and undoing the strings of her bikini top. Noah’s breath hissed out of him again as he stared up at her breasts, groaned again when she slapped his hands away and wouldn’t let him cup them.

  “Nuh-uh,” she ordered, holding his arms down by the wrists and lowering herself, sliding her naked chest against his.

  “Who would have known you were capable of torture?” he grumbled, his frown quickly turning into a smile when her lips met his.

  “Just shut up and kiss me,” she demanded.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Bella traced circles ac
ross Noah’s chest, gently making circles around his nipple and tucking tighter against him. Her body felt to her like a marshmallow—soft and sated and incapable of doing anything other than lying still.

  “I think this is going to rate as one of the best weekends of my life,” Bella whispered against his skin, plucking at that same skin with her lips.

  “You do realize we’ve got another, oh, twenty-odd hours before the boys get back, right?” Noah asked, mouth to her hair.

  It was like they couldn’t get enough of one another, both touching and kissing, still touching even after hours of being in bed.

  “I plan to make the most of every minute,” she declared.

  Noah’s laugh was soft, almost thoughtful.

  “Bella, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you. Since I got back.”

  She waited, listened, not wanting to interrupt him.

  “You made it so easy for me to say it to the boys, but with you . . .” He hesitated, “I don’t know. It’s harder. More significant maybe.”

  Bella’s pulse ignited, but she refused to react, kept her head nestled to his chest, fingers still tracing circles.

  “I love you, Bella.” Noah’s words were so low, so soft, she almost wondered if she’d imagined them. “I love you so much that it terrifies me.”

  Bella pushed up on one elbow, stared into the dark eyes of a man she’d once thought was a jerk and now loved so fiercely her feelings terrified her.

  “I love you, too, Noah. A thousand times over.”

  He leaned up, kissed her, stroked her hair. “You do realize I’ve never said that to a woman before. How much you mean to me?” he asked. “For the first time in years, I can sleep easy, just because you’re beside me.”

  Bella grinned. “I bet you say that to all the women you sleep with.”

  His gaze was serious, unwavering. “Only you, baby. Only you.”

  Bella kissed him, seared his lips with hers and left them both gasping, wanting more. For years she’d never imagined she’d ever know love like her sister had, never have her own Gray. And then Noah had come along and knocked her off her feet.

  “We’re going to make it, Noah. I just know we are.”

  His kiss was sweet, his touch beyond gentle as he stroked her back. “You’re the love of my life, Bella. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing.”

  Bella sighed and leaned into him, hands on his muscled body, mouth against his warm, full lips. She might have lost her sister and her best friend in the world, but she’d found Noah. And although she’d never stop grieving, suddenly the sun was shining on her again, and she wasn’t afraid to bask in it.

  EPILOGUE

  The day was beautiful, the sun high, with hardly a breath of wind as Bella crossed the grass, her eyes searching out Lila’s headstone. She’d barely visited her grave until now, had found it too emotional thinking of her sister in a casket beneath the ground, but today the pull had been so great that she hadn’t been able to ignore it. Noah and the boys were following, but she’d wanted to have a few minutes to herself before they joined her, and so he was wandering slowly with them, pointing out trees and squirrels. Or make-believe ones, anyway.

  Her heels dug into the grass, and she tried to walk on the balls of her feet. They had a low-key rehearsal dinner in a couple of hours’ time and she was already dressed for it, the soft pink taffeta skirt making her feel fun and feminine. Only her nude pumps weren’t exactly sensible attire for what they were doing right now. Despite her happiness, tears threatened, but she held them at bay, determined only to cry tears of happiness on the day before she was to marry the man she loved.

  Bella stopped in front of the headstone, taking a deep breath and leaning forward to place her hand on it, eyes shut as she sent up a silent prayer to her sister. Then she did the same at Gray’s headstone, his body buried alongside her sister’s. A child’s laughter on the breeze made her smile, and she glanced back, seeing her boys play. But she needed this moment alone before beckoning them over.

  “Thank you for trusting me with Cooper and Will,” she whispered, her lips moving but barely a sound coming out as she spoke to Lila. “Thank you for your letters. Thank you for Noah. I hope you’re both watching today and tomorrow.”

  Bella blew a kiss to each gravestone, taking a deep breath and wishing that she could have them back for just one day. For her sister to be her maid of honor as she’d been to her, to watch as her little boys brought them their rings, dressed in gorgeous little outfits. And most of all, she wished she could see the look in Gray’s eyes one last time as he smiled down at her sister and made her laugh, because that’s why she’d always loved being in their company so often. Their happiness had been genuine, and it had helped her through her darkest hours.

  She shut her eyes, said a silent prayer, and then called out to Noah, waving him over.

  “Come on over, boys.”

  It didn’t take them long to close the distance between them, running fast, little arms pumping. Noah didn’t hurry, but his long stride meant he wasn’t far behind them.

  “Do you guys want to say anything to Mom and Dad?” she asked, bending low so she was at their height.

  “Not really,” Cooper mumbled, playing with a loose strand of her hair as it hung down.

  “I don’t like talking to them here. I like talking to them when I’m in bed,” Will confessed.

  Bella hugged them both. “That’s okay. I just wanted to bring you here so we could remember them as a family. But we don’t have to stay long.”

  Noah came to stand behind her, hands falling to her shoulders when she stood. Bella leaned back into him, craving his touch, loving the feel of his strong body against hers, the way his hands always seemed to soothe her.

  “There’s one other thing I’d like to do while we’re here,” Bella said, turning in Noah’s arms and gazing up into his eyes. “Noah lost some guys from another SEAL team—he told you boys at the time—and my deepest regret is that we didn’t attend those services with him.”

  Noah smiled down at her, rubbing a thumb tenderly across her cheek. “You were there when I needed you. That’s what mattered. And I’m not even sure you could have attended even if you’d wanted to.”

  Bella shook her head, reaching for the boys, an arm over each of their shoulders. “What your men have done for our country is . . .” She struggled to find the right word, “immeasurable. I don’t even know how to express the sacrifice. But what I would like to do is stand here for a minute in silence, so Noah can remember the men he’s lost. Can we do that, boys?”

  They nodded. When she glanced at Cooper, she saw he had tears in his eyes and she bent to scoop him up. “You okay, little man?” she asked.

  “Did those soldiers have kids?”

  Bella glanced at Noah. “Um, maybe.”

  “So they were daddies?”

  Suddenly Bella realize why Cooper was getting so upset. “Yeah, buddy, they might have been. And that’s why we have to make sure that we honor their memories.”

  Cooper put his arms around her neck, and Noah lifted Will into the air so he could do the same. They stood side by side, Bella’s shoulder against Noah’s side as they stared at the graves in front of them.

  “In times of war or uncertainty there is a special breed of warrior ready to answer our Nation’s call. A common man with uncommon desire to succeed. Forged by adversity, he stands alongside America’s finest special operations forces to serve his country, the American people, and protect their way of life. I am that man.”

  Noah’s voice was deep and clear, his tone commanding as he spoke the words of his Navy SEAL code. She knew the words because she’d spent so much time reading about his profession, learning while he was away about what made SEALs tick, to try to understand him better. It made the words have an even greater impact on her now.

  “My Trident is a symbol of honor and heritage. Bestowed upon me by the heroes that have gone before, it embodies the trust of tho
se I have sworn to protect.”

  His voice cracked then and she leaned into him, wanted to give him her strength.

  “By wearing the Trident I accept the responsibility of my chosen profession and way of life. It is a privilege that I must earn every day.”

  He shook his head, and she put Cooper down so she could put her arms around him and hold him tight.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered into his ear.

  “They were the brave ones, the ones we lost,” he muttered. “I haven’t even recited the entire code, and I’m already choking up. Some goddamn SEAL I am.”

  She kissed his cheek and stepped back to reach for Cooper’s hand. “We’ll always be proud of you, Noah. Forever and always.”

  The sun shone down on them, warming Bella’s skin and making her smile. They’d both hurt a lot and lost a lot, but she knew they were through the hardest times. Or at least she sure hoped so.

  “Come on, we have a rehearsal dinner to get to!” she said, ruffling Cooper’s hair and then grabbing both his hands so she could swing him around and make him giggle. Noah’s laugh echoed around her, the warm timbre of his tone when he spoke making her smile.

  “Come on, family. Grandma will kill us if we’re not the first guests to arrive. And I’m ready for some alone time with Bella.”

  “I thought we were spending tonight apart?” she asked, feeling a hot blush hit her cheeks for no reason at all except for the wicked heat in Noah’s eyes as he stared at her.

  “Wrong. The boys are spending the night at Grandma and Granddad’s, which means I get the bride-to-be all to myself.”

  Her mom poked her head out of the car and waved her down. Bella gripped Serena’s hand as they descended the steps, needing her friend for support. It wasn’t that she was second-guessing herself, but the nerves had started and no amount of wishing them away was working. She’d only gone five hours without seeing Noah, and for some reason the moment he’d left the house, she’d become all jittery.

  “You ready?” her dad asked, holding the door for her.