Harley Quinn at Super Hero High

by Lisa Yee

  Harley had one last class that day. An elective. Music. Super Hero High had been missing a music teacher ever since the last one fled during Thunder and Lightning’s Dueling Duets demonstration. Thunder had created powerful shock waves that hit all the acoustic instruments, causing them to reverberate cacophanously. Then Lightning countered by trying to commandeer the electronic synthesizers and drum machines with her electrical powers and overloading them. The equipment began to malfunction and sparks flew—musically and literally.

  “I can’t wait to meet the new teacher,” Harley was saying as she bounced down the hallway.

  “Me too!” said Raven as she rushed past, her dark cloak fluttering behind her.

  The music room was full. Some students were carrying their instruments—violins, guitars, a piano. Big Barda had an accordion, and Green Lantern was polishing his tuba.

  The man in the front of the classroom was bent over, digging through a briefcase. “Ah! Here it is,” the new teacher said, pulling out a silver flute. His green cape covered his face, but when he pulled it off, he had a brilliant smile. “I am your new music teacher, Pied Piper!”

  “Mr. Pied Piper,” Beast Boy called out, “what kind of music will you be teaching?”

  “What kind would you like?” he asked, waving his flute like a conductor’s baton.

  As they called out “Classical!” “Hip-hop!” “Retro rock!” “Jazz!” “New wave!” and “Electrolite!” the Pied Piper nodded.

  “We will do all that and more. But first, I’ve heard a musical rumor. Harley Quinn!” he called out. “Is it true you’re putting on a Battle of the Bands? If so, I’d like to offer my services to coach any Super Hero High musicians who might be competing. Is that okay with you?”

  Harley grabbed one side of Big Barda’s accordion. “Hold on!” she instructed Barda as she ran across the room, stretching out the bellows. “Here’s my answer, Mr. Pied Piper, sir!”

  She let go and the accordion folded back toward Barda, making a wooom sound. “That’s music for yes,” Harley said, letting go of a big laugh. “This ‘battle’ is gonna be epic!”

  Batgirl was buried. There were so many audition videos and Web links of bands that it was almost a full-time job logging them all in—and it had only been a couple of days since Harley’s announcement.

  “It’s gonna be the biggest and baddest and best-est Battle of the Bands this world has ever seen!” Harley proclaimed to her Web fans. “Everyone is welcome to enter. Just send in a short audition tape, and if you’re one of the lucky finalists, you will perform LIVE on the Internet for an audience of a zillion-ish viewers!”

  “What can we do to help?” the ever-efficient Hawkgirl asked.

  “You can help me log these in,” Batgirl said, pushing a pile of old-school tapes and discs toward her.

  “Is this why you called a meeting of the Junior Detective Society?” Bumblebee asked. “For our help in sorting this all out?”

  The Junior Detective Society was a school club mostly comprised of Batgirl, Hawkgirl, The Flash, and Bumblebee—though other Supers helped them with cases or came to them for help. The Junior Detectives loved a mystery.

  “Yep,” Batgirl confirmed. “It’s a mystery how we can get through the auditions. We need a system to sort and view everything. Harley’s putting together a group of Supers and citizens to help listen, right?”

  Harley nodded, then went back to watching a commercial of herself advertising the Battle of the Bands on one of Batgirl’s computer screens.

  “We’re on it,” Hawkgirl said. She was already drawing a diagram of a sorting system, while The Flash in a nanosecond—or two—had logged in the videos. Meanwhile, Bumblebee was online, scanning the emails with musical Web links.

  “It’s like anyone who’s ever picked up a musical instrument is vying to get on the show!” The Flash exclaimed.

  Sure enough, it was a who’s who of super heroes, super villains, and citizens. “Look!” Bumblebee called out excitedly. “Mandy Bowin is auditioning!”

  Mandy had been a student at Super Hero High, but left to pursue her music. Also on the list was the Korugar Academy Marching Band, plus Black Canary and the Birds of Prey, and the Bad Banshees featuring Silver Banshee on vocals, Gizmo on drums, and Jinx at the keyboard.

  “There are lots of Supers from Super Hero High trying out, too!” Hawkgirl noted.

  A knock on the Bat-Bunker door interrupted them. Batgirl buzzed Wonder Woman in. “Dinnertime!” said Wonder Woman.

  “You guys go ahead,” Batgirl said to her friends. “I want to finish this up, then send it out to the preliminary screeners and the judges.”

  At last the room was quiet, and Batgirl exhaled. “So nice to be alone sometimes!” she said after a few minutes of silence.

  “So then,” a voice said, “do you think I’ll break the number for the most viewers with BOB? That’s what I’ve nicknamed Battle of the Bands. BOB, get it?”

  “Harley, you startled me!” Batgirl said, laughing. “I thought you had left with the others.”

  Harley began randomly touching all the buttons and keys on Batgirl’s computer console. “I’ve asked you not to do that,” Batgirl said, moving her friend’s hands away. “Was there something you wanted to talk about? Is this about Battle…er, BOB?”

  “Maybe, maybe not,” said Harley. She was now fiddling with Batgirl’s Batarang and accidentally dislodged it.

  Batgirl ducked, then caught it with one hand while still typing with the other. “What is it?” she asked.

  “Aww, nothing!” Harley said, putting on a smile to mask her frown. “I was just scared for half a second. But it’s dumb, and I’m fine. Not to worry. I’m not worried. Who’s worried? Not me! Is it you? What are you worried about, Batgirl? Do you wanna talk?”

  “Harley, stop jumping on my bed and tell me what’s going on,” Batgirl said, patiently.

  Harley sat cross-legged on the floor and Batgirl joined her.

  “What if I mess up?” Harley said, so softly that Batgirl had to strain to hear. “What if the Battle of the Bands isn’t a huge hit? Some people are already mad at me because I named everyone a winner at the Dance-O-Rama.”

  “I thought this sort of thing didn’t bother you,” Batgirl said.

  “It doesn’t!” Harley said a little too loudly.

  Batgirl didn’t respond.

  “Okay, okay, it does bother me a little. But don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold!”

  “Everyone likes you,” Batgirl assured her.

  “Not everyone,” Harley said. “Some people think I’m just a class clown. But I’m more than that, aren’t I?”

  Batgirl reached over and gave her a hug. “You’re fun and funny, and a super friend. You’ve proven yourself to be a hero again and again. Harley Quinn, you’re one of a kind!”

  Harley gave her friend an “aww, shucks” grin as Batgirl turned back to the task at hand.

  The Internet was lit up, and rumors were flying so fast about who would make it to the finals that everyone was dizzy. Some of the musicians were even sending promotional items like T-shirts emblazoned with their band’s logo on them in the hopes of currying favor with the judges.

  “Look! I got this in the mail,” Miss Martian said. She was so excited she kept shifting from foot to foot.

  Miss Martian unfurled a poster of the Green Team. Inexplicably, they were standing on a white sand beach, each gazing in a different direction, as the orange sun melted into the azure sea. The headline read

  FOR YOUR BATTLE OF THE BANDS CONSIDERATION: THE GREEN TEAM!

  Clipped to the top of the poster was a twenty-dollar bill.

  “That,” said Hawkgirl, frowning, “is an infringement upon the rules. No bribes! The Green Team just disqualified themselves.”

  “Yeah,” Harley had to admit. “They’re out. That’s a shame. Since the Dance-O-Rama they’ve earned a huge following.”

  Miss Martian stared dreamily at the Green Team and asked, �
�Can I keep the poster?”

  “We cannot, cannot, cannot have the same mess we had with the twelve-way tie for the Dance-O-Rama,” Harley told Batgirl.

  “But, Harley, you were the one—” Hawkgirl started to say, but Harley put her fingers in her ears.

  “I can’t hear you,” Harley said. “Lalalalala, I can’t hear you!”

  “I can program the site so that no one can vote more than once,” Batgirl was saying. “I’m installing a pupil recognition device to ensure one person, one vote.”

  “Well, since you have this under control, I’m off to the Battle of the Bands location,” Harley informed them. She was now pacing the room, adding a few flips here and there. “It’s spectacular!”

  Batgirl looked up. “Where is it?”

  “Not sure yet,” Harley admitted. “But when I find it, I’ll let ya know!”

  As Harley and Katana flew in the Invisible Jet with their pilot, Wonder Woman, they looked for a venue that would be inviting, could hold lots of people, and had great acoustics.

  The trio was getting weary. Flying around the world was exhausting. So many places to go. So much to see. So little time. They flew over Diamond Head in Hawaii, but there was no guarantee that the volcano wouldn’t erupt mid-BOB. The Colosseum in Rome was “too old and musty-dusty,” according to Harley, and the Sydney Opera House in Australia was already booked.

  “What about the Grand Canyon?” Wonder Woman suggested. She shifted gears and turned her jet ninety-seven degrees to the left. “The acoustics would be amazing!”

  Soon they were flying above the South Rim. Red rocks and mile-deep canyons revealed the millions and millions of years of geological history.

  “This looks like the perfect place for BOB!” Harley enthused.

  As they landed and scrambled out of the jet, Katana looked down into a ravine. “Hello!” she yelled.

  “Hello! Hello! Hello!” it answered.

  “Too much echo,” Katana said, shaking her head.

  “Knock, knock!” Wonder Woman said, giving it a try.

  “Knock, knock, knock, knock,” the Grand Canyon replied, and then added, “Who’s there?”

  “Huh!” Wonder Woman shouted. “Did you hear that?”

  Harley couldn’t stop laughing. “That was me! Okay, where to next?”

  “Food?” said Wonder Woman. “I’m hungry.”

  “Me too,” Katana said.

  “Me three,” Harley agreed.

  Wonder Woman shifted into autopilot. After landing near Metropolis’s Centennial Park, the girls were on foot when Katana stopped abruptly, causing Harley to bump into her. “Do you hear that?” Katana asked.

  “Hear what?” asked Harley. “The laughter of little children at play? The melodic tunes of the birds singing? The plaintive meow of Rainbow the cat up the tree?”

  “No,” Katana said, pivoting around. “That!”

  Wonder Woman was already on the move. Three burly truck drivers were yelling.

  “Help!” the biggest one cried. “Our trucks were stolen and they’re full of medical equipment for the Metropolis Hospital!”

  “We’ve got this covered!” Harley assured him.

  With Wonder Woman in the air and Harley and Katana on the ground, they caught up to the wayward trucks in no time. Blocking the vehicles, the Supers stood with their hands on their hips as the trucks screeched to a halt only inches away from them.

  For a brief second, the smile slid off Harley’s face. “Uh-oh,” she said.

  “Not good,” Katana agreed.

  “Not good for them,” Wonder Woman added.

  “Well, hello, hello, girlies,” said the criminal, who looked like a cross between a pterodactyl and a man. He flapped his powerful wings, causing the leaves to blow off the trees.

  Wonder Woman’s eyes narrowed. “Hello, Airstryke.”

  “How’s Queen Hippolyta?” the baddie Airstryke asked as he rose above the ground. “I haven’t seen you or your mother since she threw me in prison.”

  Wonder Woman flew up so they were face to face, one hundred feet in the air.

  Harley stood her ground, twirling her mallet, ready for action. Katana was poised to unsheathe her sword.

  “Mom’s fine, thanks for asking,” said Wonder Woman as Airstryke flew at her with his sharp teeth bared. “You should brush more often,” she added.

  Katana and Harley were about to throw their weapons at him, when the doors of the other trucks flew open. A muscled man who had a skull instead of a face stepped out of one, and a man dressed in red with yellow boots and cape leapt out of the other.

  “Aerialist and Atomic Skull,” Katana said to Harley. “Liberty Belle told us about them, remember?”

  Harley nodded in the affirmative, but in reality she wished she had paid more attention in class.

  “I got the leaping guy,” Harley called out as Aerialist jumped backward on top of a truck. She tossed her camera up against a nearby building so that it hit the wall…and stuck.

  Katana crouched down. “Atomic Skull’s mine,” she said.

  As the battle ensued in the air, on the ground, and along the desolate road, Harley was laser-focused on Aerialist.

  “You used to be a stuntman?” she asked as he hurled himself toward her.

  Harley cartwheeled at him so fast that she was nothing more than a blur of a ball. Midair, she hit him with her mallet. “How’s that for a stunt?” she asked. He slammed against a nearby building and then fell to the ground, completely stunned.

  Above, Wonder Woman was in fast pursuit of Airstryke, who did a one-hundred-eighty-degree turn in midair and started chasing her. “Wonder Woman, look at you,” he said. “I remember when you were just an itty-bitty little thing trailing along in your mother’s shadow!”

  “Well, Airstryke, I’m not a little girl anymore!” Wonder Woman adjusted the golden cuffs her mother had given her. She lifted her Lasso of Truth and began to twirl it. As it sliced through the air, it was Airstryke’s turn to flee.

  As Airstryke tried to get away, she lassoed his foot, and with a mighty pull, sent him hurtling toward the ground.

  Meanwhile, Atomic Skull began to glow. He was emitting a radioactive field as Katana circled him, sword in hand. “What do you want with the medical equipment?” the villain asked.

  “I want to help the children at the hospital,” she said.

  “Your heart is too soft.” He laughed and shook his head.

  “Maybe,” Katana said, tightening her grip. “But my sword is not!”

  A few yards away, Harley bowled the Aerialist over with a swing of her mallet as he leaped toward her. He went soaring when the mallet made contract. Midair, he crashed into Airstryke, and the two villains tumbled onto the asphalt in a heap.

  “Now, that’s what I call an air strike,” Harley said with a laugh.

  Flying around the defeated villains at super-speed, Wonder Woman tied them up with the Lasso of Truth. Then she and Harley joined Katana.

  “Something’s wrong with your noggin!” Harley quipped as Atomic Skull began generating more and more energy. The heat force around him expanded. “You’re getting all full of yourself.”

  Atomic Skull laughed. “Goodbye, super heroes,” he said. “Nice knowing you!”

  But before he could activate his lethal blast projection, Harley distracted him with a series of cartwheels. Simultaneously, Katana caught his attention as she neared him with her sword. Atomic Skull didn’t see Wonder Woman. The Amazon had picked up a large moving van and scooped him up into the back. The villain was jostled as he banged around inside the truck.

  Harley slammed the doors of the van as Wonder Woman set it down. Katana put her sword through the handles to make sure Atomic Skull couldn’t get out until the authorities arrived.

  “Case closed!” Harley cheered.

  By the time Harley and her friends made it to Capes & Cowls, Steve Trevor had a table reserved for them.

  “Some truck drivers called and bought these for y
ou,” he said. His wide smile revealed his braces as he served the heroes their favorite smoothies.

  “Hi, Steve!” Wonder Woman said brightly.

  “Hi, Wonder Woman! Um, I have to take some orders, but I’ll be back to check on you,” he said, backing away and bumping into the table behind him.

  “Watch where you’re going!” sneered Captain Cold.

  “Sorry, sorry,” Steve apologized.

  Harley was calling Batgirl on her phone. “Would you mind uploading the video I just sent you?” she asked. “It’s a Save the Day that just happened.”

  “Sure thing,” Batgirl said from the Bat-Bunker. “I’ll also set you up so you’ll be able to do it yourself. In the meantime, have you found a venue yet?”

  “Still looking,” Harley reported. She watched Steve set a huge pizza on the table. One side had ham and pineapple on it, and the other had mushrooms. Harley took two slices of ham and pineapple, put a slice of mushroom between them to make a pizza sandwich, and bit into it.

  “We’re using the land behind the café as a temporary animal preserve while the zoo gets ready for its new wildlife sanctuary,” Steve was telling Katana and Wonder Woman.

  “That’s nice of you,” said Wonder Woman.

  “That explains the smell,” Harley said, pinching her nose.

  “It’s no big deal,” said Steve. “Anything for the animals. Some have been injured or orphaned, or are old and wouldn’t last in the wilderness. If they become strong and independent enough, they’re returned to the wild. They’ll be out of here and at the sanctuary in a couple days.”

  Katana looked out the window. She could see the animals milling about. “They’ve been through a lot. As far as I’m concerned, they can make all the smell and noise they want!”

  The table was quiet for a moment as they listened to the animals. It sounded like they were in the same room.

  “Hey, Stink-o Steve-o,” Ratcatcher called out. “More french fries over here, and make it snappy!” He threw several rat traps on the ground and Steve had to leap over them to avoid getting caught. Snap, snap, snap!