҉҉҉҉
I didn’t open my eyes until I felt Ocean reach under me and shift the gear into park.
How he could drive and shift with his left hand while his right was all snug and cozy between my legs was a mystery. The man had skills. I shouldn’t be surprised though. He is Ocean Hawthorne of all men.
“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I smile to myself as I stretch myself over his lap. The caveman was such a Tele tubby when he wanted to be. I sat up, resting my upper body into him and leaning my face into his shoulder. “I wasn’t sleeping Ocean—I, I was in limbo I guess.”
My eyes searched around us, recognizing the dimly lit parking garage. Hospital? Why were we here? I looked at Ocean running my hands over him searching…searching for something to be wrong in a panic.
“Hey…” Ocean grabbed my trembling hands in his, holding them to his chest over his heart. “Baby, I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong. Come here.” He pulled my body up, resting me into his chest while I bent my knees back to sit on him comfortably.
He ran his fingers through my hair, smiling at me like I just gave him the world’s greatest gift. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m proud of you. You did it babe. I know it hurts; I know you’re hurting still, but that part is over.”
My attempt to give him some smartass comment about him not knowing what the hell he was talking about was short lived when I felt the electricity of his bare hands dance along my back from under my dress. I stared into his extremely clear and sharp eyes.
“Your fucking beautiful you know that baby.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out what his play was when his breath hitched. He was looking back at me as if he was losing his ability to speak and breathe all together. “I love you Livie. With all my scars encasing my heart, with all my fucked up mother issues and guilt issues for what I did to Stormie. I love you above all baby.”
Now I was the one with the dumbfounded look on my face.
He leaned in kissing my nose with a smile. “Come on beautiful, Blue’s waiting for you with Aunt Layla.”
Oh shit that’s right! Birth control! At the thought, a sharp pain shot through my breasts into my nipples.
“Hey you okay?” He looked down at my hands that were tightly gripping the muscles of his arms. I breathed through it, nodding that I was okay…was I okay?
Chapter Seven
Ocean
Liv and I made our way through the hospital in silence. We took the long way to Aunt Layla’s unit because as soon as the elevator came into view, she nearly broke my ankles jerking me in the opposite direction.
She wanted to drag this out as much as she could, but what I wanted to know was why? If she knew she was already pregnant, why drag it out? Even though her actions and emotions were everywhere and nowhere, it was cute the way she was trying to disappear into me. She was crushing herself so close to my side that with every step we took, we were tripping over each other and she didn’t care.
I had my arm wrapped around her with my hand gripping her waist to keep her from falling as we continued to trip over ourselves like we just left a damn bar. At the same time, she kept pulling on my hand resting on her hip towards her stomach pressing my hand flat against it. Each time I looked down at her to see what was wrong she was lost in thought, not even realizing she was desperately trying to rest my hand over her belly. She had to know.
Finally reaching the sixth floor, we spotted a happy as fuck Law and a nervous as hell Blue. I raised my eyebrow at her which caused her to shy away. Damn. Today was going to be one fucked, emotionally charged, hearts ripped out and stomped on kind of day.
Aunt Layla came around the corner. She looked calm on the outside, but by the blush of her cheeks making her freckles stand out, I knew she was well in tune to what was happening.
Liv broke away from me, running into my aunt’s arms and hugging her tight. When she pulled away, she apologized. “Sorry Layla—I, I haven’t seen you in a while.”
It’s only been four days since we last saw her. When she leaned into my aunt as she stroked her face, I got it then. In that moment, I understood what I was seeing. She was seeking a mother’s love. Shit. After hearing her read that letter, I don’t blame her.
“Don’t ever apologize for hugs; I could use more of those. Come on; let’s get out of this hallway.” Aunt Layla ushered us into a room.
We all followed Law into the room all single file and shit. I almost laughed out loud from the knots in my stomach. I was nervous as fuck, thinking about Liv’s reaction when she finally hears the words YOU’RE PREGNANT!
The room wasn’t a normal patient room; it was more of a patient consulting room with a round table and chairs. I walked to the farthest end of the room, posting up on the wall. The further away from the door for me and Liv the better. I watched her eye the table and chairs then the door. She quietly made her way to me. That’s my girl.
I widened my stance so she could fit into me, facing out towards everyone else. When her muscles relaxed and her body melted into mine, my dick couldn’t help but take jab at her ass through my pants. The fabric of her dress was nonexistent to me.
She giggled against me and in those few seconds, all was right in my world. That was until Aunt Layla broke the silence, shattering my happy and perfect moment in time.
“Before I begin the family Q and A, do you ladies want you’re overzealous, hormonally charged, husbands here?” She laughed because she knew none of us were legally married…yet.
I winked at her as Law fist pumped in the air. Fucking loser. Liv pushed her back harder into me and I knew she didn’t want me to go, but I figured I’d do my noble deed for the day…week, no fuck that for the month. Any other day, I’d be all up in her business and she’d like it too.
I looked at Law and Blue, who stood too far apart for my liking. There was something she was hiding and I was starting to fear what this trip down the contraceptive isle would reveal. I recognized then that I not only had to be here for my Liv, but I would have to juggle Law’s irrational ass once he flipped his switch.
By the furrow of Blue’s brows and the way she was clutching the back of the chair in front of her she was holding onto something heavy and that something heavy was about to spread it’s ass cheeks and stun us all with its stench. Fuck! My inner monologue is starting to sound more and more like Law.
I took in a deep breathe, willing myself courage to leave Liv for a while. I bent my head down, nudging her head aside with my chin so I could access the sweetest spot on earth. Well one of the sweetest spots on earth because Liv had a million of them.
Pulling my lips from her neck, I whispered into her ear. “I’m going baby. I’ll be right outside the door. You need me, run out and I’ll be there. Okay.”
Immediately, I felt her back become rigid and hard but she nodded in agreement. I kissed the back of her head, inhaling her potent French vanilla scent as I slipped my body from between her and the wall behind me.
I walked over to Blue and gave her a quick hug as I passed her. I don’t know why I did it really; I just felt the need to. Her smile that quickly faded once my arms left her made me happy I did for that brief moment in time.
“Come on DOG let’s leave these women to their sex stories and gossip.” I didn’t realize how close Aunt Layla was standing to me, but the blow from the back of her hand landed on the back of my head and made me realize her position real quick. “Damn, I hope you have a bottle of aspirin to hand out with that smack, mom. That was brutal.”
“Listening to you jack hats is brutal. Get out!”
I gave Liv one last glance. My Liv was plastered to the wall looking nowhere in particular, forcing herself to breath in and out calmly.
Be strong baby, please.
҉҉҉҉
Lawrence
As soon as we walked out of that tense lioness den, I had to ask Ocean if he felt something weird going on with Blue. It was driving me fucki
ng mad. From the time I told her my brilliant plan to get Sunshine here for the blood test she changed. Her emotions were distant, dull, and she was constantly spacing out on me. ME! LAWRENCE HAWTHORNE! Cocky much? Fuck yes because she was my world and I knew in my heart that I was hers. She told me so and I felt it from the moment I laid my eyes on her.
“Ocean bro. Tell me I’m hallucinating, but is Blue giving you a weird vibe?”
He leaned against the wall, chucking his leg up behind him and bouncing his weight off the wall in a nervous tick kind of way. When he looked me in the eye, I knew what he was about to say before he opened his big fucking lips. “Sorry Law, but she’s fighting with something. I don’t have a clue what it could be, but it’s heavy and it’s gonna suck man.”
“I knew! I fucking knew it!”
“Shut up man; keep your voice down, dammit Law. Don’t start falling apart now-not yet!”
I felt my skin crawl at the thought of her keeping secrets from me and her thinking I wouldn’t want her if she spilled.
“Sorry.” I said, letting my back and all my weight fall against the cold extremely sanitized hospital wall.
FUCKING HOSPITALS SUCK HERPES INFESTED DICK!
I ran my hands over my face trying to calm down, but go figure. My name was Law and I didn’t calm down once I lost it. I just went heroin addict crazy. Not even Ocean strung out on coke got as bad as I did if anything drugs calmed his ass down.
“Look man you don’t even know what it is so just relax.”
“Relax? Yeah, okay, O-c-e-a-n I would love to see you relax, since you’re the god damn epitome of a relaxed individual.”
“Easy Law. We’re in a hospital, but I’ll still put you’re A-D-D ass in a fucking gurney. Don’t take your shit out on me! I never do that shit to you. Not matter how fucked up I am!”
He was right; the asshole was right. The worse of either of us was speaking rationally for once. Fuck him! I sucked my teeth at him anyway. “Whatever. Just be there for me when I come crashing the fuck down. Okay?!”
He huffed out a loud breath. “You know you don’t have to ask me that. Chill the fuck out man.”
I decided to shut my mouth before I said something that really made him want to hit me because if that’s what it came to right now, we’d both end up on hospital gurneys bruised and bloodied. Because I needed someone’s face to bash in right about now; even if it was his.
҉҉҉҉
Livie
Ocean leaving me was a kind gesture on his part. He wanted to give me my privacy; which was a new concept considering he was always in my business when invited and uninvited.
Today-right now, it was unnecessary. I needed the man that didn’t want to leave me when we first came here for birth control. The one that wouldn’t leave my sight or leave me to make the decision for myself.
“Okay girls. You two look about ready to explode from tension. You want to talk to me before I get all medically professional on you two?”
I picked myself up off the wall, making my way towards Dulce. She had a shadow on her face as if she was here, but her mind wasn’t again. I hated when she did that because it worried the hell out of me.
Like I had to do with her before in Marion’s office back at Shiloh’s rehab, I led her into a chair and pushed her down into it. I was too antsy to sit so I pulled her into my body by the shoulders rubbing circles on her back as she just stared at Layla.
Layla looked up at me and I gave her a worried look down to Dulce. “Dulce, you want to start first while I draw Livie’s blood?”
“Blood? Why blood this time?” I didn’t want anything sharp near me ever again!
“It’s okay Livie. Once we start the series of shots you started for birth control, the doctors only continue if there is a blood test to rule out pregnancy. You are overdue for your shot and I am sure if Ocean is anything like my horny son, you have been active. I will make it quick. Promise.”
I inhaled deeply. Thinking of each word she just spoke. I didn’t let my mind fully process the possibility of what she was telling me because there was no way it could happen to me. I didn’t care how anyone else saw it. It wouldn’t happen to me. It couldn’t.
“Okay, I’m ready.” I lied.
“Come on Blue, talk to us.” I encouraged her as Layla set up her supplies on the table to take my blood first.
Tears rimmed her eyes as she opened her mouth to speak. “I’m so sorry, but there’s still things that you and Law don’t know about me. I’m—I do...”
Layla squatted in front of her holding her face in her hands. “Hey, you can do this. Anything you have to get off your heart say it. I will not judge you. I love you as much as Law, Ocean, and Livie do. You can talk to us here. I’m here for the both of you. Just let it go.”
She nodded her head jerkily in agreement as Layla let her go and stood.
“Go on sweetheart. We’re listening.”
I squeezed her shoulders, reaching down for her hand to hold it tightly in mine. “Dale-go on, Dulce. Tell us.”
“Uh, err, I don’t think I can give Law what he wants in the long run. I don’t think I can give him a family.”
My heart stilled at her confession. There was still so much we didn’t know about each other but just as I fell in love with Lawrence, I fell in love with her as well. I knew she was meant to be in my life and I loved her regardless.
I didn’t even feel the needle withdraw from my arm. Layla was quick while taking advantage of the mild shock I was in. When I was bandaged, I fell to my knees in front of Dulce still squeezing her hands in mine. “Tell me what happened to you! What did they do to you Dulce?”
“Beja, they did horrible things to me before Oscar slit my throat. I fought back. I swear I did. I fought back every day and every night. I ran, I hid, and I tried to tell people-to ask for help-but all they saw was a pretty face and even prettier looking body. One night when my stepfather was drunk with Oscar, they came to my room and did the usual. I got beat up, raped, and smacked around but Oscar took it too far Livie. When I fought back that night, I fought my hardest and they made me pay for it. My step dad held me down while Oscar…”
The room door slammed shut. All of our eyes shifted to the door where Ocean was fighting to hold Law back. Law was livid. He looked about three feet taller as he stared ghost faced at the woman he loved.
“Shit.” Layla rushed to help Law and I moved to get up to help but Ocean gave me a look of dominance that knocked my knees from underneath me, keeping me grounded where I was.
Well damn…
He put Law in an arms behind back head lock and dragged him to the end of the room away from the door. He mouthed a sorry to Dulce, as she looked longingly at Law, hurting for him from what he’d probably heard.
Ocean threw him up against the wall, pushing him back to the wall by the shoulders.
Once Law gave up the fight, he turned his attention to Dulce. “What did he do Blue?”
She released my hand and walked slowly over to Law whose body was sliding down the wall until he landed hard on the floor. She knelt down next to him, holding him to her. “Papi. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to do this. I know you want more than just me. I know you want a family of your own, but I don’t think I can give that to you. Not now and probably not ever.”
He grabbed her face roughly. “What. Did. They. Do?”
She shook her head at him, not wanting to answer.
My heart was breaking and as I felt the walls crumbling down around me from my anger towards those who hurt her, Ocean scooped me up into his arms. He ran his powerful yet gentle hands up and down my arms lengths, then he traced the scar on the inside of my forearm with his thumb.
“TELL ME!”
I jumped in Oceans arms from the bass in Law’s voice. This was his absolute worst and I wanted to fix it for him. I wanted to fix everyone.
Ocean ran his hand over my stomach, drawing circles on my low belly where I suddenly felt a heaviness.
�
�I was held down while Oscar…don’t make me say this. Just love me and I’ll promise you won’t regret it; that you won’t regret me.”
“No!”
Dulce looked around the room, looking each of her spectators in the eye before turning her face back to Law. He looked like he was holding his breath as he waited for her confession. His lips already turning slightly blue.
“I was held down while a fucking bat was jammed inside me over and over again until I was bleeding and cramping so bad I passed out. I don’t know when I was taken to the hospital but from what I can remember, it was a couple days later. HAPPY?! I DON’T THINK I CAN HAVE KIDS LAWRENCE! NO BABIES! NO LAWRENCE JR, NO MINI ME! NOTHING! JUST ME! DAMAGED AND TORTURED DULCE VIOLETTA OLMOS!”
She slapped at the wall in front of her as my body went limp in Oceans arms, almost causing the both of us to fall over.
Law grabbed her by her shoulders and crushed her into him, whispering that he loved her and he’ll always love her.
But like the women Dulce and I were, she refused his comfort. She smacked him in the face twice and took off running out of the room.
Layla ran over to her son, tears streaking her face and jumped on top of him hugging him, loving him.
He accepted her embrace for a brief moment when he stood up with her. “I have to go after her mom. She’s mine. I love her.”
She nodded at him, unwound her arms, and watched him leave. She turned her attention to Ocean and me. The feeling of this isn’t over back handed me in the face into my own reality.
There was a light knock at the door right after Law's departure and it opened, revealing another nurse. Layla closed the distance between them, taking a white piece of paper out of the other nurse’s hand. Before she left she looked towards Ocean and I and mouthed ‘congratulations’.
Congratulations? For what?
Now was not the time for the universe to start throwing more curve balls the size of killer whales my way. I couldn't take it.
Ocean back stepped us to the table and sat down in one of the chairs, pulling me onto his lap with a death grip on my waist. The door closed and Layla slowly walked towards me, handing out the paper for me to take.
Hawthornes Calm Manuscript Page 6
