by Theda Vallee
“Fine. Whatever will make this move along. We’re on a time constraint here,” I said, biting my bottom lip to keep the string of curse words from spilling out.
Reaching into myself, I felt for my magic. Stella sluggishly responded, perking up when she realized we were going to change. With a languid stretch, she began pulling magic into us. As I focused on my intent, I could feel the molecules in my body change. First, it was a slight change, a twinge of otherness pushing through me. Then the full change hit hard as my bones began to snap and shorten, forming hind legs. I wanted to scream, but my vocal cords had already constricted, forcing a strangled mewl out instead. Shifting only took a few moments, but when you could feel every piece of your body disjoint and reform, it seemed like it would never end.
When everything settled, I let myself adjust to my new form for a moment, before slinking out of the pile of clothing that now lay crumpled on top of me. I stretched my cat paws out, trying to loosen my angry muscles. Sitting back on my haunches, I peered up at the eyeball expectantly.
The ground trembled beneath me as small pebbles bounced up and down. A horrific, grunting gurgle echoed from the other side of the gate. I hissed in dismay, darting behind Vee’s legs for protection.
“Can I pet her?” the cyclops asked in between its chortles of glee.
I hissed again, the hair on my back spiking up. My sleek black tail fluffed out in anger. There was no way that big oaf was touching me, cat form or not. That had not been part of the deal.
Vee knelt next to me, her dark-blue eyes sparkling with menace. “Let him pet you. We need to get in the gates. You are being very difficult today.”
Was I difficult? Not wanting a floating eyeball that could cause the ground to tremble with laughter to touch me seemed perfectly reasonable. I snarled at her in reply. For the sake of the queens, I’d let the eyeball pet me, but I wouldn’t be happy about it.
“All right, Julius, that’s enough. You’ve had your fun. Let the ladies in please,” a deep whiskey-coated male voice said from the other side of the gate.
“I wanted to pet the kitty.”
“Perhaps another time, dear friend, these ladies are in a bit of a hurry.”
Vee stood, scooping up my clothing, as the gate swung open. I stayed behind her legs, peering between her calves. The eyeball came into view, but it was attached to a body. It was a cyclops wearing jeans and a white V-neck shirt, towering above us. If I’d been in human form, I might have laughed. He was not what I was expecting.
Aside from being colossal and the one eye thing, he was handsome. His light-chestnut hair was cut short and buzzed on the sides. A well-trimmed beard covered his jaw, giving him a rugged lumberjack vibe. Weren’t cyclops supposed to be grotesque? My sister would probably think this one was totally bangable.
A lanky form stepped in front of the cyclops, his face obscured by the gates. “Well done, little kitten. Your friend said you weren’t an accomplished strega, but you handled that shift with ease. How about you pop back into your human form, so we can hear what you’ve come for?”
My first instinct was to hiss again. How many people would see me naked before I could petition the stupid King? I didn’t know much about the Unseelie fae, but Brady had warned me they were crafty. Was this their way of disarming me? Well, two could play that game. I’d strut through the whole palace naked if that’s what it took.
I pushed magic into my body willing myself to shift again. There was no graceful way to go about it. By the time the last bit of bone snapped into place, I was on my hands and knees pouring sweat. I’d wanted to look fierce and defiant in my birthday suit. Instead, I probably looked like a nineteenth-century plague victim.
“The shift back is always harder. Here, little kitty, let me help you up.” A hand circled my upper arm lifting me effortlessly to my feet.
Pulling the tangle of black curls out of the way, I was mesmerized by the man in front of me. For fuck’s sake. Did I have to be naked and sweating in front of this guy? Didn’t they have some ugly gargoyles or goblins or something that could guard the damn gate?
“Thanks,” I mumbled, staring into eyes the color of quicksilver. The corners crinkled in amusement, softening the sharp edges of his cheekbones. His plump lips, framed by just the right amount of stubble, quirked up into a grin as I stared mutely.
He peered at me with open curiosity. “Cat got your tongue?”
“What? No, I just don’t usually stand around talking to strangers buck naked. I’m usually laying down when I do that,” I said, instantly wanting to slap myself. “I mean, I don’t lie around talking to strangers naked, either. I’m usually laying down when I’m naked. Anyway, can I get dressed? Then we can introduce ourselves like normal, fully clothed people.”
Vee snickered behind me as the man unclasped his hand. Instead of moving it away, he let it trail slowly down my arm. Stepping back, his eyes followed suit, roaming the entire length of my body before settling back on my face.
I flushed at his smoldering look before anger took over. The nerve of this cocky bastard was something else. I turned to Vee, snatching my clothes from her outstretched hands. Keeping my back to him, I shimmied into my clothing as quickly as possible.
“Your Royal Highness, it is an honor to have you greet us at the gates,” Vee said as I worked myself into my jeans.
‘Your Royal Highness?’ That was just my flipping luck. Pulling my shirt down over my head, I turned to face him. “My apologies, I was a little rude while I was naked,” I said, crossing my legs to curtsy. My body tilted sideways as my legs tangled together. I thrust my hands out in front of me, trying to regain my balance. Instead, I threw my center of gravity off further. I tipped, smacking into the dirt path sending a spray of dust up on impact.
“Please, no need to prostrate yourself. I’m only a prince,” the man said, laughing as he reached out to lift me to my feet again.
“Now that you’ve seen me naked and sprawled on the floor, the least you can do is introduce yourself,” I said with more bravado than I felt.
“I’ve forgotten my manners,” he said with a wicked grin. “I’m Kazimir Woflthorne, bastard prince of the Unseelie Court. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Ms. Massoni.”
Taking a calming breath, I inspected myself for dust, acting as nonplussed as possible. “It’s a shame you have to coerce visitors into stripping so you can ogle them. You’d think the bastard prince of the Shadowlands would have an easier time getting a girl naked, but what do I know?”
Vee grabbed my shoulder, pumping a shot of calming juju into me. I held the prince’s gaze, meeting his silver eyes without flinching. I’d let him unnerve me for a minute, but I had a feeling he was testing me. I wasn’t sure why, but standing my ground felt right.
“What she means, Your Royal Highness, is that we are grateful you took the time out of your day to greet us,” Vee said, trying to insert some diplomacy.
“Is that what you mean?” he asked. Our eyes were still locked, neither of us wanting to be the first to look away.
I smiled, hoping I looked like a shark. “No, but perhaps we’re both better off if I let her do the talking.”
“Perhaps,” Kazimir said, finally looking away. “Follow me, ladies. We have much to discuss and a tight timeline from what I understand. Carry on, Julius. I’ve got the ladies from here. Ms. Massoni, try to keep your feet under you, please.”
Oh, I’d keep my feet under me all right. If I didn’t, I’d plant one of them right up his ass. Kazimir turned, nodding for us to follow. We stepped through the gates onto a cobblestone road. Neatly trimmed swaths of the purple grass bordered the road on either side. There were no buildings to be seen. The only thing that was inside the gates was a lone black tree in the distance. It looked the same as the ones in the forest except it was quadruple the size.
I watched Kazimir stride purposefully towards the tree. He moved with the grace of someone who was sure of his place in the world. I couldn’t help but n
otice the lean, sculpted cords of muscle on his body. The tight black pants he wore didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. I wondered if I could ask him to get naked to make things even between us.
Kazimir stopped at the tree, placing his hand on the gnarled bark. A soft, red glow radiated from the tree, outlining a door. With a wave of his hand, the glowing door swung inwards. He stepped inside, leaving us to follow.
Gingerly, I stepped through the opening, eyeing the ground for wayward roots. The darkness gave way to light as we moved inside. I let out a small gasp of delight as my eyes took in my surroundings. This wasn’t just the inside of an old tree; this was a work of art. Cathedral ceilings rose above us, twinkling with thousands of lights that cast a soft moonlight glow over the room. Cool, gray marble spanned out in every direction, with glints of silver veining through it. Thick Persian rugs lay scattered through the room, artfully dampening the coldness the marble might have infused in the place. Rich velvet tapestries hung on the wall in vibrant royal colors of purple, burgundy, and blue. A fireplace took up the entire right wall where cognac-leather armchairs sat clustered next to it. Vases sat throughout the room, brimming with lavender roses, Peruvian lilies, and wild asters.
When Brady said the Unseelie were the ‘ugly’ fae, I’d pictured a world to match. It seemed that they were victims of Seelie propaganda. So far, the men were sexy, and this place was beautiful. I couldn’t help but gape at the lush richness in every direction.
“Is our formal reception area to your liking, Ms. Massoni?” Kazimir asked as he seated himself in one of the plush leather chairs.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it. It’s magnificent,” I said, forcing myself to look at him. I probably looked like some poor peasant overwhelmed by the rich folks’ house.
He gestured to the chair closest to him. “My step-mother will be pleased to hear that. Now, on to business. My father asked me to listen to your request and negotiate with you if it pleased me to do so. Why don’t you tell me what brought you to our doorstep today?”
“I’m here to ask for asylum for my friends. Have you heard of the Ministry of Drag?” He nodded, gesturing for me to continue. “Someone invoked the Tarantella in my city. A lot of humans are dead because of it. The Osservatori is using that as an excuse to get rid of the Ministry. The queens don’t care for the Osservatori’s politics, and they take in the unwanted children when they’re thrown out of their homes. Both are things the Osservatori takes issue with.”
“You believe the Ministry is innocent?”
“Why work so hard to save lives if you’re going to turn around and kill people?”
He pursed his lips, templing his fingers in front of him. His face remained devoid of emotion as he seemed to think about what I’d just said. “You realize even the noblest among us have dark thoughts stirring in our depths. How can you be so certain they’re innocent?”
That was a fair question. How did I know for sure? I had no real evidence telling me they were innocent. I’d just met Maxine and Mothership. For all I knew they could be using me. I was a powerful strega. Some people might do whatever it took to get me on their side. Everything about them had felt real, though. Brady felt it. Vee felt it, and she was a damn lie detector. No. My gut told me they were innocent. I’d been wrong about it in the past, but in my bones, I knew Maxine and her queens were good.
“I don’t have proof. We haven’t caught the real killer yet, but I know it’s not them,” I said, trying to imbue my voice with the confidence I felt.
“If the Osservatori is out for blood, why should I risk my people? What could you offer me in return that would be worth the risk?” he asked, leaning forward in his chair.
“I don’t know what I have to offer. You’ve already seen me naked, so I guess that bargaining chip is off the table.”
“Perhaps I can offer my service by detecting truths for the court?” Vee asked.
“We have our own detectors, but thank you for the offer. Ms. Massoni?” he asked, staring at me intently.
“Etta, you can call me Etta, and I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it since we came here. Nothing I have seems like a fair exchange. I’m asking you to save lives, and I don’t know what I could offer that would equal that.”
“May I make a suggestion since you seem at a loss?”
I nodded, worrying at my lip as I wondered what he could have in mind.
“My sister is to be married in a few months.”
“That’s great, congrats to her. I hope she likes her fiancé, and it’s not one of those arranged marriage things,” I said, unsure what the hell this had to do with anything.
Kazimir laughed, shaking his head. “I believe she is quite enamored with her groom to be. However, I need a date. I’ll grant your request for asylum to any member of the Ministry, if you agree to attend the wedding and ensuing festivities as my date.”
I looked at Vee, wondering if she’d heard what I’d just heard. A date? He was willing to open the doors to his kingdom, for a date. That seemed too easy. There had to be a catch.
“What does that include? I’m going to need some specifics here,” I said. “And are you sure the King wouldn’t like something else? I make great pastries. I could cater the wedding.”
“My father left me to negotiate however I see fit, which means there was nothing he wanted from you. As to the details, you would spend one week here with me in the Shadowlands. You would attend the events leading up to the wedding as my date. You’ll wear the clothing I provide and bring that exquisite charm of yours. Nothing else required.”
“This seems way too easy.” I felt like a parrot. I’d been repeating that phrase since Vee and Brady presented this idea. In fairness, I was expecting ten years of servitude or something.
Vee shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She looked at the prince and said, “I do not wish to question Your Royal Highness, but what could you gain from having Etta as your date? There are many, much more attractive women in your court that would be better suited for such an event.”
I turned to Vee, ready to fight. “Did you just call me ugly? I’m not a supermodel, but I clean up damn good when the occasion calls for it.”
“I do not mean offense. You have not seen the women in the Unseelie court. A witch does not compare, no matter how comely that witch,” Vee said serenely.
“None of them are nearly as entertaining as Etta. These events can be tedious. I think Etta would ensure I enjoyed myself for once.”
I closed my eyes, trying to think of what I was missing. What other motives could he have? Oh, God, what if he wanted sex? “Am I supposed to sleep with you?”
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “That will not be a requirement, unless you’d like it to be.”
“No, I’m good without it,” I said hastily. “Let me make sure I’m not missing something. No sex. I go home after the wedding. If I do something idiotic, I have amnesty. No one can claim I broke some ancient law that everyone knows about except for me, and the penalty is beheading or some stupid shit. No strings attached. No secret back alley shady shit that could turn this into something more. I’m just your date for the prewedding activities and the wedding itself, right?”
“Precisely,” he said grinning broadly.
“I guess it’s a deal.”
Kazimir nodded enthusiastically and stood up. “Shake on it, then?”
He held his hand out to me. I took it, glad to have settled on a price so quickly. Searing pain shot up my arm as our hands connected. I tried to snatch my hand back, but his grip tightened.
“Relax, Etta. It’s just my magic leaving its mark to seal the deal.”
“What? I can’t have a mark on me. My boyfriend will lose his shit if he sees some guy’s mark on me. He can’t know I was here. We’re committing treason,” I said, slamming my head into the back of the chair as the pain escalated. “Is it permanent? Will it go away after the wedding?”
“Don’t worry kitten, it will on
ly show itself if you do not uphold your end of the bargain.”
“I’m not your kitten, and you’d better hope you’re right,” I said, yanking my arm back from him.
“I believe you’re correct, you’re not a kitten at all. You are a hellcat if I’ve ever seen one.”
Chapter Thirteen
The queens would be safe here, or at least I hoped so. I was putting a lot of faith in a complete stranger, which made me nervous. It was hard not to think this could blow up in my face at any moment. I’m sure all double agents felt this way. How could you not? There’d always be the fear of discovery. The more people you had to trust with your secret, the more likely you were to get caught.
As the Prince walked us back to the gates, I wrestled with the dread that was threatening to smother me. Today had been great. We’d pooled our limited resources and did something useful for the world. I deserved to feel good about that for a few minutes, instead I was stressed. How was I supposed to go home and act like nothing had happened? What would I tell Luc when I had to come back for the wedding? Would Brady get all the queens out? Fuck! I wasn’t cut out for this shit. Kazimir stopped in front of the gates, staring at me expectantly. He was pompous and lecherous, but if he hadn’t appeared today, we would’ve been screwed. “Thank you for seeing me today. I appreciate your help.”
“I’d never forgive myself if I had missed such a felicitous occasion,” he said with a bow as he took my hand up and placed a light kiss on top.
“I’d try to curtsy again, but I’d probably end up on my face. So, thanks, and I guess I’ll see you at your sister’s wedding.”
I turned to Vee, more than ready to start the trek home. If we got there before dinner, I might be able to convince Nonna to make homemade pizza. A bottle of wine and some pizza would do wonders to ease my stress levels. “Come on, let’s get home. You can stay for dinner and get drunk with me.”
“Etta, the necklace,” Vee said, pointing to me, her hand shaking.
