by Leslie Gould
“Do you need anything?” Rose asked.
Lila shook her head, but then she said, “Do you think it’s normal for me to wonder about my and Daniel’s biological father?”
Rose seemed puzzled. Lila didn’t blame her. It wasn’t as if anyone in the family ever mentioned him, ever even acknowledged such a person existed.
“Never mind,” Lila said.
“No.” Rose leaned forward. “I don’t think it’s abnormal. You’ve just never brought him up before. I was surprised to have you mention him. I didn’t think you ever even thought about him.”
Lila shook her head. She wouldn’t tell Rose how much.
“Have you ever thought about trying to find him?” Rose asked.
Lila shrugged. “Not really.” Aenti Eve had told her the name—Butch Wilson. Zane told her she could look online and see if she could figure out who he was with the information she had. She’d never done it though.
“Jah.” Rose stood. “It’s probably for the best not to try to find him. You have so much going on as it is. And I think it would upset Dat. It would probably upset a lot of people.” She pushed herself out of the recliner. “I’ll go make some tea.” She headed to the kitchen.
Rose was right. It would upset Dat. And most everyone in the district. They’d all see her as ungrateful, as putting her nose in business she had no right to, even though it was her business. Daniel would probably be upset too.
Tears stung Lila’s eyes. She pulled the quilt up to her cheeks and let the soft fabric soak up her tears. She wasn’t sure how to make up for the emptiness that was growing inside of her.
Lila was wide-awake when Rose and Trudy came through the door after school. Trudy crawled up on the bed, but without her pain meds the pressure of having Trudy so close was too much for Lila. “You’ll have to sit in the chair,” she said.
As Trudy told Lila that Beth had asked after her and sent her greetings, Lila shifted in the bed, as much as she could, trying to get comfortable. Then Trudy said that Beth had a visitor at school the day before, an Englisch man wearing a suit.
“Oh?” Lila managed to say.
“They spoke out in the entryway. She didn’t tell us what it was about.”
“It must have been private,” Lila said.
Trudy nodded and prattled on about playing softball at recess. Finally Lila interrupted her little sister and called out to Rose in the kitchen for more ibuprofen, but it did nothing to cut the pain.
“Would you look for the pain meds again?” Lila asked. “They have to be here somewhere.”
Rose said she’d searched all the cupboards and drawers.
Gritting her teeth and wondering how in the old days anyone survived, Lila asked, “Would you look again anyway?” In the old days she wouldn’t have survived the accident, especially not with her spleen ruptured. Of course, an SUV would not have rear-ended her in the old days either.
Rose didn’t answer but retreated to the kitchen. Lila doubted she actually searched again, but a few minutes later she came back in with her hands in the air in a hopeless gesture.
“What time is it?” Lila asked.
“Four fifteen,” Rose answered.
It would still be a while before Shani returned. “Would you read to me?” Lila asked Trudy.
“Jah,” Trudy said, her eyes lighting up. “I’m reading Pippi Longstocking right now. I can start over at the beginning.”
“No,” Lila said. “Just read from wherever you’re at.” She needed something to distract her.
Trudy read for the next hour, not stopping until Shani came through the door. For a moment Lila feared she’d forgotten the pain meds, but as she took off her coat she pulled a small bag from her pocket. “How’s your pain?” she asked.
“Bad,” Lila said.
“So Rose didn’t find the bottle?”
“No,” Lila answered.
As Shani approached the bed, she told Trudy that Adam was raking leaves. “Do you want to help him?” Shani asked.
“Sure.” Trudy put her book on the table and hurried out the door.
Shani opened the bottle, took out a pill, put it in Lila’s hand, and then handed her the water bottle. “I’m going to keep these with me. I don’t want any more to go missing. And I’ll ask everyone who has been in this house if they saw or took the bottle.”
Lila nodded her head and then swallowed the pill. She wondered for a moment if she should tell Shani about Trevor being in the kitchen but decided not to. Maybe the meds were making her paranoid. Chances were the bottle had fallen behind the refrigerator or something.
Trudy returned with Adam, but Lila was too sleepy to speak with them. After a while Shani said she was going to go get Adam started on his homework. Lila nodded and went back to sleep. Rose woke Lila up to tell her that she and Trudy were going to help Dat with the milking, but that she’d be back after supper to spend the night. Lila nodded but didn’t answer.
The next time she woke up the room was dark and cold. Trevor stood at the end of the bed and Zane was at her side.
“Where is everyone?” Zane asked.
Lila shrugged and went back to sleep. When she awoke again the lamp was on and the fire was roaring. Rose was back. Lila could hear her sister talking with Trevor in the kitchen. Lila wondered where Zane was, but then went back to sleep.
When she awoke again, Zane sat at her side, the lamp was dimmed, and she couldn’t hear anyone else.
“Are you hungry?” Zane asked.
Lila shook her head.
“You need to eat,” Zane said. “Rose has potato soup and bread.”
“All right.” Lila raised the backrest some. “I’ll try some.” She hoped Zane had forgotten that he wanted to talk with her. She wasn’t up to it.
As he walked toward the kitchen, Lila heard another voice besides Rose’s. Trevor was still in the house. Zane returned with a tray of food. She raised the backrest to a semi-sitting position, and he swung the table around, careful not to bump the hip fixator.
As she ate, Trevor and Rose put on their coats.
“Where are you going?” Lila asked her sister.
“Over to Shani’s. To get your pain meds.”
As the door closed, Zane said, “I’ve talked with Trevor twice now. He swears he’s not interested in Rose.”
“Well, Rose didn’t go with Reuben to the singing on Sunday. She won’t admit it, but I think she’s smitten with Trevor.”
Zane nodded. “I understand your concern, but I don’t think he’ll encourage her,” Zane said. “He’s just walking with her, so she doesn’t have to go by herself.”
“She doesn’t need an escort. This is Juneberry Lane,” Lila said and then took another bite of soup.
Zane nodded. “I’ll talk with him again, tomorrow, on the way to work.”
“Denki,” Lila said.
Zane smiled a little. “I’ve found a buggy to buy.”
“Oh? How is Billie doing?”
“He seems fine. Your Dat even thinks so. I’ll buy the buggy tomorrow, and then they’ll deliver it. I’ll go up and down the lane with Billie to start with, to see how he’s doing. We’ll take it a step at a time.”
Lila nodded. Zane had an easier time becoming Amish than anyone else she could imagine, but it still wasn’t easy, not even for him.
Lila couldn’t finish all of her soup so Zane gobbled the rest and then took the bowl back to the kitchen. Lila thought Rose and Trevor should have returned by now, but perhaps Shani offered them supper over there.
“I’ve been thinking,” Zane said.
Here came whatever he wanted to talk about—she hoped it wasn’t that he wanted to leave the Amish.
He reached for her hand. “That we should go ahead and get married right away.”
Lila inhaled sharply. That wasn’t what she’d expected.
“That way I could stay here with you at night.” His eyes grew more intense with each word. “I could give you your pain meds instead of relying on oth
er people.”
Lila shook her head. “What good would that do? You’d be too exhausted to work.”
“My mom works after she’s stayed with you.”
He was right, but it was easier for Shani. She was a nurse and a mom. She was used to taking care of people—Zane wasn’t. “I can’t plan a wedding now,” she said.
“It’s all planned,” Zane said.
“But I haven’t been working. My wages were going to help pay for everything.” Of course she still had her savings, but she was counting on that last month of work too.
“We can cut down on the invitation list. In fact, we could just have family attend,” Zane said.
She stared at the ceiling.
“Lila?” He stood.
“I can’t think about getting married right now.” She kept staring upward. “I barely have the energy to concentrate on healing. I can’t imagine sitting through a service.”
“Gideon would keep it short.”
She shook her head. Short was relative. Two hours instead of three, maybe. “Besides,” she said, “we still don’t know what my internal injuries are and what long-term damage there is.” If she couldn’t have children someday, she wanted him to know that before he married her. He might not think it mattered now, but it could someday.
And there was the matter of his frustration of the limits of living Plain. Insurance. Suing. Justice. Talking with lawyers. Perhaps it was all too much for him. If he changed his mind, she’d rather he do it before they married than after. “Did you contact the lawyer your father knows?” she asked.
“I left him a message but haven’t heard back from him yet. Dad says he’s been out of town, working on a case in D.C.”
Lila closed her eyes.
“So is that it?” he asked. “End of the marriage discussion?”
“Jah,” she answered. “It is.” She kept her eyes closed. “Would you go check on Rose? She’s been gone too long.”
Zane didn’t answer. She knew he was frustrated. He headed toward the door.
Rose was the one who needed to be getting married. To Reuben. And the sooner the better.
Zane wasn’t being practical. Not at all.
A few minutes after Zane left, the front door opened again.
“Hallo?” It was Dat’s voice.
Lila opened her eyes and called out, “Come in.”
Dat appeared, his hat in his hand. He smiled and then turned his head. Beth stepped to his side as she closed the door.
Lila pointed to the pegs on the wall. “It’s warm in here. You can hang up your coats.”
“We won’t be long,” Dat said. He cleared his throat, but Beth spoke.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Better,” Lila answered. And she finally was—the medication had dulled her pain. She could concentrate on talking now. And her Dat had finally come to see her.
He pointed to the upraised blanket. “How much longer do you have to have that contraption on?”
“Four more weeks.”
“And then you’ll start physical therapy?”
Lila nodded. “Why are you two out and about? And where’s Trudy?”
Beth glanced at Dat. “She stayed back at the house, doing homework.”
Trudy was gaining independence with Lila not around. She was the age Lila had been when their Mamm died. Three years later, Lila started running the household.
“We wanted to talk with you,” Dat said. “Before we tell anyone else.”
Lila shifted her weight a little, trying to get comfortable. “What’s going on?”
“We’re going to get married,” Dat said.
“What?”
Beth nodded.
“But what about—” Lila paused.
Beth raised her eyebrows. “Mr. Yoder?”
“Jah,” Lila said.
Beth glanced at Dat. “He passed away three days ago.”
“Oh.” Lila wasn’t sure how to respond. Saying she was sorry didn’t make any sense.
“We want to be clear,” Beth said, “that we don’t take joy in his passing in any way, even though it opens the door for us to marry. These are two separate issues.”
Lila nodded. Yet the two issues were very much connected. “When will you marry?”
Again Beth glanced at Dat.
He clung to his hat a little tighter. “As soon as possible. I spoke with Gideon, and he’s speaking with the deacons tonight. We applied for a marriage license today.”
“Really? It seems so soon,” Lila said. “Aren’t you worried about what everyone will say?”
Dat shook his head. “I don’t care about appearances.”
“You don’t?” Lila was dumbfounded. “You used to.” She thought about when they were young, after their Mamm died, and how hard he tried to give the impression that the family was doing well.
Dat shrugged. “I suppose I did. But you kids cured me of that.” He smiled a little, and she guessed he was thinking about Daniel’s Rumschpringe, Simon joining the Army, and her breaking up with Reuben. She didn’t smile back.
“What about you?” she asked Beth. “Are you concerned about what people will say?” Lila knew some gossip had been going around already. It would only get worse.
Beth looked misty-eyed, but then she glanced at Dat and her expression turned to one of resolve. “I don’t want to wait another day.”
Lila tried to shift in the bed a little, partly to get more comfortable, partly to stall. Finally she asked, “Why did you want to tell me first?”
Beth stepped closer to the bed. “Because we should be planning your Hochzeit right now. Not ours.”
Lila’s eyes filled with tears. “Zane wants to go ahead and get married.”
Beth took Lila’s hand. “You could.”
Lila shook her head. “It’s too much right now.” She appreciated Zane’s optimism—but there were times when he was simply unrealistic. “I’m really happy for the two of you though—honestly. And I know everyone else will be too.” Except those intent on gossiping about them, but in time they would come around too.
Dat cleared his throat again. “There’s more I need to say.”
Lila tried to smile, to encourage him.
“I never intended to care for Beth the way I’ve come to. I never guessed I’d care enough about someone to marry again. I loved your Mamm, truly, but I wasn’t the best husband to her.”
Lila shook her head. “You don’t need to say this.”
Dat sighed. “No, it’s true. I didn’t feel I deserved another wife, but then as I spent more time with Beth and got to know her more . . .” He shrugged. “Well, Gideon probably should have stopped us from spending time together, but the truth is, I should have. I knew how I felt. I just couldn’t do it on my own.”
Beth reached for his hand and in a soft—but also teasing—voice said, “Tim, you’re making this sound worse than it was.”
Dat smiled a little. “I don’t mean to.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have let myself have feelings for someone I couldn’t marry.”
Beth didn’t respond.
Lila raised her eyebrows.
“Jah,” Beth said. “Well . . .” She shrugged. “Things have worked out.”
Feeling uncomfortable, Lila scrambled to change the subject. “Did your ex-husband remarry?” she asked Beth. “Did he have any children?”
“He did remarry, but then divorced, again. And no, he didn’t have any children.”
“Oh,” Lila said, feeling a little foolish for having asked. It really didn’t matter.
Beth glanced at Dat. He tugged on his beard and looked around, clearly done with the conversation. “Where’s Rose?”
Lila’s face grew even warmer. “Over at Shani’s. Getting my medicine.”
“All right,” Dat said. “We’ll head that way. We wanted to speak with her too.”
Before Dat and Beth got to the front door, Lila heard voices on the front porch. Then laughter. Rose, her face flu
shed, tumbled through the door, followed by Trevor. Dat cleared his throat.
“Oh, hello,” Rose said, her eyes downcast.
Trevor’s smile faded. He quickly greeted Dat and Beth and then said he needed to get going. “Good-bye,” he said to Rose and then waved toward Lila as he headed out the door.
“We went over to Shani’s,” Rose said. “To get Lila’s medicine.”
“Where’s Zane?” Lila asked.
Rose shrugged. “We didn’t see him.”
“He went over to find you.”
She shrugged again. “He must have gone behind the barn, then.”
Lila was sure her sister was lying.
“You should load up my pillbox and then take the bottle back to Shani.”
“Oh, dear,” Rose said. “Trevor put the bottle in his pocket.” She stepped toward the door. “I’ll catch him before he drives away. Be right back.”
Dat directed his gaze toward Lila and shook his head.
It was Lila’s turn to shrug. “I have no idea what’s going on,” she said. Being injured was hard enough, but keeping track of Rose was impossible.
Beth and Dat said good-bye again and then headed out the door. Jah, Dat had finally come but to share his big news—not to see how Lila was doing. She was happy for him—she really was—but the emptiness inside her expanded a little bit more. Perhaps he was simply doing the best he could. She wished it felt like enough.
13
As Rose reached Shani and Joel’s yard, the taillights of a car disappeared down Juneberry Lane. It had to be Trevor. She couldn’t knock on their door and ask to use their phone and reveal Trevor had the pills in his pocket. Shani had been very direct in telling Rose to take good care of the meds, and she’d even asked Trevor if he knew anything about the missing bottle.
Of course he didn’t, and Rose had been uncomfortable when Shani asked him. Most likely, Shani had misplaced the bottle and it would turn up soon. Then, to make things even worse, Shani had also directly asked Trevor why he was with Rose. Shani put her hand on her hip and shook a finger at him, saying, “Trevor Anderson, you’re staying at Charlie and Eve’s. You shouldn’t be on Juneberry Lane this late in the evening again.” Rose had never seen Shani so cranky.
