by Nancy Hopper
That did it. Everyone was wiping tears away, by the time Gary had finished his speech.
Tasha just smiled on through her tears, and took Gary’s arm as they turned to go. She’d never had a family before, other than her father. And now, she was leaving it. It hurt, unbearably.
Tasha had her eyes opened in California, all right. The church in Long Beach was like nothing she’d ever seen in her life. It was big, and full of people every day and every night. The sanctuary always had people in it, with their hands raised and their mouths open, praising God and praying.
Tasha had to constantly remind herself not to be overwhelmed by it. Gary, however, was totally in his element. Tasha had never seen him so alive and full of fire. She knew she’d never forget their first service in Long Beach. The singing and psalms went on and on for the longest time.
Watching Gary, Tasha knew he was drawing strength from the power of the Holy Spirit that resided in this group. The faith and boldness of the people was bringing it forth in a way Tasha had never dreamed possible.
When Gary finally stood and went to the podium for the first time, the church fell silent. Gary stood and looked at his hands for the longest time. Then he raised his head and looked at the faces of the people he’d come to lead. Tasha was sure he must have looked upon every face in the sanctuary.
He smiled then, bringing a smile and chuckle to the lips of many others. “I have no idea,” he said at last in wonder, “why you people think you need me.”
A roar of laughter arose, followed by applause.
“I don’t know what you think I’m going to do here, today. You stole my message! Everything the Lord gave me to say today, has already been given in the psalms and in prophecy.” he complained with a deep chuckle.
“I can see this is going to be a hard job. Now, I’m going to have to go deeper, so you all had better pray for me. I had so wanted to make a good impression, and now you’ve gone and stolen my thunder!”
Then, all hint of mirth was instantly gone. Tasha saw Gary lifted up into the spirit as the people began to pray. Speak, he did. God clearly led him forward from where the service had taken them, and Tasha was dazed in wonder, at the way it had happened.
The end result was a deep trust and satisfaction on the part of the people for their new pastor. It was clear that he was deeply rooted in the Word and the heart of God. The church was blessed by the wonderful revelation the Lord gave him to share that Sunday morning.
Tasha had to chuckle as she remembered plotting to drag Gary out of the church. She hadn't any idea then, what it was all about. It was so obvious that her efforts would have been futile! How foolish she’d been to ever think it was possible, or that she’d really ever want to! It simply underscored the work the Lord had done in her life; she was truly, a new woman in Christ.
Gary grew into the position he’d been given, with grace and power. It didn’t take long before he was walking in a great deal more authority and clarity of discernment. He was amazing, and no one ever even thought about whether he was getting better, or not. He was strong, and fit; determined, and obviously, very happy.
They made many new friends, quickly. Everyone wanted to get to know them – to entertain the new pastor and his beautiful wife, in their homes. There were myriads of young, married couples in the church, that they got along famously with.
The fire within them was soon burning brighter than ever before, in the midst of so many kindred spirits. There were young singles and teens coming in droves, too. Gary had a strong rapport with the kids. He knew how to reach them; he was a natural.
Their daughter, Naomi was born in August. She was a beautiful, big eyed little doll, with a shock of strawberry blonde hair and petite features. Everyone doted on her. It almost seemed to Tasha that she had to fight for any time to be with her baby, there were so many ready to take care of the child’s every wish.
It was a time of incredible jubilation. They felt that they were reaping a harvest of love and fulfillment beyond their wildest dreams.
Gary was a great father, and quickly became very close to Naomi. Everything was wonderful – Gary’s job was going well, Tasha didn’t have to work, Naomi was beautiful and healthy.
They were renting a beautiful hacienda that overlooked the Pacific. It had a nice pool and hot tub, and even a sauna. It was set up perfectly for entertaining, which was good, as they were constantly doing that. Young ladies in the church were always at hand to clean, cook and help Tasha in every possible way.
Gary traveled some, once they were settled in, but Tasha stayed at home with the baby. He was becoming a popular speaker in churches everywhere; but neither of them enjoyed being apart.
When Naomi had had her first birthday and was walking, Gary dropped a bomb on Tasha.
“How would you feel about going back to Juneau?” he asked over dinner one night.
Tasha looked at him as if she couldn’t have heard him correctly. “Juneau? Alaska?” she echoed in disbelief.
He looked at her pensively. “Yes. Alaska.”
She put her fork down and blinked for a minute or two. Why?” she asked incredulously.
Gary looked very solemn. “I feel it’s what the Lord would have me do.” he answered seriously. “The church here will keep us on salary while we build the church up there. Things are tough up there, they are failing a bit in spirit. The elders and the other pastors want us to do it. Would you be too disappointed?”
Tasha closed her mouth and thought about it. “No, I wouldn’t mind. If it’s what you think is right.”
“It is.” he admitted quietly. “It’s time to take what we’ve received, up to them. And it will be different this time, Tash. No fishery patrol, no health food store. Just ministry.”
She smiled. “Sounds pretty good to me.” she said, feeling slightly bewildered. Still, she was excited at the prospect of seeing their small, tightly-knit Juneau family, again.
“I think we may even be taking some reinforcements with us, from here. To help us build a stronger foundation up there. Prayer warriors, experienced evangelists, and support for the services. It is going to be a really enriching thing, I promise you. For all of us.”
So it was that their son was born in Juneau. He arrived on a January morning, along with a heavy snowfall. Gary had to deliver him, because the roads were covered in six foot drifts of snow. There was no one else around to help; everyone was at home, snowed in.
“Lucas, this was a hell of a trick to play on your old man.” Gary chastised his little son softly, as he wrapped him in a soft, cotton blanket. “Good thing your mama doesn’t know how scared I was.” he confided.
Tasha smiled. Thank God, everything had gone all right.
They were living in a simple but comfortable log cabin that they’d both fallen in love with. It was close to Joe and Delanie’s, and much like it in structure and appeal. It had a small bath, but only two bedrooms, and heat from the fireplace. There was a side kitchen, and so they were really quite comfortable. Joe and Delanie now hosted their meetings at the lodge.
They still did a lot of entertaining in their home, but it was a simpler, cozier style of life. Fewer people at one time, more intimate relationships, and conversations. Life moved at a slower pace, but it was every bit as rich.
Gary had been right. The six couples who had moved to Juneau along with the Taylors, made a drastic difference in the group. There was an intensity and power in their small group services that astonished them. But they loved it, and pressed forward with unwavering dedication.
Tasha was a little slower recovering from Lucas’ birth than she had been from Naomi’s.
“You’re getting older.” Gary warned with a grin.
“So, what are you going to do, trade me in?” she grumbled.
“Naw. Not until you get gray hair, anyway.” he teased.
It was great being with their old friends. After a couple of weeks, it was as if they’d never left. Joe and Delanie took great pains to spoil them
rotten. This couple had grown immensely in their absence, and had been holding services in the banquet room of the lodge, which was working beautifully.
One night as they were sitting alone at home in front of the fire, Gary asked Tasha a very strange question. “Honey, have you ever thought about calling your father?” he asked quietly.
Tasha looked at him as if he’d grown two heads. “Are you serious?” she asked woodenly.
“Yes, I am. Just curious.”
Tasha rolled her eyes. “Why would I want to do that?”
Gary shrugged. “Well, there is the issue of the children. Besides, it’s a wound that I think should be healed someday. If possible.”
“I feel as if you’re going to be a key for your father’s healing, someday. I don’t have all the answers, but I can’t help feeling that it’s not over, yet. I think that you and he will need to reunite and mend fences, eventually. For your sake, yes – but even more, for his.”
Tasha sighed. “I don’t know, Gary. After he broke my nose ... ”
“I know. You’re probably right.” he said, smiling gently. “But when it is time for a new day to dawn, you need to be aware, sweetheart. Don't miss it. Don't judge things by what happened in the past. Just pay attention, and be willing when the right time comes.” he suggested.
Gary came home one day, looking grim. Tasha’s smile faded as she looked up at him. Her welcome died on her lips. Something was very wrong.
She took his arm. “Gary, what is it?”
He sat down, and put a hand on her shoulder. “This time, honey, you’re the first to know.”
A cold knot thumped in her chest heavily, as she waited.
“I’ve been to the doctor, Tash. I haven’t been feeling so good.”
Tasha picked her baby up and held him to her closely, fear coursing through every fiber of her being. It just couldn’t be true; not again! They couldn’t possibly go through another round, and survive. Could they?
Twice, he’d been spared! Twice, they’d gone to Hell and back. It just could not be true! She ran her hands through Lucas’ curly hair, absently.
Gary just looked at her. His even gaze calmed her fears and yet, a ball of dread remained in her gut. “We have to take it one day at a time, Tasha. I’m going to write this book, and I’m hoping that I’ll be given time to finish it. I don’t know. This time, it feels so different. I feel different. Like … like I'll have to go.”
“Don’t say that, Gary! Just don’t say it, don’t believe it. You’ve got to be all right! I mean, how could I go on without you? I can’t raise this baby by myself. I can’t raise Naomi without you, either.”
Gary looked away, a troubled frown on his face. “You need to start facing the fact that you may have to, Tasha. I know you don’t want to. I don’t want it to be that way, either. But you’ve got to be ready for it, if it happens.”
He took her hand. "Honey, you're going to have to learn to trust God, on a whole new level. Be able to stand on your own, and be everything Naomi and Lucas need. No matter what happens to me, God has a plan for your life, and He will take care of you. All you have to do is remember to follow Him, and lean on Him, every minute of every day. He'll bring you through, I promise."
Tasha turned away, biting back a sob. “There’s no way. No way.” she moaned.
Gary’s hand was warm on her shoulder. “Listen to me.” he ordered in a husky voice. “Tasha, you’re going to be fine. Naomi and Lucas are going to be fine. Do you really think God would hang you out to dry? Don’t you know Him any better than that?
"Tasha, we serve such an awesome God. He takes care of His own. Honey, get even closer to Him. Seek Him for what you need, every day. Get into a deeper relationship with Him. Know Him intimately. Know His voice.”
“Make sure you know what He wants for you. Because then, we’ll both be able to rest easy, in His arms. I know He’ll look after you, if you can trust Him and hear Him. For me, if nothing else. Please, Tasha. Let Him carry you through the hard times.”
Tasha’s eyes flashed. “If He loves me so much, how could He take you from me?”
Gary shrugged. “I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I only know I have to go on trusting Him, no matter what it looks like. Perhaps I’ll be healed, and be allowed to stay here. But no matter what happens, I love you, Tasha. And God does, too, Please don’t ever forget that.”
Tears coursed down Tasha’s cheeks into Lucas’s red-gold curls. Gary gathered them both in his arms, and held them tightly. Tasha held onto him as if she could somehow prevent him from leaving her.
“Are you going to have more surgery?” she asked fearfully.
“No. I’ve had too much already.”
“What, then? Chemotherapy?”
“No.” he answered quietly.
She looked at him, alarmed. She was fighting not to be overwhelmed by her fear and horror.
“Honey, I … I’ve tried to think this through, and … there’s nothing I can do, that feels right. I mean, I don’t want to live the life that I’d have to live, to suffer through chemo and all that.”
“It’s in God’s hands now. If He wants to take me home now, then I’m going without a fuss. This thing just keeps coming back. I can’t imagine living my last months with the side effects of chemo. I want to enjoy them with you, not being sick all the time.”
Tasha bowed her head, and nodded to let him know that she accepted his decision. She couldn’t completely agree, but she knew that he had to do what he felt was right. It was, after all his life, and his body. And in her heart, she knew then, that the fight was over.
“But you’re so young. And our life … has barely begun.” She whispered tearfully.
“I know. I know. But Tash, life is a gift; not a right. We never know when it might end. I am at peace. I’m praying that you will learn to be, too. Everything will work out, honey. I promise. No matter what happens, you’ll be taken care of.”
Though people in prayer chains all over the country kept praying, Gary did not improve. Tasha began to know when he was in pain; he was so quiet, and his eyes and mouth looked so grim and drawn. In a month or so, she noticed that he’d lost weight. A good ten pounds. His face began to take on a gray cast, at times. It frightened Tasha half to death.
They made love every night, each of them wondering if it would be the last time he'd have the strength to see it through. He ate less. He did less. He went to bed a lot in the afternoons. But he worked frantically on his book, whenever he was able.
The church people started coming by to see him more often. Joe and Delanie began doing more and more again to keep the church running smoothly.
Then suddenly, he couldn’t handle visits for long periods any more. They just left him too tired. And then, Tasha had to start sleeping in another bed. If she even touched him wrong, it caused him pain. And he was so restless, he was awake on and off, all night long.
The doctor put him on Morphine. He just couldn’t do without it anymore. It seemed so impossible to Tasha — he was simply slipping away from her. And it was happening so fast.
He’d look at her sometimes with a knowing in his eyes, and she’d feel the agony of his tearing away. His eyes were so tender, so soft and clear. He told her all the things in his heart, though it made her cry when he did. He just wanted her to know how much he loved her, how much he loved Naomi and Lucas. He wanted her to understand that no matter what, she was the only woman in his heart, and always would be.
She did. No one could doubt Gary’s sincerity. She let Naomi be with him as much as he could stand it. She also stayed by his side constantly, though he urged her to take breaks. It was harder for him to spend time with Lucas, because he couldn't be still for a second. He was such a busy little boy.
One night as she sat by his bedside, he reached out in the darkness, and took her hand. She had thought him sound asleep, and started at the warm touch of his hand on hers.
“Tasha.” he whispered hoarsely. She touched his hand
tenderly in response. “It won’t be long, now.” he told her breathlessly.
The tears vaulted from her eyes. She was so raw inside. “I know.” she gulped, trembling.
“It’s going to be all right, Baby.” he soothed. “And I’m going to say this to you, though I know you won’t like it. I want you to listen, and remember this, when the time comes. If the right man should come along, and you should happen to fall in love; Tasha, I don't want you to hesitate for a moment on my account. Do you hear me?”
“Gary! Don’t!” she groaned.
“No, I mean it. I know you can’t think of it now, but you must, someday. You’re a young woman. You’re so beautiful. You have many years ahead of you, on this earth. I can’t bear to think of you lonely, trying to live on what we’ve had. It wouldn’t be right for you to try to be happy, living on memories. I just want you to know … it’s all right with me.”
"Just make sure he’s a good man, who knows the Lord and serves Him. Make sure he’s a man who will love you always, and who can love my children. Be careful, Tasha; but don’t ever think you must be true to my memory. That’s foolishness.”
“You’ll always be more than a memory to me, Gary. You're my husband, and you always will be!” she finally managed to answer. She was so overcome with grief at his words, that she could hardly speak.
“I know. And I’ll always love you, Tasha. But you have to know, I’d never expect you to live the rest of your life, alone. You can always be my wife, and honor what we've had together; but when I'm gone, you'll have to live life as it comes. You'll find your way, when the time comes.” he promised.
He squeezed her hand, and slipped back into slumber. Tasha sobbed brokenly. The future seemed so completely overwhelming to her at that moment, that she wished she could just lay down beside him and die with him.
He was losing more weight, daily. He was eating much less. He looked so pale and weak that it tore at Tasha’s heart. She had to ask visitors not to come very often. He could only manage ten minutes or so, and then he’d be worn out. He stopped getting out of bed altogether.
