Endurance

by Amy Daws

  “It’s more comical than bad.” Hayden grips his side, his eyes crinkled with amusement. “They’ve officially challenged each other to a footie match. I’m here to recruit.”

  I laugh and look at Belle. “You up for it?”

  “Of course!” she exclaims. “I was there to witness it after all. It was a lot more Kristen Wiig comedy than it was Coyote Ugly provocative. Camden needs to lighten up.”

  Vi laughs. “Too right! God, I wish I could have seen it.”

  “Trust me, you don’t,” Booker mumbles, a disturbed look on his face.

  “Oh, but I’m in heels.” Belle looks down at her feet regretfully.

  “Try on my garden shoes by the door. I’m obviously in no condition to play.” Vi points to her stomach.

  Hayden waltzes over to her and kisses her temple, his hand cupping her belly like it’s the most natural resting place for it. “I’ll stay here with you,” he murmurs, pinching a piece of cheese from the counter.

  “No!” Vi exclaims. “Go play, really.” He frowns but she’s not having it. “Tanner can stay inside with me. Too many Harrises out there will surely result in an injury. You take Belle and make sure they all play clean. Camden can be a cheating wanker.”

  I check with Belle to see if she’s good with this. Going against Vi wouldn’t be easy, but I’d fight the cause if Belle wants me out there. She assures me she’s good, though, so I do as my sister says and hang back.

  I sidle up at the island and watch Vi grab a block of cheese out of the fridge. “Aren’t you exhausted?” I ask, watching her lumber around in the kitchen. She’s petite and this baby looks like it’s taking over.

  “I was completely shattered for the longest time, but the last couple of weeks I’ve felt great!” She reaches in the drawer and pulls out a cheese grater. “I can’t believe I’m only two weeks away from my due date.”

  “You guys decide on a name yet? Tanner for a girl has a nice ring to it.”

  She pauses to stroke her belly, ignoring my suggestion completely. “We’ll know it when we see her.” The twinkle in her eyes is like a Disney movie.

  “You seem happy,” I state, unable to hide my smile. Her aura is infectious.

  “I am, Tan.” Her chin wobbles and she scoffs like she’s being ridiculous. She resumes her activity. “So you and Belle?”

  I roll my eyes. “Did Booker fill you in?”

  She cuts her eyes to me. “Of course. You know you can’t hide anything in this family.”

  “I wasn’t hiding it,” I exhale, fiddling with the label on the mustard. “I just thought I might be able to tell you myself for once. Silly me.”

  She begins grating the cheese. “So that didn’t take long.” She shoots her prying eyes straight at me.

  My brows lift. “Felt like it took ages. Last week was murder after I left here.”

  “Well, can you blame us?”

  I frown. “No, but I do prefer to come to things on my own.”

  She ponders that thought. “That’s very true. Even when you struggled in school, you never really struggled. You were just on your own timeframe.”

  “See? I get there eventually.”

  “So you really like her? I mean, you must. This is the first girl you’ve ever brought around here that you weren’t sneaking in through the conservatory to shag.”

  My jaw drops. “You knew about that? I thought I was being sly.”

  She purses her lips. “Mission failed. The whole village of Chigwell knew about that.” She looks down again. “Belle must be different.”

  “She’s certainly that.” I drag in a large breath and grab a bottle of tomato sauce and spin it on its side in front of me. The mindless task helps clear my thoughts. “She’s funny and wild and a bit crazy, which is kind of hot because I never know what to expect. And she’s so fucking smart, Vi. She’s acing it at her job, and she’s so passionate about it that it makes me want to do more. I don’t know.” My voice trails off.

  Vi props a hand on her hip. “What kind of more?”

  I shrug. “Like, maybe start my own charity or something.”

  I wince having now spoken the words aloud. Normally in my family, I’m the joke, the punchline, the comedic laugh charged and ready for when things get too serious. Now I’m putting something very serious into the universe for judgement. It makes my butthole pucker.

  I look up to see Vi’s glossy eyes locked on mine. “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, I think so. There was a homeless bloke who helped me out the night I was caught on camera in Belle’s car, and I sort of repaid the favour to him. But it didn’t feel like enough to just give him a warm bed and a shower, so I ended up securing him a job with the grounds crew at Tower Park.”

  “You did?” Vi’s jaw is slack.

  “Yeah. It’s not a big deal. Dad lined up most of it. But the guy’s name is Sedgwick and he keeps talking about these friends of his on the street. I can’t help but feel like I can do more for them.”

  I look up and Vi is staring at me in watery-eyed wonder. “You absolutely can do more, Tan. You can do anything you set your mind to! Belle inspired all of this?”

  I shrug. “I just want to be good enough for her, you know?”

  She reaches across the counter and grabs my hand. “You were good enough for her before all of this.” I half smile and she pulls back, resuming her cheese grating process. “I’m proud of you, Tanner.”

  “Thanks,” I murmur, feeling like a child all over again because I still crave Vi’s approval.

  We’ve all changed so much as we’ve grown up, yet we’re all still the same. Still five siblings roughing out life together one story at a time. Vi’s engaged and having a baby. Camden is in love with Indie. I’m with Belle. Maybe Booker or Gareth will be next. Even Dad seems to be in better spirits these days. I’m still floored that he brought up Mum to me last week. He never would have done that before.

  A random question on the tip of my tongue falls out. “How did you know you were in love with Hayden?”

  Vi looks up at me with a grin and glances out the window to watch the action in the back garden for a moment before answering. “I don’t know. I mean, it wasn’t love at first sight by any means. We had an immediate connection I suppose. But I don’t think it was until he told me all the dark corners of his past that I completely fell for him.”

  I frown, recalling the little bit Vi told me about Hayden attempting to take his own life after the death of his sister. Suicide is never the answer, but if something ever happened to Vi, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.

  “Do you ever worry that he would try again?” My eyes slant with sympathy, but she immediately shakes her head.

  “Not a drop.” She sets down the cheese grater and braces her hands on the worktop, inhaling and exhaling deeply. She closes her eyes, and I’m surprised when two tears slip out from beneath her lashes.

  “Vi, I’m so sorry.” I make a move to get up, but she lifts her hand to stop me.

  “It’s all right,” she says, smiling and clutching her belly. “I cry about everything these days. It’s the hormones. But to answer your question, no, I’m not worried about Hayden anymore. This baby is tethering us together so much, our hearts are one right now. Deep down, I know no matter what happens to us, we’ll get through it together.”

  I look down at my clasped hands because it’s hard to look at her face when she’s so open like this. My chest burns with an ache at her blatant display of raw love and vulnerability. My sister and Hayden have laid everything bare with each other. They’ve played all their cards and they hold nothing back. And rather than feeling exposed and susceptible to attack, they feel…safe.

  I clear my throat, snapping myself out of my inner thoughts and find Vi staring at me with a curious look on her face.

  I let out a laugh. “What?”

  She shakes her head and swallows, shooting me a wobbly smile. “Nothing. I…erm…Why don’t you tell everyone that dinner is ready.”


  DR. MILLER AGREED TO LET me out early on Wednesday for the big Bethnal Green match. She was especially amenable when I told her that Tanner had recruited several of his team members and WAGs to attend our charity event next weekend, which I’m actually looking forward to now.

  The last couple of days, Tanner has been staying at my place, saying that he preferred it because it put him farther away from Tower Park. He said the way dark chocolate calls to me in the night is the way Tower Park calls to him. He’s worried that watching the match this evening and not being allowed on the sidelines with his team might crush his soul.

  He’s a bit dramatic.

  Hoping to brighten his spirits, I pop out of work early to go pick up a gift I ordered for him. It’s just something silly that I hoped might take his mind off the fact that he’s not putting on his kit today.

  Right before I walk into the store, my mobile alights with a call from my father. Aside from our short, clipped emails, I haven’t spoken to him since the day I screamed at him in my flat.

  “Hello?” I answer, looking around suspiciously as if he’s watching me from somewhere.

  “Belle, this is your father.”

  “Hello, Father. How are you?” My voice sounds different, reverting back to that proper tone I only ever use around my family.

  “I’m well. And yourself?”

  “I can’t complain.”

  “Good. I wanted to let you know you’ve done a very proper job with that Harris boy these past few weeks.”

  “I have?”

  “Yes, aside from those first couple of photos, things have looked, well, appropriate for someone like you. So well done.”

  “Someone like me,” I repeat slowly.

  “Yes, young, social, carefree.”

  Wild, unpredictable, embarrassing.

  My jaw tightens “Thank you.” As halfcocked as his compliment may be, I can’t remember a time when my father has ever told me “well done.”

  “Listen, darling. I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye. And I know you chose a different path for your life, but it was good to know that when the time came, you could do what was right for the family.”

  I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “I’ve always wanted what’s right for the family, Father. I just couldn’t deliver it the way you wanted me to and our relationship suffered for it.”

  “Yes, well, you resisted generations of tradition, Belle. Arguably, we were going to be upset when you walked away.”

  “I walked away to become a doctor. A doctor. I’m not scrubbing bedpans. Although, if I were, you should be proud of that, too, because it’s an honest living and I’m your daughter.”

  “We had a plan,” he barks. “Becoming a lawyer was all laid out for you. You and your brother were to take over my practice so I could focus on rising to the Supreme Court. The money was there. The status. The connections. You can’t have achieved half of that all on your own in medicine.”

  His voice is laced with disdain.

  “I save babies, Father! I’m a surgical fellow for a world-renowned high-risk foetal surgeon. I operate inside expecting mothers’ uteruses. Who cares about money!”

  “Only people who have money say such things. And you, my darling, have money. It may not be in paper form in your pocket, but that bohemian flat you live in is paid for. Your car. My profession and connections provided those luxuries you take for granted every day.”

  “I’d give up those simple luxuries if it meant you’d respect what I’m doing!” I exclaim, a knot forming in my throat.

  “Don’t get emotional,” he scoffs. “I called for a reason. There will be an important man at the match tonight whom I need you to say hello to.”

  “Who?”

  “Do you recall Lord Sanbury? He and his wife had a daughter about your age.”

  “Juliet Sanbury?”

  “Yes, well, her father has a rather large investment in the Bethnal Green football club, so I need you to say hello. If you could bring that Harris boy with you, even better.”

  “Why do I need to say hello?”

  He sighs heavily, most likely because I had the nerve to ask questions instead of simply following orders. “Because a vacancy arose on the Supreme Court two months ago and Lord Sanbury is on the selection committee. The vote is next week, and a good, polite visit from you and that boy might be just what I need to secure his vote.”

  I smile and shake my head. “So this is what you get out of this.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been wondering this entire time what could possibly motivate you to push me into the arms of a footballer.” I laugh as realisation dawns on me. “You said you didn’t want me to be perceived as a common whore, but what you fail to recognise, Father, is that you pimped me out like a whore for your own selfish gain.”

  “I never—”

  “You did!” I shout, boiling over with anger. “And I won’t go talk to your Lord Sausage boujie friend. And I won’t put on a show for you any longer. Because, guess what, Father? I’m not faking it with Tanner anymore. We’re in a relationship now and making a proper go of it.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. That boy can’t possibly intend to keep it in his pants for you. He’s a footballer, Belle. He can have any woman he wants. A different girl every night if he’d like, which from the looks of it, he does. If you think you have a chance with this man, you’re dumber than I thought.”

  His words pierce right through me. They make little slits in my soul and shed light on the scary parts of my heart that I’m constantly trying to hide.

  “Well, thankfully, I’m not your problem.”

  I hang up on him and inhale quickly, emotion bubbling deep inside of me.

  I can’t let his words hurt me. I can’t give them life. Giving them life means letting him win, and I’m stronger than that. Tanner does care for me. He won’t cheat on me. He knows I’ll fucking kill him if he does. We can make this work.

  I set my jaw and raise my shoulders, striding into the shop with a newfound strength that I almost believe.

  “Is it stupid?” I ask, perched on the edge of my sofa and watching Tanner’s reaction to my gift. “It’s stupid. We don’t have to wear them. I thought they’d be funny for the media pictures and that they might help take your mind off the fact that you’re not wearing your kit. Maybe have a laugh. But don’t worry, we don’t have to wear these. They were just a gag.”

  I snatch the T-shirt gift out of Tanner’s hands, along with the gift bag the set came in. I stand to go upstairs, but before I get even two steps away, I’m yanked backwards onto his lap.

  “Why are you taking away my present?” he murmurs in my ear.

  “Because it was just a joke.” I lie, heat rising in my cheeks.

  “There’s one for you, too, right?” he asks, nibbling my ear and burrowing his furry chin into my neck.

  “Yes,” I reply weakly.

  “Let’s fucking do it. I love them.” He nips my ear playfully, and I giggle with delight that he fucking gets me.

  Moments later, we’re standing in front of my bathroom mirror, staring at each other in our matching shamrock green T-shirts—the official colour for Bethnal.

  “We look ridiculous,” I croak.

  “We look amazing!” he exclaims.

  I turn my eyes to him, examining his whole body with purpose. His jeans are artfully faded and hugging his gloriously thick thighs. His blonde man bun and lush beard are properly groomed. And his sculpted pecs are showcased perfectly below the thin fabric with the text “BIG SPOON” scrawled across the top.

  “You really want to waltz into Tower Park wearing a shirt that says big spoon on it?” I ask, propping a hand on my hip.

  The merriment on his face is infectious.

  “Only if you wear your little spoon shirt. Otherwise, I’d look ridiculous!” he scoffs with a serious tone that has me nearly crying with laughter.

  He glances at his watch. “Shit, we ha
ve to go. Come on, Little Spoon.”

  We arrive at Tower Park and Tanner gets stopped nearly twenty times outside the stadium to talk to fans and various people he knows. This is his home turf and he doesn’t have the protection of the players’ entrance today. He’s like a king amongst his people, charming them left and right, signing T-shirts and snapping selfies. I even get asked to pop into a few shots.

  The best part of the whole scene is that everybody is laughing at our shirts. Even the security guys. Tanner’s smile is genuine the entire time as he laughs along with everybody, pointing to the “BIG SPOON” text on his chest. I can’t help but feel good about how well my little gag gift is going over. It’s the perfect distraction for him, and he’s crazy enough to have gone for it.

  When we finally get past the ticket counter, Tanner is on a mission, and it’s not to our seats located in the first row on the sideline right behind the team. He’s moving through the concrete halls of Tower Park as if he knows exactly where he’s headed. It isn’t until I see a familiar face that realisation dawns on me.

  “Sedgwick!” I exclaim, noting his official Tower Park staff clothing and the large roller bin of rubbish he’s emptying into a dumpster.

  “Dr. Ryan, what a treat.” He takes off his gloves and offers me his hand, which I gladly shake.

  “How are you?” I ask, amazed that he’s standing here before me.

  “I’m doing very well thanks to him.” He smiles proudly up at Tanner. “This job suits me perfectly. No stuffy uniforms. Fresh air to breathe. I can’t complain a bit.”

  My eyes are wide and watery as they swerve to Tanner, asking the silent question, “Did you do this?”

  He has that knowing half-smile on his face. The one that swirls deep in my belly and makes it hard for me to think.

  I shake my head and look back at Sedgwick. “I’m so happy for you.”

  He nods enthusiastically. “Who would have thought the funny circumstances of that night would end up helping more than just me?”

  “More than you?” I ask, frowning at Tanner for clarification.