Harley Quinn at Super Hero High

by Lisa Yee

  As the roars from the two crowds meshed, creating a tsunami of sound, Hawkgirl said into the headset, “Harley, we’re ready to go. Announce the first contestant.”

  Harley cleared her throat. This was her moment. A chance to redeem herself from those who were mad at her for the twelve-way tie at the Dance-O-Rama. A chance to become a force to be reckoned with in the entertainment industry. A chance to become the most watched Internet star ever. She was ready.

  “Good afternoon, everyone!” Harley shouted. “Aww, look at all of you. Sit down, sit down. Now stand up, now sit down.” Everyone followed along, laughing. “Thank you for coming to Harley’s Quinntessentials Battle of the Bands! Our first contestants hail from CAD Academy. Give it up for the heavy metal sounds of Cap’n Cold and Crew!”

  As Captain Cold smirked his way onstage, the audience cheered. Heavy metal had never sounded so fresh, so cool, so crisp, so…heavy. Even traditionalists like Crazy Quilt were jumping up and down in the aisles. The band finished to uproarious applause.

  “Remember Cap’n Cold and Crew when you vote after the show,” Harley said. “And remember, you only get one vote, so make it count.”

  Everyone cheered again. Harley beamed. She wondered if her parents were watching.

  “And now we’re going to take it down a notch, or two, or three. Just listen to the violin serenade of Mandy Bowin—or as some call her, Virtuoso!”

  Mandy looked small. She wore a simple peach-colored dress with a Peter Pan collar and pink ballet slippers. Her brown hair was held in place by a light blue headband. The audience stirred nervously. How could this girl, a mere mortal, even begin to compete with all the heavy metal that had just exited the stage?

  With her eyes closed, Mandy lifted her violin and tucked it snugly under her chin, then gracefully lifted the bow in the air. No one was prepared for what happened next.

  It was as if a soothing breeze blew across the amphitheater, sailed over the crowd watching in Centennial Park, and then swept into the new wildlife sanctuary at the zoo. As the musical notes from Mandy Bowin’s violin alighted over the audiences and animals, all agreed they had never heard music this beautiful.

  “I’m not crying, you’re crying,” Beast Boy said to Cyborg.

  “I’m not crying, she’s crying,” Cyborg said.

  “I’m not crying, he’s crying,” Frost said, pointing to Vice Principal Grodd as she whisked icicles from her face.

  Harley captured it all on camera. She knew that tears and fears were two things that audiences loved, and the tears were flowing.

  The smile on Mandy’s face was as serene as her music. Suddenly it didn’t matter that she wasn’t a super hero. When Mandy Bowin played her last note, the audience sat enraptured. It was Beast Boy who leapt to his feet first, followed by thousands of others. The cheering more than doubled the decibels of the heavy metal band. Even Ratcatcher was on his feet cheering, until Captain Cold hit him with a chilly blast.

  After several bows, Mandy sheepishly walked off the stage. She grinned at Wonder Woman, who had been standing in the wings. “Virtuoso,” Wonder Woman whispered.

  As the camera lingered on the two, Harley informed her audience, “Mandy was once a student at Super Hero High, but left to pursue her dream to become a musician. At the same time, Wonder Woman left Paradise Island to pursue her dream to become the best super hero she could be. Talk about amazing second acts! And now we pause for this important message.”

  While Steve Trevor explained that all the profits from the food venues would go to the zoo’s new wildlife sanctuary, Harley readied for the next group.

  “This is going great, isn’t it?” she said to her crew.

  Batgirl, Hawkgirl, and Barda all nodded. It was going well. Smoother than anyone could have imagined.

  When Steve was done, there was a polite round of applause led by Wonder Woman. Then Harley cartwheeled back onstage. “Is this on?” she said, playfully tapping the microphone. “Next up, it’s a little bit of rock, a little bit of folk, a little bit of rap—and it’s all amazing music. Let’s say aloha to Ukulele United, the all-ukulele band from the island of Kauai!”

  Cheers rose and hands went up in the air as the group from Hawaii hula-danced onto the stage, throwing lush leis of orchids into the crowd. Then, with a single string from a single ukulele, the music began. One at a time, the others joined in, until, united in music, the lead singer launched into a heartwarming ballad about the Hawaiian islands.

  Just as Ukulele United were rising to the crescendo, Bumblebee flew onstage, grew full-sized, and took the microphone.

  “What are you doing?” Harley yelled. “We’re live!”

  “Sorry,” Bumblebee said to Ukulele United, “but I have to do this.” She faced the audience. “This is an emergency. Audience members, we’re going to need you to get to a safe place. All Supers in the vicinity, we have to Save the Day! Animals from the zoo and wildlife sanctuary are on the loose and on a rampage!”

  The crowd began to panic. Supergirl, Cheetah, and the others tried to calm nerves as they led the crowd to safety, which was quite an effort, considering the thousands of panicked people there.

  Harley turned to the camera and reported, “We interrupt this incredible and popular Harley’s Quinntessentials Battle of the Bands with this important announcement. There’s chaos at the Metropolis Zoo—and so we super heroes gotta go Save the Day!”

  “What’s the scoop?” Harley asked as she arrived on the scene. Lois Lane was stationed next to an open cage.

  “The villain Lion-Mane has released all the animals. They’re running wild,” Lois informed her.

  “Who’s running wild, the people or the animals?” Harley asked.

  “Both!” said Lois. “Everyone’s in a panic!”

  “That’s not like them,” said Beast Boy.

  “The animals are normally well taken care of,” Poison Ivy chimed in.

  “We’ll get to the bottom of this,” said Wonder Woman, who was flying overhead. “But first, let’s make sure everyone is safe!”

  As animals and people ran past, Bumblebee buzzed in and said, “I’ve got a lock on Lion-Mane. He’s headed toward the Metropolis Museum of Art.”

  “Of course!” Batgirl said, looking at her wrist computer. “A new exhibit is going to open tomorrow featuring a priceless jeweled lion statue. It’s worth millions!”

  “The animals on the loose are a decoy—and they’re also meant to be a distraction,” Hawkgirl deduced.

  “Precisely,” added The Flash.

  “Camera off,” Batgirl said to Harley.

  “Aww,” Harley moaned. “Think of the viewers!”

  “I’m thinking of how to sneak up on Lion-Mane,” said Batgirl. “And sneak means he can’t know that we know. C’mon, we have a lion to tame!”

  While Harley and the others rushed to the museum, the other Supers, led by Beast Boy, rounded up the animals and made sure that frightened citizens were safe.

  Batgirl checked in with Supergirl, who informed her, “Beast Boy says that Lion-Mane told the animals that they were all going to be shipped away to desolate desert islands. That unless they ran away, they would no longer be cared for. They panicked.”

  “That makes sense,” said Bumblebee. “The animals are usually so kind and loving. And the zookeepers treat them like family, and vice versa.”

  “Well, this family is outta control,” said Hawkgirl. “The wrong information can do that.”

  With super-speed and stealth, Harley and the Junior Detectives approached the museum. The guards were nowhere to be seen. The museum stood eerily empty.

  Batgirl consulted her holographic museum map. It glowed green in the air in front of her. “He’s there,” she said, pointing. “Where the red light is glowing. It senses body heat. Several people are locked in what looks like a storage room. They must be the missing guards.”

  “They’ll be safer there,” Hawkgirl noted. “I’ll take the north hallway. The rest of you take the s
tairs and employee elevators. We need to sneak up on Lion-Mane.”

  “I’ll go with you!” Harley said, turning on her camera.

  The Flash gave her a stern look. “If your viewers can see what we’re up to, so can Lion-Mane. You can’t have that on.”

  “Aww, you’re no fun,” Harley chided him. But she turned off the camera.

  As Harley powered down her camera, the other Supers shifted into stealth mode and scattered in search of Lion-Mane. Harley had just looked up when she saw Beast Boy’s shadow. “Smart move!” she said, nodding appreciatively. “You’re looking like a lion. He’s a lion. Lion versus lion.” For good measure, she added, “ROAR!”

  “ROAR!” came back at her. Only this one shook the walls.

  “Beast Boy?” Harley asked as someone else stepped out of the shadows.

  It was Lion-Mane, and he was carrying the famous, fabulous, bejeweled lion sculpture. “YOWZA, you got a mighty roar, Mr. Mane,” she said, reaching for her mallet. “Have you ever thought about auditioning for the Battle of the Bands as a singer?”

  “You better get out of my w— Uh, do you really think I have a great roar?” Lion-Mane asked as he loosened his grip on the statue. He was distracted by her compliment and the thought of performing. “Really? Be honest.”

  “Oh, sure,” Harley said, taking a step back. “But first, you gotta think about this.”

  With that, she lifted her mallet high and, with all her might, brought it down on his foot. Surprised, Lion-Mane dropped the statue and roared so loud the building rocked, alerting all the Supers.

  After Lion-Mane’s capture, rain had put a damper on the contest. And with the amphitheater being outdoors, even good intentions couldn’t stop the storms.

  “We’ll reschedule!” Harley proclaimed as the rain threatened to wash her away. But several contestants couldn’t make it back the following week, so Harley was forced to scrap the show.

  “The good news is that even though the Battle of the Bands was canceled, we still made money for the wildlife sanctuary,” Steve Trevor said as he gingerly picked up some wayward rat traps left behind by CAD Academy. It didn’t look good for a café to have those lying around.

  “That is good news,” Harley agreed while she checked her messages. She had gotten several comments about how the BOB had ended. Many said the show should have gone on. However, MH234 wrote: “The best Battle of the Bands in history! Love how it didn’t end so that we have something to look forward to on your channel!”

  Harley knew she could always count on MH234 to cheer her up.

  As the Supers headed back to campus, the rain stopped. “Look!” Katana said, pointing.

  They all tilted their heads back. “What is that?” Harley turned on her camera. Bubbles the size of baseballs were floating down from the sky. When the sun’s rays hit them, they looked like round rainbows. Supergirl popped one, and a flyer fell to the ground.

  Katana read, “ ‘In town for only twenty-four hours: the Krazy Karnival! You have only one day to experience the chills, thrills, and delights of the world’s greatest and grandest amusement park!’ ”

  As the Supers gathered the wayward flyers that littered the ground, a holographic billboard lit up the sky. A jolly man wearing a colorful hat trumpeted, “Come one, come all, to the new and improved Krazy Karnival! I’m J.J. Tetch, the new owner, and you’re in for big surprises!”

  “Surprises?” Harley said as her eyes twinkled. “No one loves surprises more than me!”

  She immediately began broadcasting. “The world-famous Krazy Karnival is coming to Metropolis, and even if you can’t be there…you can! That’s because I’ll be recording all the fun and all the KRAZINESS live on this channel!”

  “It does sound like fun,” Miss Martian said. Harley didn’t even know she was there. “I wish I could go.”

  “Why can’t you?” Harley asked.

  “Crowds make me nervous,” said Miss Martian. “I have trouble maneuvering through them.”

  “Stick with me,” Harley generously offered. “I’m great at maneuvering. Plus, this is my chance to log the most viewers ever. I couldn’t video the Junior Detectives sneaking up on Lion-Mane after I hit his foot. Or the great catch I made when he dropped the statue. Oh, sure, once he was in custody, I got it all on camera. But then, so did Lois Lane, who also had footage of the Supers leading the animals back. And that scene of a green monkey—Beast Boy—cradling a scared baby capuchin monkey and reuniting her with her mother. That was ratings gold for Lois!”

  “It’s not all about ratings, is it?” asked Miss Martian meekly.

  “There’s nothing wrong with big ratings,” Harley said as she burst a bubble. “In fact, that’s my goal: to have the most viewers in the world!”

  Pied Piper was at the piano. He nodded to Cheetah, who was staring at the ground. As the teacher’s fingers nimbly hit the piano keys, Cheetah raised her head. Harley watched her face transform. It was confident, yet vulnerable at the same time. Then that smile appeared. The famous Cheetah smile, as if she knew something you did not.

  Cheetah winked at Harley and began to sing. It was a torch song—the heartfelt lyrics were about love and loss. As the last note hung in the air, the room was silent. Pied Piper leapt up. “Bravo, bravo!” he shouted. “I could feel that emotion. Beautiful. Seriously, beautiful. Thank you.”

  Cheetah took a bow, and when she swept past Harley, she said, “I would have won the Battle of the Bands. You should have a rematch.”

  In the front of the room, Cyborg had turned himself into a one-man band—a synthesizer with an electronic keyboard, and speakers coming out of his boots. As the rest of the class rocked to the beat, Harley kept thinking about her show. What could she do next to top it? Surely her viewers were expecting something spectacular. Was it enough to just live stream the Krazy Karnival?

  “Harley?” Pied Piper called out. “You’re up!”

  Each student had been charged with doing a two-minute performance piece, whether it was singing solo or in a group, playing an instrument, or even karaoke.

  “OH!” Harley cried. She hadn’t prepared. “For my piece, I’m going to…to…” She looked around, desperate for inspiration. Suddenly, she saw it: Green Lantern was holding his tuba. “We’re doing a duet!” she announced. As Harley dragged him to the front of the room, she whispered, “Just go along with me.”

  “What? No,” Green Lantern protested, running his hand through his thick brown hair. “I’m doing a tuba solo—”

  “So low?” Harley quipped, grabbing the tuba. “And how’s about holding it high for a hat?”

  When she placed the mouth of the tuba over her head, the class howled with laugher.

  “Harley, please stop. Instruments are not toys,” Pied Piper cautioned.

  But Harley couldn’t hear him from inside the tuba. “It’s dark in here!” she cried out comically, getting more laughs from the classroom.

  “Give that back to me,” Green Lantern insisted. When he tried to wrench the tuba off Harley’s head, it was stuck.

  In a panic to un-tuba herself, Harley began running around the room, knocking over instruments and students. Green Lantern was in pursuit, causing even more calamity and chaos. Soon, Supers had taken sides, yelling, “Go, Harley!” and “Return the tuba!”

  “Come back!” Green Lantern called out.

  “This is epic!” Beast Boy cheered. “Harley, you’re such a crack-up!”

  “The class clown does it again,” Cheetah said, yawning. “This is pathetic. She’ll do anything for a laugh.”

  “Hello, Harley!” Dr. Arkham was studying his desk through a magnifying glass. When he sat up, he was still holding it in front of his face. It made his left eye look huge. “I lost something,” the school counselor explained. “But now I can’t remember what it was.”

  “Was it this?” Harley asked, looking around. She grabbed a globe of Mars.

  “Aha!” Arkham took the red planet from her. “Nope,” he said, pu
tting it down next to a tall stack of books, all written by him. “But I’ll leave that here, in case I need to find it sometime.”

  Harley settled into her favorite chair. Arkham’s office was dark and crowded with important-looking books, piles of paper, and an impressive stack of unopened mail. It smelled like the forest after the rain. Harley liked it in here. It was quiet—somber, even. She didn’t feel the need to entertain when she was with Dr. Arkham.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked. “Are you still feeling lonely and blue?”

  “Blue, green, whatevs,” Harley quipped. “What’s not on my mind? You know me. Always thinking, thinking, thinking. Who knows what goes on in my noggin? It’s so busy up there that sometimes I can’t sleep.” Harley paused. “Hey, doc, is it possible to think too much?”

  As Arkham stroked his beard, she wondered why his head was bald when he had so much hair on his face.

  “Hmm. Um. Yes. Sometimes we do tend to overthink,” he said. “Tell me, what would you like to talk about today?”

  “Aww, nothing,” Harley said, jumping up and looking out the window. It was a sunny day and she could see Wonder Woman and Supergirl playing catch with a teacher’s car. Harley turned back to the counselor. “It’s just that some of my friends are pressuring me to spend more time with them.”

  “Go on,” Arkham said.

  “I would, but I’m busy, busy, busy. I’ve got my Harley’s Quinntessentials to run, you know. It’s a lot of work making people happy! Serious business, I tell ya. And it’s not just on my Web channel. In person, too, I have to think of jokes and say funny stuff, and get all, you know…Harley-esque!”

  “Go on,” Arkham said.

  “Whenever I see someone looking stressed, I want to cheer them up. So I’ll tell a joke, or do a super-duper gymnastics move, or whatevs, even if I’m not feeling so great myself.”

  “Go on,” Arkham said.

  “I dunno,” Harley said, slumping back into her chair. “Lots of kids call me the class clown, like that’s a bad thing. And it makes me feel funny. Not ha-ha funny, but weird funny.”