“Yes, I think we could,” Jax responded and felt an urge inside. It wasn't a foreign urge, he'd felt it for so long but only Annika was able to make him feel it. It was strange to feel it for another girl. He liked it.
After his meeting with Akayleah, Jax came back as much as he possibly could without arousing suspicion. Akayleah didn't always show herself to him, but he always felt her watching. He liked that she watched him. It gave his ego a boost and pushed him to shift into spectacular things. On the days when she would show herself, they would sit and talk for hours. They became friends quickly, and Jax looked forward to their time together. She was his only friend outside of Annika and her brother Denali. Jax liked having something that was his own. His secret. His own friendship that he didn't have to share with anyone, Annika included.
He tried sharing his accomplishments with Annika, but she was unimpressed and most of the time frightened. She had been working on her calming ability and used it regularly on Jax. He worked on shielding that as well. He didn't know why. Annika's ability to alter feelings usually left him feeling peaceful and happy, but lately it just irritated him. She was changing, and he didn't like it.
He rarely saw her after their 18th birthdays, and he missed her greatly. Even his time with Akayleah in the forest didn't fill the void of Annika Levannah. They were both in adulthood now and would be expected to settle down soon. He knew of their parents plan for them to marry, and he was anxious to make her his.
Weeks had passed since their last visit, and Jax was missing Annika . He wondered if she missed him as much. He wondered what she was doing that would keep her away from him for so long. Their time between visits had grown, but this was the longest he's ever gone without seeing her. On a whim, he decided to pay her a visit. He would surprise her.
His heart sank when Mrs. Levannah told him that Annika wasn't home, and she didn't know where she had gone. Jax walked away feeling low. His mind spun a web of scenarios about where she could be and who she could be with. One such thought stuck in his head, was she with another man? Just the idea made Jax's blood boil and stirred feelings that he was careful to keep hidden deep inside. He couldn't keep them repressed this time. The idea of another man stealing her away from Jax was too much and without thinking he went looking for her.
He had no idea where to start, where to look. Annika was adventurous. That was one of their favorite things to do together, go on adventures. They hadn't gone on one together in so long. They were older now, more mature adults, but he knew Annika, and she would always look for her next big adventure.
He couldn't say if it was luck or fate or just coincidence that he found her in the nearby Healer’s village. He was just wandering through the tiny town, thinking about her, when her white hair caught his attention. She was smiling, laughing even, and he was about to call out to her when Jax saw him. James Mender. A Healer. He took it all in: her hand in his, her permanent smile and her giggle every time he spoke, the way he leaned in to talk to her and the look of admiration in her eyes. It wasn't difficult to conclude that Annika had been spending her time with another man, and he was clearly more than a friend. The kiss he gave her broke something inside of Jax. Not his heart, as she had already broken that but something else. He didn't know what it was, but he felt any ounce of good in his body had disappeared, and those dark feelings were taking residence.
The anger he felt was nearly uncontrollable, and he felt his body tremble. He had to get out of there before he shifted and did something he couldn't take back. He ran as quickly as his human legs would carry him with tears burning his face. As soon as he was a safe distance from the village he gave into the urges and shifted into his lion form. He felt most comfortable in this form. As though the feelings he tried to suppress could roam freely in the body of a lion.
He ran to the only place he knew he could be himself. The only place he could release the rage that took over his heart without hurting anyone. He ran to The Dark Forest. He was almost to his spot when he saw her. She was standing there, still as a statue, as though she were waiting for him. As quickly as he shifted to lion, he shifted back to man and ran the rest of the way to her on his human legs. He stopped just before her and knew he should have felt the shame of the tears that stained his face, but he didn't. He was broken in more ways than he could count. He saw the look of concern flash across her face, then without thinking he grabbed her face and kissed her.
It wasn't the tender kiss he had just witnessed between Annika and James. No this kiss was full of fury and passion and need. She kissed him back, matching his intensity but pulled away after a few minutes.
“Jax, what are we doing? What happened to you?” He looked at her, breathless. He wanted her so badly. Wanted her to erase his pain. He wanted her to make the memory of Annika disappear. He wanted her to make him feel sane. He wanted to say all of this, but he couldn't. As soon as his mouth opened the words got stuck, and he began to sob.
She wrapped her arms around him, and they sank to the forest floor. She held him as he cried. She brushed the hair from his face. She kissed the top of his head repeatedly. She squeezed him tightly whenever the sobs became too hard. After some time went by the quaking of his body slowed, and the quenched sound of his heartbreak quieted. He finally found the words to speak. “I saw Annika with another man.” He was proud he had said the words without breaking into another crying fit yet he didn't move from her embrace. He felt safe in her arms. Secure. Wanted.
Jax had told Akayleah all about his love for Annika and his plans to marry her. It was the reason she had not acted on her own feelings for Jax long before. Though she felt sorry for the man that lay in her arms, she was secretly pleased. She had been waiting for him to come to her, and he finally had. She would heal him. She would show him love.
“Come with me Jax,” she urged as she stood and held her hand out to him. He took it and stood beside her. She didn't release it when he stood instead pulled him behind her.
“Where are we going?” He asked quietly.
“To my home,” she responded before they fell into a comfortable silence.
He followed her willingly deeper into the forest, no words needed to be spoken. He was a broken man who needed mending, and she was the woman to do it. Once they reached her home, she led him inside the giant tree trunk and directly to where she slept. She turned to look at him. He was so handsome. Even with the pain etched into his young face his beauty was there.
“Jax, I'm not going to be anything but honest with you okay?” She said, and he nodded in response. “Okay. You are such a glorious man. I've been watching you since you first came to The Dark Forest. When I first saw you, you were trying to control your shape-shifting. You were so young and naïve, yet strong and intelligent. I wanted you that first day. I've watched you every time you visit and I'm in awe of you.” He stood before her, shocked and confused. How many times had he wanted to hear those exact words from Annika's mouth. Too many to count. Now he was before a beautiful woman. One he thought very highly of and his body reacted to, but he didn't love her. Could he be with her without love? In doing so, would he lose any piece of goodness he had left? Did he really care anymore?
His body was screaming for her touch but his heart was shredded, beating only for Annika. He sat on Akayleah's bed and she took the place beside him.
“I don't know what to do,” he began. “Seeing her with him did things to me I never thought were possible. I wanted to kill him. The urge was overwhelming. Then I ran. I ran to you. I didn't know that's what I was doing but I did. And you were there. I've never let anyone see that side of me, not even Annika and we've been linked since birth. The thing is, my body wants you but my heart is telling me different. This was supposed to happen with her,” he said quietly, his head hung.
“I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, Jax. We can just sit and talk if you want but I won't lie and tell you that I'm not happy she's found someone. I'm sorry for your hurt but I would li
ke a chance to help you forget her,” she said softly as her hand brushed his inner leg.
“I want to forget her,” he said and convinced himself that it was true. He touched her face and felt the heat radiating. “Please help me forget her,” he begged.
She helped him that night many times over. Their first time was awkward but tender as she taught him the ways of lovemaking. He was a quick study though and picked up on what made her feel good realizing that her pleasure became his own. For one night, he thought of no one but Akayleah. He kissed her face, her breasts, and the sweet spot between her legs. Being inside of her was the warmest feeling he had ever felt. When he fell asleep in her arms, all the pain of the day fell away, and he was happy again. If only for a moment.
He felt a strange sense of guilt when he woke next to her. She was sleeping soundly, and he watched her. She was so pretty, prettier than Annika if he was being honest. He watched her and tried to feel it, the feeling he only felt with Annika, but he couldn't. The want for her body was there, but the feeling in his heart was not. He kissed her gently on the forehead before he dressed and left her alone, without a goodbye.
He went home that day, intending to tell Annika everything. He had to tell her how much he loved her, and that he wanted nothing more than to marry her. He would even confess his night with Akayleah. She would forgive him as he would her. She would realize her love for him, and they would be happy.
He had washed all evidence of Akayleah from his body and put on fresh clothes then went to find Annika. He was no further than his own path when she literally ran into him. He could see she was upset and thought she surely had come to him because that James Mender was a fool who broke her heart, and Jax was happy for it. He would be there for her and prove his own love to her. What she said took him by surprise. Her words would echo in his head forever.
“Have they told you? They plan for us to marry! How could they?” Her voice was nearing a whine and Jax felt his heart accelerate. This wasn't what he thought her reaction would be. Yes, they had drifted apart recently, but she was still his soulmate, his light in the dark. She was his best friend, and he was hers. They balanced each other. He took a few steady breaths before speaking.
“Of course Annie, of course we are to be wed. My parents told me the deal they made with your father all those years ago. I couldn't be happier Annie. I love you. Don't you love me?” It was the most vulnerable he had been with her in a very long time. Of course, he knew of the plans, his parents told him a long time ago. He waited and waited for the two of them to come of age so they could be one. Even though he saw her with another man, even though he ran to the arms of someone else, even though they had grown up and apart, he loved her and foolishly believed that she loved him back.
He was waiting patiently for her response. Her face, so beautiful and innocent, looked afraid and sad. He knew what she was going to say before she did. He braced himself against the words he knew would change him forever.
“No Jax, I can't marry you. Of course I love you, like I love Denali, like a brother.” He could see the sorrow in her eyes and hear the sincerity in her voice, but it didn't matter. He was trembling beneath his skin and when she laid a hand on him, attempting to calm him down, his fury grew, but he could control it.
“Don't try to calm me Annika. It's not going to work this time. I can calm myself.” He felt his body shake and his skin tingled, but he controlled it, as he had practiced many times in The Dark Forest. He tried to find the words to erase the ones she had just spoken.
“I'm sorry if I scared you, but that's not really what I was expecting to hear from you. It's okay though. We have time. You will learn to love me. We will be happy Annie.” He could hear the pleading in his voice, the slight quiver that caused his normally steady and strong voice to shake. She would see reason. He would make her see reason.
“I love someone else Jax. He asked me to marry him today and I said yes. You see, I can't marry you.” The words impaled his heart, and his stomach churned. It took every ounce of self-control he had to keep from shifting. When she tried to touch him, he pushed her away, fearing her touch would be the end of him.
“Please, Jax, understand. I had no idea you felt this way. You can't be angry with me!” She said, and he heard the anger in her voice. His entire life he was with Annika. They grew together, and they learned together. They laughed together and loved together. Almost every major life experience had been experienced together including their first kiss. How could she not know how he felt? He didn't try to hide it. As their life together ran through his head, and he tried to find the words to convince her that she was wrong, he realized something was different about her. He knew it was the same thing that was different about him.
“Have you lain with this other man, Annika?” He demanded even though he knew he didn't have the right to.
“What? What difference does that make?” She countered, and he knew the answer without her speaking it yet he wanted to hear her say those words.
“It makes a huge difference to me.” The thought of another man's hands on his Annika's body made him physically ill. Surely, he would forgive her though, after all his first time was not with Annika, but she didn't know that. He had to forgive her, he thought, but could he?
“Yes, today after he proposed. Are you happy now Jax?” She spat, not knowing that her words were like thousands of pieces of broken glass cutting into him simultaneously. Any rational thought he had left had vanished. The remainder of their conversation was void and years later all he would remember was calling her a whore because to him, she was.
The emotions he was working on so hard to keep hidden were emerging. The darkness that had threatened to take over was finally overshadowing any amount of light that he carried. They argued, more like she argued while the monster inside of Jax grew. The thoughts that ran through his mind were wrong. He knew they were wrong, yet there they stayed, dancing around and taunting him until he felt something inside of him snap. The monster emerged and when Jax threw her over his shoulder, he knew there was no going back to being Jax Androni.
He carried her, kicking and screaming to The Dark Forest and when she bit him, he laughed. When she pleaded for him to release her and used their friendship as a weapon it did nothing but anger him more. The only thing he could think about was having her body as his own. He should have been the first man to touch her in those ways. That James Mender would pay for tainting his Annika but not before Annika paid for betraying Jax.
Once he reached his destination, a large tree deep in The Dark Forest, he threw her on the ground. What he did next made him feel powerful but broken. When he ripped the front of her dress open, exposing her breasts, he almost stopped himself. So many times he had dreamed of seeing her naked skin. So many times he had dreamed of touching her. Their one kiss had rested on his lips, waiting to explore more of her. The fear on her face tugged slightly at his conscience and heart, but the monster in him fed on it. Her fear made him grow stronger. He unleashed all his anger and hurt upon her body. He slapped her. He bit her in her most sensitive spots. He made her his own in the most violent way he could and when he finally allowed himself to enter her, he was neither gentle nor kind as he had been with Akayleah just the night before. No, he entered her swiftly, roughly. He pounded into her with all of his strength willing his seed to embed itself deep inside of her. When he finally finished he looked at her. She had passed out.
He backed off of her and fell back against the wall of the tree. For a moment, the severity of what he had done caused him to panic. He looked at her, so broken and beaten. The lovely face that he loved so much was swelling and parts were turning a deep shade of purple. He saw blood splattered across different parts of her body, including her breasts and between her thighs. He looked at his hands and felt sick. His hands had beaten and bruised the one person in the world Jax had always cherished. The one person he had always loved. The one person he would die for. The one person who was supposed to be hi
s light in the dark had turned that light off forever, and Jax made sure she knew what her betrayal had done to him. The proof was left in her body.
He left her unconscious and beaten but sure she had learned her lesson. He left directions for her when she woke. She was to meet him at her house where they would announce their engagement to their family and friends. Jax felt almost giddy knowing he would soon marry Annika. He almost walked with a bounce in his step. He had one loose end to tie up or cut out, James Mender.
Jax was very specific in his note to Annie, he killed James. He knew she would be devastated but figured she would get over it. After all, Jax was her soulmate, he knew it, and she would too. Jax wondered to himself if he could really do it, could he kill the fucking, goody goody, perfect James Mender. He felt like he could. Jax had never hated anything more than he hated James. The thought of James being inside of Annika before Jax created an outrageous jealousy that fueled Jax's rampage. Yes, he could do it but how?
Oh the ideas raced through his mind, so many good ones. Would he do it slow or fast? Could he do it in his original form or should he shift into something more terrifying? Would it be easier if he shifted? No, he shook that thought away. He wanted James to look him in the eyes. He wanted James to know who stopped his last breath and why. Shifting was out. Bare hands? Blade? Rope? Ahh, so many decisions. Jax contemplated his method until he reached James' front door. Just before his hand raised up ready to fall against the wooden door, he wondered if the Mender family was home. If so, could he kill them all or would he have to wait and come back? No, it's now or never. Kill all the fuckers, he thought.
Bang. Bang. Bang. His hands fell against the door with loud thumps. He continued pounding the wood until his victim appeared. He looked surprised when he opened the door and found Jax looking rather mad. Jax began laughing. The look of confusion and fear on James face tickled something inside of Jax.
Jax (A Neveah Short Story) Page 2
