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by Jessica Burkhart

  Khloe reached over and stopped her vibrating phone. “Wow, you have an amazing family. I know you have some stuff with Charlotte, but it’s incredible your parents and Becca were so cool with traveling and everything that comes with being on the circuit.”

  “I really do love my family,” I agreed. “My parents did everything they could in order for me to pursue my dreams. Becca is the best sister. She never resented me for taking Mom or Dad away from home so they could chaperone me. She even got Charlotte excited when we moved to Union. She always tried to make Char understand how Mom and Dad would do for either of them what they did for me.”

  “So Union was after Brooklyn and Red Oak. What did you do?” Khloe asked. “I mean, was never riding again a serious consideration, like you said?”

  “Oh, are you kidding? I was very serious about that. Like I told you guys in the common room, I thought I was done for good after the accident. It was awful. Even the thought terrified me. I couldn’t imagine ever getting into the saddle again.” I paused, twisting the white-gold ring with a horseshoe made of tiny diamonds around my pointer finger. “It wasn’t so much about falling or being afraid of getting hurt. It was the shock—I didn’t have any clue how the accident had even happened! Now, of course, I see it clearly—it was my ego. I could have really hurt Skyblue. But I was so set on winning. I wasn’t focused on him the way I should have been. That must have been the reason I made a big mistake.”

  Khloe opened her nightstand drawer, pulled out a tube of Urban Decay gloss, and ran it over her lips.

  “When I saw the DVD,” she said, “I wasn’t a thousand percent focused trying to see whose fault the accident was, but I don’t think you made a mistake. Or, not an obvious one, anyway. No horses are bomb proof; you and I know that. You can’t be sure it wasn’t Skyblue.”

  I got up to make another cup of tea in our microwave. “I know. I’ll never be one hundred percent sure. I’ve had to accept it and try not to go back and figure it out. I did the whole was-it-me-or-was-it-not thing for a while, and it drove me insane.”

  “The move sounds like it was good for all of you. Total fresh start,” Khloe said.

  “It was exactly that. I missed Brooklyn a lot at first—when I want sushi at midnight or a one-block walk to the coolest shops ever. But moving to Union was the best thing that could have happened to me and my family, Khloe.”

  “Which, if I’m not mistaken, is how you ended up at the famous Briar Creek—former home of the Youth Equestrian National Team hotness, Miss Sasha Silver.”

  Just hearing Sasha’s name made me pumped to go back to riding lessons. I wanted to be the girl from Union that made it too. Maybe some girl would drool over my riding someday, the way Khlo and I fawned over Sasha’s.

  “Exactly.” I nodded, punching buttons on the microwave. “The instructor there, Kim, worked her magic on me. She took every lesson slow, knowing what had happened. I realized my biggest problem pretty quickly—I’d forgotten the most important thing: to love horses before even caring about competition. I fell in love with horses all over again at Briar Creek. I took lessons, didn’t show, and made friends who loved horses.”

  Khloe smiled. “I know this one! Brielle and Ana, right?”

  “Very good! They were the first people to reach out to me at Briar Creek. The three of us had an insta-bond. We were inseparable at school, too.”

  “Well, if they’re your friends, I know they’re awesome,” Khloe said, giggling. “We’ll have to pretend they’re your sisters or something, so we can get them here for Family Day!”

  “Well, the names of ‘two sisters’ were left off my application.”

  We both laughed.

  “Seriously, though, I don’t want to spend all day grilling you,” Khloe said. “I’m really just curious.”

  “Oh, I know! And I’m not uncomfortable. I promise. I want to tell you all this stuff. You’re my closest friend and my roommate.”

  The microwave beeped. I took my hot water out and sneaked a glance at Khloe while choosing my tea. There was something off still. But I didn’t know what.

  Maybe she was just processing everything I’d told her. Maybe she really was a little hurt, mad, or both. Or maybe I was overthinking it.

  I dropped a cinnamon apple tea bag into my mug, turning around.

  Khloe smiled at me—the playful you’re so gullible smile she’d given me so many times since we’d met. “C’mon, LT,” she said. “I’m totally using the Q & A sesh as an acting exercise in case I get cast as the next Cat Love, the reporter for Celeb Roundup on the Watch! channel. Or if I’m hired to do one of those prime-time hour-long backstage gigs with singers on Voice It! before America decides whether to kick them off or keep them on. And I’m the one that would be all, ‘to vote DJ Disco Pop, chat us up at Chatter slash Voice It dot com. Don’t forget to hash tag DJDP!’ I’ll be so prepped for this!”

  And just like that, my fears evaporated.

  What had I been thinking?

  If Khloe Kinsella was upset, she’d tell me. No doubt about it—Khloe didn’t keep anything from anyone. Particularly her own annoyance.

  I grinned. “So glad I could be of service.”

  5

  GENIUS FREAK,

  THE BOY MAGNET

  KHLOE GOT UP AND GRABBED A DIET COKE from our mini fridge. She opened it, stuck a royal blue straw in the can, and sat on her bed, facing me. “I guess there’s just one . . . ,” she started. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before closing it all together.

  “Khlo,” I said. “You can ask me anything. I want more than anything for you to feel like you have answers to your questions. Please feel free to bring it up anytime if you think of anything at all.”

  Khloe nodded slowly. “Well, so . . . were you really scared about testing for the riding team or was that was an act? You obviously have the experience. Was that you trying to fit in or was it real?”

  “If I can promise you anything, it’s that all of that was real,” I said. “I was terrified about testing. There were so many components that went along with whatever team I made. Sometimes I didn’t even know which one I wanted.”

  Khloe cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, if I made the beginner team, I could keep working on basics with zero pressure to show. I’d be completely comfortable. It would be like I could start with a safety net and test later for intermediate. But if I made the intermediate team right away, I’d be taking lessons with riders I knew were most likely focused on competition and probably had their hopes up that they’d make the advanced team. There would also be more showing with the intermediate team.”

  “I think that’s where I get a little lost,” Khloe said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  Khloe looked at me dead-on. “Lauren. You have two national titles. Your experience alone should qualify you for the advanced team. The accident really shook your confidence. I mean, enough to even make you consider the beginner team. Do you get how much better you are than that?”

  “The accident changed everything I thought I knew about riding,” I said. “So, yes. I get how much it shook me. Logically, I know people fall all of the time. But that accident turned me totally upside down. Being afraid of horses is a beginner-level fear. So to me, it made sense I’d have a chance of landing a spot on the beginner team.”

  “And are you completely happy with Mr. Conner’s decision?” Khloe asked. “I know you said you were, but you were also in front of Riley and everyone when you said that. I wanted to ask you alone. Just you and me. Are you happy about Mr. Conner’s decision?”

  “I am happy where he placed me. It was time to step up and not be stagnant. I’m going to compete when I feel ready. Until then, I feel lucky to have Mr. Conner teaching Whisper and me.”

  Khloe nodded. “Fair enough. And look, I don’t mean to drag this convo out more, but I have to say, I’m still adjusting to knowing this part of you. Everything I thought I knew about y
ou—from your relationships with Charlotte and Becca to the real meaning of you finding Whisper . . . it all sort of revolves around something I didn’t know before.”

  My shoulders slumped a little.

  “But,” she added quickly, “I’m honored to know you even better now. Everything we’ve talked about gives me a clearer sense of you than before. Some things even have more meaning behind them now. It’s not like a mad thing at all; I’m not mad, I promise. I’m just, you know, digesting.”

  Khloe looked at me, but I turned quickly to hide the downcast expression on my face. Still, the sudden movement must have signaled alarm bells to her.

  “LT. You are still Lauren Towers: new girl on campus, roomie to Khloe Kinsella, owner of the stunningly beautiful Whisper, intermediate riding team member, boy magnet, genius freak taking a crazy amount of classes—have you realized the error of your ways yet, by the—no? Okay, then, last, glee club member.”

  Her words—and theatrics, of course—made me smile.

  “Genius freak?” I parroted back at her in mock disdain.

  “And boy magnet, but we’re losing focus, LT. And the focus is this: Nothing you told me today has changed who you are.”

  It was exactly what I hoped she’d say. “Khlo!” I said. “I’m so glad you’re my friend. Truth? I’d have been crushed if I’d lost even a drop of our friendship.”

  Khloe took a sip of soda, then smiled. “Me too, LT. We’re cool like that—you know why? Because I feel the same way. And as your friend, I wish you a speedy recovery from this morning. It probably felt like someone dropped a Canterwood handbook on top of your head when you saw that DVD. Welcome to Riley’s world,” she snorted. “We’ll get her back, though.”

  “Those handbooks do weigh a ton,” I said with a wry smile. Then it hit me like two more handbooks. “Wait—what?”

  But Khloe was still going. “Thing is, you took it all in stride—OMG, and with such grace! I wouldn’t have been as cool as you. I’m sorry everything happened the way it did, but I’m glad to know more about pre-Canterwood Lauren. Plus, my roomie is a dressage champ and I can, like, make her practice with me.”

  I laughed briefly. “You’re helping me, remember? But about Riley—”

  Khloe wagged a blue-black polished finger at me. “Do not waste one second on that girl. We will get her . . . my pretty.”

  We smiled at each other. I was still unsure how to decode the Riley factor, but Khloe’s eyes went directly to the plasma TV. “Besides, it’s Saturday. Only the most awesome day invented. Especially for students attending schools like Canterwood, where teachers give us enough homework that we’re essentially reduced to tears every Friday.”

  “Tears. Yes. Following you,” I said, though I was sort of just half following, half trying to figure out what direction we were going in. But I’d learned to ask what I referred to in my mind as “clarity questions.” So, sure, I could tell her I was following her. Then I’d ask a clarity question, such as, “What exactly do you have in mind?”

  “Reality TV. Prime-time soapy dramas. Movies. Ordering in. Any of that sound good to you?”

  Et voilà. Clarity.

  “Only everything!” I said, meaning every word. “Let’s do it!”

  For the rest of the day, Khloe and I flipped channels together, deciding what to watch and laughing at each other’s commentary on why or why not to watch a show.

  Slowly, the tightness in my chest that had settled over me in the morning expanded, released, and eventually went away.

  Altogether, Old Lauren was gone for good. In her place was Lauren 2.0. Lauren, the Genius Freak Boy Magnet whose BFF was all about the drama, knew 2.0’s deep, dark secrets, and, in the end, loved 2.0 all the more for them.

  6

  1 FRESH HAYBALE

  1 PINCH CINNAMON

  PREPARE TO SWOON

  MONDAY AFTERNOON, I HEADED TOWARD THE stable after class.

  Usually I sprinted down the sidewalk to reach the stable as fast as possible.

  However, today’s sprint was replaced by scuff-dragging my boots along the concrete. I couldn’t walk any slower—trust me, I’d tried. I wished for the ability to become invisible. Of all days to wish for such a power—I wanted it most now. I could bypass all of the other riders and huddle next to Whisper in her stall. I’d tell her all about what had happened on Saturday.

  Khloe and I had stayed up late Saturday night, giggling over bad romantic comedies, which led to the inevitable “who’s hottest in Hollywood conversation” We discovered we had very similar taste in guys. Outgoing, funny, athletic. And we both loved blue eyes. The following day—Sunday—had been quiet. We’d intermittently done homework and watched TV together.

  Finally, I approached the stable’s main entrance. I hadn’t spoken to Cole or Drew about Secret-Spill Saturday. Yesterday, Lexa had BBMed me asking if I wanted her to tell Cole what the girls had found out. Since Lexa and Cole were besties, I’d gladly said yes. Lexa once told me—with Cole’s permission, of course—that he’d been through struggles of his own before Canterwood, his much more serious than mine. He’d been so cool about sharing his past with me; I knew he’d be cool about mine.

  True to character, Lexa had met up with me before our first class together and told me that of course Cole understood why I’d kept my secret.

  That left Drew as the last one on our intermediate team to know about Red Oak. Unless, of course, Riley had told him. And, according to the monologue that Khloe had performed for me on Sunday afternoon, planting the Red Oak DVD and getting Jill to play it was the least of what Riley was capable of. Khloe had been oddly secretive about what, exactly, Riley had done that was so . . . awful. Nor was she forthcoming about why she thought Riley was to blame for Saturday’s Secret Spillage. Still, she insisted that Riley was capable of anything and, even though Riley had surprised me with her reaction Saturday morning, I still didn’t trust her. And no matter how many details Khloe left out of her story, I trusted my roommate more than any other girl on campus.

  I stood outside the stable’s wide entrance—frozen—as horses and riders moved inside. Shod hooves clinked down the main aisle, and riders called out to one another. What’s your problem?! Go or you’ll be late! I yelled at myself. Still, I couldn’t make myself step inside.

  “I know you’re new and everything—but, uh, you do know that you have to go inside to find your horse, don’t you?”

  I jumped, turning to see Drew beside me, grinning. Sunlight glinted off his black hair; his pale skin contrasted against his coffee brown polo shirt and matching breeches.

  “I . . .” I trailed off, brilliantly.

  This was exactly what I’d been afraid of—or whom, I guess.

  Drew.

  I hadn’t seen him at all today. He’d been excused from gym for some reason, so we hadn’t been able to talk at all.

  “Drew—”

  “—Lauren . . .”

  We both laughed at our verbal collision.

  “You first,” I said, like a big chicken.

  “You sure?” he asked politely.

  I nodded fervently, my head bobbing like a chicken’s!

  “Lauren,” Drew said. “I just wanted to say, you don’t have to talk about . . . um, your accident. Riley actually explained everything.”

  Suddenly, the absence of noise felt deafeningly loud.

  “Drew,” I said, looking into his eyes. I was pleased to hear that my voice sounded stronger to me. Khloe would have been proud. “I’m so sorry you heard that from Riley. But not because I didn’t want you to know.” My eyes darted across Drew’s face—his deep-ocean-blue eyes were soft as they settled on me. He looked curious—like he couldn’t wait to hear what I’d say next.

  I smiled at him, testing the waters. He smiled back, and I felt myself go soft in the knees.

  “Well,” I said. “I was hoping to use it as an excuse to talk to you. Like, at The Sweet Shoppe or something, sometime?”

  Gasp! Had those words
really come out of my mouth?

  Somewhere on campus, Khloe was playing with a Lauren Towers look-alike doll with long dark hair, caramel colored breeches, and a white-and-purple striped button-down.

  Drew’s smile was spread wide across his face—his bright white teeth peeking out from under his lips. “Riley did tell me a little, but I’d be more inclined to hear the story from the person who actually speaks from experience. See, Riley said it took you a while to start riding again.”

  “But I was just going to say that I—” I started, feeling defensive.

  “No, no,” Drew cut in, holding up his hands. I noticed the calluses on his palms from the reins. “I think it’s brave that you got back to doing what you love.”

  I stared at him, blinking. This guy was amazing. He didn’t even know me, and here he was, telling me how brave he thought I was.

  Ironically, it was one of the bravest things a boy had ever said to me.

  “I hope you’re not embarrassed,” Drew said, breaking our silence. “I mean, I’m a jumper so . . . my falls are pretty epic.” He laughed.

  His voice was much deeper than those of the other guys in our grade. I figured he probably would sing baritone in glee.

  Snap out of it! I told myself.

  Drew stood across from me.

  And, I reminded myself, he just informed you that Riley, of all people, told him your deepest, darkest secret.

  How.

  Humiliating.

  My cheeks felt as though they’d glow in the dark. I thought how amazing that invisibility thingy would be about now.

  It was then that I heard a voice much more powerful than my own, or Drew’s, or even Mr. Conner’s. It was Khloe’s voice in my head, furious that I was letting Riley win like this.

  “Wow,” I said. “Thank you for saying that. No one had ever said that to me before. Maybe because it wasn’t ‘bravery’ so much as an addiction to riding.”

  “But you didn’t quit. You took a break, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, that was smart,” Drew said. “Gave you the distance you needed before starting back up again. And, Laur, I’ve watched you during lessons. You’re a talented rider.” He leaned closer to me. He was close enough to smell like fresh hay and cinnamon mints. “What a waste of talent that would have been,” he said, his eyes twinkling, “if you really had quit.”