Hope for Him (Hope Series Book #2)

by Sydney Aaliyah Michelle

  "Carrington."

  She broke down. The dam broke and she was shaking and having trouble breathing. I moved over to her and reached for her. She pushed my hands and arms away, but I held on tight.

  "Shh, baby. It's okay, I got you."

  She moaned and fought me more, but I held on tight.

  "Stop, Carrington. It’s okay." I kissed her forehead and rubbed the side of her head. She calmed down and relaxed into my side. I held her until her sobs became a moaning cry. She was so hurt and broken and all I wanted to do was help her, but I was the reason for her pain this time.

  "I'm so sorry, Carrington. All I ever wanted was to be with you. I love you so much. You and I belong together and now is our chance. Don't say we can't be together."

  She moaned louder and tried to get up, but I pulled her to me and found her lips with mine. I pressed my lips into her and hoped they would reminder her what we had. She stiffened against my kiss, but soon she melted into me and kissed me back. I felt her tears mix with my own as they fell down her face. I needed more. I needed to feel all of her. I needed to remind her that she belonged to me, and I belonged to her.

  I pushed her shirt up over her head and stopped kissing her. I sought out her eyes. I saw a glimmer of hope, and it was all the encouragement I needed. I placed my lips on hers and pushed my tongue into her mouth. I pushed her onto her back and reached between her legs and she moaned from my touch. She was ready for me. That, along with her eagerness to help me remove my pants, let me know she needed this as much as I did.

  We pushed my pants halfway down and she pulled me out and guided me to her. I pushed her panties to the side and let out a sign of relief as I pushed all the way into her. She moaned and closed her eyes. Her head rolled back onto the couch. She moved back and forth under me and I had to concentrate to keep up with her pace. I was so happy she wanted me. The idea of losing her after all that we had been through made me sick. It broke my heart. I grabbed her breast and squeezed her nipple between my fingers. She moaned and arched her back. I covered the other with my mouth and pounded into her.

  I felt her orgasm as she spasmed with me inside of her and she held her breath. When it was over, her hands latched onto my neck and she pulled my mouth toward her. She sucked in a breath right before covering my mouth with a kiss. It was so hot, I couldn't hold out. I grunted and pushed into her one last time as my tongue did the same and I came so hard.

  The whole couch twitched, and I concentrated on breathing with my face buried in her neck. When my heart rate decreased, the sound of Carrington’s tears filled my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut. Her body shook and I tried to hold her, but she pushed me away. I didn't want to, but I had no choice. I opened my eyes. Spots darted back and forth. When I was able to focus, I saw it in her eyes. This wasn't what I thought it was. This wasn't make-up sex.

  This was a goodbye fuck.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Carrington Olivia Butler

  Jackson sat up and pulled his clothes back on. He knew, and I was so grateful I didn't have to say it out loud. I covered myself with a throw pillow and pulled my skirt back down. He got up and headed toward the door without looking at me. This was what I wanted, but I couldn't believe it was ending.

  "Jackson." He stopped but didn't turn around. "I'm sorry that it turned out this way."

  He turned around so fast; I scrambled back to the corner of the couch.

  "Fuck you, Carrington. No, you're not."

  "J—"

  "You're not sorry because if you were, you wouldn’t do this. This is your choice."

  I lowered my head and tried to control my anger.

  "I admit, I lied to you and you're hurt, I get that. I wish I had handled things different, but this doesn't have to be it. Neither of us planned that night, but it was something we both wanted for so long. I’m sorry I decided to push the rest of the world out of my mind and concentrate on the most important person in my life. I wanted to show you how I felt about you because you wouldn't let me tell you."

  "I don't understand."

  "You wouldn't." His cheeks were bright red, and his eyes grew dark as night.

  "Jackson, this is not my fault."

  "Of course it's your fault."

  "Did you know Josh cheated on me?"

  His eyes narrowed. "Oh, my God, what are you talking about?"

  "That girl Candace. She said they were both high and it didn't mean anything, but that's bullshit. After everything Josh did to me, at least, I never thought he would cheat on me, and he did. And you're the same. You're a cheater, too."

  "You are unbelievable. You are pissed off at me because of something your dead ex-boyfriend did over a year ago." I flinched when he said the word dead.

  He walked over and sat on the coffee table in front of me. He placed his elbows on his knees and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he focused on my eyes, and I was afraid to look away. He turned his head to the side and spoke slow and careful.

  "What's happening here, between you and me, has nothing to do with Josh. And the fact that you think it does, scares the hell out of me."

  "Wh ..." I couldn't think of a response. I didn't think this had anything to do with Josh. Jackson cheated on me or cheated on Tiffany with me, but same difference. Regardless, he cheated and he lied, and I couldn't be with someone I didn't trust.

  But I didn't tell him that. I couldn't bring myself to say it because I wasn't sure I believed it myself.

  "Carrington, please. You need to get some help. You need to deal with your feelings about Josh. You need to let him rest and get on with your life. He can't hurt you anymore, and I am not him. I never was."

  Jackson stood back up. I didn't want him to walk away.

  "I love you and Jack, so much." Tears fell from his eyes now. "I still think we could have a chance someday, but for now, I'm going to leave you alone."

  He leaned over and kissed the top of his head.

  "Kiss Jack for me, too." His voice cracked when he said Jack's name and a moan escaped from my throat, but it wasn't enough for Jackson to stop. He left and didn't bother to look back on his way out.

  I buried my face in my hands but sat up. They smelled like Jackson. I took another whiff to make sure it wasn't my imagination. No, it was him and his sweet, sweaty and woody smell. He reminded me of the FSU campus in the fall. When the breeze blew the smell of magnolia and maple tree across the quad. I found my shirt on the ground and held it to my nose. It smelled like Jackson, too.

  I ran to the bathroom and jumped in the shower, peeling my clothes off and leaving them on the shower floor. I stood under the water spray letting it take my tears down the drain with it. I scrubbed my body, trying to remove his scent, but I could still smell him. His scent was in my nostrils, in my skin, deep down in my pores.

  I sat down on the floor of the shower, unable to stand on my feet for another second. The tile I picked out mocked me because, in the back of my mind, I picked it out hoping Jackson would like it.

  "Oh, God." I clenched my chest. My body felt weak, and my mind scattered and unfocused. A ten-pound weight settled on my sternum and threatened to cave in my chest cavity. I put my head down and concentrated on breathing—inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I figured, if I could conquer this most basic bodily function for the next few minutes, I could move onto something else.

  I could learn how to do this on my own. I would have to because I had no one else to depend on except me.

  I could do this. I could teach myself how to live without Jackson Latre Mitchell in my life. After what he said, I had no choice.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jackson Latre Mitchell

  Carrington and I had avoided each other since I walked out three weeks ago. She didn't try to contact me, either, but no one else in our life could move on.

  "Dude, you need to go and see her before she leaves," Jeff asked.

  "No."

  "Why don't you give her call?" Jeff asked.

  "If
she wants to call me, she's got my number."

  Jeff, Richard, and I worked on routes after practice. The rest of the team had broken for the Christmas holiday and Coach gave us three days to rest before we came back to practice for the bowl game. We missed our chance at a national championship, but we got a good bowl game, and I wanted to win it. Go out with the best record of any FSU quarterback.

  I also got an invitation to New York for the Heisman Ceremony, but it was a forgone conclusion it was going to a running back from Clemson. I was looking forward to the trip. Hanging out with the guys in New York City and trying not to get bogged down in regret that Carrington and Jack weren't here with me.

  "You chased after this girl for two years and now you're giving up. That doesn't sound like you, J," Richard said.

  "I know. I'm doing things different. It didn't quite work out for me the other way, now did it?"

  "You're such a pussy, man. You love this girl, so what's the big deal? Call her."

  "It's not that simple, Richard." I tossed him the ball and headed to the locker room. This conversation was over.

  They gathered their stuff and jogged to catch up.

  "We don't mean to give you a hard time, but we're worried about you," Richard said.

  "And you call me a pussy."

  "So, it's over?" Jeff said.

  "Yes, it's over." I was getting tired of repeating myself.

  "So, next year," he stopped me, "when you’re off being number one draft pick and she and I are stuck here on campus, you won't mind if I ask her out." Jeff grinned and looked over to Richard.

  I dropped my stuff, grabbed him by the collar, and pushed him up against the door. I pushed my fist up into his throat. I knew he couldn't breathe. I didn't care. My head pounded out of my chest. The idea of him putting his hands on Carrington made me crazy.

  "Jackson, man, let him go." Richard had an arm around my throat and pulled me back.

  I stumbled back and put my hands on my knees, trying to focus on breathing and not letting the tears fall. Not in front of the guys.

  I wasn't sure why I went off on him. That was Jeff, always making inappropriate jokes, but going after him was wrong.

  "J—"

  "Jeff, man. Give us a second."

  I saw the concerned look on Jeff's face as he rubbed his neck. He picked up his stuff and went inside the facility.

  "What the fuck was that about?" Richard asked.

  I stood up, ran my hands through my hair, and took a deep breath. I didn't look at Richard. I paced back and forth in front of him trying to figure out if I was losing it or having a temporary lapse in sanity.

  It didn't seem real that Carrington and I were done. I remembered her dream, only in real life, I was the one who felt trapped. It was how I felt all last year when I was on campus without her. It was only a matter of time before she and I would be together. Deep down I believed that, even though nothing that had happened in the last few weeks, hell, few months since she arrived on campus would give me any indication it was going to happen.

  "I don't know what I'm doing."

  "Obviously."

  "You know, despite everything that’s happened between us, I always thought it would work out."

  "I know, man." Richard approached me with caution and put his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, it still might."

  "I don't think so."

  "How do you know?

  "Because I ended it. I gave up on her and that is all she is going to think about when she thinks of me. I made a huge fucking mistake. How am I supposed to convince her?"

  "Well, you have to try."

  He made a whole hell of a lot of sense. After everything, I owed it to her and to myself to at least try.

  "Maybe you're right?"

  "Yeah, well, I keep trying to tell you."

  I grinned. The door to the facility opened and Jeff peeked around the door. He had a neck brace around his neck and a goofy grin on his face. I howled when I saw him. I walked toward him, and he planted himself up against the side of the building.

  "Oh, Jackson, sir. Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry."

  "Shut up, man." I extended my hand, we shook, and I pulled him in and put him in a headlock.

  "Seriously, dude. You like hurting me. What's that about?"

  "I'm sorry, man," I said as I let him go and punched him on the shoulder. He rubbed his shoulder and headed back into the facility. Richard followed him as I held the door, but something drew my eye back toward the practice field.

  "Hey, Rich, throw this in my locker." I handed him my stuff.

  "Okay."

  I headed back on the field and waited until they made it to the bottom bench.

  I grinned when Jack dropped her hand and ran down toward me.

  "Jackson," Jack said and giggled as he reached the bottom step and reached for me. I scooped him up and gave him the biggest hug. I missed the little guy.

  "Hey, Jack. How are you?" I squeezed him, and he giggled. "What are you doing here?"

  She stopped a few steps from the bottom and sat on the bench watching us. I set Jack down and he took off running down the field toward the football in the end zone. When he reached it, he picked it up and ran around.

  I sat down next to her, and we both laughed watching Jack. I didn't speak. I waited for her to speak first. I was afraid to piss her off further by saying the wrong thing.

  #

  "How are you?" Kayla asked.

  I sat facing forward watching Jack, but I lost my smile.

  "Not good. How is she?" I asked.

  "Not talking about it?"

  "Should I try and talk to her."

  "Oh, hell no."

  I turned to face her. She shook her head and tried to blink back the tears threatening to fall.

  "Kayla." I reached out and touched her arm and she pulled it away and rubbed the place where I touched it, like I infected her or something.

  "You hate me, too."

  "No, I don't understand what happened, so I don't know if I should hate you."

  "She's pissed at me because of something that happened last summer. I lied to her, and I am sorry I did it, but it doesn't change how we got where we we are now."

  "How bad of a lie was it?" she asked.

  I wanted to tell her but didn't know if Carrington would want her to know or she would have shared it herself.

  Jack had given up on the football and squatted on the turf watching a bug or something. He was focused.

  I reached out, and she didn't pull away.

  "She thought Tiffany and I met this summer, but we actually started dating last March."

  "That's not so bad."

  "Carrington and I slept together last May."

  "Oh." Her eyes grew big.

  "You cheated?" she asked, but it sounded more like an accusation.

  "I know. I lied and I cheated and I walked out on her the night she found out, but I don't know. It’s not enough to destroy a relationship. That's not how people who love each other are supposed to act."

  "Maybe you should tell her that?"

  "She doesn’t want to see me."

  "How do you know? Maybe she's waiting on you to make a grand gesture."

  "Maybe but I'm too scared to make a grand gesture because I can't lose her again." I turned away from her. "I've lost this woman four times already. How much more do we have to go through?"

  "I guess as much as you need to. Or maybe you don't think it's worth it."

  "Of course, she's worth it." I pointed to Jack. "And he's worth it."

  "Well, the only thing I got from her is that you didn't want to be with her anymore."

  "That's not true."

  "Well, maybe you need to tell her that, too."

  "Maybe or maybe this isn't the time for us."

  Kayla narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

  "Hear me out. She is still hurting from Josh. She needs to deal with that. If I'm halfway in the picture, it's going to complicate things."

&nbs
p; "Maybe."

  "If she's been like I have, I know she's spent the last two years in limbo waiting for us to be together and both of us kind of stopped living waiting for that to happen. Now that we had this time together, it's like we want it to start where we left off a year ago, but we can't do that because we aren't those same people. Maybe we both need to live our lives."

  "Why can't you do it together?"

  "Kayla, I don't think we can." I was a little scared to be looking on this whole situation with so much more clarity all of a sudden.

  "You two are so perfect for each other. Please tell me you think that or I am going to give up on the whole romantic notion of love and marry a guy for money or something."

  "Says the girl with a million dollar trust fund." Kayla punched me in the arm. "I'm happy she has you in her life." I nudged her arm, "You're a good friend."

  "For a Griffin,” she said.

  I laughed at the familiar joke we used to make back when Mr. Griffin and the legend of the Griffin family was more infamous.

  "For a Griffin." I stood up. "Does she know you're here?"

  "Yeah. Jack's been asking about you, and I asked her if I could bring him to see you."

  "Thanks, Kayla. I really care about this kid."

  "I know."

  "Can you ask her one thing from me?"

  "Sure."

  "Can I still talk to Jack and send him stuff every once in a while?" Kayla stared at me. "Until we get back together."

  "Yes, as long as that's the goal."

  "It is. I promise," I said and crossed my heart.

  "I'm going to toss it around with Jack for a while, you have time?"

  "Yeah, go ahead.”

  We had a chance, but I also didn't want to hold our lives in limbo any longer. I couldn't and achieve my goals and maybe she needed to live her life without the symbolic safety net that was our relationship.

  I needed time to deal with the fact that my best friend killed himself. I needed to mourn him. I hated him for what he did to Carrington, but he was my best friend. It felt like by mourning him, I was betraying my feelings for her. The guy who hurt Carrington wasn't the kid I grew up with. The Josh I knew stood up for me on the first day of school and never backed down from a challenge. The man I knew, never gave up.