I watched Ocean plead with me in vain. I already made the decision to say yes seconds ago. Blue would probably be offended about it at first, but I know she would love the idea. She was itching to hold her and I saw how she and Sunshine tag teamed Sabrina, protecting Scarlet.
“Law.” Ocean said my name impatiently, bracing himself for the worst; he should know me better than that.
“Dude, you just asked me to adopt your baby sister and become her father; along with having to break this life altering news to my crazy ass wife…FUCK YES OCEAN!” I grabbed him, pulling him into a hug.
“Thanks man. I owe you my life, Law.” He returned the embrace and we took our freezing asses back inside.
When we locked the terrace doors, the lights switched on. Sunshine stood under the archway of the kitchen with a tub of ice cream and the biggest fucking spoon I have ever seen clutched to her chest. I wanted to laugh from all of the excitement coursing through my veins, but the threatening stare she was giving the both of us had me afraid for my life.
“Uh bro, is she going to kill you, me, or the both of us?” I looked over to Ocean, who was grinning from ear to ear.
He grabbed his dick over his basketball shorts.
Disgusted, my head snapped up to Sunshine and she was running her tongue along the top and bottom of her lips.
Fucking horny ass mofo’s.
Ocean took a step forward, still gripping his dick and she took off down their hallway squealing the whole way with her ice cream and huge ass spoon in hand. Ocean shook his head in disbelief. He looked over to me with an unbelieving face.
“I think she’s trying to kill me and my dick.” He slapped my chest with his palm as he took off down the hallway.
I turned around, shaking my head and flipping off the lights. When I walked into my bedroom, Blue was tossing and turning in the bed. She was shoving the covers off her in frantic movements.
It wasn’t often that she had a nightmare, but when she did it was bad. She never talked about them and she begged for me not to press her about them. She said it would only hurt me and she couldn’t do that no matter how mad I would get with her. She would never tell me because she loved me too much to give me that kind of pain, but what she didn’t understand was that knowing or not knowing was the same. The pain that it was causing me was the same and it was tearing me apart inside whether she wanted to believe it or not.
I didn’t need the exact details of her abuse for the affect to be devastating; just knowing that some sick fucks abused her period was enough to torture me.
I walked over to the bed, climbed in, and brought her into my arms as I rested my back onto the tall headboard. It was padded with a silky fabric that was smooth against the skin of my back.
Her eyes opened as I held her sweaty body in my arms. She looked around the dark room and then back into my eyes. She reached her arms up, draping them around my neck and pulling herself up to me as she sat on my lap facing me.
I moved the hair plastered to her forehead away from her beautiful face and stared at her. Her hands found my ears as she encased them in her hands, pulling my mouth to hers. She whispered kisses on my lips; the way she knew only drove me mad because every time I would want my tongue to venture into her mouth, she would pull away. “Take them off, papi. Now.”
I watched her eyes as I released my grip on her hips to move down my flannel pants, kicking them off once they reached my knees. Between our bodies, my dick sprang up resting on her tight stomach.
She grabbed me by the base pulling up to spill my own wetness from my tip. She scooted back on my legs, lowering her lips to me. I felt her tongue lick my tip taking with it my wetness.
I fisted a hand full of her hair, pulling her back up to me. She complied as she raised her body over me and slid down my dick, forcefully taking all of me in. Her head fell forward onto my shoulder as she breathed through the pain of forcing herself on me.
I rubbed her back gently, not rushing this moment for her. She was in control and I would give her whatever it was that she needed.
When she lifted her face for me finally allowing me see her beauty, she was smiling reticently at me. She was never shy when it came to me, especially when it involved me and sex.
She grabbed both my hands, placing them both on her hips making sure I had a tight grip. She leaned to the side, tapping on the bedside lamp lighting up the room. The brightness stung both of our eyes as we squinted at each other as she laughed lightly.
“Perdon papi, sorry.”
I gave her hips a squeeze.
She replaced her hands around my neck, bringing her lips back to mine and this time she granted me all the access I wanted to taste her completely.
She rocked on me slowly, moaning into my mouth. After a few seconds that felt like blissful eternity inside of her, she stopped moving, pulling my face away from her lips that were like honey to me by my ears.
I nodded my chin at her, trying to figure out what her play was when I felt her pussy rhythmically moving against the tight skin of my dick. The sensation she was creating felt as if I was smashing myself into her hard, but all she was doing was milking me and it felt so good.
I was feeling light headed and dizzy. I breathed in and out heavily, looking into her mischievous eyes. We held each other’s gaze as she massaged my dick as I’ve never felt her do before. She took her time with me. Torturing me slowly, giving me a pleasure I’ve never felt in my life. The way she squeezed and released me, alternating the strength of her pussy as she milked me was intoxicating.
I pressed her harder down onto me and her moan turned into a scream as I rocked her hips along with the sensual movements of her muscles working me. “Fuck Blue, I love you. I fucking love you. You don’t know what you do to me.”
I could feel her orgasm building as she strained to keep the slow tempo going, but she was losing her battle. I could feel her pussy leaking down on me with her juices pooling at the base of my dick. Her hands slid down my face, down my shoulders, resting her palms on my chest pushing back at me, as she tried with all her strength to hold back.
“Come for me Blue, you know you want to. Come for me.” I slipped my hands in between her lips, caressing her wet clit and she screamed again.
Her body was crashing fast and I wanted to come with her because I’ve been on the brink of spilling inside of her from the beginning. She shook her head as she closed her eyes, forcing her breathing to slow down.
I quickened the rolling of my thumb on her swollen clit, pulling her hips forward then back with my hand still gripping her hip.
“No!”
I hated to hear that word come from her perfect lips. My hand on her hip flew up to the back of her head as I grabbed a handful of hair, pulling her head back and pulling her face to mine.
With my lips pressed hard on hers I asked her. “No what, Blue? I told you to come so fucking come because when you do, you’re going on all fours baby.”
She forced a weak laugh, biting my bottom lip hard. I ran my tongue along the blood pooling on my bottom lip. I growled, grabbing her by her slippery hips. I pulled her up and slammed her hard on me, finally undoing the thread of defiance and restraint she was relying on.
She was coming hard, screaming shit at me I didn’t fucking understand, but it was all good because she was rocking back and forth, clutching onto my shoulders riding her orgasm as I came.
Still coming inside of her, I pushed aside how sensitive my dick was launching us forward, slamming her back on the bed. When I did, her legs immediately opened for me. I could see her wetness and my release seeping out of her and my dick was rock hard once again. I took her legs, propping them onto my shoulders; the one position I knew that would leave her destroyed when I was finished with her.
When she got the gist of what I had planned for her, she started to panic feeding my ego. Bracing her hands on my stomach as I got into position, she opened her mouth for what I thought was going to be her usual pleading for me to put
her legs down because it hurt too much, but I never did and she loved it.
“Fuck me papi, duro, hard, fuck me hard Lawrence. Break me papi.”
I lunged inside of her as she screamed, punching the mattress with her balled fists. I relentlessly slammed myself inside of her, burying all of me in her sweet temple.
Chapter Fourteen
Livie
Late morning came around faster than I was wishing it would. My fault I guess…considering the all night sex fest I was hosting in our bedroom.
I’m surprised Ocean hasn’t run for the hills yet. I really am hoping these wild hormones calm down soon because I can’t see myself in another three to four months, carrying on with Ocean the way I was now.
I stretched in place, feeling the absence of Ocean’s body next to me. I felt him get up with the alarm clock at six a.m. If I had the energy I would have got up with him, but I listened to my body now more than ever and it said SLEEP.
My brain and emotions were also now starting to get used to thinking of them-meaning my babies-first before I did anything. It felt good to know that I could put them first. It gave me hope that I was actually going to turn out to be an okay mom—I would much rather tell myself I’d be a great mother, but baby steps for now in the motherhood department.
Pushing my naked and aching body up from the bed, I swung my tensed legs over the side of the bed while preparing myself to stand up. As I did, I felt a pool of warmness leave my body. In a panic, I squeezed my legs together as more warmth seeped out.
No, no, no. Don’t let this happen. Not now… not to me!
I gripped the sheets underneath my trembling hands as I counted down backwards from one hundred. I wasn’t ready to see what was happening.
The bedroom door opened and Ocean’s laughter filled the room. I couldn’t move or say a word. I just kept counting.
“Morning baby.”
I heard him. I wanted to jump up and run into his arms, but I was frozen with the memory of witnessing my mother’s miscarriage and the irreversible trauma that followed…my unbreakable fate.
I knew it would happen to me, I just knew it!
“Livie!” The bed shifted, bouncing under me as Ocean jumped onto the bed rolling over and dropping off to the floor on the side I was sitting on.
He knelt down in front of me, taking my naked appearance in; which probably resembled a lunatic on the verge of an overdue melt down. His eyes roamed my naked body as he placed his hands on my knees. “Baby, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? Are you in pain? What’s happening Livie?”
I felt horrible for placing the panic in his voice and in his heart, but my brain just kept counting down.
He grabbed my face by the chin hard forcing my eyes to meet with his. “Livie. Tell. Me. Now.”
Communicating with my eyes because speaking would be too painful, I lowered them to my legs that were still tightly pressed together and on the border of causing me to cramp up from thigh to calf from the strain I was putting on my legs. I looked back up at him, moving my eyes down again to make sure he was following.
When he finally caught my message, he grabbed my knees again and slowly pulls them apart.
I fought him at first, refusing to let him see what I feared would be there and what it might mean in the end. This was different from the spotting I’d been doing for the past few weeks, before I even gave into the idea of actually being pregnant. Ignorance is fucking bliss.
This however, felt the way it feels like when you wake up in the morning and your period is resting on the outside of your flesh; just waiting to ruin your day. There was a gush of blood that was pooled between my thighs; I didn’t need to see it to know what it was.
Ocean didn’t have much patience for me today because when I resisted, he took a deep breath and forcefully pulled my legs apart without warning. I braced my hands behind me on the mattress from the force of his hands. What greeted the both of us was what I was dreading to have to witness.
I focused on Ocean’s face which turned from pale white to slime green and then red from anger.
“SHIT! FUCKING SHIT!"
I held my breath to look down to assess the damage of what was happening to me. The amount of blood I saw staining the white sheets beneath me was alarming. So alarming that I felt my body give out and fall backwards as a cold and familiar darkness overtook me.
҉҉҉҉
I could hear the voices of those familiar to me and those of strangers surrounding me. I felt someone holding my left hand as I drifted in and out of consciousness and I knew it was Ocean never leaving my side.
Every time I felt as if I was being pulled away from him, I would feel his grip tighten on my hand and the tones of those talking around me increase. I was being constantly moved, poked at, and probed. I could have fought the sleepiness and dizziness I was still feeling, but decided against it.
I needed this dark time-out to brace myself for what might have happened. I was not ready to let down my husband, my life, and my Ocean in this way. Not now and not ever, did I want to cause him this sort of pain. I’d rather die than to have this be our fate.
I know it happens. I’m not stupid, but I wasn’t’ the average woman. I was already marked for self-inflicted pain and torture. I was not strong enough for this.
I stopped thinking and let my thoughts still as I focused on absolutely nothing. The only comfort I found was darkness and I was okay with that for now.
҉҉҉҉
I felt like I’d been asleep forever when I finally opened my groggy eyes. The bright lights that met my pupils made my eyes squint in pain as the last of my memories came back.
Opening my eyes wide ignoring the burn, I took in the hospital room I was in. I was hooked up to a monitor, but it wasn’t on.
Panic…panicking. Why was it not on? Am I not pregnant anymore? Did it really happen?
I frantically looked around the room, finding it empty. Ocean never leaves me.
Oh my god it happened!
With no IV hooked up to my arm, I hopped off the bed while ignoring the sharp pain tickling my lower abdomen. I walked into the bathroom to see if Ocean was in there...it was empty.
I was wearing a hospital gown; which was open in the back from the cold air that was assaulting my bare backside, but I didn’t care. I needed to find Ocean. He never left me.
WHERE THE FUCK WAS OCEAN?
I ran to the door, not caring if I would be roaming the halls of the hospital with my ass showing off to the rest of the world.
I.NEEDED.OCEAN. NOW!
With my hand on the silver paddle like handle of the door, it flew open pushing me back and sent me flying backwards.
Ocean stepped through quickly, throwing what looked like two suitcases onto the floor. Lunging forward to catch me before I hit the floor, tears from my shock and terror finally fled my eyes. Ocean brought me back up into a standing position, holding me tight. My relief of seeing him and being in his arms where I knew I was safe quickly turned into anger.
I pulled away, continuing to cry like a mad woman slapping and punching his chest as hard as I could. “You left me Ocean, you FUCKING LEFT ME! I needed you here. Why’d you leave?!” The words left my mouth repeatedly as I continued to wail on him.
He took everything I was dishing out with ease and that pushed me over the edge. I finally managed to land a jab to his jaw that was now turning red on his smooth and fair skin. It took the both of us by surprise because it was from my left hand; the one that gave out on me if I was lifting anything heavier than thirty pounds.
Before I could try to punch him again with my left, he grabbed it along with my right hand and pressed them tightly up against his hard chest. My emotions switched from anger to remorse like a damn light switch and I began crying even harder, apologizing for everything.
Ocean tightened his grip on my hands, pressing them together painfully. When I finally gave up the fight, he let go to move his powerful arms around me and held onto my trembling body. Wi
th my tear-streaked face, I mushed my face into the fabric of his tight fitting designer shirt.
Seconds later, I found my voice to ask the question I honestly did not want to know the answer to. “Ocean what happened? What did I do wrong?”
I felt his chest rise and fall sharply as he inhaled a lung full of air, releasing it quickly.
Oh shit! It’s bad.
My body tensed, ready to start fighting again out of reflect rather than the desire to.
Ocean dragged my stiff body over to the hospital bed, tying the back of my gown for me before laying my body down. He sat on the side with his body facing me and placing both arms on either side of my body, trapping me.
“Livie, look at me.” Ocean's voice was stern yet soft as he ordered me to look at him.
I hesitated for a moment before allowing my eyes to settle on his face. When I finally did, what I saw in his face took me by surprise.
Ocean was smiling and not the fake smile you give someone when they’re about to jump off a cliff while you’re trying to talk them down. His smile was real, sincere, and genuine.
I choked on my next breath as my eyes melted from his smile. He playfully rolled his eyes at me. I was stumped-surely, he wouldn’t be this happy if something bad really did happen.
I opened my mouth to speak when he told me to shut up…literally!
“Shut up baby. It’s not what you’re thinking and I know what you’re thinking because it was haunting my mind too when I saw all that blood. You’re fine Livie. You and our babies are fine. Perfect actually.” He placed a hand over my belly and my hand automatically followed.
I placed my hand over his, caressing the top of his hand as he caressed my belly through my gown. I needed to feel his skin on mine to keep me calm.
Hawthornes Calm Manuscript Page 12
