by Nancy Hopper
“You know, I think you’ve led me astray, just a bit.” He accused lightly. “You have worked very hard, trying to make me believe that you are a woman of the world. You’re a shy, nervous virgin, aren’t you? Not that I mind, really.” He assured her with a grin.
She blushed and buried her face against his warm, hairy chest. “So, I admit it. I’m not what I pretended to be. I never wanted another man to touch me.” She stiffened when she realized what she'd said.
“Don’t apologize. I’m delighted.” Gary chuckled, oblivious.
“I suppose you are.” She sighed, wishing she could be so comfortable.
“Why don’t you just relax, and let me take care of this?” He suggested. “I’ve waited a long, long time for this moment. I know you’re nervous, but I’m not. I’ll just take my time, and you can let me know when you’re ready for more.”
His fingers on her skin were making her believe that he could make her feel just about anything he wanted to.
“How will I know?” she gasped.
He chuckled, and pulled her closer. “Trust me, you’ll know.” He assured her.
Alaska was cold. Even Juneau was colder than Tasha had anticipated. Still, she was having the time of her life! Gary bought her a divine sealskin parka with a hood that she wore constantly.
The small group that made up Gary’s church was extremely dedicated and enthusiastic. Tasha was made to feel at home immediately.
Marietta was warm, and did her best to befriend Tasha. She called once or twice a week for lunch. It became a pattern both girls looked forward to, very quickly. Sometimes they made a point to go to the lodge to see Joe and Delanie. Delanie managed the kitchen, and the girls could always count on a wonderful lunch there, along with the fellowship.
Tasha was grateful for the outings, because Gary’s hours were long and excruciating. He was working for the state government on a fishery patrol. He came home late every night, exhausted and chilled.
On Wednesday and Saturday nights they held church services in their home, as well as on Sunday morning. Gary had little time to prepare, so there was a freedom and informality in their worship and teaching that was awesome for Tasha. She saw God move in their midst, in a mighty way. It changed her. She began to grow and mature in ways that surprised her.
Gary was very pleased with his wife. She was learning how to be selfless. How to put others and their needs first, always. How to listen, how to befriend. How to open the doors to peoples’ hearts with just an encouraging look. How to steer conversations gently into the paths that allowed her to gain insight and be a counselor and friend. Oh yes; he was very proud.
It was miraculous and wonderful, because the changes were borne of love – not preaching or insistence on his part. Tasha was learning quickly how to love others, and herself. She was quickly blooming into the woman that Gary had known she could be.
Tasha tried to understand, when Gary did shut himself in his study, but it was hard on her. She was so lonesome sometimes. If he wasn’t too beat, he’d stay awake long enough to remind her that she had a husband, but it was a struggle for them that first year.
The church wasn’t blind to it, either. Everyone noticed Gary’s exhaustion, though not much was said. It got to the point that Tasha asked Gary to look for another job. He was usually too tired even to take in a movie with her.
“When would I look, honey?” He asked wearily. “Jobs are hard to come by. Too hard to give this one up, while I look for another. And I’m busy from five in the morning till seven at night with this one. What can I do? It pays very well, and we need a big house for services.”
“I know, Gary. I know. It’s just that I worry so much about you. And it’s hard that we’re apart so much.”
He smiled sadly, and stroked her cheek. “It won’t always be this way, sweetheart. I promise you. Starting a church takes a great deal of sacrifice. Very few realize how much, until they’ve tried it for themselves. And I have to tell you, I wasn’t sure you’d be up to the challenge. But you’re incredible. Hang in there. It will be all right.”
They’d been married four months, when Pastor Brooks came from Los Angeles. Tasha would never forget the way Gary hugged him, the way his face glowed when he saw his friend walk into their service, unannounced. Gary introduced him to the group, and sat down to let him speak.
Pastor Brooks looked around the room, his eyes troubled. “It’s good to be here. I’ve always loved Juneau, as I know Gary has. He was so glad to come back to you, and I know how much it means to you all, to have him with you. It is easy to see how much you all love him.”
He put his hands in his pockets and walked over to the window. “Gary is one of the most dedicated young men I’ve ever met. Unfortunately, he’s also a very stubborn man. He feels that God sent him up here to take care of you all, and he intends to do just that, come Hell or high water.”
He looked at Gary with great consternation. “I’m sure that many of you were with us last Spring, when brother Gary fought his battle with cancer. Like the rest of us, he had hoped that he’d won for good. Unfortunately, it appears that the battle isn’t over, yet.”
Tasha felt a block of ice slowly fill her chest. Freezing fingers of fear began moving out from her heart, threatening to immobilize her whole being. She could no longer move, or think. She felt simply suspended in time, waiting to hear his next words, yet dreading them with every part of her being.
“When did you mean to tell us, Gary?” He asked quietly. “Or, have you told your church that you will be having more surgery?”
Tasha forced her eyes to turn to Gary, aching at the sight of his bent head, his clasped hands. He raised his head slowly to meet his friend’s eyes. Tasha felt a stab of pain, seeing the tears in her husband’s eyes.
“Not until I had to.” He whispered.
There was a hush in the room until Pastor Brooks let out a harsh sigh. “For heaven’s sake, Gary. You need our prayers and support! Why are you denying us the privilege of standing with you in this? I’m sorry to come in here and do this, but there is too much at stake to let you keep this to yourself. You can’t stand alone this time, Gary.”
Gary was silent. He kept his eyes on the floor.
“Well, for everyone’s information, Gary plans to be admitted next Tuesday to have another section of his colon removed. I will be staying in Juneau, to do whatever I can to help; and financial support will be coming from churches around the world to provide financial support.” He sighed again. “I don’t think we need any other message this evening. I’m sure that we all have a burden on our hearts that we want to take before the Lord.”
“Can't we stay and pray together?” Delanie asked in a hushed voice. It crushed Tasha's heart to see the tears in Delanie's eyes.
Gary smiled grimly, and nodded. “Okay.” He conceded.
When at last everyone had prayed, and said everything they could think of to say, they all reluctantly went home.
Turning to Gary, Pastor Brooks said, “Gary, you know our hearts are with you.”
Tasha’s eyes filled with tears as she watched the two men embrace, but she was still numb inside. Somehow, she managed to get through the time that followed. Everyone was extremely upset, and Gary was not ready to talk about it at all, judging by his quiet patience for those who’d approached him.
She closed her eyes in relief as she shut the door behind the last ones to depart. She turned and looked at Gary, but he was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking out the window. She looked at Pastor Brooks, who met her eyes with sadness.
“I’m very sorry, kids. I hope I'm still welcome to stay here tonight".
“Of course you are.” Tasha said immediately. She showed him to their guest room, and said goodnight.
Gary was not in the house when she had settled their guest. She changed into her night clothes and brushed out her hair. She put on her robe, and found her husband on the back porch. He was just staring into the darkness.
�
��Gary? Honey, come to bed.” She urged him gently. It was silent and cold outside. She shivered.
“How could you do it, Tasha?” He snapped coldly. “How dare you go behind my back, and tell them?”
“Gary! I didn’t.”
“Then, who did? No one else could have gotten the information! How long have you known? All three weeks?”
“Three weeks?” Tasha cried. “You’ve known for three weeks and you haven’t said a word?”
“No, I damn well didn’t tell you. I knew you’d tell them!”
“Gary, damn it!” Tasha cried, grabbing his arm as he stormed by her. She thought her arms would be pulled from their sockets as she was jerked by his momentum. She held fast, and somehow managed to get her arm around his neck. “Damn it, Gary! Don’t do this! You’ve got to stop it, and talk to me!”
“Let go, Tasha.” He insisted woodenly.
“I won’t let go until you listen to me! I did not tell anyone, Gary, I didn’t even know! How do you suppose I feel, knowing you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me? And now you call me a liar! Be fair to me, Gary!”
“Be fair? What in life is fair, Tasha? You tell me.” he demanded.
Tasha stared up into his tortured eyes, and smiled sadly. “I don’t know, Gary. I don’t know. Loving you is all that’s ever been right for me. And this nightmare isn’t easy for me, though I can’t imagine what it’s doing to you. I can hardly stand the thought of losing you, Gary. Especially now. But I love you with all my heart, and I won’t let go! Not ever.”
Gary’s eyes misted, and he pulled her against him, groaning miserably. “Honey, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I took it calmly enough, but suddenly I feel so bitter.”
“I know, honey. But there is always hope. We can’t give up. Especially now, I can’t believe God would take you from me, knowing that there’s a child inside me who is going to need you so much.”
Gary’s face hardened. He swung his wife up into his arms, and kicked open their bedroom door. Tasha found herself on the bed with Gary braced above her. His eyes were wide, and wild.
“Are you telling me there’s a baby coming?” He demanded incredulously.
“I am.” She answered hesitantly.
Gary rolled away to sit on the end of the bed. He dropped his head in his hands. “Dear God.” He muttered brokenly. He looked over into Tasha’s eyes, his hopelessness stabbing at her. “It’s much, much worse this time, Tasha. I don’t have much of a chance.”
“Like Hell you don’t!” She lashed. Fear made her heart pound, but she set her jaw insistently. “You’re going to be fine.”
Gary swallowed hard, and pulled Tasha into his lap. “I sincerely hope you’re right.” He said softly. “But Tasha, you have to be realistic. It does not look at all good.”
Tasha searched his eyes worriedly. “Gary, why didn’t you tell me?”
He shook his head. “What good would it have done?” He challenged. “I wanted every last minute we have together to be perfect. You really didn’t need this hanging over your head, honey. It wouldn’t have changed anything. But I am sorry that you didn’t hear it from me. I guess I owed you that much.”
Tasha smiled, and stroked his face. “It’s all right.” She comforted him. It tore at her heart, to see tears well up in his eyes.
“You’re good to me, Tasha.” He said tiredly.
“As you are to me. Let’s go to bed.” She suggested with a smile.
Gary came through the surgery well. Tasha joined him in Recovery, and held his hand until he started coming around. He looked so tired and drawn. She wanted to somehow smooth the cares and pain out of his face. She felt so very helpless.
“Mrs. Taylor?” the surgeon asked from behind her.
“Yes?”
“Gary did very well. He was stable throughout the procedure. We had to take quite a lot more of the intestine.”
“Will it be all right?” she asked fearfully.
“We’ll just have to see. Only time can tell us that, for sure. I gave it my very best.”
“Thank you.” she whispered.
It just seemed so strange, and surreal. How could it be happening? It wasn’t possible that it was Gary lying there, fighting for his life. Tasha kept hoping she'd awaken from a bad dream, but she couldn't get away from reality. Gary was desperately ill, and he might not recover. Those were the facts.
Once he was home from the hospital, it seemed to get easier. Tasha just refused to accept any thought, other than that Gary was recovering and that he’d soon be feeling fine.
Recuperation was very slow, though. It was such a terribly invasive surgery. It hadn’t been so long since the last one; and Gary had been working very hard, putting in such long hours. He’d been exhausted, and it was telling on him now.
He followed the doctor’s diet carefully, and the challenge was to get him to eat enough; he lacked an appetite. Tasha began to know that it would be a long time before Gary was back to work, if he had a job to go back to.
They needed someone on the patrol, and they weren’t sure they could wait for Gary. So, everything was uncertain.
Tasha found a job. It didn’t pay much, but between her wages and the love gifts pouring in constantly, they were making it.
She enjoyed being at the health food store. It wasn’t exciting, but it was educational, and interesting enough. Tasha was grateful it wasn’t physically demanding, for she was in her fifth month and definitely rounding.
Gary was incensed when he found out she was working. “She’s never had to work a day in her life, Marietta. She’s … she doesn’t know how! I’m supposed to take care of her.” He lamented.
Marietta finally helped him see reason. “Gary, she wants to do this. It’s good for her! It lets her feel she’s helping, and you know how helpless she’s felt? She’s a very capable girl. It’ll do her good, to see how the other half lives. It will build her confidence, and help her mature, to work for a living. It won’t be forever, anyway.”
“But she’s pregnant.” He sighed.
Marietta smiled. “Almost every woman lives through it, Pastor.” She teased.
“Just until the baby comes.” he insisted, a steely, determined look burning in his eyes.
Tasha promised, hoping it would be possible. Still, she knew she’d do what she had to, when the time came.
She got home from work every day to find Marietta cooking dinner. As she didn’t have to work, Marietta had decided to take over cooking dinner, and cleaning for them. And Gary still needed occasional help.
He grumbled about Tasha going to work every day, until Marietta had had enough. “Gary, it’s not hurting her. I’m sure it’s even helping her. Come on, now. Let her alone. And besides, it won’t hurt us to have a full time pastor for awhile.”
Gary admitted it grudgingly, and began to accept the change of roles slowly.
Just when Tasha was sure she’d have to quit the store, an amazing thing happened.
She walked in the house after work, greeted by the smell of soup.
“Bless you, Marietta. My, that smells good! Where’s Gary?” she asked wearily.
“In his study.” Marietta answered darkly.
Too tired to notice how subdued Marietta seemed, Tasha waddled upstairs, and tapped on the study door. “Honey? I’m home.”
“Hello, Sweet. How are you tonight?” Gary asked cheerfully.
“Tired, but fine. Gary, I’m going to have to think about quitting. I’ve only got five more weeks and I’m getting pretty tired.” she admitted.
“Tell Mr. Henry tomorrow.” he agreed immediately.
“It’s no emergency, Gary. I’m all right for now.”
“I know you are, but you don’t need to work anymore.” he told her with deep satisfaction. “In fact, we won’t be here when the baby comes. What do you think of that?”
“What?” Tasha gasped, reaching for the telegram he held out.
“Come home, son. Need you to pastor in
Long Beach, California.” it said. It was signed, “Ron.”
“Ron?” Tasha asked.
“Bishop Marshall.” Gary supplied with a grin. “There’s a nice salary attached to it.”
“But, Gary; is this what you want?” she asked uncertainly.
“I think so. And I think it’s a gift from the Lord. The cold and damp is hard on me, Tasha, and I know how you love the sunshine. I’d rather see you lying by a pool getting a tan, than working yourself to death. What do you say?”
“If it’s what you want, Gary.”
“It is.” he confirmed. “But Marietta has barely been civil since the telegram came.”
“Oh,” she groaned.
“She’s all right. She just doesn’t want to lose us.”
“It’s going to be very hard to leave them all, Gary.”
“Yeah. But we'll be back to visit, and I know we'll get visits from folks here, when we're in L.A. I know you won’t regret going. You’ve got an eye-opener waiting for you, doll.” he predicted.
It was very hard to leave all their loved ones when it came down to it, though. They gathered around for a last hug. It changed Tasha, looking into those sorrowful, tearful eyes. Feeling the tug of their hearts, though they were bravely trying to give them a cheerful and supportive goodbye.
Joe and Delanie were struggling the hardest to blink back tears. Marietta and Glen, and Little Dodi were looking stricken. Andrew and Mattie, and Shawn and Dena, Butch and Kim, and their kids Keely and Mica, were all downcast. Joe and Delanie had been set in as the new pastors, but it was obvious that they’d all rather keep the ones that were leaving.
Gary faced them all, after the hugs had been taken care of. “Thank you, all of you. We love you more than we can say. I know we’re going to be gone for a time, but I don’t think it’ll be forever. I think that the warm sunshine and working one job is just what the doctor ordered for me, for now. But each and every one of you are in our hearts for good; and in a way, you’re going with us to California. And perhaps one day, we’ll be able to return to you. You’re tremendously important to us, and to the Kingdom of God. We Love you, so much.”
