Present Perfect

by Alison Bailey

  Reason two: Even though your daddy has taken a ton of video of me for you to watch, I wrote notes because I wanted you to be able to take them with you wherever you went, so you can pull them out to read when you need me. My words will always be with you.

  You have no idea how happy I was when I found out you were coming. I loved you from that second on. You were perfect because you were mine and your daddy’s. I love him very much, Halle. I was blessed to have him in my life. When the doctor told me, I was sick again my first and only thought was to protect you. There was no way I would do anything to hurt you and keep you from meeting your daddy. I hope someday you understand my choice. I love you with my heart & soul.

  Mommy

  Halle,

  Don’t grow up too fast. Enjoy being a kid. There will be a lot of influences, like peer pressure and things you see on TV and in movies, pushing you to grow up. Don’t feel pressured to do what they say. Have fun, laugh, make friends, and play, All the grownup stuff will still be there when you arrive. I love you.

  Mommy

  Halle,

  I had my mother, your grandmother, sign a paper stating that she will in no way force you to wear a Halloween costume that is not of your choosing. Just to be on the safe side, your aunt Emily notarized it. When you’re old enough, you will be able to go up to the doors, knock, and say trick or treat by yourself. There’s no reason to be scared. There are no monsters behind any of those doors. I promise. I love you.

  Mommy

  Halle,

  Chocolate cake makes a lot of things in life better. Just don’t eat too much. I love you.

  Mommy

  Halle,

  Smart is cool and will never go out of style. Don’t ever dumb yourself down for anyone. I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  Friends: It’s not the quantity, but the quality that matters. You will meet a lot of people throughout your life, not everyone will be your friend. That’s ok. You’ll know when you meet a true friend. True friends are trusting and loyal. They are there for you during good and bad times. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It doesn’t matter what they look like on the outside. The inside is where you find their quality. I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  Your daddy is a wonderful man. There’s never been a time in my life that I didn’t love him. We were pretty young when you arrived. What I’m trying to say is that one day, your daddy will probably find someone who makes him happy. He may even want to marry her. He deserves to be happy and in love. I want you to be happy for him. Don’t be jealous. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less. It just means his heart has healed. I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  Don’t let society’s labels hold you back. If you have a true passion for something whether its sports, art, science, etc…don’t believe anyone who says you can’t do it because you’re a girl. If you want to play baseball, hockey, or football, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. If you want to play with Hot Wheel cars and Legos, then do it. Only you are the boss of you. (Technically, your daddy is the boss of you until you’re 18, but you get my drift.) I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  On the subject of fashion/makeup: With makeup, less is more is the general rule.

  Fashion: Fewer, micro-mini, tight, lower are all words to avoid when looking for clothes.

  Underwear is to be worn under your clothes. That’s why it’s called underwear and not outerwear.

  Respect yourself and your body. Half shirts and short shorts are okay at the beach that is if your daddy lets you out of the house dressed in them. I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  Travel to other towns, states, and countries. Realize that your way is not the only way. Different doesn’t equal bad or wrong. Be open minded and informed before making a decision. I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  Expand your mind. Read something every day whether it’s a book or an article. I love you.

  Momma

  Halle,

  Go against the grain and be confident. You don’t need to be a size 2, with blonde highlights, and big boobs. Being different and unique has gotten a bad rap. Different and unique equals original and rare. There is not another Halle Marie Stewart in the world like you. No one else will see the world like you do. Nurture your originality, don’t ever bury it away. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t let others compare you. Believe in your abilities. Set your goals and work hard toward them. You won’t always reach them and that’s okay. If you did your best then you should be proud of that. You may not get the trophy, but the ribbon for participation is pretty cool. It shows you were in there trying and as long as you try you’ll be a winner. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  You may hear, on occasion, your daddy use a term that involves the word “Smurf”. Don’t repeat that word…especially to your grandmothers…or grandfather…or…just don’t repeat it. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  Don’t be afraid to love with all your heart. You risk getting hurt, but the benefits are worth the risks. Your daddy and granddaddy were the finest men I ever knew. Find a boy who you can say that about. When you find him, let him love you. We all have faults, parts of ourselves we don’t like, True love sees past all that and focuses on your heart. If you love someone, tell them. It doesn’t matter if they say it back to you. Whoever makes you feel that deeply and that intensely, deserves to know how they’ve impacted you. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  You will have difficult times in your life, everyone does. I hope you have very few. Have a sense of humor. It will get you through those times. Don’t run from difficulties. Getting through them builds strength and character. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  I’m proud of you. Whether you’ve decided to be a wife, mother, career woman or all three, (You most definitely can be all three.) I’m proud of the woman you’ve become. You’re probably wondering how I could be proud of you when I’m not there to see how you turned out. I know you grew into a wonderful woman because I know the wonderful man who raised you. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  Find something/someone that you’ll miss. Because if you miss them that means your life was enhanced and you cared. I miss you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  People will tell you that there is one soul mate out in the world for every person and when you find them, you’ll know and fall in romantic love with them. That’s a load of crap. It’s extremely rare to have more than one soul mate in your lifetime, but it’s possible. And the soul mate doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship. Sometimes in life, you meet people when you need them, and there is an immediate connection. I was one of the lucky ones.

  I had two soul mates in my life. Your daddy was the first, the love of my life. When I was 19, I met my second soul mate, a boy named Dalton. I never stopped loving your daddy. Dalton came into my life exactly when he was supposed to. He was only in my life for a short time, but boy did he use it to make an indelible impression. So, sometimes your soul mate is in your life for a short period of time, but you will always carry them in your heart and soul. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  Everyone deserves a thank you and goodbye. I love you.

  Mom

  Halle,

  I wish I could have been there to wrap my arms around you when you were hurt and when you were happy. I wish I could have been there to wipe your tears away and to let you know things would get better while we ate a piece of chocolate cake. I wish I could have been there to share all your firsts with you. But where ever you go in life, I’ll be with you through my words and in your heart and soul. You don’t need to be perfect in your life, but alwa
ys be present in it. The present is the most perfect gift you can have. I love you.

  Mom

  I knew the exact day and time when I fell in love with her, March 23, 1990 at 10:59 pm. I have always loved her. As a kid, I didn’t know what it was, I just knew I got excited when I saw her and I wanted to see her all the time.

  I also knew the exact date and time when I realized Tweet had turned into a girl and I turned into a horny bastard. May 27, 2004 at 7:03 pm.

  Tweet and I were walking to our spot. She stopped suddenly. “See a penny, pick it up. All day long you’ll have good luck,” she said in a sing song voice.

  I chuckled as she bent down to pick up the penny. When I looked down, I couldn’t believe what I saw. The cutest, roundest, most beautiful ass in the world, that would fit perfectly in my hands.

  She stood holding the penny up proudly like it was worth a million dollars. I couldn’t help but stare at her smiling lips. Her pale pink, heart shaped lips that I really wanted to kiss. I stood there hypnotized by them as I thought of other parts of her I wanted to kiss. Tweet was hot!

  She wasn’t skinny like a lot of girls at school. She had just the right amount of curves in just the right places. Her legs were great, but the best part of them was that they led to that beautiful ass. Her chocolate brown hair hit just below her creamy shoulders and was always so shiny. Her eyes were incredible. They were teal color. I’d never seen anyone with eyes that color. When they looked at me, I swear they could see all the way into my soul. What the hell is wrong with me? I sound like a girl. Then I felt a twitching in my cargo shorts. Nope, I was definitely a red blooded, all American horny bastard.

  I jolted from my fantasy when I heard her yell, “NOAH! ARE YOU COMING?”

  I thought if I don’t stop thinking about your perfect ass and awesome rack I will. “Yeah, I’m coming!” I walked several steps behind her. There was a lot more twitching going on in my shorts that she didn’t need to see.

  That entire summer I spent my time thinking about touching her, figuring out subtle ways to touch her, and touching her as much as possible.

  Dear Noah,

  I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to start this letter. I always hated that part of writing. The blank page is an ugly thing to stare at.

  I was never sure about a lot of things in life except that I have always loved you. Every single minute of every single day that I have been on earth, my heart has belonged to you. It was never a question. Never a doubt. The love took on many different forms over the years, but it was always a constant. A gazillion books, articles, and poems have been written about it. We’re led to believe love is complicated. It’s not the love that’s complicated. It’s all the crap we attach to it and put in front of it, that makes it complicated. I’m sorry it took me so long to get uncomplicated.

  Thank you for loving me. You’ve given me 1000 lifetimes of happiness. You showed me what it was like to be loved and to love. You are my strength, my hope, my peace, and my light. You are my everything.

  Thank you for being my soul mate, the love of my life, and my friend.

  Thank you for all the talks, the laughter, the music, and the quiet times at our spot.

  Thank you for sharing your firsts with me.

  Thank you for all the chocolate cake.

  Thank you for all the tingles, vibrations, chills, shivers, and shudders you sent through me.

  Thank you for holding my hand and for all the hugs. Thank you for my first kiss and thank you for my last kiss.

  Thank you for being in my life. I’m sorry I had to say goodbye to you so soon. But you have Halle. She will give you strength and hope. You’re going to be the best father.

  Thank you for giving me something to miss.

  I love you deeply and completely. Me not being there won’t ever change that.

  Goodbye, Noah.

  I’ll love you forever, Tweet

  I was folding up the letter when Emily walked in the house. “Hey, Noah.”

  “Hey.”

  “What are you up to?”

  “I was just reading this letter, your sister wrote me.”

  Emily looked at me with sadness in her eyes. She had been incredible during Tweet’s illness.

  “So where’s my sweet Halle?”

  “She’s in her room making sure she has just the right dolls for your girl’s night.”

  “Well, that’s very important.” She paused looking at me for a moment. “Hey, you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just nervous for some reason,” I said, chuckling slightly.

  “It’s going to be okay, you know. Why don’t you let me keep Halle overnight. That way you can stay out as late as you want. It’s been rough, Noah. You deserve a night not having to be somewhere at a certain time. Go and have fun.”

  “That’d be great, Emily. Thanks. I’ll go pack a bag for Halle.”

  “I’ll go do it.”

  Just then we heard small shoes pouncing down the hall. I loved to watch Halle do anything, but especially run. She did it with such purpose and determination.

  “Emmie! Emmie! Emmie!” Halle yelled.

  Halle was so excited to see her aunt. She loved spending time with Emily, doing girly things. She ran across the room crashing into Emily’s open arms, which were waiting for a hug.

  “Hey, chickadee. How would you like to spend the night at my place?”

  “I would love it, but I have to pack more dolls.”

  “Of course, that goes without saying.”

  Halle turned her sweet little round face up to me. Concern etched all over it when she asked, “Daddy, what you doing tonight?”

  “I have plans tonight. I’m going to meet a friend.” Emily and I exchanged a knowing glance.

  “I miss mommy.”

  “I know, little bird. So do I. Listen, I need to get going. I’m meeting my friend and I want to get there a little early.”

  “Halle, let’s go pack up more dolls and maybe even some pj’s and a toothbrush,” Emily said.

  Halle put her small hand into Emily’s and they started down the hallway to her room. I few seconds later Halle came barreling towards me. I picked her up and we wrapped are arms around one another. I squeezed her slightly and whispered into her hair, “I love you to pieces, little bird.”

  The most beautiful light blue eyes looked back at me. The corners of her tiny mouth curled into a bright smile and she said, “I love you to pieces too, Daddy.”

  I was so nervous on the ride over here that I had to wipe my palms on my pants a couple of times, they were sweating so much. I got out of the car and walked over to where we were meeting. I stood there trying to calm myself down. I stretched my neck from side to side, rolled my shoulders back and forth a few times, and took a few deep breaths. None of that really helped. Then I heard my name being said from behind me.

  “Noah?”

  I turned and stared at her. I swallowed the basketball size lump in my throat. My god, she was beautiful. “Hey,” I said, smiling at her.

  “Sorry I’m late. The traffic from the airport was pretty heavy.” Standing there, she kept her smile aimed at me, but her eyes were taking in the surroundings. “Um…what is all this?”

  Keeping eye contact, I got to her in three quick strides, landing right in front of her. “Can’t a guy do something special for his number one girl?”

  Narrowing those incredible teal colored eyes at me, she said, “Yes, I believe he can.”

  “Welcome home, Tweet.”

  I placed one hand behind her neck while snaking my other arm around her waist, and pulled her against me as our lips crashed into each other’s, our tongues making contact, immediately. I loved kissing her. She was still my favorite taste in the world.

  I pulled my tongue out of her mouth. We were both out of breath. I smiled when I heard a slight groan come from her. Our lips were still touching when I said, “Did I ever tell you how much I hate it when you go out of town to work on an article?”

&n
bsp; “Yeah, but the homecoming sex is pretty awesome.” She winked at me.

  I shook my head trying to clear the thought of her naked and lying underneath me. I had to get my head in the game. We were at our spot, so the nakedness would have to wait.

  I had come out here earlier to set things up. I had yellow rose petals scattered on the ground around our table. I was able to tap into the electricity wired over at the grill area and hung a few strands of small pale yellow lights in the trees that flanked our table. The sun was beginning to set, so they were just now becoming visible. The table was set for two with white plates, silverware, a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a piece of chocolate frosted cake.

  I grabbed her hand, turned, and pulled her behind me over to the table.

  “Where’s Halle?” She asked.

  “Emily’s”

  I stopped in front of the table and reached over, turning the music on my iPhone on. I still had the same little speakers I used when we had our first date. I knew I’d use them again someday. I turned and pulled her into my chest as “Everything” began to play.

  “She didn’t want to come see me?”

  “You know if I told her you were coming home today, she would have wanted to come with me and I wanted you all to myself for a while.” She looked up at me and smiled, not saying a word. I placed a light kiss on her lips and whispered, “I’ve missed your lips.”

  “They’ve missed you too. All of you.” She gave me a sexy grin while waggling her eyebrows.

  We stayed that way for several minutes, barely swaying back and forth. I couldn’t believe what I was getting ready to do, but it was time.