Lovin' on You

by Fabiola Francisco

  In the last two weeks, I have written five songs. I am not sure if all of them will be for our album, or if I’ll keep some for my own sake. The music goes with my mood, melancholy and moving. It is less hopeful and more heartbreak. What else would be expected in a time like this?

  Whoever said men were careless creatures was full of shit. I love Olivia, and I’m suffering because of this. Had she given me a real reason, I would have accepted it and moved on. But she just told me to leave. She tore my heart apart and stomped on it for no fucking reason. I need answers, but she won’t respond to my calls or text messages. This is ridiculous. This is not the person I met months ago. This is not something she would do.

  “Hey.” Ryder finds me sitting on a patch of grass after my workout. “We’re off tonight. Let’s grab a drink. Everyone is going.”

  “Yeah, okay.” I shrug.

  “Great. We’re in Austin, and their music scene rivals Nashville’s. This is our place, and it is known for live music.”

  “Well, it is called the Live Music Capital of the World,” I tell him.

  “Exactly.”

  I have to give thanks for Ryder. Despite his sometimes immature attitude, he has my back no matter what. He has been the most patient one with me lately. Maybe he finally understands matters of the heart. Things with Jason have still been a little tense, but we are slowly going back to how things were. For being their leader, I’ve been doing a shit job lately.

  “I have some new music to work on,” I tell Ryder.

  “About damn time. We were worried you had lost your touch and were going to give reason to the assholes who said you were only with Olivia for inspiration.” He chuckles.

  “Nah, although she’s still the inspiration.”

  “Is this going to be some sappy, come back to me song?” I know he’s joking, but he’s also right. Kind of.

  “We’ll look it over tomorrow.” Ryder nods and goes back to the bus.

  I need to stop being such a pussy and isolating myself. Clearly, Olivia wants nothing to do with me, or she would have at least responded to one of my messages. Tonight, I begin to look at my future and focus completely on the music I have been neglecting.

  The bar is loud and dark. People are everywhere, dancing and drinking, as a small band plays live music. They have a good sound, more of a traditional country vibe. The boys and I definitely stand out in this crowd. It is insane when people recognize us outside of Nashville, but we are growing in the industry. This tour has been beneficial in gaining more exposure and reaching fans who may not have listened to our music unless it was placed in their hands.

  I grab a fresh beer from the bar and walk back to where the guys are sitting. Cole already has a woman sitting on his lap. He wastes no time. I think he has a goal to fuck a woman in each city we stop, and he’s not shy about using the band’s status to do so. Jason is quietly watching the crowd, and Ryder is on his phone.

  “You didn’t get me out so you could be on that thing all night.”

  “Sorry, give me a few.” He types something out quickly and laughs. Putting his phone back in his pocket, he looks up and says, “Jen.” As if that is the only explanation we need. Sometimes it is. I have heard way more than I would like about those two, and right now she’ll only remind me of Olivia.

  “Good to see you’re being loyal to a woman.”

  “With a woman like her, I don’t need anyone else,” he says. I’m impressed.

  “What’s on your mind?” I ask Jason. He looks up at me slowly.

  “We have been on the road for two months. We go back to Nashville in a month for the holidays and local shows. Are we continuing with Tyler after that? This has been great, but we still have no deal.”

  “I don’t know. We’re getting seen, so time will tell. I say we keep having fun, learning from this, and making more music. One of the bigger labels will reach out,” I say confidently. It’s only a matter of time. All the feedback we have received has been more than positive.

  “I sure hope so.” Jason drinks his beer and stands from the table, finding himself a blonde to dance with.

  I drink a few more beers and call it a night. I want to look over the songs I wrote before showing the band tomorrow and choosing which ones I’ll be sharing.

  I am the first one awake on the bus and dress in shorts and a tee shirt to go on a morning run. I need to clear my head before I have Ryder, Cole, and Jason look at the songs. I want to be levelheaded when we work on them, so I don’t break down. I am man enough to admit that I have shed a few tears.

  The thought of Olivia moving on, and another man touching her, infuriates me. If I did not have to leave on tour, I would have had the chance to talk to her and work on this. I hate that I had to leave the next day, leaving me helpless. Instead, I am states away, still thinking about her two months later.

  I think about the songs. It is clear they talk about her, and maybe she will hear them one day and realize I will always love her. I run back to the bus and find the guys awake. I grab my guitar and notebook and sit on the bench in the bus. It’s time to make some new music.

  “Hey, Cash!” Tyler calls after me once we are all done with the concert.

  “What’s up, man?” I look at him.

  “You guys did great tonight. I want to talk to you about something.” He guides me onto his bus. His bus is definitely nicer and more spacious. I can see a room at the back with a big bed. I’m envious.

  “What’s going on?” I ask him.

  “I want you guys to record a song with me. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I think your sound would mesh well with my new album.”

  “Really?” I look at him, and he’s smiling. “You’ve never featured another artist before.”

  Tyler shrugs. “There’s a first time for everything. I like you guys. You’re the real deal, and we’ve worked well together on tour. Besides, I could use that soft side of you,” he jokes. “In all seriousness, I’ve been changing my sound for some time now. It’s been a bit of a struggle with the big guys, who expect a certain thing from me, but I have a few songs written and am doing my thing. If they don’t like it, they can represent another artist. I’ve changed, and people need to accept that. I have a song I think will be perfect. Talk to the guys and get back to me. We can record when we get back to Nashville.”

  “Thanks, bro.” I shake his hand.

  “It’s nothing. Thank you for helping me get my head on straight a few months back.”

  “I think we canceled each other out on that one,” I chuckle.

  “I guess we did. Nothing from the girl?” I shake my head. “Give her time. Things happen for a reason. Do your thing.”

  I nod and walk out of his bus. The guys are going to flip when I tell them the news.

  “Are you shitting me?” Ryder says, pacing the small space as we travel through Texas.

  “No. He wants to feature us in one of his singles. We need to talk details, and you’ll probably have to talk to his manager,” I tell Peyton.

  “Definitely. We want everything in writing, but this is great. Tyler won’t be one to screw you guys over. He actually admires you,” Peyton says.

  “This is big,” Jason says. I nod. It’s huge.

  Part of me wishes I could call Olivia and share the news with her, and another part of me knows it will be pointless to even try. She has disappeared on me. Unanswered messages and calls is what I have left. That and the look in her eyes when she broke us. I grab my guitar and head to the bunks without saying a word. Working on the newest song will help me feel better, before I break down again.

  “Maybe you should move on?” Ryder offers. I glare at him. “Okay, okay. I’m just saying. It’s been months since you’ve heard from her. How long are you going to wait? Grab one of your fans and fuck her out of your system.”

  “Shut the fuck up,” I say through clenched teeth.

  Cole slaps my shoulder and smiles sympathetically. I still don’t know what went wrong
. I still don’t understand why she decided I was better off without her. I still haven’t stopped loving her. All of my attempts at reaching her have been unsuccessful. I’m left with the music I write about her, the memories of her scent and laugh, and one picture.

  Ryder is right; it has been months. The holidays flew by, only having a couple days to be home since we got booked to play through the break. I was grateful to have my own space after three months in that bus, and I spent those two days with my family. It was what I needed after everything that had happened. I took time to be with my parents and helping my dad on the ranch. Sometimes, we need to reconnect with who we are, in order to find strength to keep going.

  Right after the new year, we left again with Tyler. He made sure we continued the rest of the tour with him, and we finally recorded the song together, “Fighting For You.” It was as if he understood my pain when he wrote that song. When I first heard it, I knew why he had picked us. We added a different dynamic to his sound and our contrasts blended perfectly.

  I focus on performing, staying on the right track with my music and image, and praying she hasn’t forgotten about me; because, despite her telling me we were done, I know we aren’t. I’ve gotten even more of a softie reputation amongst my peers, but they can suck my dick. They can mock all they want, but our latest single went straight to the top ten within days of being out. We are sprinting towards the top when it comes to our music.

  “You guys have a few days off at home coming up, but remember you need to be ready for your performance at the Grand Ole Opry for the Honoring Our Heroes Concert before you take some time off. It’s an honor you should respect,” Vivian, our publicist, says.

  We were all on a high when Nashville Records called to say they wanted us. I’m pretty sure Tyler put in a good word for us, and I’ll never be able to repay him.

  Once we got signed with Nashville Records, Vivian took over our marketing, while Peyton still manages us. Vivian is tough with us, since she sees a group of four wild musicians, but we are slowly proving to her that we mean business.

  Life has been crazy between shows and recording, but it’s been great. Everything except that the person I want with me all the time isn’t by my side. We haven’t been to Nashville since we hit the road again three months ago. Honestly, I’m looking forward to being home for a few days and seeing my family. I can’t wait to meet my new niece. Sometimes, it feels like I have missed a lot, being away for long periods of time, and this is just the beginning.

  I rub my hands down my face and sit at the back of the bus. It gets crammed in here often. Sometimes I want to tell the driver to pull over so I can just breathe.

  We have two more stops before arriving in Nashville, and I’m anxiously counting down. One show is in Jefferson City, Missouri and the other is in Memphis. Then, we’ll have to continue recording our second album, do press releases and interviews. We have our photo shoot for our album cover as soon as we arrive. It is going to be insane. Although we’ll be home, we won’t be resting. In the middle of all of this, we are sneaking in a set at Riot as a welcome back for our loyal fans.

  We were invited to perform at the Grand Ole Opry with some big names in the industry to honor our soldiers. It is a big deal, and this is the first stop in the chaos that awaits us.

  “You guys ready for Jefferson City?” I hear Peyton ask the guys.

  “Yeah,” Cole responds.

  “Good. Let’s rock it tonight and bring it home hard tomorrow.”

  I know it seems ridiculous, that almost eight months later I am still upset over losing a girl. The thing is that I am not upset. It is just that when you lose someone you love, it takes a part of you with it. I should write that into a song.

  I have never been one to fuck away any emotion, and I am not going to change now. I will deal with this the way I have, focusing on my music and our career. Now is the time to take it more seriously than I ever have.

  We rock the hell out of Jefferson City and stay to watch Tyler. I go back on stage when I hear the introduction to “Fighting For You,” the audience yells loudly. When we’re in concert, Tyler’s band plays the music and I join him on stage. It is always a blast to get the crowd all riled up and singing along with us.

  “Cash Knight, ladies and gentlemen,” Tyler says into his microphone and I walk back off stage.

  “One down,” Peyton says.

  “One to go,” I finish off.

  “What are you going to do when you get back?”

  “Keep working,” I laugh. “We have so much coming up that I am overwhelmed thinking about it.”

  “It won’t be stressful. It will happen so quickly that you’ll wonder where time went.”

  “Yeah, I’m just focusing on each day, beginning with Grand Ole Opry.”

  “Good idea. And the girl?” He raises his eyebrows at me.

  “I’m going to find her,” I reassure him.

  He nods, but I can’t read his expression. I know everyone is over my break-up. But like “Fight For You” says, I’m going to keep on fighting until I have her in my arms again. With more time in town, I will be able to visit her.

  “Dude, this is amazing,” Jason says, looking around in awe. We are standing on the stage at Grand Ole Opry for rehearsals. With the barn-like backdrop behind us, we sing our newest single to an empty audience as they position us and give us a schedule. It is a lot more intense than we are used to, a rehearsal with so many artists and the in between when the two hosts are talking and introducing everyone.

  “I know.” I look all around.

  We met Carrie Underwood earlier and Cole almost pissed himself. It was funny to watch him stare off at her and stutter as we met her. She was great to us and congratulated us on our success. It amazes me how bigger artists know who we are.

  We meet Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line as well. This feels crazy. I swear it’s like we are dreaming. We are the new guys on the scene and people are curious about us but also anxious to meet us. After we rehearse, Peyton goes over a few more details and makes sure we know when we go on. We will be at the auditorium from the beginning, but we need to be on top of our game.

  The building is full of people talking and laughing. Artists who have been friends for a long time, but their busy schedules do not allow them to see each other as often. Events like this are what bring people together. Despite the stress a concert of this magnitude can bring, people are happy.

  We go home to shower and get ready to make our appearance. It will be our first red carpet. Although this is a concert to honor our armed forces, there will also be awards for some military members to receive. Tonight is a night where we all get together and show our respect and gratitude to a group of people who fight for us.

  I put on my blue suit, more fitted than normal, and a white button down. I skip on the tie. I get criticized for my style most of the time, but I wear what I like, not what others want me to wear.

  We all meet at Peyton’s house and ride together. Everyone is talking at the same time on the way there, while I sit in silence gathering my emotions.

  Our changing room already has our performance outfits, so we just need to show up, smile, and make it through the night. As we pull up and walk onto the path, it’s amazing to see so many fans on the sides with signs, cheering and asking for autographs. People who cannot make it into the concert stand outside and take pictures of the artists.

  We talk to a few people we met earlier at rehearsal and smile when our pictures need to be taken. The four of us look like small children who have entered the North Pole and Santa’s workshop. Peyton laughs at us, but I know he’s excited for us as well.

  “Cash!” I hear my name and turn around to see one of the reporters waving us over. We make our way and she immediately starts talking to a camera.

  “I’m here with Cash Knight of Rebel Desire and his bandmates. How are you guys doing?”

  “Good, thanks,” I respond and smile into the camera.

  “W
e’re glad to see you here. Everyone is excited to watch you guys after such a successful tour with Tyler Hunt.”

  “We’re excited to be here. It’s an honor.”

  “Rumor has it you’ll be performing your latest single, “Break Me,” which has climbed the charts. What inspired this song?” She smiles.

  “Well, what always inspires a good song? We have all lived through heartbreak and love. Music comes from the soul and our experiences are reflected in our music.” I try to keep my calm. I feel Ryder’s arm on my shoulder. I’m glad I have their support.

  “Would this by any chance be inspired by your relationship with Olivia Young?” She giggles. “I have to ask. Every single woman in the nation is dying to know.”

  I smile politely and respond. “Music is what we create, and we add our emotions. I’m focusing on my career and working hard on it. We recently got signed with Nashville Records and finished touring with Tyler Hunt. This time in my life is about music and continuing to grow in the industry. Get our name out there and bring new music to the fans.” I somewhat bypass her question and she takes the hint not to press any further.

  “Thank you for stopping by and saying hello,” she says before we walk away. As we continue to walk towards the entrance, I see a familiar face.

  “I’ll be right back,” I tell the guys and walk over to Bri. “Hey!” I say as I reach her. She spins around and smiles.

  “Hi, Cash! How are you? I wasn’t sure if I’d see you here.”

  “How come you’re here?” I know I’m looking around for her.

  “Josh, this is Cash Knight.” She introduces me to the man next to her.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” he says as he shakes my hand.

  “Nice to meet you, too. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Realization dawns on me that he’s in the armed forces and must be here as part of the event.

  “Is she?” I ask and Bri shakes her head.

  “No, sorry. We were invited because of Josh’s work.” I nod in understanding.