‘Why can’t me watch with Boo?’ rumbled Mug indistinctly (his marshmallow was trying to jump out
of his mouth). He handed Princess Princess her pyjamas.
‘Because you’re dumb and Boo-Boo makes boo-boos. I SAID BECAUSE YOU’RE DUMB. We need to balance a dumb guard with a bright one. At least Yesterday has some sense.’
‘Thanks,’ said Yesterday quietly.
‘Don’t mention it.’ Princess Princess looked down. ‘Didn’t you bring my toothbrush? No, never mind. I’ll get it. The things you have to put up with on a Heroic Expedition. Now I suppose I’ll have to brush my teeth in tomato soup…’
Mug yawned too. ‘Me going to sleep in armour,’ he boomed.
‘WON’T YOU BE UNCOMFORTABLE?’ shouted Boo.
‘Not as bad as pulling head off getting out of helmet. Have to spend whole night sewing.’ He yawned again, showing at least eighty crumbling teeth. ‘Nighty nights.’
‘NIGHT NIGHT,’ barked Boo.
‘SLEEP WELL,’ added Yesterday. They watched as Mug clambered into the tent he’d be sharing with Boo, and Princess Princess stepped into the bigger, silken, crown-topped tent she’d brought for herself.
‘I don’t suppose Queen Splendifera of Yukke is going to share her tent with her lady’s maid,’ said Yesterday dryly.
Boo put his head on his paws and looked at the flames. ‘No. But you can sleep on my cushion if you like. I’ll sleep by the fire.’
Yesterday shrugged. ‘It’s all right. I think the, er, poodles, would get anxious if I slept inside a tent. I’ll curl up with them. I’ve slept with them lots of times.’
‘You don’t think the Greedle’s hypnotism will start to work on us while we’re asleep?’ asked Boo worriedly. The breeze was singing a little song now. ‘Twinkle twinkle little star, the Greedle twinkles best by far.’
Yesterday shook her head. ‘Graunt Doom taught me about hynotism too when she was giving me Finding coaching. You can only hypnotise someone when they’re awake.’
‘But how can the Greedle hypnotise anyone? It’s dead! It just doesn’t make sense.’
‘Maybe it’s set up some machine to play a hypnosis song all through the Ghastly Otherwhen.’ Yesterday gave a tiny smile. ‘I just don’t know.’
A snore floated across the campsite. Boo wagged his tail. ‘That’s either Mug or Princess Princess. Three guesses.’
Yesterday giggled. Boo looked up in surprise. That was three times Yesterday had giggled in one day! ‘Wouldn’t it be great to be able to tell everyone at school that Princess Princess Sunbeam Caresse of Pewké snores?’
‘No one would believe us.’ Boo stared at the fire again, trying to work out how to ask Yesterday why she didn’t just escape from the Guardians. Somewhere among the trees he could hear the sounds of chomping as the dinosaurs, gobbled down more lamingtons.
‘Boo?’
‘Mmm?’
‘Thank you for trying to rescue me.’
Boo was glad he was pink and fuzzy and there was only firelight, so Yesterday couldn’t see him blush. ‘I made a mess of it, didn’t I?’
‘Yep. But it was still nice of you.’
Boo snorted. ‘Nice. Heroes aren’t supposed to do “nice”. We’re supposed to leap in and Wham! Bam! the bad guys.’
‘But you’re not a Classic Hero.’
Boo sighed. ‘No.’
‘Which is why you’re a Level 4 after less than a year at school. And why you’ve invaded the Ghastly Otherwhen. No Classic Hero would do that.’
‘Princess Princess is a Classic Hero. And she’s here.’
‘Only because you are.’
Boo thought about it. Yesterday was right. His tail began to wag just a little bit. ‘Yesterday, why didn’t you stay at school? Why did you go back to the Guardians?’
Yesterday was silent. He glanced up at her. ‘Yesterday?’
‘I—I can’t answer that,’ said Yesterday softly.
‘Why not?’
‘Just because. One day you’ll understand. But I can’t explain it now.’
‘Can’t or won’t?’
‘Both. Boo, I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m going to do, too. I think,’ she added with a touch of uncertainty.
‘Oh,’ said Boo. There was an echo of her Finder’s voice in Yesterday’s tones when she’d said that. ‘Is…is it very bad, your new job? Can you tell me that?’
‘Yes. I can tell you that. No, it’s not very bad. It’s lonely. But I’m used to being lonely. I have my own little room. There’s a hammock. There’s even water to wash with every morning, as much as I want. The food is better, too—there are humans nearby, so there’s human food, not just meat scraps from the Guardians.’
‘Why don’t the humans just stop working for the Guardians?’
Yesterday reached over and scratched him behind the ear. Boo shut his eyes in pleasure. How did Yesterday know to scratch just there? ‘You don’t know much about the Guardians, do you, Boo?’
‘No. I was going to look them up. But Graunt Doom said I’d find out anyhow.’
‘She must have been Seeing us here. I can tell you more than any book. No one who has lived with Guardians, who really knows them, has ever written about them.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because the only other intelligent species that knows them are slaves. Boo, in my universe the dinosaurs evolved before the humans.’
‘Ones like the, er, poodles?’
‘No. These were different. Some of them evolved into people-type dinosaurs—ones with big brains, able to talk and invent things. Others evolved into, well, dinosaurs like the poodles.’
‘What about the humans?’
‘We evolved later, from a little mammal animal. Which means that the Guardian-type dinosaurs have always ruled my universe. Humans have never had a chance to invent things or work out our own skills. We’ve always been servants of the Guardians.’ She shrugged. ‘More like domestic animals, trained to do things for their masters.’
‘But you’re not animals.’
‘We are to the Guardians. Small and weak, not able to read or do anything much.’
‘But you can read!’
‘I was lucky.’ Yesterday glanced over at his skewer. ‘Can I have your last marshmallow?’
‘Sure. I’m full. How were you lucky?’
Yesterday chewed slowly, as though making the flavour last. ‘When I was a little girl an old human was thrown into my pen. That’s how most of us live—kept in pens till it’s time to sweep or dig or tend the other animals. But this old human…’
‘What was her name?’
‘We don’t have names. Remember? She was just called Old Yesterday. Old Yesterday had worked for an elderly Guardian, so feeble that she was grateful for being looked after well. It was Old Yesterday’s job to look after the Guardian’s granddaughter while she learnt her lessons. But this meant that Old Yesterday learnt too. She learnt how to read and how to write. She learnt that there was a world beyond the slave pens. At last Old Yesterday was too stiff and bent to scrub any more, or to rub down her Guardian’s back. So she was thrown back into the slave pens. The Guardians are kind,’ said Yesterday expressionlessly. ‘Sometimes they don’t kill humans when they are too old to work. They throw them back in the pens, so they can look after the young humans. Humans are even allowed to grow fallal in the pens. It’s a type of grain. It doesn’t taste of much, but it’s better than meat all the time, like the Guardians eat.
‘Old Yesterday taught me. She’d even heard of Finders. It’s boring in the pens when you’re little. There’s no room to do anything—all the spare space is kept for fallal. So I used to shut my eyes and see what I could Find. I could tell what Guardian was approaching—or even who would come the next day or next month. One day Old Yesterday called out to one of the guards that they had a Finder in the pens. And the next day I was taken out of the pens and tested, then put to work.’
She shrugged. ‘I was good at my job. So good t
hey decided I needed more training for an even more skilled job, and sent me to the School for Heroes. I met you. And that’s the end of the story.’
‘What happened to Old Yesterday?’
‘I don’t know. I asked permission to visit the pens last week. But she had gone.’
‘Gone where?’
‘Where do you think, Boo?’ asked Yesterday gently. ‘She died, and was eaten.’
‘Eaten!’
‘Of course. The Guardians are meat eaters. And we,’ for the first time Yesterday’s tone was bitter, ‘are animals. When we’re no longer useful we’re meat.’
‘Yesterday—’ Boo stopped, helpless. He wanted to yell at her that she had to escape. There was no way she could go back to slavery now!
But Yesterday was a Finder. She was going to be the best the school had ever had, according to Graunt Doom. She knew what she was doing.
He hoped.
Suddenly he blinked. Sometimes he thought he was so dumb he wouldn’t notice his own tail unless a flea bit it. Of course! Yesterday was a Finder!
‘Yesterday,’ Boo spoke urgently now. ‘Can you do a Finding and see what’s going to happen now? Here in the Ghastly Otherwhen?’
‘No need. I did several back at school. And while we’ve been here.’ She smiled. ‘Do you think I’d have come here without Seeing all I could first?’
‘What did you See?’ barked Boo excitedly.
‘I’ll tell you what I Saw,’ said Yesterday softly, ‘and what I See now.’ Yesterday shut her eyes. The light from the flames flickered across her face.
‘What can you See?’ asked Boo impatiently.
‘Bogeys. Lots of bogeys—hundreds of them. Screams. I can see a wolf too. She’s got one white ear and a white hind paw—’
‘That’s Mum! Is she okay?’
‘I don’t know! Boo, it’s all fuzzy—like seeing through smoke, except this smoke is nothingness, all grey and empty. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything I See that can help us.’
Something in her tone alerted him. ‘Yesterday—is there something you haven’t said?’
‘Yes,’ said Yesterday softly. She opened her eyes and looked at him.
‘What?!’
‘Do you really want to know?’
‘Of course! I’m leader of this Expedition—even if Princess Princess thinks she is. It’s my mum we’re going to rescue!’
‘All right then. I don’t know if we will rescue your mum. I can’t See that. I can’t See if any of us will get back safely, either. But I do know this. One of us will die.’
Coldness flowed over him, under his fur. It was like he’d walked into the coldroom back at the ice-cream shop, only this coldness was deeper, right into his bones. ‘Who?’
But Yesterday just shook her head.
Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak? Translation: What do you call a thin mouse? A narrow squeak.
FROM SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK BY SQUEAK THE WARRIOR MOUSE
27
Questions in the Night
Boo lay in his tent. But even in his favourite nose-pressed-into-bum position it was hard to sleep. The breeze kept wheedling round the tent, singing of the Greedle. But it was his own yabbering brain that kept him awake.
Why hadn’t Yesterday told him that one of them would die before they left?
Maybe because he’d still have come to search for Mum. And Mug would have come with him, too.
Could you kill a zombie? Probably not, he thought. But you could pulverise him into tiny bits, too small to ever sew back together again. Somehow he doubted that a zombie who’d been digested by a bogey would ever be the same again, either.
Boo wondered if Princess Princess would have come to the Ghastly Otherwhen if she’d known. But then Graunt Doom had Seen that Princess Princess would find a handsome prince, which meant that Princess Princess at least would get back safely.
Or did it?
No, Princess Princess probably wouldn’t have come. Having someone tell you that you’d probably all die was different from a Finder telling you that one of you would die. Which meant he could only be glad that Yesterday hadn’t told them what she’d Seen before. Even though Boo hated to admit it, the Expedition needed a Classic Hero like Princess Princess, too.
It’s funny, he thought. Even his werewolf sense of smell couldn’t tell him what Yesterday had felt when she’d told him one of them would die. Some scents were just too hard to understand.
Suddenly his fur stood on end. Would Yesterday be the one to die? Was that why she hadn’t said anything before?
Yesterday hadn’t chosen to come here. Princess Princess had hired her. Why hadn’t he realised before that for Yesterday this Expedition was just part of her slave’s duties?
Because it wasn’t, he thought. The Guardians may have ordered Yesterday to come with them, in exchange for the green gold. But Yesterday would have chosen to come too—had planned to join them when she was still a student.
He shook his head, trying to clear it. There was too much to fit in one puppy brain. Mum, so close now. This strange and silly world, so different from the Otherwhen he’d expected.
And one of them would die. Him. Princess Princess. Mug. Yesterday. Squeak.
Squeak! Suddenly he realised he hadn’t seen the little mouse since they left the café. Squeak hadn’t even put his nose out for some crumbs for dinner. Was he all right?
‘Squeak?’
No answer. Boo carefully pulled the bag open with his paw and peered in.
The bag was empty.
Had the mouse fallen out? No—he’d have squeaked at them to stop. Squeak knew how to attract attention.
Boo sat back and whined, but softly, so the others couldn’t hear him.
Squeak had abandoned them.
How do you get a zombie who’s lost his arms out of a tree? Ask him to catch a ball.
FROM [email protected]
28
More Walking in the Ghastly Otherwhen
‘Wakey, wakey!’ Princess Princess’s voice sounded much too chirpy.
Boo opened his eyes. They felt like they had grit in them. How long had he slept since giving up the watch to the others? An hour? An hour was just a catnap—and he was no cat.
‘Coming.’ Outside he could hear the munching of the poodlesaurs, and Yesterday’s murmur, interspersed with the trilly tones of Princess Princess and Mug’s slow rumble.
He searched for a flea and didn’t find one, but scratched anyhow—somehow it felt right to start each day with a good scratch—and trotted out to have a widdle—just a small one, as he needed to keep most of it for marking the way, tactfully, so Princess Princess didn’t notice—and to do THAT among the trees. He sniffed. All the others had widdled too, even Princess Princess. He felt a bit guilty sniffing at the damp spots they’d left, but he needed to know what they felt.
He smelt Mug’s spot first, then blinked. He’d known Mug liked him. But he had never realised before how strong the bonds of the friendship were. Mug’s widdle smelt of love and determination. Mug had no doubts at all that his place was here.
Princess Princess’s damp spot had been covered with leaves. Boo smiled to himself. As though leaves could fool a werewolf nose. He sniffed, then frowned. He’d thought he’d smell fear. It was definitely there, along with the sort of ‘royal’ smell of someone who had been told all her life she was superior. But two other scents were just as strong.
Friendship, he thought. We really are Princess Princess’s friends. The other smell was familiar, though he couldn’t place it at first. And then he realised. It was one of the scents from the school, and from Rest in Pieces, too. It was the smell of Heroism.
Princess Princess was right. She was a Hero. And that was why she’d come: because it was right. Because they were her friends, even if she’d never say the words.
Boo felt a lump in his throat. Maybe Princess Princess would never even admit it to herself. But widdle never lied.
Yesterd
ay’s damp spot was almost impossible to find, even for a nose like his. The strong scent of dinosaur widdle almost covered it. It was easy to smell what the dinosaurs felt. Love and protectiveness for Yesterday, and hunger. But they were enjoying themselves too, here in this green world. Nor were they scared. The dinosaurs regarded bogeys as a snack.
He took another deep sniff, frowned, and took another. Yesterday was scared. There was determination there as well, and love and friendship too. But Yesterday’s scents were too complex for him to understand, just as they’d been last night.
Princess Princess had already packed up the tents by the time he got back to the campsite—or got Yesterday to do it (Mug didn’t seem to know how ‘fold in half’ worked). The fire had been doused with tomato soup, and the dinosaurs were munching something round and red and yellow.
He sniffed. ‘Pizza?’
Yesterday nodded. ‘Dinosaurs love pizza. They found a grove of pizza trees across the lake last night.’ She gave one of her rare smiles. ‘They had no idea food could taste so good.’
‘What kind of pizza?’
‘Cheese and pineapple. Zombie cheese and artichoke. Capsicum, eggplant, tomato, onion and cheese. Cheese and beetle.’
‘Yum.’ Boo’s tail began to wag despite his worry.
‘We left you a cheese and beetle one.’
Princess Princess was straightening her crown. She glanced down at him. ‘Hurry up. We need to get going.’ Princess Princess looked as though she’d had ten hours’ sleep, and a long (ergh!) bath. But then she was a Classic Hero. Maybe Classic Heroes didn’t need so much sleep.
Boo bit into his pizza. ‘What’s the hurry?’
‘Duh! We’re in the middle of the Ghastly Otherwhen. The Greedle’s headquarters are only half a day’s walk from here. Any moment a horde of sentry bogeys might realise we’re not really on a food mission for the Greedle. Do you really think this is the time to stop and have a picnic?’
Dance of the Deadly Dinosaurs Page 12
