Between You and Me

by Jennifer Gracen

  Tess laughed as she sat beside her, still holding the bag. “Thanks. I don’t have a whip or a sword or anything. No Chinese stars in here, I’m afraid.”

  “Pity,” Annmarie joked.

  “Ha!” Tess looked herself over as if she’d only just remembered what she was wearing. “Maybe the boots are a little sexy, but the rest is just comfortable.”

  “Pffft.” Annmarie dismissed that. “Yes, the boots are hot, but so’s the rest of you. I wish I had legs like yours. You’re a sexy woman, go on and flaunt it.”

  “Well, thanks.” Tess grinned and shot a glance over at Logan, who winked in amusement.

  But his insides heated a little as his eyes quickly traveled over her. He wanted to peel her out of her clothes and let his fingertips claim every sultry inch of her. “She’s the sexiest woman on earth,” he said.

  “Awww,” Tess said. She put down the bag, rose up to go to him, and said, “Give me a hug for that one, my hottie boyfriend.”

  He snorted out a laugh, but was glad for an excuse to touch her. When she pressed herself against him and wrapped her arms around his waist, something inside him melted all over again. God, she felt so good. He held her close and stole a quick kiss, just like a real boyfriend would. After all, his mother was right there.

  Tess looked into his eyes and whispered lightly, “Hey there. I missed you.”

  It made his heart stutter in his chest. She had no idea how she possessed him, now had free reign over his heart. “I missed you too,” he said, his voice feeling thick in his throat. “Sorry about that, but . . . thanks for giving me the space I needed. I’m better now. And it’s great to see you.” He kissed her again, because he could, and whispered, “She’s right, you know. You look amazing.”

  “Thanks.” She lifted her hand to give his beard an affectionate scratch, her blue eyes twinkling. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

  Annmarie cleared her throat. “Should I leave you two lovebirds alone? It’s no problem, just let me know.”

  “No, of course not.” Tess pulled herself out of his embrace and returned to sit beside her on the couch. She reached for the bag she’d brought and placed it in Annmarie’s lap. “We have to have lunch, so we can have these.”

  “What are they?” Annmarie asked.

  “Cookies from Pistelli’s bakery,” Tess said. “Your son got me addicted.”

  He laughed and said, “Easy to get addicted to those.”

  “I love their cookies,” Annmarie cooed. Her obvious delight warmed Logan’s heart.

  “Well, I thought you might like some once we got some lunch in you,” Tess said.

  Annmarie gave her a long look. “A ploy to get me to eat? What am I, a five-year-old? I get the reward of dessert if I eat lunch? Ha!” She chuckled and tsked as she added, “You’re transparent, my sweet girl.”

  Tess merely shrugged and said, “Not sorry.”

  Logan’s already mushy heart expanded. Tess clearly cared about his mother . . . he loved her even more for that. He rose from his chair and said, “I’ll get lunch to the table, then. You can entertain my mom with stories about your brothers while I set up.”

  “Are your brothers entertaining?” Annmarie asked.

  “Sometimes. They sure think they are.” Tess laughed wryly.

  “How many brothers do you have?” he heard Annmarie ask just as he walked out of the room.

  He’d made a hearty but simple lunch, a Crock-Pot full of beef and vegetable stew he’d let start cooking the night before. Full of iron, protein, and some fats, it would give his mom some strength if she’d eat even a tiny bit of it. He knew she had no appetite, but still held out hope.

  As the three of them ate, Logan hung back as he usually did, letting the women talk. Tess always cheered his mom up and drew her out of herself; she got her engaged in animated conversation, made her forget her troubles for a short while. He shook his head wryly as he suddenly realized she had the same effect on him.

  For days, he’d wrestled with his feelings . . . about dealing with his mother’s mortality, and about his unexpected, unwanted love for Tess. But finally, last night, he’d come to a place of quiet acceptance, and even an uneasy peace. Because it all reminded him of something he’d forgotten when Katrina had hit: Life is short. You have to grab life’s gifts with both hands while you have them.

  All this was temporary, a situation that would end. But at least Tess wouldn’t be dead at the end of it, unlike his mother. She’d be thousands of miles away, living her own life, but still. He’d steeled himself into a decision: With both of these women who meant the world to him, he’d make the most of his time with them, limited though it was, as much as he could.

  He’d have plenty of time to miss them and hurt over it after they were gone. So while they were still here, he’d embrace it and let himself enjoy being with them, and not get too tied up in the wrenching, bittersweet notion of how finite things were. He had to live in the present moment. It was all any of them had, anyway, really.

  Whatever his mom needed or wanted, he’d make sure she had it. Same went for Tess. And he’d be there for them with a smile on his face and love in his heart. He’d deal with the massive crash afterwards . . . and try his best not to dwell on the afterwards part when in their company.

  He looked at his mother across the table. This amazing woman had given him everything she had, his entire life. He hoped to return the favor up to her last breath. His brother wasn’t around, and likely wouldn’t come until she was literally on her deathbed to say goodbye. She needed Logan’s strength now. She didn’t need his anguish or fear, she needed his rock-solid support, and she’d get it.

  Tess threw back her gorgeous head and laughed at something Annmarie said. She didn’t need to know he loved her. She had very specific needs where he was concerned. The lines had blurred in that he’d never counted on their becoming such good friends. Some moments, it felt like a true partnership in every sense of the word. He knew she cared about him, and he thought she knew he cared about her. But he had to remember her ultimate goal was independence, standing on her own once she had her baby . . . and to love and respect her enough to give her that.

  He could do this. He could make his time with both of them meaningful. He could have that much. It would wreck him on the other end, but at least he’d have good memories to hold on to, and with the knowledge that he’d made the days with them count.

  Tess threw him a sideways glance, asking without words if he was okay. He grinned softly and winked at her in response. He could do this. He had to.

  * * *

  Later that afternoon, after a few rounds of poker and Annmarie had dozed off on the couch, Logan helped Tess on with her coat. “Thanks again for coming over,” he said. “She really enjoys spending time with you. And the cookies were a nice touch.”

  “Hey, she ate half a bowl of stew,” Tess said as they walked to the door. “She wanted those cookies.”

  “Nah, she did that for you.”

  “I don’t care why she did it, I’m just glad she did.” She touched his face and dropped her voice to a whisper. “She still seems okay, honey. She’s . . . she’s not dying tomorrow, you know? You still have some time with her.”

  “Yes, I do.” He couldn’t help himself, he leaned in to brush his lips against hers. “Thanks for caring.”

  “Of course I care.” She stared up at him. “I care very much.”

  He couldn’t bear it. So he took her mouth with some slow, sumptuous kisses. “I missed kissing you,” he confessed in a whisper.

  “Definitely my favorite perk of the deal,” she said with a grin.

  That made something squeeze in his chest. The deal. They were together only because of the deal. Scary how often he forgot that. He pulled back.

  “I wanted to tell you something this whole time, but not in front of Annmarie.” She pulled him farther away, almost right up to the door. Her eyes lit up with excitement. “Um . . . my period was due two days ago. An
d I haven’t gotten it.”

  His eyes flew wide as they locked on her. “Whoa. That’s . . . do you think . . . ?”

  “I don’t know,” she said, “but fingers crossed.” She practically bounced on her toes as she added, “I’m giving it another couple of days, and when I’m a full week late, I’ll take a test.”

  “I . . . wow. You really think it could’ve happened that fast?”

  “Why not?” she said with a dazzling smile. “We certainly had enough sex at the right times, all month. See? This is why the home method is so much better than a clinical setting.” She slid her arms around his waist and held. “I can’t lie, I’m really, really hopeful. I’m never late, so . . .”

  “That’d be wonderful,” he murmured against her hair. He hugged her tight, even as the searing feeling in his chest spread to his limbs. “My fingers are crossed for you too.” Jesus. She could be pregnant. A flare of primal masculine pride burst deep inside him. He’d gotten her pregnant, she might be already carrying his baby . . . no. No, her baby. This was her baby and hers alone. He had to rein it in.

  “I was wondering . . .” Tess pulled back to look up into his face. “Eventually, I’ll start showing . . . Once I’m pregnant, are you going to tell your mother about the baby?”

  He huffed out a heavy sigh and scrubbed his hand over his face, then dropped his voice to a whisper. “Yeah, but . . . I’ll have to figure out how. I don’t ever want her to know we were lying to her. It’d do much more harm than good. I’ll . . . I’ll figure it out.”

  “It’s totally your call, of course,” Tess said. “Whatever you want to do. I just was thinking . . . that maybe it’d be great for her to have some happy news. She always wanted this for you, right? Well, what if it made her want to start fighting again?” She gnawed on her lip, a heart-wrenching gesture of sudden and unusual uncertainty. “I don’t mean to sound insensitive. You always hear stories like that, how people hold on . . . I just thought . . .”

  “I appreciate the thought,” he said. “I know what you’re trying to say. But yes, when”—he made sure to emphasize with sureness—“not if, but when you get pregnant, because if you’re not now, we’ll try again in March, and as long as it takes . . . When you are, I will tell her. She’ll be over the moon about it.” Even though his mother was sleeping in the next room, he still kept his voice at a low murmur to add, “She never needs to know about the deal, or the papers I signed, any of that.”

  “Right, of course not. As for our ‘relationship’ . . . we’ll just keep it going as long as she’s . . . As long as we need to.” Tess’s gaze sobered a bit. “I keep my promises, Logan. I’ll be your girlfriend and play this out as long as necessary. I . . . I want her happy too. She’s come to mean a lot to me. I also don’t ever want her to find out about our arrangement. We’ll work out the my-being-in-New-York part and the baby part as they come. Okay?”

  He stared down at her. She had no idea what her words meant to him. She had no idea he was already crazy in love with her. So much so, in fact, that for the first time ever, the thought of having a baby didn’t feel like a noose around his neck. It didn’t feel like something he could possibly lose, and another loss that would destroy him. His and Tess’s baby . . . It felt like sweetness and love, and even something like hope for the future instead.

  Oh God, he was so supremely fucked. He really was.

  He caressed her soft cheek, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and managed to whisper gruffly, “Sounds good to me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  A week later, Tess walked into her house in an idyllic daze. The appointment with Dr. Fuller had confirmed it: She was indeed pregnant. It was very early, but her biggest dream had come true. She’d have a baby of her own to love. She wouldn’t be alone anymore. She’d have her own family.

  Overcome with another burst of elation, she spun around in a little pirouette in the middle of her living room, arms open wide, and whooped with pure joy. Bubbles came running, barking and prancing in little circles at Tess’s feet. Laughing, she bent over to scoop up her dog and hug her. After, she wrapped her arms around her middle and stared down at her still flat belly. Her breath caught and her eyes stung with happy tears. A baby.

  God, she had so much to do. People to call, plans to make . . . Well, she couldn’t really do some of that until she was safely out of the first trimester, and this baby wouldn’t arrive until sometime around Thanksgiving, which seemed both light-years away and too soon when there was so much to do to get ready.

  But she knew who had to be the very first to know. And she wanted to see the look on his face when she shared the news. Hey Thor, she texted. Can you come over as soon as possible? Need to see you. I’m fine, don’t worry.

  Logan’s text came back immediately. Sure you’re okay?

  Swear it. But come over ASAP.

  Finishing up here. Just on the other side of the mountain. Give me half an hour.

  Great, she texted back. See you soon.

  Bubbles barked and jumped at her feet, the familiar dance of need.

  “You gotta go, Bubs? Come on, sweetie.” Tess took her outside for a few minutes, then went to the kitchen to change the water in Bubbles’s bowl. She sat on the couch as she made a call to her ob-gyn’s office back in New York and stared out the enormous glass wall at the picturesque scenery beyond, her beloved mountaintop view. Damn, she’d miss that view when she went home.

  And it hit her: She’d be leaving sooner than planned now . . . and she didn’t want to. The thought of not seeing Logan regularly made her heart twist in her chest. She wanted to tell him how she felt. She wanted to proclaim her love for him, shout it from the rooftop . . . but he’d pull away from her. He wanted to be alone; he’d made that clear from the start.

  The doorbell rang and she swallowed those thoughts. She flung the door open wide and beamed at him. “Hi!”

  He stood there, the sun shining down on his golden hair, and studied her for all of two seconds before he said with a grin, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you.”

  “I am!” she cried, and flung herself at him. “I just got back from the clinic. We did it, Logan. I’m going to have a baby!” His arms came up to band around her . . . and as a new wave of emotions battered her—gratitude, relief, and joy, mixed with the sadness of knowing she’d be leaving him soon—she started to cry.

  “Hey now . . .” He held her as he edged her back into the house, closing the door behind them with his foot, never letting her go. “You okay? Are these happy tears?”

  “Yes,” she whispered. Mostly. “I’m overwhelmed. I just . . .” She sobbed into his shoulder.

  “Shhhh.” He held her for a few minutes, rubbing her back, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. She lapped up his affection, bathed in it.

  Finally she sniffled and pulled back enough to look at him. “Sorry,” she croaked.

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” He reached up and wiped her wet cheeks with both big thumbs. “It’s huge, life-changing news. That’s got to be a lot to take in. You hoped, you went after your dream, you planned . . . and your plan worked. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted.”

  No, it’s not, a voice whispered in her head. I want you too. I want it all. I want the baby and I want to be with you. We could be a family together. A startled gasp flew out of her at her own thoughts, and her face heated.

  “What?” he asked, brows furrowing with concern as he stared down at her.

  She shook her head, her mind racing for a cover. “Just overwhelmed.”

  “Okay,” he said, but his searching gaze still lingered, as if he sensed she wasn’t telling him the whole truth. “I think a celebration dinner is in order too.”

  Tess reached up and cupped his face, letting her fingers play in his thick, soft beard. God, she loved his beard. “That’s very sweet. Thank you.”

  “It’ll be nice. You okay now?”

  “Yup. I’m fine.”

  His gaze turned from one of concern to one of wo
nder. “I can’t believe you’re really pregnant. It’s so soon.”

  “Your boys must be great swimmers,” she said. With a mischievous grin, she added, “Michael Phelps–level swimmers, baby. You should get a gold medal.”

  He choked out a laugh. But then his face changed and he said quietly, “So . . . here’s a question.” His expression grew somber. “How much longer are you staying in Aspen? Are you going to stick with the doctors here, at the clinic for a while? Or is their job done, and you’ll be going back to New York?”

  A lump thickened Tess’s throat. She swallowed hard and said, “Funny you bring that up. While I was waiting for you to get here, that was the only other call I made. I have an appointment with my OB in three weeks. So . . . I’ll be here for another two weeks or so, but then yes, I’ll be heading back to New York. I’ll need to start preparing.”

  Logan’s moss-colored eyes flashed and his fingers squeezed her arms, so quickly she guessed it was involuntary. But he nodded and said, “I figured as much.”

  She leaned in, pressing her chest against his, and stared into his eyes. “I know you’ve now fulfilled your end of the deal. I’ll never be able to thank you enough. But Logan . . .” I love you. I don’t want to leave you. I wish we could be together somehow. “We’ve become such good friends. I really enjoy spending time with you. You . . . You’ve been the best part of my time here. I mean that. And I hope you’ll still . . . well, just want to spend some time with me before I leave. Beyond the appearances for your mother. I know you’re not really obligated to, now that I’m pregnant, but . . . I mean . . .”

  He peered deep into her eyes, slowly sliding his hand along her jaw to cup her chin. His voice was gruff as he murmured, “Of course I will. I want that too.” He trailed his fingers along her cheek, then played lightly in her hair. “I told you a while ago, your friendship means a lot to me too. I don’t text you every day, call you, hang out with you, solely because of obligation. That changed a while back.” His gaze was so intense, it made her shiver. “I enjoy spending time with you too. It’s very mutual, Tess. If nothing else, I hope you know that. That I . . . really care about you.”