by Leslie Gould
Trevor just laughed though and said he’d mind his manners better. “I’m not here to stir up trouble,” he’d said. “I promise.” Rose wasn’t sure if Shani believed him or not, but the annoyed look on her face said she probably didn’t. Surely Trevor wouldn’t take Lila’s pain meds.
Jah, Rose couldn’t knock on the Becks’ door—that was for sure. She had only one choice—run to Dat’s office and call Trevor from there. He’d given her his number when Lila was still in the hospital, and Rose had quickly memorized it. As she turned toward the field, the Becks’ front door swung open. It was Zane, calling out, “Hello! I’m headed back to see Lila.”
That complicated things. She couldn’t have him going back over to the little house with Dat and Beth heading toward the lane. He was sure to bump into them, and then when Zane arrived he’d find Rose wasn’t there. Once he told Lila he’d seen Rose a few minutes earlier, they’d all wonder where she’d gone.
She started to speak before she thought everything through. “Dat’s over with Lila. This is the first time he’s been to see her since she got out of the hospital—I think it would be good for them to have some time. . . .”
“Did Lila send you over to tell me that?”
Rose nodded, trying to ignore the guilt welling up inside of her.
“All right.” Zane seemed resigned to do what he thought Lila wanted. “How long should I wait?”
Rose shrugged. “Thirty minutes, maybe.” She waved and hurried away, dashing in back of the hedge before he could say anything more or before Dat and Beth walked around the barn. Once she reached the field, she stayed close to the poplars.
She’d literally run into Trevor going around the barn on her way over to Shani’s earlier. He’d grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her from falling, and then said he needed to speak with her. At first she was reluctant to follow him into the barn again, feeling the shame of being rejected by him after their kiss.
But then he’d said, “I need to talk with you about what happened.” She couldn’t resist wanting to know what he had to say. What if he didn’t regret kissing her after all? She followed him into the barn.
“You’re courting Reuben, right?” he’d said. “And I have an ex-girlfriend back home, one I’ve had on and off since high school. I broke up with her, but I’m, well, I’m still sad about all of that. So we’re kind of in the same boat, right?”
Rose had nodded, surprised at her relief that he was no longer with his girlfriend.
“So let’s just have some fun,” he’d said. “Talk and things like that.”
Standing in the Becks’ barn, Rose decided she liked that idea. She didn’t tell Trevor that. She’d simply said, “We’ll see.”
But now, as she reached her Dat’s barn, she realized what Trevor was proposing was exactly what she’d hoped for in the first place. A little fun until Reuben got over his taking the high road in deciding not to marry her until Lila and Zane could marry each other.
She opened Dat’s office door and stepped to the phone on the desk, breathing hard as she dialed Trevor’s cell phone. He didn’t answer so she left a message, asking him to return the medication immediately. Then she hurried back to the little house.
She stopped for a moment before she reached the porch, breathing deeply. There would be no point rushing inside, panting. That would only make Lila suspicious.
A moment later, she slowly opened the front door and stepped inside. “Sorry it took so long. Shani ran an errand—I waited, thinking she’d be right back.” Rose couldn’t believe how easy it was to spin one lie after another. “I’ll go back over in a few minutes.”
Lila gave her a puzzled look. Rose hoped she’d fall asleep, and that Trevor would return before Zane arrived.
Lila did fall asleep, which was a blessing. Zane arrived before Trevor and sat by her side, even though he should have been finishing the bathroom. The door still didn’t close properly. He just sat there, staring at Lila.
Finally Rose said, “Aren’t you tired?” She was considering dashing back over to the barn and calling Trevor again.
Zane shook his head but then yawned. He put his hand to his mouth. “Maybe a little.”
“She’s fine,” Rose said.
“It sounds as if she had a rough day,” Zane said.
“It wasn’t too bad.” Rose returned to the kitchen to scrub the sink.
Finally Zane left, and just as Rose swung her cape on to dash back to her Dat’s barn, there was a light tapping on the door. It had to be Trevor. She opened the door a crack. He stood in front of her with an impish grin on his face. Relieved, she put her finger to her mouth.
Trevor motioned for her to step outside, which she did, closing the door behind her. She held out her hand.
“Sorry about that.” He pulled the bottle from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. “I parked by the cedar tree—so the Becks wouldn’t know I’m around. Want to go back to the barn?”
Rose hesitated, squeezing the bottle in her fist, wondering how much longer Lila would sleep. “I’ll go check on her,” she said. “And load her pillbox.” She knew going to the barn wasn’t a good idea. “Then you can walk me back over to Shani’s.”
“Sure.” His voice had a hint of teasing to it.
Rose filled the pillbox and then led the way to Shani’s, telling Trevor to wait when they reached the edge of the lawn. She dashed up the steps and knocked softly on the door. Zane answered. “I’m returning these to your mom,” she said.
He held out his hand.
Rose held onto the bottle. “I told your mom I’d give them to her.”
Zane gave her an odd look, shook his head, and then said, “She’s in the kitchen.”
“Denki.” Rose hurried past him, noticing he had sweats on instead of his Amish pants. Perhaps he was growing lazy living with his parents. The house was warm. The lights were on.
Shani was starting the dishwasher. “Oh, hi,” she said.
Rose handed her the bottle.
“Thanks so much,” she said.
“Lila’s asleep, but I better get back,” Rose said.
“See you in the morning,” Shani answered.
Rose waved at Zane, who sat on the sofa with a book in his hand. At least he didn’t have the TV on. He waved back and said, “I’ll do the milking for you in the morning.”
“Denki,” she answered as she opened the door. “I appreciate that.” She truly did. It was a pain to spend the night with Lila and then trudge across the field before dawn. “Tell your mom she doesn’t need to come over early, then.”
Trevor wasn’t waiting where she’d left him. She heard a horrible imitation of the hoot of an owl coming from the barn, so she started that way and saw a beam of light from the doorway.
“Whew,” she said as she approached Trevor. “I was afraid we were going to get caught.”
“Caught?”
“Shani told me to keep the pills with me—and you took them.” She giggled. “I had to be creative with Dat and Lila—and then Zane too. But it all worked out.”
“Why is Shani so uptight about the pills?” Trevor asked.
“She’s afraid someone took the missing bottle. I don’t think it’s a biggie. . . . It probably just got misplaced.”
Trevor had a sweet smile on his face, as if he’d stopped listening. He nodded toward the bench. “Can you sit, for just a minute?”
She nodded and followed him. As they sat, he reached into his pocket and took out a small metal container and unscrewed the lid. “Want a drink?” he asked.
“What is it?”
He smiled. “Nothing much. Cheap whiskey.”
She shook her head.
“Come on,” he said. “Just taste it.”
Simon and Daniel used to drink, and Simon probably still did. She never had, not even the one time when one of the boys her age passed her a bottle behind a shed after a singing. It wouldn’t hurt to try it—just once.
She reached out her hand. Trevor sm
iled and passed it to her.
She took a taste, swallowing quickly. It burned going down, and she started to cough. She swallowed again.
“Try it again,” Trevor said.
She did. This time she felt the burning deep in her body. She handed the flask back, quickly, a little alarmed by how it made her feel.
Trevor took a drink, left the lid off, and then handed it back to her. She took another drink and then one more. When she returned it, he twisted the lid on and slipped the container back into his pocket. He put his arm around her.
She scooted close. “You didn’t take the pills, right?”
“Of course not.” He didn’t seem offended that she’d asked. “I had to take that stuff for pain, after I got injured. No fun at all. At first it dulls the pain and numbs your mind. It starts as a nice escape, but then I ended up getting anxious when I wasn’t on the meds and had this weird feeling of impending doom, which ended up feeling like a panic attack. So that was no fun. It took me a while to get off the stuff.” He shook his head. “So, yeah, I wouldn’t touch those ever again.”
Rose leaned back a little, alarmed. “Do you think Lila’s going to have a problem?”
Trevor smiled. “Not with Shani controlling the meds.” He laughed.
Rose didn’t think it was funny. She nodded to the flask in his pocket. “Do you drink much?”
“Wow,” he said. “Innocent Rose is asking all sorts of questions tonight.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. It’s fine.” He patted the flask. “No, I don’t drink much. I did. Now I take a few sips in the evening is all. Right? I only took one just now.” He smiled again. “You had four.” He laughed again.
She shot back, “At your urging.”
“I was just teasing you,” he said. “I know you’re not a drinker.”
Rose smiled, just a little. He hadn’t gotten defensive at either of her questions. She believed he was telling the truth. She wouldn’t drink again, and she’d encourage him not to either.
She appreciated his honesty. She’d found Reuben annoying when her family and the Becks were crowded in the little house, when he seemed judgmental but wouldn’t say anything outright. And him not wanting to get married right away felt like a rejection. He’d always been so dependable, but now she wasn’t so sure. Reuben seemed to put others before her, over and over. And he beat around the bush instead of being honest, including the last time he stopped by.
Rose and Trevor sat silently for a while. She assumed he was lost in his thoughts too. Then just as she was about to say she needed to get back to Lila, he tilted his head toward her.
She looked up at him, her eyes searching his. He kissed her, first gently but then passionately, pressing his body against hers. She responded, relieved he was kissing her again. She’d wanted it all along, even though she’d tried to convince herself she hadn’t.
Trevor’s hand fell to the small of her back, pressing her even closer. Maybe he was sad about another girl. Maybe she was courting Reuben. But at that moment she’d didn’t care. All she wanted was to kiss Trevor.
Rose couldn’t sleep. All of her being longed for Trevor. Tonight in the barn, for the second time, he was the one who pulled away, but he’d waited much longer this time.
She shifted on the cot. For a moment she thought of Reuben. She cared for him, but how could she possibly be content with him now? Her certainty about marrying him was still above fifty percent, just barely. If only she’d met Trevor a couple of years ago, before she’d joined the church. Everything was much more complicated now.
She should have been willing to listen to Reuben when he’d stopped by. After he’d talked about behaving in a way that benefited the community, he said he had something serious he needed to discuss. But she’d been too distracted by Zane and then by Lila needing her water bottle filled. If only Reuben had gotten to his point sooner. She flopped over to her side on the narrow cot, her thoughts returning to Trevor as an intense loneliness swept over her.
Finally she slept . . . and then awoke to Lila calling for her. The room was pitch-dark. Rose, thinking she was home in the bedroom she shared with Lila and Trudy, stirred. Lila’s voice was faraway and soft. Was it time to do the milking?
Rose sat up.
“I need my pain medication,” Lila said.
“Oh,” Rose said, as it came back to her. Lila’s injury. The little house.
Trevor.
What would Dat think of her? Worse, what would Reuben think? A month ago, she would have judged any girl who acted the way she had. But a month ago, she didn’t know Trevor.
She wiggled into the sleeves of her robe, tied it, and shuffled over to Lila. She squinted at the clock. Four thirty. Dat would be up, ready to go milk. At least Zane was helping him today.
Rose opened the box and handed the pill to Lila. Her sister swallowed it and then said, “Denki. For everything. I know this is a really big inconvenience.”
“No, it’s fine,” Rose said.
“You sleep on a cot. You don’t have any time with Reuben. You have to give me meds. I wouldn’t say that’s fine.”
Rose shook her head. “You’re my sister. Of course it’s fine.” Rose headed back to her cot. She hoped to get another hour of rest, but she couldn’t fall back to sleep. Her thoughts turned to the night before.
Rose regretted all of her tiny lies. A month ago she never would have guessed she could be so deceitful. Sure, she’d told a white lie now and then growing up, but this was getting out of hand.
She flung her covers off, stoked the fire, and then made coffee. From there she headed into the bathroom and turned on the battery-powered lamp. She looked into the mirror at the dark circles under her eyes. She’d get more sleep tonight, at home.
She pulled her braid over the front of her shoulder, undid the fastener, and loosened it. Her hair fell halfway down her back. She ventured back out to the kitchen, poured herself a cup of coffee, and then returned to the bathroom to fix her bun. All she could think about was Trevor.
At six thirty Zane stopped by straight from milking, bringing in a rush of cold air with him. “How is she?” he asked.
“Sleeping,” Rose answered. Zane stepped to Lila’s side and whispered, “Guder Mariye.”
She opened her eyes and smiled a little but then tilted her face away from Zane.
Rose watched, half hoping Trevor would stop by, regardless of her earlier resolve.
“I need to get going,” Zane said to Lila. Then to Rose he said, “Mom will be over soon.”
“Gut,” Rose answered.
Shani came over a few minutes later and Rose headed home through the field. The sun rose over the poplar trees, revealing a cold, cloudless sky. On the far side of the field, crimson leaves crowned the maple trees. The breeze picked up a little, sending a shower of leaves to the ground.
When she reached the house, Trudy was making coffee.
She immediately hugged Rose around the waist. “We’re going to have Beth as our Mamm after all,” Trudy squealed. “Isn’t it great news?”
“What?” Rose asked, stepping backward. “Remember what I told you? Dat and Beth can’t marry.”
Trudy shook her head, sending her Kapp ties bobbing along her neck. “No, they can. Beth’s husband died.”
Rose’s hand flew to her neck. “Ex-husband. And are you certain?”
This time Trudy nodded vehemently. “Jah, they told me last night. After they got back from telling Lila.” Rose had assumed Dat felt it was about time he made the trip across the field to visit Lila, not to tell her life-changing news. Why hadn’t they told her at the same time? She sighed. Perhaps her giggling on the front porch had made Dat decide to wait. She hugged her little sister back, wishing she could match Trudy’s enthusiasm. Now she and Reuben would have to wait even longer to marry. Her face grew warm at the hypocrisy of kissing Trevor—and then lamenting the delay in marrying Reuben. She was shameless.
A half ho
ur later, Dat whistled as he came in for breakfast.
“I hear congratulations are in order,” Rose said.
“Jah.” He glanced at Trudy. “So you heard the news.”
Rose nodded and Trudy squirmed a little in her chair.
“It’s all right,” Dat said. “I’m happy to have it shared.”
“What does Bishop Byler have to say about all of this?” Rose asked as she dished up the eggs.
“He spoke with the deacons last night and then left a message. None of them have a problem with it.”
“Oh,” Rose said. “What about the rest of the congregation? Didn’t someone talk with Gideon about how much time you and Beth were spending together, before Lila’s accident?”
“Jah,” Dat said. “Someone did. It was me.”
“You?”
He nodded. “A couple of times, in fact. I realized I’d come to care for Beth too much. My feelings concerned me, and I needed someone to hold me accountable. I was honest with Beth that I’d spoken with Gideon, but everyone assumed someone else had brought it up.”
Rose’s face grew warm. “Oh,” she managed to say, surprised Dat had tattled on himself. Here she thought it had been Reuben. Then again, Dat had always been forthright and honest. A wave of conviction swept through her. Maybe she should talk with someone about Trevor.
No. That would be ridiculous. If she did, what she’d done would get back to Reuben in no time. Dat didn’t have anything to lose by asking someone to hold him accountable, but she did.
Dat ate his eggs and ham quickly and then thanked Rose for preparing breakfast. It probably wouldn’t have mattered if she’d served him dry toast, not today. He retrieved his Bible from the side table, read the Scripture for the day out loud, and whistled his way back outside.
Dat was as happy as she’d ever seen him. He was still whistling, this time from the chicken coop, as she hitched the horse to the buggy to take Trudy to school. By the time she returned from school, the day was warming. She started on the laundry and then, while it dried on the line, prepared a dinner of meatloaf and baked potatoes for Dat, along with an apple crisp for dessert. When he came in at noon from harvesting the corn in the far field, he asked when she planned to see Reuben next.
