by Alice Ward
When the shadow finally passed over Tara’s face, I got a sudden inspiration. A smile spread across my face. Tara frowned at the sight.
“What are you smiling about?” she asked nervously.
“I have an idea,” I said.
“What’s that?” Tara asked.
“Well, you said you haven’t been on a bike in ages, right?”
“Right.”
“Do you miss it?” I asked eagerly.
Tara blinked at me. She frowned deeply and looked away. I could tell she was thinking about something deeply personal, probably the last time she rode. I knew it had been with her father and that the memory was a painful one, but I wanted to make her feel better. If getting her back on a bike would help, then I wanted to do it.
“Of course,” Tara finally said. “I don’t let myself think about it much, but I do. I really miss it.”
“Come on,” I said. I jumped out of bed and held my hand out for Tara to take. She laughed lightly and shook her head.
“You’re kidding,” she said.
“I’m not,” I promised. “My bike is right outside. It’s gassed up and ready to go.”
“We can’t just leave,” Tara argued. “What if Paisley wakes up?”
“It’s still early,” I pointed out. “We’ll be back before she gets out of bed.”
“But,” Tara began, but I shook my head firmly.
This was something she needed to do and I wasn’t going to let her out of it. “Come on,” I said again. “It’ll be fun.”
Tara looked at me for a few seconds before she smiled and let me pull her out of bed. She climbed to her feet and followed me into the living room. We put on our shoes quickly and hurried out to the driveway. As I stepped up to my motorcycle, I noticed Tara slow down. She was a few feet away from me when I finally turned around to face her.
Her eyes glistened with tears as she stared at the bike in front of her. She’d been around bikes every day of her life, but I could tell her emotions were running wild in that moment. Memories of her father were traced across her face. I moved to stand beside her and took her hand in mine.
“It’s okay,” I said gently. “If you’re not ready, we don’t have to.”
“No,” Tara said. She shook her head and sniffed. “No, I want to. I’m ready.”
I nodded and climbed on the motorcycle. I fired it up and turned to help Tara climb on behind me. She didn’t need my help. She put both her hands on my shoulders and threw her leg over the bike like a pro. I grinned to myself as I kicked the bike into gear. Then I pulled out of the driveway.
At first, Tara held onto me tightly. Her grip was strong as we turned the first few corners, but the longer we drove, the more she relaxed. She slipped into a comfortable rhythm. When I leaned, she leaned. It was clear that this wasn’t her first time on a bike, but I knew she was nervous after being away from it for so long.
After a few minutes of driving aimlessly, I pulled over to the side of the road and stepped off the bike.
“What are you doing?” Tara asked.
“Letting you drive,” I explained. “If you want to.”
Tara grinned and slid up on the seat. She gripped the handlebars and flexed her fingers against them. I climbed on the seat behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She kicked the bike into gear and revved the engine.
“Hold on tight,” she teased before she tore back onto the road.
Tara drove less carefully than I had. She turned sharply and leaned into each turn. I could hear her laughing against the wind and the sound warmed my soul. I was still unsure of our relationship. I was terrified of getting hurt, but in that moment, I didn’t care. If I could help Tara feel less pain, then I would. Just like Paisley, she’d been through so much and all I wanted to do was take her pain away. Tara meant the world to me. If I got hurt, I knew it would be worth it.
We pulled back into the driveway twenty minutes later. When I stepped off the bike, I was grinning like a mad man. Tara turned to me and laughed loudly. She threw her head back and stared up at the sky for a few seconds. I’d never seen her look so peaceful.
“Thank you,” she said as she turned back to me.
“Anytime,” I told her.
She stepped off the bike and kissed me softly. As we walked back up to the house, she laced her fingers with mine and squeezed gently. We stepped through the front door just as Paisley was walking into the living room.
“Good morning,” I called. Paisley smiled when she saw Tara.
“Tara!” she said.
“Good morning, Paisley,” Tara said with a laugh. “How’d you sleep?”
“Great!” Paisley said. “But I’m hungry.”
“Come on,” I laughed. “I’ll get you some breakfast.”
I turned toward the kitchen, but I soon noticed that Tara wasn’t following. I frowned and walked back over to her.
“You okay?” I asked. “I know that was emotional for you, so if you need to be alone, I get it.”
“No,” Tara said. She shook her head. “I just think I should go. You and Paisley need time together. I shouldn’t intrude any more than I already have.”
“You’re never intruding,” I said, smiling. “Paisley loves having you here.”
“I know,” Tara said. “But still. If you want some alone time with her, I can go.”
“No,” I said firmly. “I want you to stay.”
“Are you sure?” Tara asked.
“Yes,” I promised. “Now come on. Have breakfast with us.”
Tara smiled and let me lead her into the kitchen. We sat down at the table with Paisley and each ate a bowl of cereal while Paisley told us all about her dreams from the night before.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Tara
After spending most of Saturday with Sean and Paisley, I knew I needed to go home. I’d occupied their time for half the weekend already, and they needed father/daughter time. Plus, I was still wearing my clothes from Friday night, and I was desperate to take a shower. I said goodbye and hurried home where I spent Saturday night in my pajamas, lounging around and reading a book.
It was relaxing, but I found myself thinking about Sean on and off all night. I thought about calling him, but I didn’t want to be “that girl,” who couldn’t even go a few hours without hearing his voice. I went to bed early, making a vow to myself that I wouldn’t try to call him for the rest of the weekend. I would see him at work the following week. It wasn’t far off, but it felt like an eternity when I woke up on Sunday morning. I knew I needed to distract myself so I went over to Niki’s for a surprise visit.
It was early when I knocked on her door, but she was already up. Surprised, I walked inside as she held the door open for me.
“What are you doing up so early?” I asked.
“What are you doing here so early?” she fired back. I smiled and cocked my head to the side as if to say “touché.”
“I missed you,” I answered honestly. “It’s been a couple weeks since we saw each other last.”
“True that.” Niki nodded. “Well, come on. I just made coffee.”
I followed Niki into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Niki’s apartment was small. It wasn’t quite a studio, but the square footage was the same. Her miniscule bedroom was hidden behind the only door in the place, with the bathroom tucked away inside. I joked that every time I peed there, I had to become a contortionist because the toilet was so close to the wall. Niki always accepted my jibes with good humor. She loved her apartment and would hear nothing negative about it. It was the perfect place for her: small, cheap, and trendy.
Niki handed me a purple coffee mug with a painted daisy on it. I smiled gratefully and took a long gulp. I didn’t sleep well the night before. With thoughts of Sean occupying my brain, it took me far too long to even close my eyes. The coffee slid down my throat with a welcome warmth. I sighed and closed my eyes.
“Tired?” Niki asked with raised eyebrows. She sat across from me
and drank from her own mug.
“Didn’t sleep well last night,” I said evasively. I knew our conversation would eventually come around to Sean, but I wasn’t ready to discuss it quite yet.
“How’s work?” Niki asked. She pretended like it was an off-handed question, but I could tell she was interested. Her eyes locked on mine over her coffee mug while she waited for my answer.
“Really good,” I said. “You’d be surprised. The numbers are actually going up.”
“They are?” Niki asked. “Well, I am surprised. I thought the company would tank within the month.”
I laughed. “You have so much faith in me.”
“In you, yes,” Niki said firmly. “In that company? Absolutely not.”
“Well, either way, we’re doing well,” I said with a wave of my hand. “Sean really came through for us. He’s been a godsend.”
“So, he’s working out?” Niki asked.
“Perfectly,” I answered. “He was exactly what the company needed. The more we get him out in front of the press, the better the numbers will be. I’m sure of it.”
“I’m happy for you,” Niki said. “I mean, I don’t agree with the corporate scheme and all that bullshit, but if you’re happy, then I’m happy.”
“Thanks,” I said, grinning. “I guess that’s the best I can hope for you from you, huh?”
“Yup,” Niki said. “You hungry?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
Niki went to the pantry and grabbed a bag of mini donuts. I smiled at her choice of breakfast foods but kept my mouth shut. While I tried to become a full-fledged adult, Niki resisted growing up like it was the plague. She still worked minimum wage, part-time jobs in an effort to maintain her independence, and she outright refused to eat anything healthier than an apple.
We sat at the table and gorged on mini donuts through most of the morning. Niki filled me in on her life, and I told her more about work. The conversation circled dangerously close to Sean, and I knew I had to tell her what was going on soon. If she hadn’t already guessed I was hiding something, she would eventually.
“Yeah,” I said after we finished yet another discussion about Sean’s ad campaigns. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with him.”
I tried to keep my voice casual, but just as I suspected, Niki’s eyes widened with interest. She looked at me closely, examining my face.
“What do you mean?” she asked carefully. “You mean, at work?”
“That.” I nodded. “And outside of work.”
“So, you’re dating him?” Niki asked.
Niki’s eyes widened even more. She whistled softly and looked around the room. I knew she was surprised, but I didn’t expect her to act that surprised.
“What?” I asked defensively.
“Nothing,” Niki said. “It’s just… Didn’t you swear off guys after your last breakup? I thought it would take a little longer for you to get back on the horse.”
“I’m not on any horse,” I assured her. “We’ve just been hanging out.”
“Hanging out?” Niki repeated. “So, you’re sleeping with him.”
I choked on my coffee and sputtered. As I wiped my mouth, Niki laughed and handed me a napkin. She shook her head side to side and watched me with an accusation in her eyes.
“You are, aren’t you?” she asked, once I’d stopped coughing. “You’re totally sleeping with him.”
“A couple times,” I said with a shrug. “It’s nothing.”
“Nothing?” She clearly did not believe me. “If it’s nothing, then why haven’t you told me until now?”
“Because I haven’t seen you,” I reminded her. “Remember, this is our time to catch up. I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”
“Uh huh,” she nodded. “And you didn’t think sex with a coworker warranted a phone call?”
“No,” I said. “And he’s not a coworker. Not really. He’s more of a…”
I paused, trying to find the right word. The truth was, Sean was my subordinate. I was his boss. He answered to me, but I didn’t want to point that out to Niki and give her even more ammunition to use against me. Instead, I let the end of my sentence hang in the air ambiguously.
“Right.” Niki laughed. “Well, when you figure it out, let me know.”
“It’s really not a big deal,” I said again. “He has a daughter, and I’ve been helping him out sometimes.”
“A daughter?” Niki’s face lost its amused expression. She shook her head, her eyes full of serious concern.
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t know why Niki was acting like it was the end of the world. “She’s eight. Her name is Paisley. She’s really cute.”
“You have to get out of that,” Niki said firmly. “Now.”
“Get out of what?” I asked. “I already told you, I don’t know if there’s even anything to get out of at this point.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Niki said. “Tara, this is bad.”
“What’s bad?” I asked. Niki’s doom and gloom attitude was beginning to get on my nerves.
“It’s bad enough that you’re sleeping with a man who works for you,” Niki said slowly. “But you’re also hanging out with his kid?”
“She comes to the office sometimes.” I shrugged. “She seems to like me. That’s all.”
“And you’re sleeping with her dad,” Niki said.
“Yes, but—” I began, but Niki was already shaking her head. I’d never seen her look so serious.
“Tara,” she said. “This could end so badly and not just for the company. If that was all that was at stake, you know I wouldn’t care, but what about this little girl? What if she gets attached to you and then things don’t work out? You won’t just be leaving Sean, you’ll be leaving his daughter. Are you going to be able to live with that? Is she?”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” I said honestly. “This thing between Sean and I just started. It’s still new. I don’t even know what it is yet.”
“Good,” Niki said. “Then, that means there’s plenty of time to end it before it goes any further.”
“I don’t want to,” I argued. “I like Sean, and I like Paisley. I enjoy spending time with them. Why should I have to stop?”
“Okay,” Niki said. “Fine. What about her mom? Is she in the picture?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but I immediately hesitated. I knew where Niki was going with her line of questioning, and I didn’t want to help her get there.
“Well?” Niki pressed.
“She died,” I said softly. “Not long ago. That’s why she came to live with Sean and that’s why he’s needed my help from time to time.”
“Oh my god,” Niki shook her head. “Tara, what the hell are you thinking?”
“What?” I demanded. I was feeling more defensive by the second.
“You’ve lost your mind,” Niki accused. “This little girl is going to fall for you and then what? God, Tara you have to get out of this before you really hurt her.”
I fell silent and listened to Niki’s warnings. Part of me wanted to yell at her for ruining this for me. I really liked Sean. Why couldn’t that be good enough for my best friend? Instead, I stayed quiet because I knew she wasn’t entirely wrong.
“I don’t intend to leave,” I said softly. “I have no plans of walking away from either of them.”
“People never do,” Niki said. “But life happens.”
Again, she wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want to admit that. The conversation changed topics, and we spent the rest of the afternoon snacking and talking. My mind was elsewhere though. From the time Niki brought up the repercussions of my actions, I hadn’t been able to think of anything other than Paisley.
I sat at home that night, replaying my conversation with Niki in my head. My phone rang.
“Hello?” I said without checking the caller id.
“Hey!” It was Sean. My heart skipped a beat.
“Hey,” I said slowly. “What’s up?”
“Not much,” he said. “I was just calling to see if you wanted to get dinner tonight. What do you think? You free?”
“Actually,” I said, looking around my empty apartment. I wanted to see Sean, but after everything Niki said, I knew I couldn’t. Not then. “I have plans with my friend Niki tonight. I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” Sean said. He sounded disappointed, and I immediately felt guilty. I closed my eyes tightly.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “We just haven’t seen each other in a while. She’s my best friend, so we need to catch up, you know?”
“Sure,” Sean said, covering his disappointment. “I understand. You guys have fun!”
“We will,” I said. “Maybe next time?”
“Definitely,” Sean said. I could hear the smile in his voice, and it made it that much harder to hang up. When I did, I dropped my phone onto the couch and leaned my head back against the cushions.
I hated lying to Sean. He didn’t deserve that, but how could I explain to him how I was feeling? How could I tell him that I was suddenly worried about how his daughter might take our hypothetical breakup? The answer was simple: I couldn’t. So instead, I lied. And I hated myself for it.
As sure as I was that my feelings for Sean were real, Niki did have a point. If something happened with Sean and me, then Paisley would be heartbroken. Even if I promised to keep in touch with her, it wouldn’t be the same and she would know it. Just two days ago, I’d been happier than I ever thought I could be. And now, I was more confused than ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Sean
Sunday was a slow day at the house. Paisley was tired from the exciting weekend, and I was miserable because I missed Tara so much. I felt pathetic, like a whipped teenager who just got laid for the first time. No matter how many times I told myself to get it together, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
That night, I finally caved. I decided to take Paisley out to dinner, and I asked if she wanted to invite Tara. Of course, Paisley said yes. She loved Tara just as much as I was starting to. I called Tara and invited her. She said no and I had to pretend like I understood, but my heart fell into my stomach. We got off the phone, and I told Paisley Tara was busy. Paisley was upset, but she got over it quickly. The two of us went out to dinner alone, and it was amazing.
