Between You and Me

by Jennifer Gracen

  “Before? Yeah.” His voice was gruff. “After? No. Too much loss.”

  They sat in heavy silence for a minute. Then he sighed and said, “See? Warned you. That’s some dark stuff.” He shook his head raggedly. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

  “Stop that,” Tess commanded. “I asked because I wanted to know. I’m glad I know.” She reached across the table for his hand and squeezed it, sending a streak of electricity up his arm. “You’re still my friend. I don’t think any less of you. If anything, I think even more of you.”

  He gazed at her in muted awe, this beautiful, amazingly empathetic woman. “Are we friends now?”

  Her shapely brow lifted. “Yes. I’d like to think we are. Aren’t we?”

  He couldn’t hold back the smile that spread on his face. “Yeah. We are.”

  “Good.” She rubbed the top of his hand with her thumb, so soft, before she pulled her hand back. “And the truth is, knowing some of that? There are things about you that make more sense now.”

  His brows shot up. “You say that like . . . you were trying to figure me out.”

  “Maybe I have been.” Tess changed the subject with a hint of a grin. “So I gather your mother—who sounds like a badass, by the way—doesn’t like your loner mentality and thinks she’s going to get you to change your mind somehow?”

  His eyes caressed Tess’s features. Damn, she was clever. Pulling him out before he fell too far down the hole. Grateful, he nodded. “Something like that. I just think she wants more grandchildren. My brother has kids, but he’s too far away.” Logan smirked. “I hate to burst her bubble, but I don’t want kids. After what I’ve seen . . . I can’t bear it. The idea of something happening, or the potential of more loss . . . It’s too much. No family for me. End of story.”

  Tess gaped at him. Finally, he saw a lick of something like pity in her eyes as she murmured, “Wow.”

  “Wow nothing. Fewer ties, fewer chances for me to fuck up again, or to lose something so big that the next time, I won’t get back up again. It’s pretty simple, really.” Logan suddenly ached for a beer and grabbed his glass. It was almost empty. He sucked an ice cube into his mouth and chewed on it, anything for distraction.

  Tess just folded her hands in her lap. “Whatever works for you.”

  “That’s what works for me.”

  “It sounds lonely,” she said quietly.

  He shrugged. “On occasion. But so what.”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded.

  “Tess, I didn’t mean to sound harsh.”

  “You didn’t. Not to me, anyway. But you sound pretty harsh on yourself.”

  “I have to be. Gotta keep myself in line.”

  Sounds more like you’re still punishing yourself, she thought. But that wasn’t her business.

  “Look,” he added, his voice softer. “I came back from hell. I worked hard to do it, and I’m happy now. I’m good. It could’ve gone the other way. I’m grateful for what I have.”

  “That’s a good way to be.”

  “I think so. Give me the simple life.”

  The waitress hovered nearby and Tess waved her over.

  “Would you like to see the dessert menu?” she asked.

  “Hell yes,” Logan said enthusiastically.

  Tess arched a brow at him.

  “Hey, gotta let me have one vice. Mine’s sugar. I admit it.”

  “So the way to your heart is with sweets, huh?” she teased.

  “You got it. What about you?” He locked his pale green eyes on her, searching, a sly grin on his face. “What are your hidden vices? How does Tess Harrison indulge herself?”

  “Umm . . .” She thought it over, grinning back. “I’m no sugar junkie, but I’m a sucker for flowers.”

  His brow furrowed. “Flowers? You eat flowers?”

  She burst out laughing, “No! I love fresh cut flowers,” she said. “I always have them. I have them both at my office in the city, and in my home, in several rooms. I need that burst of color, that hint of life, especially in the winter. I spend quite a bit of money on that, so I’d say that counts as my indulgence.”

  “That’s a damn nice one,” he said with appreciation.

  “And when I got here, you’d filled the house with poinsettia plants,” she said. “That, um . . . went a long way. I loved that.”

  “Without even knowing,” he said, his smile growing. “Gold star for me.”

  “Absolutely.”

  * * *

  By the time Logan pulled up in front of Tess’s house, she was warm, full, tired, and happy. “I had a great time today.”

  “I did too,” he said with a smile. “Thanks again for inviting me.”

  “Any chance you’d like to do it again sometime soon?” she asked. “You’re a worthy ski partner, and I had fun with you.”

  “Yeah, I’d like that,” he said. “But next time, I pay for my lift ticket.”

  “Deal. Sometime next week?”

  “Sure. Give me a call, we’ll work out a time.”

  “Well, you have a job with a real schedule. Right now, I don’t. I’m free as a bird. So you give me a call.”

  His eyes held hers as he said, “Okay. I’ll do that. You’re on. Got yourself a ski buddy.”

  God, she wanted to kiss him. Sitting so close in the warmth of his truck, he smelled good and his eyes were intense and his mouth was inviting and she wanted to kiss him so bad. But this new friendship—all the things they’d revealed to each other that day—she didn’t want to cross any lines or mess it up. For now, she’d hold back.

  But still couldn’t resist flirting a little bit. “So,” she said boldly. “Are you coming in to soak in my tub or what? The offer stands.”

  His gaze turned hot, a full-out smolder that made her belly do a wobbly flip. “The offer is more tempting than you know.” His voice had dropped low and dead sexy, making her shiver. “But I think I’d better head home for tonight.”

  They stared at each other for a moment, pure electricity crackling between them. She could feel her blood in her veins, racing now, hot and needing, as his eyes lowered to her mouth for a few seconds before lifting to meet her gaze again.

  “You sure?” she asked. Her heart thumped in heavy beats.

  “Only so much temptation a man can take,” he murmured. “And you’re testing my limits as it is, Tess. You have to know that.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “Well . . .”

  She leaned in, her face so close to his that she could feel his hot breath feather against her lips.

  “Tess.” He whispered it as a protest, but his eyes gave him away. He wanted her too, she could see it all over his face.

  She closed the distance between them, pressing her mouth to his. It was a brush of her lips against his, just the slightest touch. But his hand lifted to cup the back of her neck and hold her there. He took control of the kiss, gently but surely, slanting his mouth over hers to take more of what he wanted. Her mouth opened with a little sigh as their tongues met and swirled slowly. As they leaned into each other, his fingers threaded through her hair and his other hand came up, cradling her head in his hands as his mouth consumed hers.

  Her senses reeled. His full beard tickled her face, surprisingly soft against her skin. The feel of his mouth on hers, his hands in her hair, his big, warm body so close . . . her head swam with it all. He deepened the kiss and groaned softly into her mouth, and she was lost. She surrendered willingly, kissing him back with the same slow, sensual pace he’d set, her fingers clutched in his ski jacket. She could have kissed him for days.

  He broke away slowly, leaning his forehead against hers, eyes still closed. “Jesus,” he whispered. When his eyes opened to focus on her, they were heavy lidded with lust. “You . . . you better go inside now.”

  Still catching her breath, she touched his cheek. “You sure you don’t want to come in?”

  “I do want to,” he said, his voice thick. “Too much.
So I’m not going to.”

  She pulled back, trying to hide her disappointment. “Okay.”

  “Tess . . .” He stared at her, his mouth opening and closing as he fought with what he wanted to say. “You’re an amazing woman. I like that we’re . . . kind of friends now. Let’s try to stick with that for now, okay?”

  The disappointment sharpened in her gut, but she pasted on a smile. “Fine.”

  “Ah crap. No, no, don’t say fine,” Logan demanded gently. “When a woman says fine, it’s never fine. Even a loner lumberjack like me knows that.”

  She couldn’t help but giggle.

  “Tess, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said earnestly. “Don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t love to go inside with you right now, because I would. But you have an agenda, you’re gearing up to go through some medical . . . stuff . . . and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

  She gaped at him in shock. “I . . . I don’t know what one thing has to do with the other.”

  “You have big plans,” he murmured, trailing the backs of his fingers along her cheek, eyes locked with hers. “I’d be a distraction. You said it yourself, you don’t want any distractions right now.” His gaze turned wicked and hot as he added, “I promise you, it’d be a fantastic distraction. A sexy, fun, passionate distraction . . . but this friendship we’ve started? Means more.”

  “We’re attracted to each other,” she said flatly.

  “Can’t deny that.” He touched his mouth to hers again, a light brush of his lips, and her whole body shuddered. “But I shouldn’t go inside with you. Not tonight.”

  Her nerves jangled, every nerve ending alight and aware of him. Her heart beat hard and fast as she nuzzled into his palm, stared right into his eyes, and whispered, “If you insist.”

  “I do,” he said, not breaking their gaze. “C’mon, you know I’m right. Last thing you need right now is us starting something up like this. Didn’t you tell me your first doctor appointment is tomorrow?”

  She didn’t like it, and wasn’t sure she fully agreed with it, but had to admit she’d thought along those lines herself before his kisses had turned her brain to mush and her insides to jelly. With a heavy sigh, she nodded and pulled back from him. “Pretty early, in fact. I should go inside and get into bed.”

  Logan growled, his head falling back against the leather seat. “Had to put an image like that in my head right before you leave. You, climbing into bed . . . not nice, Tess. Not nice.”

  She laughed lightly, and he grinned back at her. Their eyes held for a long beat and she took a slow, deep breath, exhaling it before she said, “Good night, Logan. Thanks again for a great day.”

  “Back at you,” he said. “Good night, Tess. Sleep well. Good luck tomorrow.”

  With a sweet smile, she climbed out of his truck and into the cold night.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tess got home from her morning yoga class at noon. She poured some food into Bubbles’s bowl, then showered, all the while absently humming the last song she’d heard in the car. When she emerged from the bathroom in her fluffy wine-colored robe, her long hair wrapped up turban style on top of her head, she sank onto her bed. Yesterday, she’d spent most of the afternoon painting, but she wasn’t in the mood today. She had to check her work email, have some lunch, maybe make a few work calls. She also wanted to text Logan and thank him again for the day before.

  They’d gone skiing again, and like the first time, followed an afternoon on the slopes with a long meal and easy conversation. They told each other stories about their siblings, chatted about work, and he talked a bit about his mother’s condition, which apparently was declining. When he confessed that he was worried his mom would start campaigning in town to find him a girlfriend so she could quickly marry him off before she died, Tess had teased him mercilessly, anything to take the sad look out of his eyes. And it had worked.

  Since the ten days since their first skiing excursion, he’d started texting her on the days he didn’t come by her house to take out the trash. Only once a day, just a short and sweet Checking on you. Everything okay? which she would answer, and they’d end up texting for a few minutes. Getting to know each other, kind of friends, even though the attraction between them simmered at a low boil whenever they were together. She liked him. She trusted him.

  She picked up the phone to text him and noticed that the light was blinking. She checked the message; Dr. Fuller from the fertility clinic had called while she was in the shower. Excitement and nervousness rocketed through her.

  Her initial visit to the fertility clinic ten days ago had been interesting. She’d had a brief physical exam and filled out a million forms. She’d had a lengthy interview with the doctor, who’d fielded her many questions and filled in some blanks. Dr. Fuller was a warm, clearly knowledgeable person; Tess felt like she was in good hands. Her gut told her she’d found the right place and the right people to help make her dreams come true.

  Since then, she’d pored over donor profiles. The clinic was at the top of their game when it came to both medical and psychosocial profiles, one of the main reasons she’d picked them. Their screening process was extensive, which further inspired her confidence. Hell, the cost didn’t matter to her. The basics of the procedure could be done anywhere. She wanted to ensure quality, across the board, and this clinic had that going on. She was in.

  Sitting back on her bed, she tucked her legs beneath her as she returned Dr. Fuller’s call. She was on the line in under two minutes. “Hi, Tess, how are you?”

  “I’m fine, thank you.” Tess’s heart rate picked up a notch, a new rush of anticipation whooshing through her. “Why’d you call?”

  “I wanted to share your test results with you,” Dr. Fuller said. She sounded calm and at ease, which put Tess more at ease. “Just the basics, which are, you’re in top shape. You’re very healthy, and I think you won’t have any problems conceiving.”

  Tess’s heart soared. “Really? That’s wonderful!”

  “Now, understand,” Dr. Fuller cautioned, “that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get pregnant on your first try. It’s absolutely possible, but you are in your late thirties, so that’s the only risk factor here. Your blood work is great, your hormone levels are right where they need to be . . . I’d bet once we start, you’ll be pregnant within six months. Hopefully less, but the point is, you don’t have anything to show you’ll have a real problem getting pregnant. Okay?”

  “That’s great,” Tess said, practically bouncing where she sat. “So how soon can we start?”

  “Well, have you been monitoring your ovulation?”

  “Of course. And I actually just started ovulating yesterday. I’m at peak week.”

  Dr. Fuller chuckled. “That’s good, but have you chosen a donor from the database yet? We need to go over that part . . . kind of important.”

  Now it was Tess who laughed. “I know. That’s the hard part. I’ve narrowed it down to a few candidates, but . . .”

  “That’s not something you want to rush, Tess.”

  “I know. I agree. I just . . .” She sighed and conceded, “I might need a little more time, and I feel like I’m going to lose this month, and I don’t want to lose any more time.”

  “It’s more important to be sure about your choice than to be fast.” The doctor’s voice softened kindly as she added, “Tess . . . you’ll be fine. You have time. Honestly.”

  After the call ended, Tess released her hair from the towel turban, shook out the long, damp curls, and lay back on her bed to stare at the view beyond. The entire back wall was made of glass, showcasing the majesty of the snow-capped mountains and pine trees outside. Clear blue skies and bright sunshine made the scene as picturesque as a postcard.

  A donor. She had to choose one. She needed a sperm donor who was fabulous, who’d pass on amazing traits and attributes to her child. She wanted a Superman . . .

  An idea had taken hold this week and she
couldn’t shake it. Now, after Dr. Fuller’s phone call giving her the green light to start, the idea grew claws and dug into her, a deep gut reaction. She had a sperm donor in mind, a “known donor,” as it were. From what she knew of him, he was a truly good person, with high intelligence, great compassion, and strong morals. He loved to help others and had a dry sense of humor. He was self-sufficient, capable, hardworking, and kind. He also happened to be drop-dead gorgeous and physically strong. Yup, all the traits he possessed were ones she’d love to have in a son or daughter of her own. And bonus, he was unmarried, totally unattached. So all week, the more she thought about it, the more it made sense.

  Logan Carter was a dream sperm donor.

  But would he ever agree to it? It was a hell of a thing to ask someone.

  He’d made it clear he wanted no ties in his life . . . but the fact was, that made him only a more perfect donor. If he would give up all claims to her child, leaving her to raise her child on her own, that was ideal. Tess wanted to be a single parent; she had those bases covered. Maybe that would appeal to him? Or would he run like hell and never even talk to her again?

  She drew a long, deep breath and expelled it with determination. No time to waste. The green light from the doctor spurred Tess into action. If Logan said no, she’d deal with it and go back to the donor database provided by the clinic. The only thing to do was ask. She had nothing to lose and so much to gain.

  She texted Logan. Hi Thor Please call me when you can? Need to ask you something.

  To her surprise, her phone rang thirty seconds later.

  “You know I don’t like it when people call me Thor.” His deep, sexy voice, a playful rumble in her ear, sent a current of electricity skittering through her.

  “I do know that,” she said, smiling. “That’s what makes it fun.”

  “Great,” he grunted, clearly joking. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

  “Yes, everything’s fine. I, um . . .” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her suddenly pounding heart. “I want to talk with you about something. Any chance you’re free for dinner tonight?”