Breaking to Breathe

by Lisa N. Paul

  “You’ve fucked up,” he called after them, “because now you have an enemy that will do everything to protect what he loves. Stay the fuck away, do you hear me?” He shouted to her parent’s scurrying forms.

  Kyle slammed the door behind them and flipped the lock. “Christ, enough with the crazy tonight,” he called into the air. His back stayed facing her as he seemed to be staring out the glass door.

  Cate closed her eyes, allowing everything she just witnessed to sink in for a brief second before entering the main room.

  “Does that mean I should go?” It was the first thing that came to her mind, but once the question left her mouth, she wished she could’ve grabbed it back. After what Kyle had just seen and how she’d been acting for almost a week, she may be exactly what he was trying to rid his life of.

  Her husky voice was a tender touch on his tormented soul. After the night he’d had—hell, the week he’d had—the only thing he truly wanted was the woman who just asked that question. Turning to find Cate, he saw her standing across the room. Her auburn hair disheveled after a long day—loosely braided and hanging over her right shoulder, her v-neck Danny’s on Main t-shirt hugging her plump breasts—teasing him, begging him to touch them—and her long legs encased in tight denim…she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on, and that was only her outer appearance. Inside, fuck, there were no words adequate enough to describe the woman on the inside.

  “Angel, there will never be a reason for you to go.” He made his way across the huge space in just a few long strides; the need to touch her was the only thing on his mind. “Come here, let me just hold you for a minute.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, reveling in her cinnamon scent. Praying the way she melted against his chest meant she’d finally come back to him for good.

  “Kyle,” Cate began to speak, unwinding her arms from his torso. Kyle tightened his grip. The thought of any space, either physical or emotional, made him sick, so he held on tighter, hoping she would let him keep her just a little longer. “Kyle, I need to talk to you. And I can’t do it stuck to you like glue. You need to let me go, Sweet Man.”

  His heart was being ripped out. There was no other way to describe it, and there wasn’t any way he was gonna let her go. Not after what they’d each been through separately and not after what they’d found together. “No, Cate. Let me say what I need to say first. And then you can say your peace.” Releasing her from his embrace, he pulled down a stool from on top of the bar and gestured her to have a seat. Apprehension marred her lovely face, but Kyle knew this was his Hail Mary play, and he wasn’t going to let her speak until he did everything he could to convince her that they were meant to be together.

  “I’m not sure how much you heard of my discussion with your parents.” Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, “But I know a lot about what happened when you were a little girl. I can’t say I know everything, Angel, because let’s be honest, you and I both know no one but the person living the life ever really knows the full story. But I saw what those bastards did to you. You were just an innocent little girl, and you were terrorized. Twice.” Kyle still couldn’t believe what those motherfuckers did to her.

  “Cate, if I live forever, I will never understand why they would exploit you the way they did, but bad people exist. The thing that completely dumbfounds me is that no one noticed the complete difference between you and Fara. I know you’re twins, baby, but the two of you are completely different.” Cate’s eyes grew wide, and her breath hitched. Kyle wasn’t sure if he was making things better or worse, but she kept quiet so he kept going.

  “Angel, I know our lives have been difficult. Fuck, they’ve pretty much sucked a lot of the time. We’ve been pushed around, kicked when we were down, and abused by the people who were supposed to love us most.” Kyle scrubbed his hand behind his neck and then looked at the woman who stole his heart when he didn’t even realize he had one beating in his chest.

  “People tend to fear the broken. They see the wreckage and want to mend, fix, and—if all else fails—sweep away the pieces, hiding them from the world. Fully believing with perfection comes happiness and with fragments come harm. But you know what? I think it’s worse to be bent. Always trying to fit into other people’s idea of perfect. Always coming up short. I am sick of bending, Angel, when I realized I could barely breathe in the fucking mold I was crammed into. I’m me, and you’re you, and we’re perfect. Break with me, Catey, and finally see what it’s like to breathe free.”

  He hadn’t realized that he was glancing at their joined hands while he spoke to her, so when he finally looked up, what he saw stopped his heart. Whiskey eyes filled with tears bore into him, and in that moment, he knew he’d never be the same again.

  Removing her left hand from his, she wiped at her cheeks, trying unsuccessfully to erase the tracks left by the moisture seeping from her eyes.

  “Kyle,” his name a plea on her tongue, as the tears continued to fall. “I came here tonight to tell you…” Kyle’s heart raced. In his gut he knew what she was going to say. But knowing and hearing were two completely different things, and for once in his life, he needed the confirmation. Using the pad of his right thumb to wipe away the rivers now flowing freely down her flushed cheeks, Kyle squeezed Cate’s hand. “Tell me, Angel. Break with me,” he urged.

  Nodding, she bit her lip and inhaled deeply before continuing, “I came here to tell you that I ran away to save myself from heartache, but all I caused was heartbreak. Twice, you told me I saved you the night of your accident, but Sweet Man, you’re only half right. You saved me, too. I knew it that night, and I’ve known it every night since.” Kyle’s eyes stung with emotion as he basked in the sheer existence of the woman giving her heart to him.

  Releasing her other hand from his, Cate caressed Kyle’s jaw with the backs of her knuckles. “It may sound crazy to most people, but I know you’ll understand when I say, from the minute I met you, I felt safe. Elliot’s my family, Kyle, but you feel like my home. I…I love you. I’m completely in love with you. But this is where you’re wrong,” Pulled from his magical haze, Kyle couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going to say next.

  “The shell I’ve spent my life hiding in shattered the first time we were together, and you’ve been by my side, helping me to breathe in my new surroundings every second since. You really don’t know how incredible you are, Kyle, and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”

  Kyle saw genuine sadness in Cate’s golden eyes but knew that if he said what he was really thinking he’d end up making love to her right there in the middle of the bar. “Come home with me, Red. There are still so many things to discuss, and while Danny and Julie have no problem going at it in the office, I want you in my bed tonight.” She nodded her agreement, and he ran through the bar, closing off lights and setting the alarm before taking his girl home for the night.

  Finally in Kyle’s apartment, stripped out of her clothes and clad in one of Kyle’s old t-shirts, Cate opened the bathroom door to see Kyle sitting on the side of his bed still dressed.

  “Kyle, are you okay?” While his eyes were bright green and shining, his mouth was set firm, not angry but serious.

  “Come here, Red.” He patted the mattress, and she moved to join him. Crisscrossing her legs beneath the long shirt, Cate sat quietly, wondering what was going through Kyle’s mind. “Back at the bar you apologized for not telling me what you thought of me sooner. I could see that that really bothered you.”

  “It does, Ky. I know this whole thing between us happened fast, but you gave me all of you even though you were scared. I held back. I knew you needed something, and I didn’t give it.”

  Kyle reached out and inched up Cate’s shirt, exposing just her knees. Instantly, heat spread through her veins. With no more than the pads of his index fingers, he rubbed small circles on her kneecaps, and she licked her lips, his touch sending sparks through her core.

  “You gave it.” Kyle’s voice roug
h as his words broke through her lusty haze. “Every single time I touch you, you give me what I need. And I’m not just talking about the blow jobs or the sex; we both know I was kind of a whore before I met you.” His cheeks flushed slightly at his admission. “I’m talking about the way you’ve looked at me—like I matter, the way you’ve touched me—as if my pleasure brings yours and the way you’ve responded when I touched you—completely natural and beautiful.” Kyle exhaled. “I’ve never had the real that you’ve given me. Understood?”

  Cate blinked. She didn’t understand how she ended up with a man like Kyle, but she wasn’t giving him up, ever. So instead she answered, “I understand.”

  Threading his fingers through her hair, Kyle pulled her in close. “I love you, Angel.” Her sigh made his already hard dick begin to throb. She reached down for the hem of his shirt and whisked it over his head. He loved having her hands move over his skin. It felt as if they were undoing all of the damage and healing all of the scars he’d carried for years. God, he wanted her.

  There was still one more thing they needed to discuss, and it killed him to apply anymore strain to the already emotionally heavy night. But it had to be done.

  “Catey,” her name felt weighted as he said it.

  “Kyle,” she interrupted him, “let me ask you a question, and I want a serious answer okay?” This was not how he’d planned this to go, but…

  “Okay.”

  “I’m assuming when you were in the hospital after your accident they tested you for STD’s, right?”

  Wow, yeah, he totally forgot about this conversation. His dick was so happy right now. “Red, they tested for the major diseases, and I requested they test for everything else. Since then, I swear to you I’ve been safe. I love you, Catey. I would never put you at risk.”

  Seeming content with his answer she peeled her shirt over her head, and all the blood in Kyle’s body rushed south. She laid him back against his pillows, made quick work of his jeans. For a fleeting second, he was grateful as hell for the birth control pills she was on because the thought of having no barriers with Cate was a pleasure he couldn’t begin to imagine. But all random thoughts dissipated the moment she touched his flesh. Her skin felt like silk under his touch as her breast swayed against his chest.

  “Fuck, Red, yank my damn jeans down and then get your sweet tits back up here.” She did as he requested tossing his jeans and boxer briefs over her shoulder, and then slinked up his frame taking time to rub her nipples over his naked flesh.

  She stopped half way, hovering over his hardened shaft. With her fingers wrapped around him, she lowered her head. Her first lick always sent his brain buzzing, didn’t matter how many times they were together. She engulfed him in her warmth a few times before lifting her gaze and releasing him from her mouth with a pop.

  “You are teasing me, Red.” He grinned, his cock throbbing as he moved his hand to stroke himself. He loved how wide her eyes got when he masturbated. She’d told him it turned her on and judging by the flush creeping up her neck, he’d bet she was soaked between her thighs.

  “Is your pussy dripping right now? I’m sure if I stuck my tongue between those sweet lips, I’d be drenched in your cream. What do you say, Angel? Why don’t you come up here and sit on my face?”

  “Mmm. As amazing as that sounds, Kyle, now that we’ve decided to forgo the latex, I’d rather ride your cock than your tongue.” Pure excitement was painted on her features as she reached over to switch off the lamp.

  “Cate.” The pit in Kyle’s stomach returned as he slid his hand down her arm and gently removed it from the lamp. Kissing each knuckle, he then placed a kiss on her palm and rested her open hand over his heart. “I love you, Angel. I want to make love to you. I’ve never pressed the issue about the lights before because it was your hard line, but Catey, I’m pressing it now.”

  Kyle wasn’t sure what he’d expected her to say when he broached the subject, but complete silence certainly wasn’t on the list of possibilities. “The dark isn’t hiding the fact that you cry. I know you cried when we fucked on the first night.” God that first night seemed like a life time ago. “And I’ve seen the tears each time we’ve made love since then. But you never seem unhappy. I’m confused, Angel, and I wanna love you the way you need, but I can’t if you don’t let me in.”

  Nodding, Cate removed her hand from his chest and slid off his body and laid next to him instead. The loss of her weight and warmth was crippling. But Kyle already knew, in their short time together, Cate processed better with her physical space.

  “I’m happy.” Her statement was short but absolute. Kyle had no clue what to make of it.

  “Right…Yeah, Red, that’s not gonna fly. I may love you, but I’m still a guy. You need to paint the whole picture for me, not just the outline.”

  Cate giggled and then pulled her lip between her teeth. “Okay, I’ve had so much taken from me. First, when Doug kidnapped me, and then when my parents stripped me of my privacy and my dignity…I had nothing left for myself. Nothing, except…my body. I’ve always been grateful for that small piece that still belonged to me. Just me.” She turned her head and faced him, and his heart beat faster in his chest. He was amazed by the strength she possessed.

  “I’ve always cried during sex. After the first few times, I got sick of explaining to freaked-out random men why I had tears running down my face after I came. Hence the ‘No lights’ rule came into effect.” She took the hand with the palm he’d kissed and brought it to her lips. After placing her own kiss on it, she then rubbed it back over his heart. “That’s the whole story, Sweet Man. I cry because I’m happy.”

  Blown away by her admission, Kyle heaved a heavy sigh and rolled on top of Cate. “No more hiding, Angel. From now on you share your tears with me, all of them. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She smiled brightly as the word left her mouth.

  Brushing a lock of hair away from her face, Kyle leaned down and claimed her mouth with a demanding kiss. He kneed apart her thighs giving him more space to fit between. His cock was hard and positioned at her entrance. Cate stroked his back as he moved his fingers between them.

  “Fuck, Red. You’re ready for me.”

  “I am, Ky, so please stop talking and slide into me.” She wrapped her ankles around the base of his spine, urging him to move faster.

  She was hot and tight around him as he slid into her wet channel. “Oh my fucking God. Cate, your pussy feels amazing.” Rocking in and out of her felt like heaven. Nothing between them, no history, no pain, no numbing agents, just pure unadulterated feelings. And Kyle reveled in it. He bit down on her nipple rolling it between his tongue and his teeth.

  “Ahh, Kyle, oh, yes…that feels incredible.” Cate cried out as her nails scratched down his back no doubt leaving marks he couldn’t wait to wear. She mewled as he moved to the other pointed bud giving it the same attention, the same bit of pain. Lifting her hips up to his, she gripped his ass cheeks pulling him deeper into her. Her eyes glistened as her body tightened, accepting him and everything he had to offer.

  “Christ, I’m gonna come if you do that again, Red. It feels too fucking good.” Kyle grunted trying to control his body even though his release was already gaining steam.

  Kyle lowered his hand between them and massaged her swollen clit, her moans inciting him to stroke faster, apply more pressure. Upon doing that, Cate came undone. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she climaxed, her pussy squeezed around his cock, bringing him ecstasy like he’d never before experienced.

  “Wow,” he said, too exhausted to speak.

  “Yeah, that was pretty…good.” She giggled as he chuckled at her joke.

  After Cate used the bathroom, and Kyle ran to the kitchen to grab them each a bottle of water, they settled back into bed. With Cate wrapped in his arms, he felt truly at peace for the first time in his life. He took a deep breath, held it for a second, and let it out slowly.

  “It feels good,” he said, placing a kiss on
top of her cinnamon scented hair.

  “What does, Sweet Man?” Cate asked, with sleep beginning to consume her.

  “Breathing free.”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  Welcome To Charistown

  Mid-April

  “GUESS WHAT?”

  Kyle leaned over the bar and kissed Cate. It had only been a couple of weeks since the grand re-opening party, but they had seen each other almost every day. Cate slept at Kyle’s place a few nights a week, but she made the drive to Charistown every day, even if it was just for a quick lunch.

  “What?”

  “Ells and I finally found a new place for Shout It Out. The building is amazing, the space is perfect, and the rent is the same as what we were paying before, but with a parking lot and a Starbucks practically right next door. And the best part, the location couldn’t be better.” She saw a shadow of doubt cross over Kyle’s luscious features. Kyle still had ten months left before his driver’s license was returned from his DUI penalty. Cate knew one of Kyle’s fears was that Shout It Out would be farther away, making the relationship even more burdensome on her.

  “That’s great, Angel. Where is this euphoria?”

  “Right here in Charistown. Elliot’s waiting for us there. Come on. Get someone to cover for you. I wanna show you our new place.” Cate was practically bouncing as she spilled her news. She was finally beginning to understand how Elliot felt.

  Kyle moved from behind the bar and swept Cate in his arms. “I’m so happy for you girls.” Just as he was about to kiss her, Elliot burst into the bar.

  “Oh shit. I hate interrupting kissy time,” Elliot giggled.