Swallowing, Alexa adjusted Mason as he laid his head on her shoulder. Apparently he was ready for a nap, so maybe the park wasn’t in their immediate future.
“That’s not true,” she argued. There was no way.
“Do you think it was easy for me to come here?” he asked. “I battled this for a week, but damn it, I want you to come back to my house. Just come for the day and I’ll drive you back.”
Alexa laughed. “This is absurd, Hayes. You’re getting caught up in a moment that passed.”
In a lightning-flash move, he snaked an arm around her waist and hauled her free side against him. “The moment didn’t pass. I still want you. I’ve been through hell, and when I see something or someone that will bring a semblance of happiness, I’m going to take it.”
Oh, mercy, she wanted him, too. The fierce need she had a week ago had only grown and now he was here and touching her, looking at her with the same hunger as he’d had when they’d been stranded and naked.
“Bring Mason. We’ll ride horses.”
Alexa closed her eyes. He’d put himself out there and come to her. He’d shoved aside his fear of leaving the ranch. He was inviting her son to ride horses, which he’d never done, and he wasn’t even close to backing down.
“Fine,” she whispered. “We’ll come. But I’m driving myself and I’m not spending the night.”
Hayes ran his lips along her jawline. “We’ll see.”
The shiver raced through her and Alexa vowed to herself not to sleep with Hayes again. Not with the secret she carried. Maybe one day, when he healed and they were friends?
No, not even then. Someone like Hayes would see sleeping with his late buddy’s wife as a betrayal. He could never know.
Thirteen
“You were pretty sure of yourself.”
Hayes stepped into the stable by his house and threw a glance over his shoulder to Alexa. “I had the stable hands bring them up. If you hadn’t come, the horses still could’ve stayed here.”
He was a damn fool for bringing her back here, but it felt right. She felt right to have here. Not that he was thinking long-term or a commitment, but damn it, he was at a point in his life that if any happiness came his way, he was going to grab hold with both hands and to hell with the consequences.
He could even accept the bond he was forming with her kid.
Right now, he was going to take a ride with Alexa and Mason. The little guy was too adorable and when he’d reached out for Hayes earlier, he hadn’t hesitated to take him. Children were so innocent, so loving, and that was something he’d quickly discovered when he’d gotten home. His nieces and nephew had calmed him and kept him grounded and sane at times. Having Mason here with Alexa, damn it...there was something a little too familial about it, but he hadn’t been lying when he’d said he’d missed her.
And he hated that underlying vulnerability and loathed even more that she’d witnessed it.
“I’m still not comfortable around horses,” Alexa commented. “So how should we do this? Maybe just set Mason on the saddle and let him pet the horse?”
Hayes slid open a stall and shook his head. “Nah. He can ride with me on Doc and you can take Jumper. We’ll stay right around here so you’re comfortable.”
He tossed a thick blanket on Jumper’s back and grabbed a saddle from the wall. Alexa’s silence had him risking a glance her way. She chewed on her bottom lip as she held tight to her still-sleeping son. Apparently the kid could sleep through anything.
Hayes had held him while Alexa had changed earlier. He hadn’t been opposed to the little shorts and tank she sported, but her jeans and T-shirt would be a better option for riding.
“I’ll hold on to him,” he assured her. “We’ll go slow and he’ll be just fine.”
She smoothed Mason’s black hair across his forehead and nodded. The kid looked exactly like her with that dark skin and coal-like hair. Even his eyes were dark as midnight. And her love for her son was so evident. Hayes knew she’d do anything to protect him. That family bond and loyalty ran deep in him too, so he knew full well how much Mason meant to Alexa. They were all each other had left.
“I want to talk to you about something.”
Her eyes darted to his as she lifted her brows. Mason stirred in her arms and she patted his back. “What’s that?”
After securing the saddle, Hayes rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a thing I need to go to in a couple weeks and I need a date.”
Why did he feel like a fool in high school asking out the homecoming queen? Probably because he’d never asked out the homecoming queen. He’d simply hopped in the bed of his truck after the game and flipped up her dress and lost his virginity. So...yeah, this was quite different, but he still hated the uncertainty.
No, he actually hated the whole ordeal he’d been faced with and the ceremony coming up. It was absurd, useless, and he was the least deserving person to be honored.
“I received a phone call from the governor a couple weeks ago.”
“What?” Alexa stepped forward, her eyes wide. “The governor called you? You just throw that out like it’s not a big deal.”
He shrugged and eased Jumper from her stall. “It’s not. I mean, they want to have a dinner and present some award for my service and sacrifice. It’s completely unnecessary, but it’s in two weeks and I want you to go with me.”
Mason continued to stir until he popped his head up with a yawn. He glanced around, his attention landing on Jumper and the little guy immediately started clapping.
“I’d say he’s ready for his first ride,” Hayes stated. He lifted the rein and hung it on the hook outside the stall before moving to the next one with Doc. “Give me one second and I’ll get my horse ready, then I can help you onto yours.”
“I don’t need help,” she stated. “Can you get back to the governor and why I need to be your date?”
He quickly blanketed and saddled Doc. “I’d rather move on and we just agree I’ll pick you up two weeks from yesterday at six. I guess I’ll wear my uniform, so you’ll probably want to wear a fancier dress.”
“I don’t—”
“Have one?” he asked, tossing her a glance. “I’ve already called in some favors and they’re being delivered. Keep whatever you want. Keep one, keep them all. I don’t care.”
Hayes led Doc out and hooked his reins, as well. He patted the side of the stallion’s neck, smoothing out the coarse mane.
“Would you slow down for a second?” she demanded.
Blowing out a sigh, he turned to face her. “Listen, I don’t want to go. The award is absurd and the last thing I need is recognition. I didn’t do anything overseas that any of my fellow soldiers wouldn’t have done. I just happened to survive. I don’t want to go, but I sure as hell don’t want to go alone, because...”
Softening her facial expression, Alexa stepped forward and reached for his hand. “Because you don’t like going anywhere?”
Shame and guilt slithered through him. “So you’ll go?”
The silence settled between them. Mason lifted his hands toward Jumper and Hayes slid the boy from Alexa’s arms.
“Right here,” he told Mason, taking his little hand and laying it on the velvety part of Jumper’s nose. “Soft.”
He’d much rather focus on the horses, on introducing Mason to his first ride. There was something so magical about getting on the back of a horse and setting out for nowhere. Not a care in the world, no troubles followed him... Well, they did, but at least he was more at ease out in the pasture.
He’d also been at ease with Alexa lying next to him in bed. She might be adamant that she wasn’t going to get between the sheets with him again, but he was just as adamant that she was. How could he give up on something that felt so perfect? On something that settled him in ways nothing else had in months?
Wh
ether she liked it or not, Alexa was exactly what he needed, and wanted, right now. And he’d be damned before he let her just walk away because he knew full well she felt something, too.
“I’ll go,” she finally conceded. “But I’ll buy my own dress.”
“Already taken care of.” He took her hand and led her to Jumper. “They’ll be there on Wednesday evening.”
Her lips thinned as she settled her free hand on the saddle horn. “You’re arrogant.”
“True,” he agreed. “But I’ll have a smokin’-hot date.”
With a laugh and an eye roll, she mounted the horse. Damn if she didn’t look good here.
But that was an image he’d have to get out of his head. Pebblebrook was his. At least this portion was. He wasn’t looking for another woman to fill the void his fiancée had left. He sure as hell wasn’t looking for a baby in his life.
He wasn’t looking for anything more than what Alexa had to offer—sweaty nights and a sense of peace. He needed that, so he needed her.
* * *
Her vow to stay away and keep her feelings compartmentalized was shot all to hell. Somewhere between him showing her how perfect he was with her son and him swallowing his fear and asking her about the dinner, Alexa had slipped further into...
No. Even she couldn’t say it to herself. There was no room for anything other than friendship. Okay, they’d slept together and now they were friends, but whatever. Anything more would be tragic...and simply asking for heartache. Hers and his.
Seeing Hayes with her son, riding through the fields, it had been too much so she’d kept her eyes on the horizon.
Now they were back at his house and he was making sure the horses were fed and watered. Alexa sat on the edge of the back porch and watched as Mason toddled around plucking up random grassy weeds. The tire swing swayed in the distance from a large, sturdy branch.
It was all Alexa could do not to peek inside the kitchen window. She was dying to know what stage he was in with the space they’d demolished. Knowing him, he hadn’t sat around and done nothing inside there.
A large black truck moved slowly up the drive and Alexa came to her feet to gather Mason. She remained on the porch and watched as Annabelle stepped from the vehicle. Alexa didn’t need to be spotted here; that would only be fodder for the family gossip mill. They all undoubtedly knew she’d spent the entire weekend here during the storm. And here she was again, this time with her son.
Annabelle hopped out of the truck, her blond hair swirling around her shoulders. She offered a big smile and a wave. Alexa returned the kind gestures, though her heart was pounding. How was she going to explain being back? It wasn’t like she and Hayes were... What? Dating? Nope. They weren’t even having sex anymore.
Friendship, that’s all this was. And really, could their relationship even be labeled as friends? She kept an epic secret from him and he had hang-ups about life in general. She wasn’t ready to have a man come into her son’s life and Hayes wasn’t looking for an instant family. They were going nowhere fast and there was nothing she could do but hold on.
Thankfully, Hayes stepped from the stables and crossed to Annabelle. Alexa really didn’t want to have to make awkward conversation.
“What are you doing back here?” Hayes asked, a smile on his face as he accepted a hug from his sister-in-law. “Where’re the girls?”
“Actually, Colt is home with them because he’s been in the stable all night.”
“What’s wrong?” Hayes asked. “I had a couple horses sent down to me and never heard anything was wrong.”
Alexa stepped off the porch and eased Mason back down into the grass. She tried not to appear that she was eavesdropping, but it was rather difficult to not overhear everything.
Annabelle waved a hand as she reached for the passenger-side door. “Oh, you know how he is. Since the vet told him that the new weanling needed extra care, he’s like a worried father. But I got up this morning because I couldn’t sleep without him there, so I made you some sticky buns and herb bread.”
Alexa’s mouth watered at the thought...and she gained five pounds just from this conversation. Carbs were not her friend. But Annabelle used her baking to her advantage and advertised that along with the B and B. The two went hand in hand...or so Alexa assumed. It wasn’t like she’d actually experienced anything the B and B had to offer.
No, Alexa had been taking advantage of what the mysterious Elliott brother had to offer instead.
“Good thing I brought extra, since you have company.” Annabelle pulled the dishes from the truck and Hayes quickly took them from her. “Thanks. I can bring more later.”
“No, she’s not staying.”
Alexa’s shoulders stiffened. True, she wasn’t, but he was awfully quick to dismiss her. Most likely that was for her benefit, since Alexa had been so adamant about not staying long. But now that she was here, she wanted to. She loved watching Mason roam around the yard. She’d loved seeing him on the back of Doc and nestled against Hayes...but those were things she couldn’t want and Hayes had made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t looking for more.
She wasn’t either, but she could see herself here. No matter how she’d fought it during their time together, she realized now that she could see herself with him—if there wasn’t a secret settled between them.
Now she was going to a formal dinner with him and he’d managed to get dresses ordered for her. Did he know her size? Did he know that anything too form-fitting would only accentuate the flare of her hips and the roundness still in her belly from having a baby?
Alexa rubbed her forehead and smiled as Mason ran and toppled over. He got right back up and took off again, this time straight to Hayes.
Coming to her feet, Alexa started for Mason, but without missing a beat, Hayes scooped him up and held him in one strong arm while juggling the baked goods in the other.
“Let me take him,” Alexa said as she neared. “We really should be going anyway.”
Hayes shot her a look, holding tight to Mason. Instead he handed her the bread and buns. “Take these into the kitchen. I know you’ve been wondering what I’ve done in there.”
Alexa narrowed her eyes, to which he merely quirked one dark brow. This was not the time for a standoff, not with his sister-in-law mere feet away, taking in the whole scene.
Taking the baked goods, Alexa turned to Annabelle. “Thanks. These smell wonderful.”
“I hope you’ll stick around long enough to enjoy them.”
Nothing could be said to that, not without incriminating herself, so Alexa turned and headed for the house. Hayes knew exactly how to pique her interest...in more ways than one. But she wanted to see what he’d done inside. Then she would take Mason and go. The longer she stayed, the harder it would be to leave.
But the second she stepped inside, her mouth dropped. He’d not only gutted the room, he’d taken down the wall to the dining room. Dark flooring had been laid and right in the middle was an old farmhouse table that stretched so far, it could easily seat twenty people. There were no chairs or benches and the cabinets weren’t installed, but there was a table.
Just like she’d suggested.
Well hell. Now what was she supposed to do? She wanted to keep her distance, but how could she? Everything he did—
The back door squeaked open and Alexa sat the baked goods on the table before turning around. Hayes eased the door shut with one hand while holding on to Mason.
“What do you think?”
It was all she could do not to choke up at the heart-clenching emotions swirling around inside her. “I love it.”
And it was all too much. The table, the tire swing, the horse riding...the man standing in the doorway holding her son. If she stayed, she’d never leave and that simply wasn’t an option.
“I—I have to go.”
She crossed t
he room, took Mason from Hayes’s arms, but he didn’t move out of her way to let her through.
“Why are you running?”
Keeping her eyes locked on the tire swing outside the back door, Alexa patted Mason’s back and held him tight. “Because I can’t do this. You don’t need me to heal. You seem to be doing fine.”
“I’m not,” he muttered. “I want you here.”
She shifted her focus to him, her eyes locking onto his. “But for how long?”
The muscle in his jaw tightened as silence settled heavy between them. His eyes darted to her mouth, but Alexa couldn’t let him kiss her because she wanted so much more than a kiss.
She wanted to start thinking about a future and moving on, and no one had stirred anything within her like Hayes.
Yet she had to keep her son in the forefront of her thoughts. He needed stability in his life. Not only that, Alexa worried what would happen if Hayes decided family life wasn’t for him. Sure, he was close to his own family, but she was a package deal. He had so many issues to deal with and adding that instant family to the mix hadn’t been on his list.
Plus, she’d kept Scott’s identity to herself. She’d thought they wouldn’t see each other again so she hadn’t brought it up when she’d been at Hayes’s house. Now though, they were seeing each other and that secret hovered between them. Had she just told him when she realized it, maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but enough time had passed that he would feel betrayed by her silence once he found out.
There were just too many barriers between her and the man she wanted. But she was discovering over and over he was the one man she couldn’t have.
Fourteen
Hayes’s father wasn’t looking any better and his mind was being flat-out cruel today. Hayes had visited earlier and was instantly confused for Nolan, but not Nolan now—the Nolan in kindergarten.
Having the most influential man in his life not even recognize him was hell on Hayes. But he couldn’t stay away. No matter how far gone the patriarch was, Hayes had to see his dad, had to talk to him and use him as a sounding board. Now more than ever he wanted his father’s advice, but that hadn’t happened.
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